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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26561773">The Dance of Moon and Stars</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Branwen_Blaidd/pseuds/Branwen_Blaidd'>Branwen_Blaidd</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Child Abuse, Childhood Sexual Abuse, Childhood Sweethearts, Childhood Trauma, Epic, Eventual Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Love, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Queer Character, Sexual Abuse, Slow Burn, Violence, Werewolves, life story</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:41:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>79</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>144,985</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26561773</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Branwen_Blaidd/pseuds/Branwen_Blaidd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The life stories of Sirius Black and Remus Lupin and how they intertwine. From building a friendship, to falling in love, heartbreak and being pulled apart by war, can these two star-crossed lovers find their happiness in the end?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>65</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>199</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Part One, The Beginning, Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is going to be long and there will be additional warnings as I go along so keep an eye on the tags if you have any triggers. There will be some very dark parts but also a lot of love and friendship and happiness.</p><p>There will also be little bits of other languages, none of which I'm fluent in! So there will probably be mistakes. Please forgive but feel free to correct if you know better!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a cold January day, with snow on the ground. Inside number 12 Grimmauld Place, Cephus Black paced up and down his drawing room, ignoring his relations clustered around, talking in low voices, and listened instead to the guttural moans coming from his wife’s bedroom. His child was being born.</p><p>His daughter Carina, who was only six, appeared at his elbow. ‘Father, will Mama die?’ she asked.</p><p>Cephus shook his head. ‘No, she is bringing your brother or sister into the world.’</p><p>‘Let us all hope for a boy,’ said Arcturus Black, casting a dark look at Carina. ‘We need a Black Heir. A family full of girls,’ he muttered. ‘The line is in danger.’</p><p>Cephus glanced at his father. ‘Boy or girl, it will be a Black.’</p><p>Arcturus tutted and turned away. An elf brought him a glass of port and he sipped it slowly, glaring at Carina.</p><p>Cephus laid his hand on his daughter’s dark head. ‘Go and check how your mother is, Carina. See if the midwife needs any assistance.’</p><p>‘Yes, Father.’ She disappeared from the room.</p><p>Cephus sat in his high-backed wing chair and looked around. His brother in law, and cousin, Cygnus, was there, but he had left his wife and children at home. His sister in law Lucretia was there too. She was married but had not yet produced any children. Her mouth twisted in bitterness at the prospect of another child for her younger sister. His father in law Pollux and his wife Irma were there, tense but eager to receive their new grandchild. His uncle, Lycoris, was there too, sipping port in the corner and watching the family with interest. Cephus had always got the impression he did not care much for family ties.</p><p>Cephus found himself thinking of his brother suddenly. Alphard should be there, supporting Cephus and sharing a drink with him. He wondered if he had a family of his own by now. He hadn’t heard anything from him since they were teenagers, and his father no longer spoke of him.</p><p>Carina ran back into the room and Cephus realised that the moans had stopped. He heard the thin, ragged cry of a newborn.</p><p>‘Father, the baby’s here!’ </p><p>Cephus was up immediately, following his daughter upstairs. He felt his father come after them. In the hallway outside his wife’s room, he paused, glancing back at his father. ‘I will go in to see my child alone,’ he said and stepped into the room before he could see his father’s reaction. Carina followed him in but stayed by the door.</p><p>Walburga was in her bed, exhausted but well. ‘We have an heir,’ she breathed, then closed her eyes in exhaustion.</p><p>Cephus looked at the baby. He was wrapped in a black blanket and was settled in the midwife’s arms, his big blue eyes staring around him. He had a shock of black hair and pale skin. He was beautiful. Cephus stepped forward and took the baby from the midwife’s arms. He held him close, then made his way to the door. ‘Carina, stay here and look after your mother.’</p><p>He took the baby from the room. He must be introduced to the family. Outside the room, his father stood waiting. He reached for the baby.</p><p>‘What is it?’ he asked.</p><p>Cephus hesitated, then let his father take the infant. ‘A boy, father. We want to call him Sirius.’</p><p>‘After my father and yours,’ said his father. ‘He shall be Sirius Arcturus Black.’</p><p>Cephus shook his head. ‘Carina has chosen Orion for his middle name.’</p><p>Arcturus glared at him. ‘You’re too indulgent of that child.’ He turned away with the baby. Cephus followed him downstairs.</p><p>In the drawing room, the family gathered round to see the new child. Cephus knew what was about to come and fought with his instinct to rip the baby from his father’s grasp. Arcturus removed the baby from the blanket and held him up.</p><p>There was a collective gasp from the family and he caught a few whispers of ‘it’s a boy.’</p><p>‘The Heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black has arrived,’ he said. ‘I present to you Sirius Orion Black, the Black Heir. <em>Toujour Pur</em>!’ </p><p>‘<em>Toujour Pur</em>!’ chorused the family.</p><p>Lucretia’s eyes narrowed and she looked as though she was about to retch at the fact that her sister had managed to produce a male heir. </p><p>Sirius began to cry, the air cool on his naked skin. Cephus felt a stirring of emotion in his chest. Sirius was so tiny and helpless; he needed him to protect him. He reached out and took the baby from his father’s arms. He wrapped him in the blanket and held him close, rocking him slightly to comfort him.</p><p>Arcturus raised his hand. ‘Kreacher!’ he called.                                           </p><p>Cephus looked up in time to catch the hard look his father gave him as he rocked the baby.</p><p>Kreacher immediately appeared beside him, looking up with wide eyes at the Black patriarch. ‘Yes, Master?’</p><p>‘Take the Black Heir to his wet nurse. He must be well fed if he is to grow into a worthy heir.’</p><p>Kreacher took the baby. Cephus wanted to protest but Kreacher obeyed Arcturus above anybody else but Walburga. He watched the elf take the baby away and he felt a twinge in his chest. He did not want to be parted from him.</p><p>His father put a firm hand on his shoulder, gripping a little too tight. ‘The Black Heir will also need a father who will impose strict discipline if he is to grow strong.’ He squeezed Cephus’s shoulder hard. ‘I will bring you my strap. You will need it one day.’</p><p>Cephus suppressed a shudder as he remembered the heavy black strap with the Black family crest on it. He remembered the pain both inside and out when his father had used it on him. As he thought of his new baby son’s big blue eyes and innocent face, he swore to himself he would never, ever use that strap on him.</p><p> </p><p>A newborn in each arm, Jean Lupin stepped into Le Manoir Lupin, deep in the French countryside. His wife went before him. Marie was tired but could not keep the smile from her face. The early morning was turning into a warm, sunny June day, and happiness like he’d never known was settling in his stomach. They’d left the hospital only five hours after their second son had been born. All was well. René and Remus Lupin were perfect.</p><p>Marie yawned and Jean smiled at her. ‘Let’s get you and these boys settled down to sleep. You’ve had a long day.’</p><p>Marie smiled at him. ‘So have you. You were such a wonderful support today.’</p><p>Jean kissed her. ‘I will sleep only when I’ve got you three settled down.’</p><p>He was a man of his word. He carried the twins, identical it seemed, upstairs and placed them in their bedside cot at the side of the double bed. Marie changed into her nightgown and settled into bed. Jean sat on the edge of the bed and watched as she fed them. Their little mouths, by instinct, opened impossibly wide as they suckled. Jean smiled as he looked at his wife. There were bags under her eyes and her hair was ruffled but the content smile which spread across her face made her the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She was the mother of his children. She’d grown them inside her body and now she would feed them from her body.</p><p>After their feed, he helped her settle the sleeping boys into their crib and waited until she was dropping off before he changed into his pyjamas and allowed himself to sleep. Tomorrow, their parents would all come to see their new grandsons. At last, they had their darling children safe and warm in their cot.</p><p> </p><p>Early afternoon, Jean settled Marie down in the drawing room, with their baby sons in her arms. She fed them whilst he fetched her a cup of tea, then went to check his clothing was neat and tidy. In the kitchen, their cook Madame Aubert was preparing afternoon tea for their guests, and the housekeeper, Madame Renard was checking the drawing room to make sure it was ready.</p><p>Trusting to the expertise of the staff, Jean sat down on the sofa beside his wife. René finished eating quickly but wouldn’t drop off. He waved his fist at Jean, who took him and burped him over a cloth on his shoulder. Remus was a slower feeder and was falling asleep even as he continued to suckle.</p><p>The doorbell echoed down the entrance hall and Jean placed René down in his bouncy chair and went to answer it, stopping Madame Renard in her tracks. ‘You’re busy enough, Elodie,’ he said, making her smile.</p><p>‘I’ll go and prepare the tray, Sir.’</p><p>He opened the door and saw both his parents and Marie’s parents waiting there. Fabrice and Charisse were dressed in their best and Fabrice stuck out his chest importantly. Jean’s Dad, John, and his Mama, Jolie, were both grinning as wide as they could.</p><p>‘Jean, how wonderful!’ declared Jolie, stepping forward to give her only son a hug. ‘They are both well? And Marie?’</p><p>‘Everyone is perfect, Mama. Come in, all of you.’</p><p>They followed him all in, Fabrice pushing his way to the front. ‘You know, now you have sons to think about, you ought to hire a doorman, and perhaps secure your gates.’</p><p>‘I don’t think we need to worry too much, Fabrice. The house is well protected by enchantments and really, I cannot imagine there is much danger.’</p><p>Fabrice shook his head. ‘You should take more care of your family, Jean.’</p><p>‘Jean knows perfectly well how to look after his family,’ said John, an edge to his voice.</p><p>‘Yes, of course he does,’ said Jolie, impatiently. ‘Now, I want to see my grandsons.’</p><p>Jean smiled. ‘There’re in here, Mama.’</p><p>He led them into the drawing room, where Marie was holding both of them again, both happy and settled after their feed. Jolie was at Marie’s side immediately.</p><p>‘Oh, Marie, they’re beautiful. Which is which?’</p><p>Marie smiled, passing over René, who was still awake. ‘This is René.’</p><p>Jolie took the baby into her arms and cooed delightedly over him. Marie looked up at her mother, who had let out a small huff when Marie had passed Jolie a baby first.</p><p>‘Mama, would you like to hold Remus?’</p><p>Charisse took the baby, settling him into her arms and smiling down at him. ‘He’s beautiful. They both are.’</p><p>Fabrice looked them over. ‘Yes, very handsome boys. Are they healthy?’</p><p>John tickled René under his chin. ‘You can see that they are, Fabrice,’ he said. ‘Absolutely perfect.’</p><p>Madame Renard bustled in, carrying a tray of tea things for the guests. She had a huge smile in place. ‘Here we are. Tea and cakes for this wonderful day.’</p><p>Jean hurried to help the housekeeper with the tray, smiling back at her. ‘Thank you Elodie. Would you like to join us for a moment?’</p><p>Charisse let out another huff, barely audible, but it made Jean’s parents stiffen and Madame Renard blush. ‘No, thank you sir; I must get back to my organising. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to call.’</p><p>As she left, Jolie drew herself up and cuddled René to her protectively, her eyes glinting. ‘Your staff are wonderful, Jean. They clearly love you like family. We’re so proud of you.’ She kissed his cheek before beaming at her husband and holding René out to him. ‘John, would you like to take René for a moment? I will pour the tea so we can toast our beautiful family.’</p><p>Charisse held herself as rigid. Clearly displeased, she leaned in to hand Remus back to his Mama. Jean moved so he could be at his wife’s elbow should she need him.</p><p>‘I would have thought you would want to teach our grandchildren the proper way to act around the help from the very beginning, ma chérie’, she murmured, her voice silken.</p><p>Marie tensed. ‘We are not like that in this house. Our home is less formal, Mama.’</p><p>Charisse tutted gently. ‘It is not too late to change that, ma petite. And I would have thought you could have perhaps allowed your own mother to hold her precious new grandchildren first. I wish to bond with them, and they are so very beautiful.’</p><p>She sighed and went back to Fabrice’s side, chucking Remus under the chin and frowning when he woke up and started to wail. As she shushed him and her husband tried to jiggle him into silence, Jean came forward and took him away with a forced smile.</p><p>‘It must be time for his change.’ He nodded, pretending sympathy as Marie’s parents made disgusted expressions. ‘Indeed. It is the parent’s pleasure, after all, to take care of their children. I will be right back.’</p><p>Charisse crinkled her nose. ‘Really, I would have thought you could hire a nursemaid to take care of such duties. It’s bad enough that you’ve decided to feed them yourself.’</p><p>‘Why shouldn’t she feed them herself?’ asked Jolie. ‘Who better than their own mother? And it’s a wonderful way to bond.’</p><p>John stepped forward and held out his arms. ‘Let me change him, Jean. I am his Granddad after all! Besides, I believe you have guests to entertain.’</p><p>Jolie kissed her husband’s cheek as he passed her, giving him a proud, beaming smile, then went to sit beside Marie, allowing René to play with their hair as she leaned in. ‘Marie, ma chérie, you have done us all so very proud! They are gorgeous, and I know you will be excellent parents.’</p><p>Marie smiled, finally relaxing as she reached out to play with René, cooing at him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Part One, The Beginning, Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Aris Prewett had been nanny to the Black Family for ten years now. At first, she had cared for both children but now their daughter Carina required a full-time nurse, so Aris was left to care for the youngest, Sirius. She had expected to be caring for Carina until she’d gone away to Hogwarts but now they weren’t even sure that would happen.</p><p> Sirius was a sweet boy, rather overindulged materialistically but he had a kind nature, though he was slightly over exuberant when it came to fun and a little unenthusiastic when it came to his lessons. But then he was only five.</p><p>At that moment, Sirius was climbing over the nursery furniture with his best friend James Potter, pretending that the carpet was a Grindylow-infested lake. They were giggling rather loudly and Aris was beginning to get anxious. Her employers, especially Mrs Black and her father in law, preferred her to keep the children quiet.</p><p>Sirius stumbled as he tried to climb over the rocking unicorn and fell backwards onto the floor with a loud bump. He didn’t cry but started laughing.</p><p>‘Whoops!’ he declared.</p><p>‘Ha, ha!’ said James. ‘The Grindylows got you! I win!’</p><p>‘Boys, you’re much too loud for inside the house,’ said Aris, bending to pick Sirius up.</p><p>Sirius grinned at his best friend and shrugged at his nanny. ‘We’re only playing.’</p><p>Aris stroked Sirius’s soft dark hair. ‘I know, little one, but your Grandfather is visiting and you know how he feels about noise.’</p><p>Sirius pulled a face. He didn’t like his grandfather that much. Aris didn’t blame in. He was a harsh man and she could not believe that her lovely, happy family was related to him, though it was a while back now. Although her uncle had married Mrs Black’s sister, Lucretia.</p><p>Sirius turned to James. ‘Jamie, let’s go into the garden.’</p><p>‘That’s a good idea,’ said Aris. ‘I’ll be right out when I’ve seen to your sister.’</p><p>‘Okay,’ said Sirius.</p><p> </p><p>Madame Elodie Renard woke her young charges shortly after their father had left for work. Their Mama was still in bed, with a migraine so Elodie had reassured Madame Lupin that she would care for the twins. They were only five and needed keeping an eye on.</p><p>‘Boys, time to get up now,’ she called, gently. She shook René, then Remus. Remus was quick to wake and reached for the book by his bed. He loved stories and he had learned to read when he was three.</p><p>René pulled the covers over his head and groaned.</p><p>‘Come on Master René. Time to get up. The sun is shining.’</p><p>She pulled open the curtains, throwing bright white sunlight into the large bedroom. The room was supposed to be a playroom, with their bedrooms on either side, but when they had been put into their separate bedrooms at one year old, the twins had done nothing but cry. The only solution had been to put them together again. Nobody would dare separate them now.</p><p>‘What are you going to do today, boys?’ Elodie asked as René climbed out of bed and Remus sat up with his book.</p><p>‘I want to stay in and read,’ said Remus.</p><p>‘I want to go out and play,’ said René.</p><p>‘Then after breakfast, you can go out, René and you can stay in, Remus.’</p><p>The two identical boys turned to look at her, with identical expressions of horror on their little faces. ‘We can’t separate!’ they said together.</p><p>Elodie smiled and shook her head. ‘Then you will have to compromise between you.’ She turned away. ‘You two think about that whilst I go and fetch your breakfast. And keep it down. Your Mama has a migraine this morning.’</p><p> </p><p>James and Sirius ran outside into the garden. It was hidden from muggles, like the house and they could run and play and make as much noise as they liked out there. Sirius loved the garden. It didn’t matter how noisy he was and, although he wasn’t supposed to get his clothes dirty, he could play and Aris would cover for him if she needed to.</p><p>‘What shall we do?’ asked James.</p><p>Sirius thought hard, then a bright idea sparked in his head. ‘I know! My daddy’s racing broom is in the shed. I bet we could ride it.’</p><p>‘Yeah!’ said James. ‘My daddy let me ride his broomstick and he said I was brilliant.’</p><p>Sirius huffed. ‘Bet I’m better than you.’</p><p>James stuck his tongue out. ‘Are not.’</p><p>‘Am too!’</p><p>‘Are not!’</p><p>‘I’ll prove it.’ He turned and ran to the shed, with James following him. The shed was unlocked. The handle was stiff but Sirius managed to yank it open. His eyes widened as he looked inside. His father’s spare broomstick was propped up in the corner. It was sleek and black and he could feel its magic.</p><p>He ran forward and grabbed it. James held back but as soon as Sirius brought the broomstick out of the shed, he reached out for it too.</p><p>‘Let’s get on it,’ said James.</p><p>They ran with it over to the grass and climbed onto it, Sirius in front. He’d sat on a broomstick before and he knew how to sit and so did James. He could feel the magic of the racer. It trembled, ready to take off. He kicked off and suddenly they were in flight. He heard James gasp behind him.</p><p>‘Wow,’ James said.</p><p>Sirius guided the broomstick over the garden, turning it on the slightest tilt. He was just starting to build up speed when he heard a scream and he glanced down to see Aris staring up at them in horror. She began to speak again but her voice was drowned out by another.</p><p>‘Sirius, you come down here immediately.’ Daddy’s voice was not loud but it seemed to overtake everything.</p><p>Sirius pointed the broom towards the ground but it jerked unexpectedly as they neared the ground and both he and James were tipped off. Sirius felt pain as he scraped his knee on some loose gravel and he cried out.</p><p>‘Silence!’ commanded another voice, one Sirius feared above all others. He looked up and saw his Grandfather coming into the garden behind his father. Sirius immediately bit down on his lip to stop himself crying out again.</p><p>‘Well?’ said Grandfather to Sirius’s father. ‘Aren’t you going to discipline him?’</p><p>Sirius looked at his daddy, who did not look back at him. He glanced behind him at Grandfather.</p><p>‘Or do I have to do it for you?’</p><p>‘I’ll do it,’ said Cephus. His face set. Sirius looked up at him and felt his legs begin to shake.</p><p>‘Daddy?’</p><p>His father didn’t speak, just reached out, grabbed his arm and pulled him closer. The next thing Sirius knew, he was bent over his daddy’s leg and a ringing slap landed across his backside. Sirius cried out bit Daddy did not stop. He smacked Sirius again and again until Sirius was sobbing.</p><p>Finally, his father let him go. Sirius stood up, desperately trying to control his sobs.</p><p>‘Is that all you’re going to do?’ asked Grandfather. ‘He could have broken your broomstick. He could have broken his neck. He should get the strap.’</p><p>Behind Sirius, James sniffed. Sirius swallowed, looking up at his father. Father glanced at Grandfather.</p><p>‘Sirius is my son. <em>I </em>will deal with him.’ He returned his attention to Sirius. ‘You are to go to your room now and stay there until morning. If you do anything like this again, I will use the strap. Do you understand?’</p><p>‘Yes, Daddy,’ Sirius sobbed.</p><p>‘Stop crying,’ said Daddy. ‘You are the Black Heir, Sirius, and I hold you to a certain standard. I do not expect to see such <em>weakness</em> from you. You will address me as Sir or Father and you will act like the Pureblood wizard you are. We are one of the Sacred Twenty Eight, Sirius and we must uphold our reputation. Do you understand?’</p><p>Sirius wasn’t sure he did understand all of it but he nodded. ‘Yes, Father. I understand, Sir.’</p><p>‘Come on, Sirius,’ said Aris, her voice shaking a little. ‘I’ll take you to your room.’</p><p>‘He can find his own way there, Aris,’ said Father. ‘The Potter boy will need to be taken home. You can attend to that.’</p><p>Sirius glanced briefly at his nanny, who lowered her head. Sirius walked back to the house, his bum burning underneath his black trousers. He wanted to run back to his friend but he kept walking, right up to his bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>Remus curled up on his beanbag with his book. His brother was playing with his Lego on the other side of the bedroom but Remus was content to sit there and read his book. René couldn’t read yet and he didn’t seem to be interested but Remus could not get enough of books.</p><p>‘I’m bored,’ said René.</p><p>Remus looked up and shrugged. ‘I’m not.’</p><p>René huffed. ‘Remy! Come on, let’s go out and play.’</p><p>‘I don’t feel like it.’</p><p>‘Remus, don’t be a spoilsport.’</p><p>Remus shrugged again, turning back to his book. ‘Maybe if you opened a book you’d learn to read and then we could read together.’</p><p>René pouted. ‘But I don’t <em>want</em> to waste time reading when we could be outside!’ His eyes brightened and he ran to Remus, pouncing on him and jostling the book from his hands. ‘I know! We could make our own stories up when we’re outside! We could fight wars with trolls and win the Triwizard Cup!’</p><p>Remus stared at his book, now lying on the floor beneath his brother’s foot. Slowly lifting his head, he glared at René before giving him a push to get him away from him. ‘<em>René</em>! You lost my place! If you want to go outside, go; but leave me alone!’ Remus picked up his book and tenderly brushed it off before flicking through it to find his place.</p><p>From the corner of his eye, he saw René’s expression change from shocked to thunderous. Stamping his feet, René left their room, making as much noise on the stairs as he could. Remus sighed as he found his place and put his finger between the pages, staring out the open door where his brother had disappeared. The urge to follow René bubbled up but he squashed it; he didn’t need to go <em>everywhere</em> his twin did. René had started it.</p><p>Still, he couldn’t make himself continue reading; a small coil of dread was squirming in his belly. He just knew René was up to something.</p><p>He didn’t have to wait long. Grunting and panting reached his ears from the stairway. Remus stood up, watching as René dragged Papa’s massive tome of <em>Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them </em>along the floor, a huge smirk on his face.</p><p>Remus shot to the doorway, his eyes wide. ‘René, you have to put that back! That’s a <em>signed</em> First Edition, Papa’s prized possession. He’ll be so mad – and you’re dragging it on the floor! All the cover will be messed up.’</p><p>René stuck his tongue out at Remus, clearly pleased at having shocked him. ‘It’s just a <em>book</em>, Remy. And I decided I wanted to read this one with you – at least it has pictures so we can both enjoy it!’</p><p>Remus shook his head frantically, wanting to yank the precious book away from his brother and knowing that it would just damage it more if he tried. Instead, he grabbed the opposite side and lifted it. When René tried to turn it into a tug of war, Remus glared at him.</p><p>‘I’m just stopping you pulling it along the floor.’</p><p>René grinned, chuffed to get his way as they both carried the tome to the beanbag, stumbling occasionally as they nearly overbalanced. Once it was safely on the beanbag they let go, René allowing it to hit the beanbag with a <em>thump</em> and Remus wincing as he set his side down far more tenderly.</p><p>‘We have to put it back where you got it, René. Papa will come home soon and we don’t want to make him upset.’</p><p>René pouted. ‘But I just got it here! We have to read some of it first.’ A devilish grin peeked from the corners of his mouth. ‘Besides, I have the perfect snack for reading!’ He produced a paper bag of sticky, half-melted sherbet lemons from his pocket with one hand and reached to open the book with his other hand.</p><p>‘<em>No</em>!’ Remus threw himself over the book and picked it up out of the way. ‘We’re putting it back and you are <em>not</em> putting those anywhere near it!’</p><p>Just as René started towards him, the sherbet lemons looming menacingly, the front door opened downstairs. Both boys froze, staring from each other to the door and back. Sure enough, Papa’s footsteps sounded on the stairs as he bounded up them to find his sons and see how their day had been.</p><p>‘René, Remus, where are you? Doesn’t your poor Papa deserve a welcome home after being at work all day?’ Jean Lupin called as he reached the top of the stairs.</p><p>Remus put the book down on the beanbag and René tried unsuccessfully to shove the sweets back into his pocket as their Papa entered the room. Everything happened in slow motion then: Papa, beaming, looked between them; René dropped the sherbet lemons, yellow droplets scattering everywhere and Remus tried to stand in front of the book, too late.</p><p>Papa’s face tightened as his gaze focused on his prized possession. He cleared his throat, a vein jumping in his neck. ‘Boys, might I ask what my special copy of <em>Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them</em>, handwritten by Newt Scamander and signed by him… is doing in your room?’</p><p>They gulped in unison. Papa’s voice was gentle, yet they could both hear his displeasure beneath it.</p><p>René hesitated, then gave Papa one of his charming smiles. ‘I just wanted to read with Remus.’</p><p>Jean Lupin glanced to Remus, looking for corroboration. Remus nodded; it was close enough to the truth, and besides he didn’t want to get René into too much trouble.</p><p>Jean sighed. ‘There are several reasons I asked you not to touch it. First, it is far too heavy for either of you to carry. You could have hurt yourself, René.’ He reached and ruffled his hair gently.</p><p>‘Secondly, the book is very special to me.’ He smiled. ‘Your grandparents gave it to me as a gift when I was accepted into Hogwarts. I’ve always had it with me since and I’ve always kept it safe. It’s been with me for a very long time.’</p><p>Papa paused as his sons looked at each other, both of them contrite and a little confused as to why he wasn’t even a little cross. Then Jean Lupin leant in close to them, his eyes twinkling. ‘But the main thing I’m unhappy about today, mes fils, is that you chose to read it without me when you know I <em>love</em> a sherbet lemon.’</p><p>With a wave of his wand, Jean gathered up the scattered sweets, smiling as the twins watched them flying back into their packet with awed expressions. He took the packet from René and winked. ‘I think it only fair that I eat these <em>all </em>to myself, don’t you? Since you endangered such a great book.’</p><p>René and Remus gaped at him for a moment before they both called out about how unfair it was for the sweets not to be shared between all of them. Papa held up his hand, his expression stern.</p><p>‘Enough. I have decided what will happen and you two need to learn not to touch what is not yours.’ He picked up the book and put it beneath one arm, striding from the room. He closed the door behind him.</p><p>The brothers looked at each other, silent. There was a heartbeat, then their door slowly creaked open, making them jump; Papa peeked around the door at them, smiling.</p><p> ‘Do you boys have room for Papa on that beanbag? I should tell you I come bearing a heavy book filled with beautiful, terrifying monsters and tales of derring-do and a pocket stuffed with sticky, lemony goodness.’ He sighed dramatically. ‘Yet despite these treats, it seems people are less than hospitable to weary travellers.’</p><p>Remus and René leapt in his direction, taking an arm each to tug him inside. They sat him on the beanbag and gathered on either side of him, cuddling in close to him as he rested the book on his knees. He offered them a sweet each, popped one into his own mouth and opened the cover.</p><p>Papa cleared his throat and started reading, his words transporting them away. The twins’ room seemed to be stuffed with love that afternoon, happiness radiating from each occupant as they laughed and shared sweets.</p><p> </p><p>Mr Black refused to allow Aris to go and see to Sirius for the rest of the day, nor was he allowed to come out for dinner. Finally, an hour before his usual bedtime, she was allowed to take him a plain cheese sandwich and put him to bed.</p><p>Sirius was sitting on his bed, looking fed up. She didn’t blame him. There were no toys in here, just some books and his clothing. All his toys were in the nursery. He looked up at Aris when she came in.</p><p>‘Can I go and play now?’ he asked.</p><p>Aris shook her head. ‘No, Sirius. Your father says you’re to go to bed.’</p><p>Sirius gaped at her. ‘But it’s ages until bedtime.’</p><p>Aris sat on his bed beside him and gave him his sandwich. ‘You’re being punished for what you did before, darling.’</p><p>Sirius huffed around a mouthful of sandwich. ‘I didn’t even get to say goodbye to James.’</p><p>Aris smiled and stroked his head. ‘It’s not the last time you’ll see him, Siri. He’ll be round to play again soon.’</p><p>Sirius shrugged, finishing off his sandwich. ‘Do I really have to go to bed now?’</p><p>‘Your father’s orders, little man.’</p><p>Sirius sighed. ‘Okay. I’ll go and brush my teeth.’</p><p>‘Good boy. Then I’ll help you get into your pyjamas.’</p><p>Ten minutes later, Aris helped Sirius into bed, dressed in his cosiest cotton pyjamas. They were black, like most of his clothes, and not exactly cheerful but they were soft.</p><p>‘Will I be able to play tomorrow?’ Sirius asked, snuggling down in his blankets.</p><p>‘I expect so, dear one. Your father will come to see you before you go to sleep and if you make sure to say you’re sorry, I’m sure he’ll make up with you.’</p><p>‘I will. Can I go and sit with Carina for a bit tomorrow?’</p><p>‘If she’s up to it, you can. You now she’s not very well at the moment.’</p><p>Sirius nodded and sniffed. ‘I know. I miss her.’</p><p>Aris leaned over and kissed him. ‘I’ll do my best to take you to see her tomorrow, little one. Do you want to look at a book before your father comes in?’</p><p>Sirius nodded and Aris fetched him one of his favourite bedtime books. He opened it and began to read, struggling over only a few words. Aris smiled and left him to it. She was certain his father would come to say goodnight soon and father and son would hug and make up. They were so different from her family but they were father and son and she was sure they loved each other. She left his bedside lamp on for him and shut the door quietly behind him.</p><p> </p><p>Sirius had almost dropped off to sleep when he heard his door open. He stretched, opening his eyes and peering into the dim room to see his father stepping inside and shutting the door behind him.</p><p>‘Daddy ... I mean, Father,’ he said, sitting up a little.</p><p>Cephus frowned. ‘You can call me Daddy when we’re alone.’ He approached the bed and knelt beside it.</p><p>Sirius frowned. Father never did this. He left such things to Aris.</p><p>‘Are you still cross with me, Daddy?’ he asked.</p><p>Cephus reached for Sirius’s hand and held it snugly in his large hands. ‘You frightened me, Sirius. I do not want you to be hurt. Do you understand?’</p><p>Sirius didn’t really. That smacking had hurt.</p><p>‘I was only playing.’</p><p>‘You knew you should not have been doing that, Sirius and so you were punished. You have been too indulged and you think you can do whatever you want. This is not so. From now on, things will be different. I will spank you if you disobey me, or if you disgrace the family in any way. I expect you to behave yourself impeccably from now on and then I will not have to hurt you to teach you.’</p><p>Daddy hesitated, then reached out and touched Sirius’s cheek. His touch was gentle. ‘Grandfather was very strict with me when I was a child. I do not wish to be so harsh with you. I love you and I want to show you how much I love you.’</p><p>‘I don’t understand, Daddy.’</p><p>‘It is very simple, Sirius. If you misbehave, I will give you pain. If you behave and obey, I will give you love.’</p><p>He hesitated and dropped his hand to Sirius’s hip. He pushed one finger beneath the waistbands of his pyjama bottoms and his underwear and ran it over the smooth skin of Sirius’s hip. The sensation was strange and he wasn’t sure he liked it. ‘When we are in here together, Sirius, it means you have been good and you will be rewarded. In here, I can be Daddy and I will make you feel good.’</p><p>Sirius didn’t know what he was supposed to say, so he just agreed. ‘Yes, Daddy.’</p><p>Daddy tugged him up to his knees and the rest of the hand joined that one finger inside his pyjamas. He rubbed Sirius’s bottom until the pain went away. There was a strange twisty feeling in his tummy but at least Daddy wasn’t cross with him anymore.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Part One, The Beginning, Chapter Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus looked across to René as the maths teacher chatted on, telling them about their multiplication tables. He could see his brother’s toe tapping, his head tilted as he stared out the window opposite them. René hated being cooped up indoors. Luckily, it was almost time for break… unless René got kept in for not paying attention.</p>
<p>Remus sighed. If only he could get his brother pretend better. That’s all he had to do, pretend to love maths. He turned back to the front of the classroom, just as Monsieur Dumont turned around, the <em>smack</em> of his pointer against the blackboard making René jump. None of them liked the maths teacher. He was grumpy and was used to teaching much older children then them. Even Remus found him boring and he loved school.</p>
<p>‘Monsieur Lupin, if the class might take up a meagre portion of your <em>precious time: </em> what is four squared?’</p>
<p>The whole class cringed as they waited for René to answer the question.</p>
<p>Remus sat up straight and jumped in for his brother. ‘Sixteen, sir.’</p>
<p>Monsieur Dumont blinked at him rapidly, his face slowly turning red. Before he could blow up, Remus beamed at him.</p>
<p>‘Did I get it right, sir? I was practicing my times tables all day yesterday and I memorised what I could!’ He bit his lip and pretended to be worried. ‘Did I get it wrong? I was sure it was sixteen.’ Remus held up his hand and counted off on his fingers. ‘Four, eight, twelve, sixteen…’</p>
<p>From the corner of his eye, Remus saw Sylvie Francois trying not to grin at him from the table opposite. Behind her, Pierre looked as though he’d swallowed cod liver oil slowly, both proud that he’d got it down and yet regretting having to swallow it at all.</p>
<p>Monsieur Dumont swallowed hard and coughed, his face still pink. ‘Yes, Mr. Lupin, the answer is indeed sixteen. However, as you clearly require some more practice, I want everybody to make sure they are number perfect on their fives and sixes by tomorrow.’</p>
<p>As the class groaned and Remus tried not to glare, his teacher smirked. ‘After all, Mr Lupin, such hesitation and uncertainty will do you a disservice in the real world.’</p>
<p>The bell rang and Monsieur Dumont tapped the blackboard with his pointer again, three sharp raps in swift succession. ‘I expect every single one of you to be perfect by our next mathematics lesson.’ He narrowed his eyes at René, then dismissed the class.</p>
<p>As they left, René and Remus met at the door, sharing a secret smile as they knew they’d bested the teacher… and a grimace, because they’d received maths homework. The twins moved into the playground in sync, ready to play games and relax before the next lesson. At least their usual, much more friendly teacher would be back after breaktime.</p>
<p>‘You always know all the answers, don’t you, Remus?’ Pierre’s voice was grumpy and whiny as he circled around the twins until he stood before them.</p>
<p>Remus straightened up, refusing to back down from Pierre even as he shrugged. ‘I like to learn.’ He paused, then allowed his eyes to twinkle. ‘And it let me best Monsieur Dumont, didn’t it?’</p>
<p>Pierre shrugged. ‘It got us all homework.’</p>
<p>René stepped forward, ready to go to Remus’ defence with his fists, but Remus shrugged nonchalantly. ‘Monsieur Dumont would have given us extra homework anyway, since he thinks we should all <em>love</em> maths.’</p>
<p>Pierre opened his mouth to argue, only for Sylvie, and Laurent Noel to come running over, their grins wide.</p>
<p>‘Remus, that was funny! Silly Monsieur Dumont didn’t know what to do!’ Sylvie giggled, her eyes sparkling as she stared at Remus in admiration. ‘I wish I could speak back to him like that!’</p>
<p>Laurent nodded, clapping Remus’ shoulder. ‘You saved René from getting into trouble!’</p>
<p>René stiffened even more than he had when Pierre had been squaring up to Remus. ‘I could have answered it!’</p>
<p>Laurent’s eyes widened, his mouth an ‘o’ of surprised admiration. ‘You could? I couldn’t. I hate maths.’</p>
<p>René jumped up and down. ‘I’m bored of talking. Let’s play chase!’  He grinned and lunged out to tap Sylvie’s shoulder before backing away. ‘You’re It!’</p>
<p>As Sylvie’s expression became impishly outraged and everyone laughed, Remus kept his eye on Pierre. Pierre was still scowling. But as they all spread out to make it harder for Sylvie to catch them, his expression softened. When Pierre finally smiled, Remus relaxed into the game and forgot about his friend’s grumpiness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius cast his gaze around the classroom, checking he was alone before he pulled the toy from his pocket. He’d hidden his small, enchanted model dragon there earlier, when Aris had finished dressing him in his smart clothes for his lessons. He had to look presentable, but at least he hadn’t been forced into a tie.</p>
<p>As he placed it on the table, the dragon roared and blew out a small spurt of flame as it flapped his wings. Sirius watched with fascination, lifting a small marshmallow that he had smuggled out of the kitchen so the dragon’s flame would catch it.</p>
<p>Sirius watched as the marshmallow was toasted, then raised it up towards his mouth.</p>
<p>‘I wouldn’t do that, were I you, Master Black.’</p>
<p>Sirius looked up at the sound of the stern voice, surprised that he hadn’t heard the man come in. Dressed in flowing black robes, tightly belted at the waist, he had barely tamed red hair, green eyes and appeared young. His expression matched his voice, yet there was a softness around his mouth, as though he wanted to smile.</p>
<p>Sirius lowered the marshmallow as his new tutor came towards him with long strides and a tiny bounce in his step. The marshmallow was plucked from Sirius’s fingers and eaten in one savoured gulp.</p>
<p>‘You toast a mean marshmallow, Master Black.’ Those green eyes flickered with a tiny sparkle before he moved towards the blackboard in front of Sirius. ‘My name is Mr Prewett,’ the chalk screeched as he wrote his name, making Sirius wince, ‘and I am to be your tutor in everything you need to know. Learn well, remain attentive and your dragon shall be released at the end of the lesson.’</p>
<p>As Sirius looked down in shock at the empty space where his fire-breathing dragon had been, his tutor nodded with a pat to his pocket. ‘Safe and sound, Master Black, safe and sound. Now, to the business of learning; today we will be covering…’</p>
<p>Sirius found himself paying rapt attention despite the sun shining in through the window. The tutor might smack the blackboard or table rather harshly with his wand; he might have a tendency to go on and on about boring topics; but at least he had a bounce in his step as he moved around the room to illustrate his point.</p>
<p>By the end of the lesson, Sirius was looking forward to tomorrow’s lessons and he had no trouble repeating the lessons learned so Mr. Prewett knew he’d been listening to him. As a reward, his tutor showed him how to get his dragon to soar around the room and circle back to him, landing on his finger.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jean Lupin apparated to his front door at the end of a long day working at Le Ministère de la Magie. He was tired but content. He had a good job and loving family to come home to.</p>
<p>He opened the door and heard running footsteps. The next thing he knew, his twin boys were throwing themselves at him.</p>
<p>‘Papa! Papa!’ René screeched, jumping into Jean’s arms.</p>
<p>Remus, the quieter of the two, hugged his middle. ‘Bonjour, Papa.’</p>
<p>Jean kissed both of them on the top of their heads. ‘Salut, René, Salut, Remus. Why are you two not outside playing?’</p>
<p>‘Mama said we had to do our homework first,’ said René.</p>
<p>Jean smiled. ‘Ah, of course. And have you finished it now?’</p>
<p>‘Oui, Papa,’ said Remus.</p>
<p>Jean gave them both a smile. ‘Good boys. Why don’t the two of you go and play outside until dinner?’</p>
<p>‘D’accord, Papa,’ said René. He turned and ran off. Remus waited a moment, gave Jean a cheeky smile from under his shaggy brown hair, before he ran off after his brother.</p>
<p>Jean chuckled before toeing off his shoes, slipping off his jacket and going to find his wife.</p>
<p>He found her in the drawing room, knitting a new chunky knit shawl collar cardigan for Remus in blue. One for René, in red, lay already completed on top of her knitting basket. She looked up at him and smiled as he came in.</p>
<p>‘Jean! You’re home early. Pleasant day?’</p>
<p>‘Tiring but not bad.’ He leaned in and kissed her. ‘The boys had finished their homework so I sent them to play. How was your day?’</p>
<p>‘Not bad. The boys were so full of energy when they came home. I had to be rather firm with them before they would do their homework.’</p>
<p>Jean laughed. ‘Well, it’s all done now. They’ve run off outside.’</p>
<p>Marie smiled. ‘Let us hope they can stay out of trouble this afternoon.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next lesson with Mr Prewett was directly after breakfast the next morning. Sirius tried to hide his excitement as he strode towards the classroom; he couldn’t wait to see what his reward was going to be today. His dragon hadn’t stopped flying around and he’d even managed to get it to bring him more marshmallows. He was hoping he’d be taught how to get it to send sweets to Cari. He smiled as he remembered her beaming at him when he’d told her how well he’d listened to his lessons.</p>
<p>As he came up to the door of his classroom, he heard voices coming through the open door. Skidding to a halt, he stopped by the doorjamb and peered through the entrance; Mr Prewett was talking with Daddy. His teacher seemed upset, his cheeks almost matching his hair as Daddy instructed him on something.</p>
<p>‘My son is the Black Heir. I believe I have made it clear what would happen to <em>you</em> should anything untoward occur whilst you are teaching him?’</p>
<p>Mr Prewett nodded, barely dipping his head. Cephus narrowed his eyes, his tone becoming haughty. ‘So much as one hair moves out of place, Mr Prewett, and I shall show you what the Black Family Legacy truly entails. It is his duty to commit his <em>proper place</em> to memory and never forget it.  It is your job to teach him in such a way that he never doubts the gravity of every action he takes. He must feel the weight of every decision, understand that every single member of the Family looks to him as a shining example. Neither you nor my son will be allowed to fail in your duties.’</p>
<p>Cephus moved away without a backward glance, leaving Mr Pretwett standing there beside his blackboard. Sirius barely had time to think how shrunken his teacher seemed, before he was slipping away around the corner so Daddy wouldn’t know he’d been eavesdropping.</p>
<p>Thankfully Cephus didn’t see Sirius; he went in the opposite direction, his steps measured as though he felt the full force of his position in the Black Family.</p>
<p>After a few minutes, Sirius drew himself up to his full height; his posture excellent as he strode around the corner and into the classroom. When he saw Mr Prewett standing frozen with his back to him, he faltered. It didn’t seem right to be the Black Heir when he was supposed to learn from this man. Yet his father’s words echoed in his head, keeping his spine rigidly straight as he went forward to his seat.</p>
<p>Mr Prewett jumped a little as Sirius pulled back his chair, yet his green eyes were still warm as he nodded to his pupil.</p>
<p>‘Good morning, Master Black. I trust you are prepared to absorb knowledge?’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded, staring at his teacher. It felt as though something was stuck in his throat, even though he hadn’t eaten anything in more than half an hour.</p>
<p>With a nod, Mr Prewett turned his back and began tapping the chalk against the blackboard. After a moment, the teacher gave himself a shake and aimed a firm nod before the scraping and scratching started.</p>
<p>Sirius watched as words appeared on the board. For some reason, they seemed to be a foreign language; he couldn’t take them in. His throat still felt clogged by something as Mr Prewett underlined the words he’d written.</p>
<p>‘Today, we are going to focus on <em>The History of Magic</em>. I realise this may not be the most exciting of topics, Master Sirius, but it will be an essential part of your lessons.’ Mr Prewett curled his tongue into different shapes for a moment, choosing his words. ‘Whilst it will be taught in much more detail when you go to Hogwarts, I think it will benefit you greatly to learn the basics early. In particular,’ he paused, ‘in particular, the history of your family’s magic.’</p>
<p>Sirius found his mouth opening of its own volition. ‘Sir, the magic of the Black Family is one of the most ancient and important magical bloodlines. Once, I fell over and my father scolded me for daring to spill one single drop of my precious blood.’ Sirius’s body had gone back to being rigidly straight, his head held up proudly as he spoke.</p>
<p>Mr Prewett turned and studied him. Sirius held his pose, unsure what to do. He’d been told that witches and wizards would cower and bow their head when reminded of his noble status as the Black Heir. Yet this teacher did neither, simply watching until Sirius began to feel the strain of holding onto that pose.</p>
<p>‘Hmmm. And is that all you are, Sirius Black? A bloodline?’ he murmured, his green eyes blazing beneath his slightly messy hair.</p>
<p>Sirius frowned, not knowing how to answer that. ‘But my bloodline is important, sir.’</p>
<p>Mr Prewett nodded solemnly. ‘Indeed.’ He spread his arms wide. ‘My bloodline is one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight. My bloodline is linked to <em>yours</em>, Master Black. It may be a few generations back, yet the link is there.’ He allowed that to sink in, then leaned on Sirius’s desk, meeting his gaze directly. ‘The Sacred Twenty-Eight are the last truly pure-blooded wizarding families, unrivalled in so-called superiority and importance.’</p>
<p>‘But you’re a teacher! Why would one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight be in such a low-class job?’</p>
<p>Mr Prewett stood back and shrugged. ‘Why do you like dragons, Master Sirius? Or why is your hair black? Why do you enjoy toasting marshmallows?’ He folded his arms across his chest. ‘Are any of those things exclusive to a pure bloodline?’</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head, the gesture uncertain. ‘What do dragons, black hair or toasting marshmallows have to do with anything, sir?’</p>
<p>Mr Prewett beamed and clapped his hands together. ‘Precisely, Master Sirius, precisely! They have absolutely <em>nothing</em> to do with your bloodline, your prestige, your noble duty! Any Witch, Wizard or Muggle may have a fascination with dragons; the difference is, how <em>much </em>fascination they have. For example, I could teach you everything there is to know about dragons and you might be bored by the time we covered fact five. However, if I were to teach someone else about them, they might be spellbound right until the very final lesson and still need to learn more!’</p>
<p>Sirius’s head was throbbing as he tried to understand what Mr Prewett was trying to tell him. It contradicted everything he’d been taught, yet none of it was <em>clear</em>. Whatever the point was, it was so wrapped up in other things that Sirius couldn’t see it.</p>
<p>Mr Prewett sighed and stood back as it became clear that his pupil wasn’t grasping the lesson. ‘All right, Master Sirius, all right. We’ll come back to it tomorrow, hmm?’ He turned away and picked up his brush to wipe away the words on the blackboard.</p>
<p>Sirius had stiffened again. ‘Don’t you dare say I’m not smart enough to get it, sir!’</p>
<p>Mr Prewett turned his head, his soft smile sad. ‘You’re smart enough, Sirius. But some things clash so much with our preconceived notions that it takes a while for them to make sense.’ He finished wiping the board clean, then held out his hand. ‘I’m guessing you’ve brought that dragon with you today, too? Shall we see what else we can get it to do?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus sat out in the garden, perching on a rock with his gaze cast down. René was inside, helping Mama with her baking. The scent of cookies being baked in the oven wafted out from the kitchen, making Remus feel slightly ill.</p>
<p>‘Why are you so glum, Master Remus?’ Christophe’s gentle voice intruded on Remus’s thoughts as he stood before him.</p>
<p>Remus noticed that Christophe’s shoes were sensible, covered in mud and rather large. He found himself studying the laces, the neat knots that tied the laces together and remembered René learning to tie his shoes a few months ago. He shrugged in reply to Christophe’s question.</p>
<p>Christophe straightened and turned away. Remus listened to the crunches Christophe’s shoes made on the gravel as he twisted his fingers together. A few minutes later, a rose appeared just before his nose, the scent as beautiful as the pink colour of the petals. Finally, Remus had to look up, his surprise clear.</p>
<p>Christophe smiled widely. ‘I think your thoughts are worth more than a Franc, Master Remus, so: a rose for them?’</p>
<p>Remus felt his lips twitch despite himself, then he sighed as he remembered the way Pierre had looked at him at school. ‘Christophe… how do you know someone is your friend?’</p>
<p>Christophe took in a deep breath and crouched beside Remus as he let it out. ‘Well, does this person play games with you? Do they talk to you, and do you enjoy speaking with them?’</p>
<p>Remus considered this for a moment, then nodded. The silence stretched out a little as Christophe waited. ‘But are friends always happy for you? When you do something well?’</p>
<p>Christophe put the rose between his fingertips and slowly twirled it, the petals turning hypnotically as he thought through his answer. ‘Sometimes, Master Remus, friends struggle to be happy for each other. It isn’t because they don’t care, or because they wish each other ill, but because they wish they had achieved it. Is this friend competitive, do they like to win?’</p>
<p>Remus nodded emphatically, his hair flying into his eyes. ‘Yes! Pierre prefers to be the one to win all the games we play and he’s always trying to be better than me and René.’ He felt his tummy tumble. ‘So he isn’t our friend after all?’</p>
<p>‘No no no, Master Remus, you missed my point! Your friend Pierre simply sees it as his job to try to be the best he can be, and he admires you and Master René, because he considers you two to be better than him. He wants to match you, to be like you, to imitate those he admires. Does that make sense?’</p>
<p>Remus mulled it over for a few minutes, then nodded slowly. ‘I think it does. He’s trying to beat us at everything because he likes us so much?’</p>
<p>Christophe nodded and used the rose to tickle Remus’s nose. ‘Indeed! So, how about we follow the scent of your Mama’s marvellous baking and see whether or not those cookies are ready yet?’</p>
<p>Remus giggled, accepted the rose from the gardener and nodded as he raced ahead, his stomach growling as the scent of baking got even stronger. René came to meet him at the kitchen door, chatting at a mile a minute.</p>
<p>‘Remus, you missed the most fun part, but at least you’re here for the <em>best</em> part: they’re nearly done!’ René announced, grabbing his brother’s arm as he dragged him towards Mama.</p>
<p>Remus smiled at his brother’s enthusiasm, at his mother stood by the oven in her homey apron and at the smell of the baking chocolate chips. Behind him, he could hear Christophe’s shoes coming into the kitchen, followed by the lighter step of the housekeeper. They were all there except Papa and he would be home soon.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Part One, The Beginning, Chapter Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For a few days, the lessons Mr Prewett taught Sirius were without incident. In the back of his mind, Sirius mulled over what his teacher had told him about bloodlines and prestige, even as he listened attentively to the current lesson. Several times, he tried to open his mouth and ask his questions, desperate to understand. But each time, he clammed up. His palms became sweaty and he couldn’t form the words. So he tried to concentrate on Mr Prewett’s voice, his supposedly stern expressions that were ruined by his need to smile.</p>
<p>After that day’s lesson on dragons, Sirius raced through the house towards his sister’s room. Cari would know what to do, how to ask the questions he had. When he reached his destination, he knocked on the door and waited to be let in by the nurse.</p>
<p>‘Master Sirius.’ She nodded, looking him up and down in an appraising manner before stepping aside. ‘Your sister will be pleased to see you but do take care not to overexcite her.’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded as he entered the room, walking at a sedate pace until he could see his sister in her bed. His heart pounded as he noticed how pale and small she seemed, swallowed by her bed. Except then she opened her eyes and beamed at him.</p>
<p>‘Siri! I’m so glad to see you!’ She patted the bed beside her, beckoning him closer. ‘Come sit beside me and tell me how your day has been.’</p>
<p>He went to her side, kissed her cheek and gingerly sat himself down beside her. Before he knew it, he’d told her all about his lessons with Mr Prewett, how much he was learning and how much he was enjoying himself. Cari’s eyes twinkled at him as his joy showed through his voice and expression. She loved seeing her brother so animated.</p>
<p>Sirius’s chatter faded away and he started picking at his robes. ‘Cari… am I only as important as my bloodline?’</p>
<p>Carina frowned at him. ‘No! Of course not, Siri. Where did you hear that?’</p>
<p>Sirius focused on where his fingers were trying to make holes in his robes. ‘Mr Prewett was trying to tell me that,’ he frowned fiercely, ‘I don’t know what he was trying to tell me. But he made it sound as though… being the Black Heir isn’t everything I am?’</p>
<p>Before she could respond, Sirius burst to his feet and stamped his feet, his fingers tangling in his hair so he could tug on it. ‘I don’t understand! He said I was smart enough to get what he meant, but I can’t be because it doesn’t make sense! Father says being the Black Heir is the most important thing about me, that it’s a great honour and that I need to remember that I represent the Family at all times, but Mr Prewett…’</p>
<p>Sirius felt his chest heaving up and down as he tried to explain, to grasp what he needed to say. ‘Mr Prewett is related to us, he said he was a Sacred Twenty-Eight, that they were the purest bloodlines in our world. But he’s a<em> tutor</em>. Shouldn’t a Sacred Twenty-Eight member want to be in the Ministry or something? Or just be in charge of the family like Da … like Father. And why would he tell me he doesn’t care about his bloodline, when Father thinks it’s the most important thing?’</p>
<p>When he came to a halt, Carina stretched out her arm and gathered him close, stroking his hair to try to soothe him. ‘Shhh, it’s all right. You’re still learning, Siri, that’s the whole point of a tutor, to make you think so you can decide for yourself what’s important. But you don’t need to decide right now. Just remember the lessons and Father’s words, so when you are ready to decide, you have everything you need to make that decision.’ She kissed his hair, smiling softly as he started to calm down.</p>
<p>Too late, they heard the shuffling of Kreacher’s feet as he crept around the room, tidying up. A moment later, there was a loud <em>crack</em> as he disappeared.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At the end of the school day, Remus went to meet René at the gates where he was talking with Pierre and Sylvie. His brother had raced out of class as usual, eager to leave school and get home. As he got closer, it became clear that Pierre and René were trying to best each other, their faces pressed so close their noses were almost touching.</p>
<p>Remus’s heart pounded and he picked up his pace to reach them before they could get into trouble. Mama would be there soon to pick them up, and teachers were all around the playground; it wouldn’t go well if Mama caught them. She’d be upset.</p>
<p>‘You don’t know what you’re talking about, René! I can run so much <em>faster</em> than you or Remus. We proved it last Sports Day.’ Pierre smirked. ‘But I can show you again.’</p>
<p>René pulled himself up straight. ‘You only won because a branch tripped me. I can beat you any day and you know it!’</p>
<p>Sylvie nodded as Remus came up to them. ‘They usually do beat you at running, Pierre. They’re faster than anyone in our class!’ She beamed at René, who smoothed his hand through his hair with a grin.</p>
<p>Remus smiled at Pierre, the expression a little tight as he pulled his brother to the side. ‘René, it’s home time. Mama will be here any minute and we have homework,’ he murmured.</p>
<p>René’s expression became thunderous. ‘Remy, we can’t let Pierre think we’re <em>scared</em> to race him! We’re faster and he knows it. Why can’t we race him?’</p>
<p>‘Mes fils, is everything all right?’</p>
<p>The twins turned at their mother’s soft voice behind them, her smile warming Remus through. He smiled back at her, even as his tummy gave a tremble of warning. René looked as though an idea was forming. It was there in his eyes, in his secretive smile.</p>
<p>‘Mama, could our friends come home with us? Just for an hour, so we can practice our running?’ René gave their mother a sweetly innocent smile just as Laurent came up to the group, smiling at everyone and unaware of the rivalries.</p>
<p>Mama looked uncertain, biting her lip. ‘I wouldn’t mind, mon petit, but we would have to make sure it was all right with their parents…’</p>
<p>René beamed, excitement lighting up his face; he’d won, as long as the other parents agreed. ‘Thank you, Mama!’ He hugged her tightly, then released her to go to Pierre.</p>
<p>‘I’ll race you to ask everyone else’s Mama and Papa!’ René declared, setting off as Pierre agreed.</p>
<p>‘Don’t you want to follow them, mon fils?’</p>
<p>Remus smiled up at Marie. ‘Non, Mama. I’ll show them how fast I am when we’re at home.’</p>
<p>Marie smiled down at her son, ruffling his hair. ‘I’m so proud of my boys.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once everyone was ready to leave the school and Marie Lupin had been reassured that their friends’ parents would pick them up later, Remus and René led the way back to their house. Remus walked between Sylvie and Laurent, the three of them two steps behind René and Pierre who were trying to outpace each other. Behind the whole group, Marie smiled gently and only raised her voice to remind them all to wait before crossing the road.</p>
<p>As they reached the house, Mama herded them towards the back gate. ‘Go around to the back garden, children, and I’ll bring out some biscuits and juice in a bit.’</p>
<p>René and Remus led the way into the back garden and showed their friends around. Christophe waved to Remus, who left the group to go to the garden.</p>
<p>‘Welcome back, Master Remus. I hope you enjoyed your day at school. Who are your friends?’</p>
<p>Remus pointed to them in turn. ‘That’s Sylvie, Laurent and Pierre.’</p>
<p>Christophe’s eyes twinkled as he saw Pierre. ‘Ah, the competitive one. I trust you are getting along better today?’</p>
<p>Remus nodded, then bit his lip. ‘Well, we’re going to have a race to prove who can run fastest amongst us. Christophe, would you mind being the referee?’</p>
<p>Christophe beamed. ‘I would be delighted, Master Remus!’ He dusted off his hands, soil falling from his work gloves. ‘I shall go create a clear track for you and your,’ he raised his hand and squinted as he counted, ‘three friends.’</p>
<p>Instinctively, Remus threw his arms around the gardener in a hug. ‘Thank you Christophe!’</p>
<p>With a chuckle and a gentle clap on the back, Christophe set Remus back from him. ‘I’ll be waiting with a whistle in ten minutes, Master Remus.’</p>
<p>Remus waved to Christophe as he re-joined his friends. René was belligerent as he turned to Remus.</p>
<p>‘Pierre wants us to race backwards, which is stupid.’</p>
<p>Pierre shrugged. ‘I just want it to be a challenge, that’s all.’</p>
<p>Sylvie shook her head. ‘<em>I’m </em>not running backwards. I don’t need to dirty my clothes to prove I can run faster than all of you.’</p>
<p>Remus grinned at Sylvie and Laurent. ‘Why don’t we race forwards, then watch them trying to sprint backwards? We’ll have reached the finish line before they get halfway!’</p>
<p>René glowered at him. ‘I <em>can</em> race backwards!’ He shrugged. ‘I just don’t want to.’</p>
<p>Remus rolled his eyes. ‘Christophe, our gardener, is going to judge who’s fastest. None of us will be able to cheat, so let’s just have fun.’ He smirked mischievously and darted forward to tag Laurent’s shoulder. ‘You’re It! I bet you can’t catch me before I get to the starting line!’</p>
<p>With that, the friends took off, laughing as they dodged Laurent’s attempts to tag them. When they saw the track, they all skidded to a stop to stare. Christophe had enchanted a banner to float over the starting and finishing lines, the banners covered in animals all racing forward. Christophe himself stood at the starting line, a whistle perched between his lips.</p>
<p>‘You’re It now, Remus!’ declared Laurent, tapping Remus’s shoulder before noticing the banners. ‘Wow, your gardener is so cool!’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, he is,’ René informed them, his chest puffed up.</p>
<p>‘Come on, he’s waiting. I bet the animals move, too!’ Sylvie took off at a sprint, the group of friends following her with their mouths open, as they all went to Christophe to start the race.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus took up his position beneath the picture of the wolf, in line beside René, laughing as Laurent made faces at Pierre; he’d squabbled with them all until he’d gained the middle position beneath the lion. He’d claimed it was the best position, the winning position, because the lion’s roar would cheer him on. Beside him, Sylvie was standing beneath a gazelle, the image seeming jittery as though it shared her excitement. Laurent had shrugged, content to race in the fox’s lane, his eyes flashing as he took note of everything around him. It seemed as though he could sense the slightest movement of every blade of grass; he was so still, so alert. Above René, a falcon flapped its wings. Remus was convinced it would take off any minute now, just like his brother would the moment the whistle was blown.</p>
<p>‘All right, mes enfants; it is time to race. The finishing line is clearly marked and I can see perfectly well from here. There will be no cheating, no tripping and no pushing. Anyone doing that will be out of the race.’ Christophe smiled. ‘But I know you won’t do that, because you’re all winners really.’</p>
<p>Pierre rolled his eyes as René snickered. Adults always wanted to make everyone winners, but this race would prove once and for all which <em>one</em> of them was fastest. Christophe put the whistle to his lips, took a deep breath…</p>
<p>Remus glanced up suddenly, meeting the piercing eyes of the wolf above him. With a gulp, he turned his gaze back to Christophe, his heart pounding. There was a sharp whistle and suddenly Remus was surrounded by blurs. Shaking his head, he followed, his feet picking up the pace despite the misty echoes in the back of his mind. It felt as though the wolf were following him, those eyes piercing him with every stride. He faltered, but kept running. He could see René from the corner of his eye. His brother was focused and grinning fiercely as he relished the sprint, his head turning every so often so he could stick out his tongue at Pierre.</p>
<p>As the finish line came into view, Sylvie put on an extra burst of speed, passing them all with ease. Christophe cheered them all on equally, his whoops increasing as Sylvie crossed the finish line with Laurent five paces behind her. Remus almost stopped running as laughter took him over; the expressions on the faces of Pierre and René were hilarious, both of them bewildered yet determined that they wouldn’t be last.</p>
<p>Shaking the hair from his eyes, Remus decided he wouldn’t be last, either. Taking a deep breath, he pictured crossing the finish line in three strides, ahead of Pierre and his brother alike.</p>
<p><em>One</em>…<em>two…three</em>…</p>
<p>Remus beamed at Christophe, Sylvie and Laurent who were all waiting to high-five him. As Pierre and René finally reached the finish line, their feet in sync even as they began to argue that they’d been distracted and that they definitely weren’t last, Remus caught a flash from the wolf’s eye. Shivering, he stared back at the banner, the world around him fading away…</p>
<p>‘Well done, mes enfants! You all did such a wonderful job!’</p>
<p>Remus blinked rapidly. Mama was coming towards them, a tray of snacks and drinks hovering ahead of her wand as she walked. He smiled and ran forward with his brother to help her hand the treats out, forgetting about the wolf.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘But I don’t want to go to Grandfather’s house for dinner,’ said Sirius. ‘It’s too dark and Grandfather’s horrid.’</p>
<p>Aris tutted. ‘Don’t say that about your grandfather. He’s a very important man and you know you need to show him respect. All your cousins will be there. You can play with them and you’ll have lots of fun.’</p>
<p>Sirius seriously doubted it. His cousins were horrid too. ‘I don’t see why I have to go.’</p>
<p>‘It’ll be nice for the rest of your family to meet the baby properly. They didn’t really get to hold him much at the welcoming, did they? And you’re getting the day off from lessons.’</p>
<p>Sirius pulled a face. He’d barely seen the baby either. He hadn’t seen Mother much either since he’d been born. At least if he didn’t see her, she couldn’t scream at him.  </p>
<p>‘Can’t Carina come?’</p>
<p>Aris shook her head. ‘She’s really not well enough, darling, but you can go and see her before you go.’ </p>
<p>‘My cousins are all going to pick on me.’</p>
<p>‘Now, don’t be silly. They all love you. You’re very important to all of them.’</p>
<p>Sirius frowned. ‘I’ll go and see Carina now.’</p>
<p>He batted away Aris’s hand as she fussed with his cravat, then rushed off to see his sister. Carina was always in bed these days but he tried to see her every day.</p>
<p>Her nurse was quite strict but nice. She gave Sirius a stern appraising look when he approached but then smiled and let him in. ‘She’s resting but she’s not asleep. You can go in if you’re quiet.’</p>
<p>Sirius went in and found his twelve-year-old sister propped up in bed with a book. He was glad she was still at home. He’d have missed her too much if she’d gone away to Hogwarts. She smiled at Sirius when she saw him.</p>
<p>‘Siri, hello. Don’t you look smart?’</p>
<p>He pulled grumpily at his collar. ‘I don’t like it. We’re going to the Manor.’ He made a face as he sat on the edge of her bed.</p>
<p>She cuddled him close. ‘Be on your best behaviour, won’t you? You know what Grandfather is like.’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded. ‘Yes. I’ll try.’</p>
<p>‘Good boy.’ She hugged him. ‘I do love you, Siri.’</p>
<p>Sirius frowned. What was she being so soppy for? ‘I know,’ he said.</p>
<p>She laughed and kissed his cheek. ‘Oh, Siri, you’re such a boy. You will ... be nice to the new baby, won’t you?’</p>
<p>‘I’ve hardly even seen him yet.’</p>
<p>‘Yes, but when he comes into the nursery, you’ll be nice to him. He’ll need you. You’re his big brother.’</p>
<p>‘Mother’s looking after him.’</p>
<p>Carina didn’t say anything, just rocked him a little, holding him tight. After a few moments, the nurse came in.</p>
<p>‘Come on, Carina, let him go now. You need to rest and Master Sirius needs to go out now.’</p>
<p>Carina kissed his cheek. ‘Come and see me later, darling.’</p>
<p>‘I will.’</p>
<p>He hopped down from the bed and followed the nurse out of the room. Aris was waiting for him. She took his hand and led him downstairs.</p>
<p>‘Now, Sirius,’ she said, as they walked down the hall. ‘You make sure to behave yourself at the Manor, won’t you? I don’t want you to get in trouble whilst I’m not there.’</p>
<p>‘Can’t you come?’</p>
<p>‘You know how your grandfather feels about witches and wizards as staff. He prefers to use house elves only.’</p>
<p>‘They’ll be mean to me.’</p>
<p>‘Your cousins? Don’t be silly. They’ll play with you.’ She gave him a gentle push as they reached the drawing room. ‘Go on, in you go. Best behaviour, remember.’</p>
<p>Sirius entered the drawing room, leaving Aris behind. Father, Mother and the new baby were there, waiting for him. Mother was holding the baby, who was snuffling quietly. Sirius felt a stab of jealousy. He didn’t remember his mother even ever touching him on the shoulder.</p>
<p>‘Sirius,’ said Father, nodding at him. ‘Remember, we expect you to be on your best behaviour at the Manor. The whole family will be there and we want to show them all that the Black Heir is deserving of his station.’</p>
<p>‘Yes, Father.’</p>
<p>Mother said nothing, just gave him a stern look, then turned away. Father went into the fireplace first, then it was Sirius’s turn. Mother would follow.</p>
<p>‘The Black Manor,’ Sirius called as he threw the Floo Powder into the fireplace.</p>
<p>A moment later, he found himself in the drawing room of the Black Manor. It was a huge room but dark and imposing. Every ornament and piece of furniture in here was something he was not supposed to touch.</p>
<p>‘The Black Heir has arrived!’ announced a voice. A moment later, Sirius saw Grandfather step forward. He placed his hand on Sirius’s shoulder and guided him, with a pinching grip, into the room. Every single family member he knew was there and he had to greet each one of them before he was allowed to take his place in the line. Mother appeared in the fireplace and the attention left him and turned to his baby brother.</p>
<p>Regulus was a scrawny baby, Sirius thought. Tiny and kind of wrinkly. His skin was red and he didn’t have much hair. Sirius didn’t see the appeal of him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Part One, The Beginning, Chapter Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>About an hour later, Sirius and the other children were finally allowed out into the garden. His cousins weren’t all bad. Andromeda was nice, though she didn’t really play. She was at Hogwarts but had been given permission to attend today to meet the new baby. She was sixteen and seemed really tall to Sirius. He didn’t like her younger sisters that much. Narcissa had never really been horrid to him but she was cold and distant. Bellatrix, he hated with a passion. She never lost an opportunity to be sly to him. Lucius, Evan, Rabastan and Rodolphus were all horrible too.</p>
<p>He was the youngest, by quite a few years, except for Regulus now. Aris had said to play with them but they were all bigger kids. There was nobody his age to play with.</p>
<p>‘Hey, Sirius, why don’t you come and play with us?’ said Rodolphus, a sly grin on his face. Rodolphus was already at Hogwarts too and seemed almost like a grownup.</p>
<p>‘Oh, yes,’ said Lucius. ‘We could do with someone to practise our magic on.’</p>
<p>‘You’re not allowed to do magic outside of school, Lucius,’ said Andromeda, from the bench in the ornamental garden where she was reading her book. ‘You haven’t even started school yet, Lucius, and Rodolphus, you’re underage.’ </p>
<p>Rodolphus glared at her. ‘Do you really think the ministry can track what happens in the Black Manor?’</p>
<p>Her eyes narrowed. ‘That doesn’t make it right. You should obey the rules because there’s a reason for them, not just to avoid getting caught.’</p>
<p>‘Go back to your book, Andromeda and stay out of it,’ said Bellatrix. ‘Just because you’re older, you think you know better.’</p>
<p>Andromeda rolled her eyes. ‘Do what you want, just leave Sirius alone. Do you really think they’d go easy on you if you hurt the Black Heir? Father would thrash you and you’d deserve it too.’</p>
<p>Bellatrix bared her teeth at Andromeda. ‘We can do what we like and not get caught.’</p>
<p>Andromeda shrugged. ‘Whatever. Sirius, keep away from them. They’re all unhinged.’</p>
<p>‘Yes, poor Sirius,’ said Rabastan, smirking. ‘Poor little Sirius. Go and hide, little baby. Stay away from your big mean cousins.’</p>
<p>Sirius didn’t need telling twice. He ran off, away from the main lawn, past the ornamental gardens and towards the thick line of trees that was the border of Grandfather’s estate. It was quite far away from where the patio where his cousins were staying. He would hide in there until it was time to go home. He could climb a tree and stay well away from them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Go on, mon fils, go outside and join your brother; your books will be here when you come back inside.’ Marie kissed Remus’ cheek and gave him a brief hug.</p>
<p>Pretending to pout, Remus slid his bookmark into place and stood up. ‘All right, Mama. But will you come upstairs for story time before bed?’</p>
<p>When she nodded, Remus waved to his mother and headed outside. René was waiting outside the Lupin Mansion’s back door for Remus to catch up, his eyes twinkling. ‘Come on, mon frère lent!’</p>
<p>Remus stuck his tongue out at his brother as he ran towards him, before putting on a burst of speed and tagging René’s shoulder. ‘You’re it!’ Remus declared, speeding off with a laugh.</p>
<p>René’s eyes widened before he took off after Remus. ‘No fair!’ he called, following Remus as he circled a tree.</p>
<p>‘Is too! You’re the one who called me slow!’ Remus returned, darting around a rock and turning back to grin at René as he waited.</p>
<p>René came to a stop on the opposite side of the rock, assessing Remus with his eyes. He folded his arms and narrowed his gaze. ‘Who said I wanted to play tag anyway? You just decided we would play tag. What will you do if I just stop chasing you?’</p>
<p>Remus grinned. ‘You won’t stop if I keep running.’ He leant forwards as though to put his weight onto the rock between them; when his brother darted towards him, Remus pulled back with a laugh. ‘Ha! I knew you were going to do that.’</p>
<p>René darted around the rock, his arms stretching as far as they could in Remus’ direction. Still chuckling, Remus led his brother in circles around the garden, looping until he made himself dizzy. René caught up to him just as the dizziness overtook him, cutting a corner and tagging him with an urgent slap to his shoulder.</p>
<p>As Remus panted, René let out a whoop of joy. ‘Yes! I got you, <em>you’re </em>It now Remy!’</p>
<p>Remus smiled, seeing his brother so happy. Straightening, he started to move in René’s direction only to clutch his head. ‘I’m still dizzy.’</p>
<p>‘Well you shouldn’t have gone in so many circles!’ René huffed, tapping his foot impatiently. ‘If you don’t chase me, I’ll have to find something else to do.’</p>
<p>Remus shrugged, taking deep breaths for a moment, the smile still in place. Then René’s expression changed and he turned to the forest at the edge of their land. A slow smirk turned the corners of his mouth up.</p>
<p>‘Remus, if you don’t chase me, I’ll go in <em>there</em>,’ René drawled, lifting one finger to point ahead into the trees. ‘It looks like there will be all kinds of interesting things to do in there, and it’ll be easy to have fun by myself!’</p>
<p>‘René, <em>no</em>!’ Remus protested, straightening and running towards his brother. Yet René had clearly decided he wanted to go into the forest rather than play chase; as he darted out of Remus’ reach, he skipped towards the invisible line they weren’t supposed to cross.</p>
<p>‘I like this idea. We’ll play tag in the forest!’ He smiled at Remus. ‘You’ll follow me, won’t you? You always do.’</p>
<p>René danced along the line, laughing as he evaded Remus’ attempts to catch him. Then he came to a stop and, with a mischievous wink at his brother, René lifted one foot and then the other over that line.</p>
<p>For a minute neither of the Lupin twins moved. Then Remus opened his mouth to tell René to come back, just as a roar came from the direction of the house. It took the children a moment to realise what Papa had yelled, yet they both recoiled into themselves as Papa came striding towards them.</p>
<p>René jumped back over the line and ran to Remus’ side, quivering.</p>
<p>‘Remus and René Lupin, <em>what have we told you not to do, again and again</em>?’ Jean demanded, coming to a halt before them with a thunderous expression.</p>
<p>René gulped and lowered his gaze to the ground. ‘D-don’t go into the forest?’ Remus nodded in agreement with his brother, the movement tiny as he stared at Papa with wide eyes. Neither of them had <em>ever</em> seen Papa angry like this.</p>
<p>‘Do <em>not</em> go near the forest at the edge of our land. It isn’t safe. Your mother and I are very disappointed, mes fils. Now go inside and wait for your mother and I to talk to you; there will be no more playing outside today.’ Jean gestured towards the house, not moving until his sons were inside the house. As Remus went back inside, he looked back and could just make out Papa’s shoulders shaking as he stood near the tree line.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius jerked awake at the sound of his name being called. He looked around him and realised with a jolt that it was way past noon, when he was supposed to go back to the house to eat. He was going to be in deep trouble.</p>
<p>‘He’s in the trees,’ said Lucius’s voice, close to him. ‘He’s here, I’ve found him!’</p>
<p>Sirius looked down and caught sight of his cousin coming into view a few trees away from him. Lucius spotted him looking and smirked.</p>
<p>‘Well, there you are little cousin. You’re going to be in big trouble now. Come on down for your thrashing.’</p>
<p>Sirius scowled but he knew he had no real choice than to come down. They’d get him down anyway and then it would be worse. He climbed down and walked up to Lucius.</p>
<p>Lucius grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked him close. ‘As soon as I get my wand, you’re going to know about it, <em>little cousin</em>.’</p>
<p>Sirius scowled and him and twisted free. Lucius laughed, then turned and walked away. Sirius followed him.</p>
<p>Grandfather was in the garden, his grey eyes dark with anger. He was the only grownup there. Sirius slowly went up to him. The moment he was in reach, Grandfather grasped him by the arm, brought him close and slapped him hard across the face. Sirius bit back his cry.</p>
<p>‘How <em>dare</em> you wander off like that, you disobedient child? You’re going to get the thrashing of your life, boy.’</p>
<p>Still gripping his arm tightly, Grandfather marched him back into the house.</p>
<p>Everybody was assembled inside. Father was there, his face paler than usual. Sirius swallowed. He knew he was in big trouble. Was Father going to use the strap this time?</p>
<p>‘I’m sorry, Father, I...’ he began.</p>
<p>Grandfather shook him. ‘Silence.’ He pushed him into the nearest wall. ‘Stand there.’</p>
<p>Sirius stood still, facing the wall. He could feel all of them watching him. What was going to happen to him?</p>
<p>‘Cephus, have you brought the Black strap?’ Grandfather asked.</p>
<p>‘I...’ started Father. ‘I don’t use that on him. He’s too young for it.’</p>
<p>Grandfather scoffed. ‘Do not be ridiculous. The boy needs discipline. This is why he is such a wayward child.’</p>
<p>‘It’s back in Grimmauld Place.’</p>
<p>‘We’ll have to make do then. Lucius, there is another strap in my study. Go and fetch it.’</p>
<p>‘Yes, Sir,’ said Lucius, going off at once to fetch it.</p>
<p>‘It is not as severe as the Black strap but I will just have to strike harder.’</p>
<p>‘Y...you will?’ asked Father.</p>
<p>‘Clearly, you do not know how to strike your son hard enough. Watch and learn what real discipline is.’</p>
<p>Sirius swallowed, holding back the tears which threatened. Crying would only make things worse, much worse. He heard Lucius return.</p>
<p>‘Thank you, Lucius,’ Grandfather said.</p>
<p>Everybody was silent and still, all watching. Sirius tried to forget they were there but he could feel them all looking at him.</p>
<p>‘Sirius, turn around and prepare for your punishment.’</p>
<p>Sirius swallowed but obeyed. He felt small and vulnerable.</p>
<p>There was a moment’s silence before Grandfather raised the strap and brought it down hard on Sirius’s backside. Sirius couldn’t help it; he cried out.</p>
<p>‘Silence!’ commanded Grandfather. ‘Every time you cry out, you receive an extra stroke. I will <em>not</em> have the Black Heir displaying such weakness.’</p>
<p>Sirius bit down hard on his lip. Another stroke came, and another and another. Sirius bit down so hard on his lip it started to bleed but he did not cry out again. His flesh burned with the throbbing pain of the strapping but he held still and took it.</p>
<p>Finally, it was over. Nobody said anything to him. Grandfather hung the strap on the fireplace, where Sirius could see it, then everybody went back to their conversations. Sirius was left to feel the effects of his punishment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The twins shuffled into the living room where their mother was still knitting the blue cardigan for Remus. Marie knew with one look that they had got into trouble. With a small sigh, she put her knitting aside and folded her arms over her chest before giving them a disappointed look.</p>
<p>‘What happened?’</p>
<p>René focused on his feet, avoiding her eyes. Remus glanced between René’s feet and their mother’s face, making a decision. He lifted his small head and met his mother’s eyes.</p>
<p>‘We were playing and we ended up too close to the forest. We are sorry, ma mére.’ Remus flinched as his mother became very pale and placed her head in her hands. René finally looked up, confused, at Remus. What was the big deal about the forest line?</p>
<p>‘Both of you go to your room and stay inside for the rest of the day.’ Marie’s voice was thin, threadlike. She didn’t raise her head, clearly expecting her sons to leave her immediately.</p>
<p>Remus nudged his brother in the direction of the stairs. René hesitated, wanting to comfort their mother, but Remus knew she needed some time alone so he propelled his brother along. Behind them came the sound of the door to the outside closing, followed by footsteps over the floor. The twins paused on the stairs to see Papa encircling Mama in his strong arms, soothing her by being there for her as they both trembled. Then René continued up the stairs and Remus followed.</p>
<p>Once they reached their room, Remus closed the door behind them. René stared at him silently but Remus understood his meaning. He shrugged; he didn’t understand their reactions either. René threw his hands up, then folded them over his chest before leaning against the wall. Remus kept an eye on his brother; he always had that look he had when he was plotting something. He didn’t have to wait long. René straightened and ran to Remus’s side, his eyes blazing with some kind of inner fire. It was a little scary. He stood before Remus, panting a little, his tongue struggling to form words.</p>
<p>‘Remus… tonight we’re going to find out what’s so bad about the forest that Mama and Papa are scared!’</p>
<p>Remus stared at him. ‘René… we can’t! We promised we wouldn’t. You saw Papa! He was… and Mama went <em>white</em>.’ He shook his head. ‘No, we won’t. We’ll wait for Papa to come to us and we’ll say we’re sorry.’</p>
<p>René’s face lit up. ‘Yes! We say we’re sorry, then we head to the forest the moment they’re asleep!’</p>
<p>Remus glared at his brother. The thought of the deep dark forest made him tremble inside, like he was a plate of jelly. He thought of Mama’s white face and Papa’s shaking shoulders. Although he was shaking, he stood straight, at his full height, the exact same height as René, yet he somehow felt like he was a giant for that moment. ‘<em>No</em>. We are not going <em>anywhere</em>, René. We are not tricking Papa and Mama, not when they’re scared.’</p>
<p>René glared back at him, identical brown eyes meeting each other. Remus held his brother’s gaze and studied his brother’s features, so like his own that they could be mistaken for one another. Yet they were different inside.</p>
<p>After a couple of minutes, René broke their connection, turning away with a sulky expression. Remus let out his breath; yet even as he outwardly relaxed, a sound was echoing in his mind. It sounded like someone was stirring a cup of tea too fast, making the cup ring whenever the spoon hit it. He studied René’s profile. There was something about him… he’d have to watch him. Just in case.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Jean came in an hour later, carrying a tray of sandwiches and two glasses of milk, he found Remus leafing through a book and René staring moodily out the window. Taking a deep breath, he set the tray down on their little table in the centre of the room, then sat on one of the small chairs.</p>
<p>‘Boys, come over here please.’</p>
<p>Remus and René came over, René dragging his feet and not meeting anyone’s eyes. Remus put down his book after sticking a piece of spare parchment in as a bookmark, then sat opposite his Papa. René sat beside Remus, both watching their Papa.</p>
<p>Jean Lupin sighed softly and propped his elbows on the table, resting his chin on his hand. He met Remus’s eyes, clear and forthright, then met René’s, mischievous and sulky. A small smile forced its way onto his face. They were his boys all right. He wiped the smile away reluctantly. They had misbehaved and had to understand why it was a problem.</p>
<p>‘Do you know why Mama and I are displeased with you?’</p>
<p>René and Remus looked at each other, frowning. Their Papa sounded disappointed, not angry. They bit their lips, almost in unison. Then René turned back to their father and shook his head.</p>
<p>Remus rolled his eyes. ‘You told us not to go into the forest, not to even go near the forest and we did. <em>That’s</em> why you’re unhappy with us.’</p>
<p>René spoke before Jean could. ‘But that doesn’t mean we know <em>why</em> you don’t want us to go in there. You never told us that.’</p>
<p>Jean nodded, taking in both his sons’ words. ‘This is true. However, has it occurred to you, mes fils, that as your parents we just might know more than you do about what’s out there in the world? That we want to keep you safe?’ His voice was soft, yet carried a heavy weight to it. He again looked between his sons, making sure to meet both their gazes. ‘We do not know who, or what, might lurk in that forest. This makes Mama and I scared.’</p>
<p>Remus and René leant forward, staring. Papa’s eyes were misty.</p>
<p>‘We want to protect you, our beautiful boys. We love you.’ He gulped. ‘I didn’t mean to shout at you before, mes fils, but I cannot stand the idea of anything happening to you.’ He held his arms out. ‘Can we all agree that we’re sorry and that you won’t go in the forest?’</p>
<p>René bit his lip. ‘Will you take us into the forest one day, Papa? Show us what it’s like in there?’</p>
<p>Jean Lupin pulled back, shaking his head. ‘No. Even for adults, that forest is unsafe. I need you to promise me that neither of you will go in there.’</p>
<p>Remus nodded. ‘We promise Papa.’</p>
<p>René was silent. Jean turned to him, folding his arms over his chest. ‘I can ground you so you have to play all your games in the house. Anything to keep you safe, René.’</p>
<p>It took him a moment but René’s head dipped and he turned away from them both. ‘Yes, Papa.’</p>
<p>Remus could see Papa wasn’t entirely sure, yet he got up and came around the tea table to pull them both into a tight hug. ‘I love you, my boys. Please stay safe and away from the forest,’ he whispered.</p>
<p>René met Remus’s eyes around the back of their father. Remus couldn’t tell what he meant, but he didn’t like that look in his brother’s eye.</p>
<p>Papa released them and grinned before using magic to levitate the tea tray onto the top of their dresser, out of the way. Before they caught on to what he intended, he gently tapped René’s shoulder and darted out of the way. ‘Tag, you’re <em>It</em>, son!’</p>
<p>René stared at him blankly as Remus laughed, then he tried to dart after them both, only for Remus and Jean to dance out of his reach. In unison, both father and son made funny faces at René, until René couldn’t help grinning back.</p>
<p>Downstairs, Marie Lupin put down her knitting. She hadn’t been able to knit since her sons came back in. Yet now her house rang with laughter and soon she’d be able to see her boys racing through the house. A beautiful smile spread over her face: everything was as it should be once more.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Part One, The Beginning, Chapter Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius lay in his bed, on his front. His backside was still throbbing from his punishment at the Black Manor. He’d been sent to bed when they had returned home and had been left alone since then.</p>
<p>He didn’t want to be alone. He wanted Carina. He wanted his daddy. He wanted someone to comfort him.</p>
<p>He looked up and saw that at some point, it had gone dark. The full moon was shining bright through his curtains. He got up and went to his window. He stood on tiptoes to see out into the garden. The moon illuminated the garden well and he could see the big oak tree at the far end. The sky was full of stars and it looked quiet and peaceful out there.</p>
<p>Behind him, his door opened and his father came in. Sirius turned and tried to read his face. He didn’t seem angry.</p>
<p>‘Daddy, I’m sorry I...’</p>
<p>Daddy held up his hand. ‘Hush, Sirius. It’s all right. I’m not cross with you.’ He reached for Sirius and pulled him close. Sirius pressed his face to Daddy’s tummy and felt the rhythm of his breathing.</p>
<p>‘I’m sorry about before, Sirius. I wanted to handle it myself but your grandfather is the head of the Family. There was nothing I could do about it.’</p>
<p>‘I know, Daddy,’ said Sirius.</p>
<p>‘I know what it’s like to be humiliated in front of family. It happened to me when I was your age. But I was alone. I did not have anyone to make me feel better afterwards. I had no comfort.’ Daddy stroked Sirius’s hair, then crouched to hold him closer and rub his back. ‘But you do, Sirius. You have Daddy to comfort you.’</p>
<p>The hand moved further down and Sirius held tight to Daddy’s arm as that now-familiar twisty feeling squeezed his insides. He didn’t understand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus snuggled down in his bed as Papa tucked his duvet in around him. ‘There now, all nice and cosy,’ said Papa.</p>
<p>Remus sighed happily. He felt sleepy and warm and safe. Mama had sung them a song and Papa had read them a story.  Now, he was ready to go to sleep. Papa kissed his forehead and smoothed down his hair.</p>
<p>‘Time for sleep now,’ said Papa, starting to move away.</p>
<p>Remus reached out for his arm and held on tight. ‘Papa, the things in the forest can’t get us, can they?’</p>
<p>Papa held his hand gently. ‘No, mon fils. You are perfectly safe here in your room.’</p>
<p>‘Promise?’</p>
<p>Papa kissed his forehead again. ‘Absolutely promise. Goodnight, Remus.’</p>
<p>‘Goodnight, Papa.’ Remus turned on his side and clutched his teddy bear, Amis. He would keep him safe.</p>
<p>Papa was at René’s side. He kissed his forehead, tucked him in and told him goodnight. René did not ask for reassurance. He simply snuggled down in his bed, happy and secure. Papa gave them both a final smile, blew them each a kiss, then left the room, closing the door softly behind him.</p>
<p>Remus curled up with Amis and closed his eyes, pretending he did not see the mischievous grin René sent his way.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius woke from a light sleep to find his sister was shaking him gently. She looked pale in the moonlight.</p>
<p>‘Siri, are you awake?’ she whispered. Her blue eyes seemed brighter than usual.</p>
<p>Sirius blinked and shuffled up in the bed. ‘What is it?’ He couldn’t remember the last time she had left her room; she’d been ill for such a long time.</p>
<p>‘I want you to come outside with me. It’s a beautiful night.’</p>
<p>‘But we’re not allowed.’</p>
<p>‘No one will know. Come on. Put your dressing gown on and socks and slippers.’</p>
<p>Sirius was confused but he trusted his sister and got dressed, pulling his dressing gown on and his fluffiest socks, then his slippers. She was bundled up too, in her blue dressing gown, which matched her eyes. She took his hand and led through the dark, silent house and outside. He expected Kreacher to be lurking about but there was no sign of him. He was probably attending to Mother and the baby. It was a bit scary to be down there in the dark and the silence but, holding onto Carina’s hand, he wasn’t scared. That twisty feeling had gone away for now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus woke to find René kneeling on the edge of his bed, shaking him. Remus glared at him and got Amis to hit his brother in the stomach.</p>
<p>‘Go away,’ he grumbled, burying his head in his pillow.</p>
<p>René took Amis away and chucked him to the other end of the bed. ‘Don’t be silly, Remus. Come on, you’ve got to get up.’</p>
<p>‘Why?’</p>
<p>‘I told you, we’re sneaking out.’</p>
<p>‘I don’t want to. We promised Papa we wouldn’t.’</p>
<p>René climbed off him and pulled the covers down. ‘Come <em>on</em>, Remy, don’t be a baby.’</p>
<p>Remus sat up, glaring at his brother. ‘I’m <em>not</em> a baby!’</p>
<p>René smirked at him. ‘Prove it. I’m going outside. Come with me or else you’re just a big baby who still wets his bed.’</p>
<p>Remus shoved him. ‘I am not!’</p>
<p>René shrugged. ‘Then prove it.’</p>
<p>Remus gave him his best glare but got up. He didn’t want to be a baby. They didn’t bother with dressing gowns, just pulled on socks and René opened the window.</p>
<p>Remus clenched his hands to stop them from shaking. René looked out of the open window and peered down. ‘We can climb down the drainpipe.’</p>
<p>Remus was doubtful but René was already swinging his legs out of the window. Remus watched him shuffle along the ledge until he reached the drainpipe.</p>
<p>‘Come on, Remy, hurry up!’ René said, before dropping down out of sight.</p>
<p>Remus went to the window and looked down. He felt a bit queasy as he looked down at the ground but René was already halfway down the pipe. Remus didn’t want to do it but he climbed out on the ledge and shuffled along to the drainpipe.</p>
<p>A few minutes later, they were both safely on the ground. The patio was cold under Remus’s feet, even through his socks. He looked up and shuddered. The moon was full and bright in the dark sky. It cast a strange silver light over the garden, making everything look strange and unfamiliar.</p>
<p>He shivered. ‘I want to go back to bed.’</p>
<p>René stuck out his tongue. ‘Baby.’</p>
<p>Remus stamped his foot and quickly regretted it when he remembered he was standing on the patio. His foot began to throb. ‘Am not!’</p>
<p>His brother grinned. ‘Come on then. Last one in the forest is a rotten egg!’ He took off running.</p>
<p>Remus had a moment of hesitation, then he ran after his brother, limping behind him due to the pain in his foot. René reached the forest first, with Remus only seconds behind him, both breathless but exhilarated from the run. They were at the tree line, right on the edge of the forest. They glanced back at their bedroom. The light from their bedside lamps shone out from between the curtains. They could go back. It wasn’t too late. They hadn’t actually gone into the forest yet.</p>
<p>Remus looked at his brother and his heart sank. With one look into René’s face, he knew it was hopeless. His brother’s brown eyes were bright with the spirit of adventure.</p>
<p>‘Come on,’ said René. ‘Let’s go and explore.’</p>
<p>Before he followed his brother inside, Remus cast one last look at the moon, so big and full above them, and felt the hair on the back of his neck prickle in warning.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius did not like the dark but his big sister held his hand tightly and, with her by his side, he felt safer. The garden seemed huge in the dark but he followed her trustingly as she led him to its end.</p>
<p>At the bottom of the garden was a big oak tree. Carina loved this tree. She had taken Sirius to it late at night before. He had a fuzzy memory of lying beneath the huge branches, gazing up at the stars. She’d shown him the Dog Star, <em>his</em> star, and she’d pointed out her constellation. He loved looking up at the stars with her.</p>
<p>They reached the tree and she lay down beneath it, pulling Sirius down onto her lap. She hugged him tight. She felt colder than usual and he shivered, despite his dressing gown. She wrapped the edge of hers around him, holding him close and kissing the top of his head.</p>
<p>‘I love you, Sirius,’ she whispered. ‘You know that, don’t you?’</p>
<p>‘Yeah,’ said Sirius, snuggling into her. She smelled like talcum powder, hot baths and old books. The hint of medicine underneath was barely detectable. Carina had always been there and she did her best to keep him safe. When she was better, everything would be all right again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Deep in the trees, there was nothing but darkness. The light of the moon no longer penetrated through the branches. Remus was scared but René hurried on regardless, leading them further and further into the forest.</p>
<p>The silence was all around and Remus was shaking with fear. He longed to go back to his safe, warm bedroom. He didn’t want to be out here. Papa would be so cross when he found out. They had to go back, before Papa found their empty beds and got worried.</p>
<p>He stopped walking and René looked back at him. ‘Come on, slow coach,’ he said.</p>
<p>Remus opened his mouth to reply but the sound which broke the silence did not come from him.</p>
<p>A long, low howl filled the air.</p>
<p>The boys stood still, staring at each other in the darkness. Then René turned away with an excited grin.</p>
<p>‘Wolves! Come on, Remy, let’s find them!’ He ran off, disappearing into the depth of the trees. Remus stared after him, frozen to the spot.</p>
<p>He did not move again until he heard his brother’s scream.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Part One, The Beginning, Chapter Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘I’m sleepy, Carina,’ Sirius said, leaning against her.</p>
<p>Carina kissed his cheek and settled him next to her. He leaned against her side and settled into her warm embrace.</p>
<p>‘Just stay with me a little while longer, darling. I want to be under the stars tonight.’</p>
<p>‘I like the stars too,’ Sirius said. He wanted to close his eyes but he kept staring up at the bright full moon and the twinkling stars. His star was bright and winked at him in a friendly sort of way. He liked watching it.</p>
<p>‘Siri, you know I love you, don’t you?’</p>
<p>Carina’s voice was weak, a mere whisper from beside him. Sirius turned his head to look at his sister, a small frown in place. ‘I love you too, Cari. You’re my favourite sister in the whole world!’</p>
<p>She smiled, her eyes lighting up as though the moon had come to rest inside them. ‘And you’re the best little brother anyone could ever have.’ She coughed, her whole body shaking until Sirius was worried she’d fall apart.</p>
<p>‘Carina, do you need to go back inside?’ he asked.</p>
<p>His sister shook her head and gently pulled him back down beside her. ‘As long as we’re together, I’ll be fine.’ She lifted his hand and spread his fingers. ‘Do you see how close our stars are, darling? From down here, there’s no distance between them at all. Just like we’re always together in here.’ She tapped her own chest with her free hand, then tapped Sirius’s chest, on the left side of the centre.</p>
<p>She smiled sadly, moving her head slowly until her eyes met Sirius’s. ‘One day, you will find out just how brave you can be Siri, especially when the feelings come from your heart.’ Her voice became soft again. ‘I want you to remember that your best guides are your heart and the stars above. Will you promise me you’ll always try to be good and kind, my dearest?’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded, his eyes feeling heavy.</p>
<p>Carina chuckled softly, the sound fragile. ‘Do you promise to be a good brother to Regulus, too?’</p>
<p>Sirius’s eyes shot open and he stared at his sister, confusion and distaste clear on his face. ‘But Regulus is so scrawny! He has lots of people to look after him; why should I have to?’</p>
<p>Carina tutted gently at him. ‘You were tiny once too, Siri.’ She touched his nose with her fingertip. ‘At one time, you fit easily into my arms, just like our brother does now. You needed me as much as Regulus needs you now. Please, Siri? Start by trying to be good and kind to your brother first.’ She smiled softly. ‘Siblings are very important because they understand each other better than parents do sometimes.’</p>
<p>She took a deep, rattling breath before stroking her cold hand through his hair. ‘So will you promise me, darling?’</p>
<p> Sirius frowned at her, considering his promise for a moment, then letting out a long sigh. ‘I promise, Carina.’  He studied her expression, again noticing how pale his beloved sister was. ’But… are you sure you don’t need to go back?’</p>
<p> ‘I love it out here, Siri. I haven’t seen the stars in so long, and they’re shining so beautifully tonight.’ She yawned and smiled gently at him. ‘I wouldn’t want to miss seeing them with you for the whole world.’</p>
<p>She hugged him close, settling him against her. For a while, there was silence as brother and sister stared up at the heavens. He felt so warm and cosy, despite the chilly night air. He was safe here, with his sister, his favourite person in the whole world.</p>
<p>He yawned. ‘Cari, will you sing to me?’</p>
<p>Carina cuddled him close and kissed him on the top of his head before she started to sing the words she’d made up just for him. He knew them so well but he stayed silent and just listened to her sweet voice, softly murmuring the words against him. Her voice vibrated through his chest, tickling slightly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sleep little Siri, calm and deep</p>
<p>Cari will guard you as you sleep</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My arms will hold you, lovely and warm</p>
<p>Protecting you from any storm</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The stars will twinkle, cheerful and bright</p>
<p>Bathing you in the purest light</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The moon will watch you as you sleep</p>
<p>And you will never need to weep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The moon and stars will twinkle for you</p>
<p>I’ll always love you, baby blue.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So little brother, please don’t cry</p>
<p>The stars and I will never say goodbye</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He closed his eyes and felt himself begin to drop off; he was safe, warm and happy in his big sister’s arms. With her there, nothing could harm him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus ran into a clearing and stopped, staring at the scene which lay before him. René was lying on the ground, staring up at the sky. Above him was a huge wolf with strands of silver in its dark fur. It was eating René’s stomach.</p>
<p>Remus didn’t know what to do. He scrabbled for a weapon, anything he could use. His hand closed on a stick and he picked it up. He threw it as hard as he could at the wolf.</p>
<p>‘Go away!’ he shouted.</p>
<p>The stick bounced off the wolf’s back. Slowly, the wolf looked up. It stared at him, fixing him with silver blue eyes. Remus could not move. He could only stare at the huge creature. He had never imagined a wolf to be so big.</p>
<p>The wolf took a step towards him. Remus wanted to run but he could not leave his brother.</p>
<p>‘Go away!’ he shouted again. ‘Leave us alone!’</p>
<p>The wolf growled, low in its throat and advanced on him. Remus’s legs shook but he didn’t move. He wouldn’t leave his brother.</p>
<p>His eyes caught the tensing of the wolf’s muscles half a second before it pounced. The next thing Remus knew, he was on his back, with the wolf’s heavy weight crushing him. He cried out as he felt a sharp pain in his back.</p>
<p>The wolf stared at him, those silver blue eyes penetrating him. It didn’t snarl or bare its teeth; it just looked at him. Remus looked back at the wolf.</p>
<p>Then he lowered its head and bit into his side. The pain shuddered through his body, like nothing he had ever felt before. He heard a scream and realised it was his own voice, shrill and desperate. He was going to die. The wolf was going to eat him.</p>
<p>Suddenly, the wolf’s weight was gone. Dimly, he watched it run away into the darkness of the trees. The pain was still throbbing in his side and he could feel a hot wetness there, sticky against his pyjama top. But he felt so peaceful, so calm. He could just fall asleep here and let it all drift away.</p>
<p><em>Remy,</em> said a voice he knew, a voice he loved above all others.</p>
<p>But he still wanted to sleep.</p>
<p>
  <em>Remy, you have to get up. </em>
</p>
<p>Remus shook his head. ‘I don’t want to, Reny,’ he whispered. ‘I want to go to sleep now. It’s time to go to sleep.’</p>
<p><em>No, Remy.</em> His brother’s voice was harder and more insistent than he had ever heard before. It made him open his eyes.</p>
<p>He looked towards René’s body. It was still. He had never seen him so still before. But René was also standing up, beside his own body. He was faded, like a shadow in dim sunlight. He was watching Remus with a resolute expression.</p>
<p><em>Get up, Remus</em>, he said, suddenly sounding so much older. <em>Go to Papa. He’ll know how to help.</em></p>
<p>Remus staggered to his feet. The injury in his side was bleeding freely and he felt faint. He pressed his hand against the wound and ran. He stumbled, barely able to keep moving all the way home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The house was dark and silent. Remus fell as he entered the kitchen and could no longer summon the energy to move. René was there, faded, but there.</p>
<p>
  <em>Get Papa, Remy. You need Papa. </em>
</p>
<p>Remus summoned all his energy and yelled. The noise that came out of his mouth wasn’t words, just a strangled scream like a wounded animal.</p>
<p>His eyes were beginning to close when he heard commotion from upstairs and by the time Papa reached him, he was almost asleep.</p>
<p>‘Remus, mon dieu, Remus!’ gasped Papa. He shook Remus, startling him into wakefulness. ‘Marie, get powdered silver and dittany from the cupboard.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, god, oh Remus!’ Mama was crying and did not move.</p>
<p>‘Marie, now!’ commanded Papa, sharply.</p>
<p>Remus closed his eyes. He did not have the energy to stay awake. Why wouldn’t Papa let him go to sleep?</p>
<p>He felt Papa’s hand on his side and he cried out as he felt sharp pain. ‘I’m sorry, mon fils, be brave. Please be brave.’</p>
<p>Papa dabbed something on his wound and the pain started to dim. ‘Remus, where’s your brother?’</p>
<p>Remus didn’t answer. The image of his brother’s body lying bloody on the forest floor came to him. Papa shook him.</p>
<p>‘Remus, answer me.’</p>
<p>‘Forest,’ he gasped. ‘He’s not him anymore.’</p>
<p>Papa lifted Remus into his arms and carried him up to bed at a run. He lay him down, then pulled away. ‘Marie, stay with Remus. I must fine René.’</p>
<p>Mama was crying. ‘Jean, no, it’s full moon.’</p>
<p>Papa extracted himself from Mama’s fierce grip. ‘I must find René,’ he said and left.</p>
<p>Mama was sobbing. She crouched beside Remus’s bedside and held his hand. Remus drifted off, comforted by the pale presence of his brother sitting on his bed beside him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius woke to the happy chirping of bird song. It was dawn and chilly. But there was a fresh scent to the air and the sky was a clear blue. He snuggled closer to his sister.</p>
<p>‘Carina, it’s morning!’ he called. She didn’t answer.</p>
<p>Sirius sat up a little and frowned at his sister. She was fast asleep, silent and still. He reached out and shook her. She didn’t respond.</p>
<p>‘Cari?’</p>
<p>Carina didn’t respond. Sirius began to feel scared. Carina <em>always</em> woke when he called her. She was so still and so pale. He reached out and touched her cheek. She was cold. He looked at her chest. It wasn’t moving. She wasn’t breathing.</p>
<p>Sirius screamed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Part One, The Beginning, Chapter Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Remus woke in the morning, his wound had been bandaged and he was wearing clean pyjamas. He was tucked up in his bed, with Amis snuggled under his arm. Mama was there, kneeling beside his bed with her head resting on her arms. She was asleep.</p>
<p>René was there, silvery white in the daylight. He was watching Remus. Remus sat up a little, wincing at the pain he felt in his side.</p>
<p>‘Reny, what happened?’</p>
<p>
  <em>That wolf killed me.</em>
</p>
<p>‘But you’re here. I can see you.’</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m dead, Remy. Papa’s bringing my body home now.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus was up in a second, scrambling out of bed and running from the room. Behind him, he heard Mama stirring and starting after him.</p>
<p>‘Remus, no, you’ve got to stay in bed.’</p>
<p>He didn’t stop. He ran downstairs, to the back door and out.</p>
<p>The gardener, Christophe, appeared in the yard from the lawn, white faced and shaking. Behind him came Papa. He was carrying René’s still and bloody body in his arms. Remus stopped and stared. Mama ran up behind him and jerked to a halt.</p>
<p>‘Papa,’ he whispered.</p>
<p>Papa stared at him. ‘Remus, get back inside. You shouldn’t see this.’</p>
<p>‘I want to see him, Papa.’</p>
<p>‘No, Remus, go back in. Now.’</p>
<p>Mama reached for him but he dodged her. She let out a cry.</p>
<p>Remus felt anger burning inside him. ‘No!’ he yelled. ‘He’s my brother!’</p>
<p>Papa looked startled and he looked helplessly at the gardener. Christophe reached for Remus, picking him up gently.</p>
<p>‘Your brother’s gone, Master Lupin. You have to say goodbye now.’</p>
<p>Remus didn’t understand. His brother was still there, pale and silent beside him. But he was also in Papa’s arms, lifeless and bloody. He was dead but he was still there. Remus couldn’t say goodbye.</p>
<p>He turned his head away and buried his face in Christophe’s shoulder. Christophe held him tight. Beside him, Mama was sobbing. Madame Renard had come out of the house and was holding Mama gently by her shoulders.</p>
<p>‘Monsieur?’ Christophe said to Papa.</p>
<p>‘Take Remus back to bed, Christophe.’</p>
<p>Remus was carried away and he did not know where Papa laid René to sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius did not understand. He sat on his bed, with Aris’s arms around him and did not understand why he could not go to his sister. Aris had come to him out in the garden and had screamed. The nurse had come, then Father had come and Sirius had been sent away.</p>
<p>‘What’s happening?’ he asked.</p>
<p>Aris pulled him onto his lap and cuddled him close. ‘Your sister’s gone, little one.’</p>
<p>‘But, she was so happy last night. She told me about the stars and she sang to me.’</p>
<p>‘I think she wanted to spend her last night with you, Siri. She will always be with you now.’</p>
<p>Sirius hid his face in Aris’s chest. But Carina wasn’t with him, not anymore. She was gone. He would never see her again. He began to cry, biting his lip to keep from sobbing. He did not want Mother or Father to hear him crying.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus sat on the floor of his bedroom, with the Lego spread out in front of him. He’d started building a house a couple of days ago but it didn’t seem important anymore. His brother was watching him. René hadn’t left his side but he wasn’t the same. They couldn’t run around and play like they used to. René said he wasn’t properly there and he couldn’t play Lego or wrestle or hug anymore.</p>
<p>‘I’m bored,’ said Remus.</p>
<p><em>Ask Papa to read to you</em>, said René.</p>
<p>Remus got up, wincing as his wound throbbed. It was healing quickly but it still hurt. He made his way downstairs, René following close at his heels. They went to the drawing room and heard voices. Remus stopped to listen.</p>
<p>‘It could have been an ordinary wolf,’ Mama was saying, her voice cracking with emotion.</p>
<p>Papa sighed. ‘No, Marie. I have no doubts. It was full moon and the attack was ... so vicious. Remus’s wound responded immediately to the silver and the dittany.’</p>
<p>Mama let out a sob and Papa’s voice became more tender.</p>
<p>‘There are other signs as well, my dear. Have you seen his eyes?’</p>
<p>Mama sobbed and Papa made comforting noises.</p>
<p>‘I know, Marie, I know. But we must do what we can for our son now. We must keep him safe and that means some things should be kept secret. Your father might suspect but if we’re careful, there’s no reason anything bad should happen.’</p>
<p>‘But it will, Jean, every month something bad will happen to our little boy. Remus has always been such a sweet boy, gentle and quiet. How can he .... how can we let this happen to him?’</p>
<p>‘We have no choice, Marie. But he may still have a good life. We’ll protect him.’</p>
<p>Remus swallowed. There was something wrong with him. Not an ordinary wolf? What did that mean? And what was wrong with his eyes? René was looking at him but he ignored him and ran off to the mirror. He stood on tiptoes to see into it and stared at his own eyes.</p>
<p>They were brown, just like usual. But no, there was something different. They weren’t just brown anymore. There was a brightness in them there hadn’t been before. He looked different, like there was something else lurking inside him.</p>
<p>‘Papa!’ he cried.</p>
<p>Almost immediately, Papa was there, scooping Remus up into his arms. ‘What is it, mon cher, what is it?’</p>
<p>Remus pulled back. ‘What’s happened to me, Papa? What am I?’</p>
<p>Papa stared at him, then looked desperately at Mama who had come out into the hall behind him. Her face was stained with tears but she looked resolutely at Papa.</p>
<p>‘We have to tell him.’</p>
<p>Papa nodded. ‘Come on, Remus. We need to talk to you.’</p>
<p>Papa carried him into the drawing room and sat him down between him and Mama. Remus felt his heart hammering in his chest. He looked for René and found him close by, watching.</p>
<p>‘Remus,’ Papa said, hesitantly. He seemed to be working out how to explain something. ‘The night of ... the attack, it was full moon. Did you know that?’</p>
<p>Remus nodded. ‘The moon was really big.’</p>
<p>‘Do you know what a werewolf is?’</p>
<p>Remus looked at Mama, who hid her face in her handkerchief.</p>
<p>‘A werewolf ate Little Red Riding Hood,’ he said. He bit his lip and looked at Papa. ‘Was it a werewolf that hurt René?’</p>
<p>Papa nodded. His eyes were wet and he blinked rapidly before he spoke again. ‘Yes, mon cher. Remus, werewolves are normal people for most of the month but on full moon nights, they change and ... they cannot help what they do.’</p>
<p>‘So, he couldn’t help what he did? He didn’t mean it?’</p>
<p>‘No, mon fils, he did not mean to hurt either of you.’</p>
<p>‘Then I forgive him.’</p>
<p>Papa let out a sudden sob and pressed his hand to his mouth. He recovered himself, putting his arm around Remus’s shoulders. ‘Remus, there are ... consequences of being bitten by a werewolf.’</p>
<p>‘What consequences?’</p>
<p>‘Remus, we think you may now be a werewolf too.’</p>
<p>Remus looked at Mama, who was crying softly into her hand. He looked back at Papa. ‘Does that mean I’m going to hurt someone too?’</p>
<p>Papa shook his head. ‘No. We will not let that happen, all right? We will keep you safe when you transform. It will be hard but we promise we will not let anything bad happen to you.’</p>
<p>Remus nodded. ‘Papa ... there are werewolves in <em>A Children’s Anthology of Monsters</em>. Am I a monster now?’</p>
<p>Papa grabbed him close and held him tight. ‘No. You are not a monster and don’t you listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. You are Remus, understand? Remus. You are my boy and you are the same person you were before.’</p>
<p>Remus hid his face in Papa’s warm chest and clung onto him. Behind him, Mama joined the hug but Remus could still hear her crying.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius clutched Aris’s hand as she led him outside. She had helped him dress in his best robes and combed his hair until it was perfect. Father was there already, waiting in his place. As the Heir, Sirius’s presence was required next. Aris led him up to the tree and then left him. She was not part of The Family and her presence was not permitted.</p>
<p>Mother was next. She carried the baby in her arms. He was wrapped in a plain black blanket. Carina would have arrived next but she was no longer there.</p>
<p>They stood in silence for a few moments. Sirius looked at the small plaque which had been mounted onto the tree. Carina’s name was written on it in elegantly curled writing. Her date of birth, and her date of death were underneath it.</p>
<p>Father stepped forward and placed his hand on the tree, his fingers brushing the edge of the plaque.</p>
<p>‘Carina Elladora Black was a dutiful daughter and a devoted sister to The Heir. Although she suffered with her health, she looked after her siblings and parents. Though her life was short, she accomplished that which all daughters should strive for: obedience and purity.’</p>
<p>He placed his hand on his heart. ‘<em>Toujour Pur,</em>’ he recited. </p>
<p>Sirius and Mother placed their own hands on their hearts. ‘<em>Toujour Pur</em>,’ they recited in reply.</p>
<p>Sirius looked at the plaque and felt a catch in his throat. He let out a small whimper as he tried not to cry. Mother’s hand landed on his shoulder and two spiteful fingers pinched his neck. Sirius pressed his lips together and recovered his composure.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius just wanted to cry as he sat in his nursery surrounded by his toys. The mansion seemed quieter somehow, colder than it had been in all his life. He shivered and hunched in on himself as he listened to Aris moving around in the other room. He’d managed to smile for her, pretending he was interested in his toys. But now he sat still, kneeling on the floor before his miniature Hogwarts model and tried not to sob. Not even the exquisitely crafted Slytherin Snake chasing the Raven, Badger and Lion through the Hogwarts Grounds could make him smile.</p>
<p><em>She was gone.</em> He hunched in on himself even more, picturing her favourite tree, which now had a plaque attached to it. He suddenly realised his cheeks were wet.</p>
<p>Horrified, Sirius lurched to his feet, barely managing to avoid the model as he ran silently out of the nursery and into his bedroom. Aris was still tidying up, her movements brisk. But she wasn’t humming today. Today all that could be heard was the <em>swish</em> of his covers and his clothes as she put them back in their rightful place.</p>
<p>Everything had to be in its proper place. But Cari wasn’t where she was supposed to be anymore, was she?</p>
<p>Sirius swiped his tears away with his sleeve. He couldn’t cry. It wasn’t allowed. He straightened his little shoulders and started to step back into his nursery, determined not to disturb Aris when she was busy. Mother and Father seemed to be angrier lately. Besides, if Aris saw he’d been crying, she might try to comfort him and then he would be in trouble.</p>
<p>Just as he put his foot over the doorway, Sirius stopped. Something was nagging at him, as though someone was knocking on a door inside him insistently. But he couldn’t tell where the door was, let alone who might be outside it. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.</p>
<p>
  <em>‘Be a good brother to Regulus.’</em>
</p>
<p>Sirius jumped and whirled around, his hair flying into his eyes as he tried to see where his sister’s voice had come from. Ghosts existed; maybe she’d found her way back to him somehow! Yet even as he twisted and turned himself, he knew she wasn’t really there.</p>
<p>He bit his lip hard to hold in a gut-wrenching sob. Carina wasn’t here. She wasn’t back. But he had a promise to keep. Nodding to himself, Sirius stepped back into his bedroom.</p>
<p>‘Aris I’m going to the garden.’</p>
<p>She didn’t seem to hear him as she was facing away from him and trying to get one of his extra bulky ceremonial robes to fit into his wardrobe. Without waiting for a confirmation, Sirius quietly left his room and made his way to Regulus’s.</p>
<p>The house was silent, the halls abandoned. When he cautiously cracked open the door to his brother’s room, it soon became clear that Regulus was the only one in there. Sirius left the door open a tiny crack and crept to his brother’s cot. Climbing up carefully, he peered down at his baby brother. He wrinkled his nose. Regulus wasn’t any less scrawny than the last time he’d seen him, but he did seem well fed; his cheeks were beginning to look chubby.</p>
<p>A yawn broke the silence and Sirius looked up to see his brother staring at him with wide blue eyes. He stared right back, at first feeling as though it were a competition. Yet as he stared down into Regulus’s eyes, a strange warmth started somewhere below his collar.</p>
<p>Raising his hand, Sirius placed his hand over his heart, frowning softly at how strange it suddenly felt. Regulus yawned again, before grinning up widely at him and waving one tiny hand around.</p>
<p>A sob rose up in Sirius’s throat, but this time he wasn’t sure why. Even stranger was the grin that seemed to have crept onto his own face; the first happy expression he’d had since…</p>
<p>He peered down into Regulus’s eyes. They twinkled back at him as the baby let out a gurgle and waved at him again. Before he knew it, Sirius was waving back at his brother. Then Regulus sneezed, a delicate, small sound. Sirius automatically reached into the crib, intending to tuck the blanket in a little better, then stopped.</p>
<p><em>Carina would pick him up. She’d rock him and make that funny noise that grown ups do when they’re around babies.</em> Sirius cringed. He didn’t think he could make that noise: it was too silly. But maybe, if he was careful, he could pick Regulus up.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Part One, The Beginning, Chapter Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus sat in the lounge, trying to read his book. Yet even as he tried to focus on the words in front of him, he couldn’t sink into the book as usual. Everyone seemed to be bustling around today, tidying things that didn’t need tidying and making endless cups of tea. Mama was sitting in the drawing room, her knitting close beside her as though it could distract her, whilst Papa had gone outside to talk with Christophe about organising the funeral.</p>
<p>He jumped as another owl fluttered onto the windowsill. It was just one of many that had arrived today. Remus put his book down and rose to his feet, feeling as though he were an old man as he accepted the scroll and watched the owl fly away. He sighed as he put the scroll onto the table and picked his book back up, but he didn’t feel like reading.</p>
<p>His skin felt itchy and he needed to be doing something, if he could only figure out what. René had disappeared for a while without warning. He just hadn’t been there when Remus woke up.</p>
<p>Straightening his shoulders he marched outside and slipped past Papa and Christophe unnoticed. Papa’s shoulders were shaking as Christophe held his arm around him, supporting him silently. Remus made his way to the area of the garden where he and René used to roll around in the grass, ducking and diving away from each other during a game of chase. He shivered and wrapped his arms around himself; it suddenly seemed cold out despite the early summer sun shining down on him.</p>
<p>He turned in a circle, looking around with new eyes. No one waited to jump out from behind a tree or from underneath the porch. No one called to him to hurry up or to put down his books. His eyes focused on the ground beneath him and he stood very still for a minute before lowering himself to the grass. Taking a deep breath, he lay on his back before closing his eyes and slowly rolling from one side to the other. Then he got up, moved a few paces away and repeated it.</p>
<p>Remus had hoped to be able to smile once it was done, but instead all he saw was grass with two indents made by the same person. It wasn’t funny at all. Hanging his head he crept back into the house and up the stairs, wincing as each step seemed to echo too loudly in his head as he kept expecting to hear René thundering up them barely one step behind him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jean Lupin watched as Remus wandered back into the house and felt his heart squeezing in his chest. To go through what Remus had been through all in one night; it was unbearable. Christophe was talking, his voice soothing as he tried to go over funeral plans. Jean smiled at him as much as he could, grateful for the help, but his mind was fuzzy and he wasn’t taking in anything.</p>
<p>Christophe paused and nodded to himself. ‘I’ll go make us a pot of tea, Jean. I’ll be in the kitchen when you’re ready.’</p>
<p>Jean nodded, noticing the way Christophe automatically bent to prune plants and examine flowers with a delicate touch as he made his way into the house. They were very lucky to have him as their gardener. But the moment he was alone, Jean felt the temperature dip and the lump in his throat started to choke him. He had to be strong, he had to work out how to get to Remus. He didn’t seem to understand that René wouldn’t be coming back, had said he was still there. Hopefully the funeral would help, but funerals were for adults to undertake; children were different, and René and Remus had been twins, as close as they could be.</p>
<p>He choked on a sob even as he smiled at the sky as memories skipped over one another in his mind. His boys had always been close, so in tune with one another that at times they’d seemed like one person. Yet they’d always stood out from one another, always distinguishable for him and Marie. The twins had been their babies; now one of them was gone with no way back.</p>
<p>He’d selfishly hoped for a moment that René would appear as a ghost, visible to his family so they could say goodbye and tell him how much they would always love him. But that was no way to end up, not really. He wished he’d accepted Marie’s parents’ suggestion of having a Wizarding portrait of them both made, but it had seemed to be a needless expense until the boys were older.</p>
<p>Jean straightened and made his way back inside, swallowing away the lump in his throat. He would go back inside, take Remus a cup of tea and sit with him, ensure his family was all right. They would have to be; Jean would accept nothing else.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius held his baby brother gingerly. He seemed to weigh both more <em>and</em> less than he had thought, though he wasn’t sure how that was possible. Regulus gurgled at him, trust shining from his eyes. It made Sirius’s belly squirm; he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t drop him somehow. Still, that grin felt as though it had left his lips and wriggled inside him, joining the warm funny feeling he’d had before he picked Regulus up.</p>
<p>Sirius took a deep breath before hesitantly starting to rock Regulus from side to side. His brother yawned and threw out his tiny left hand, which landed in Sirius’s hair and latched on. Sirius felt a tug from somewhere inside him. They were connected.</p>
<p>Before he knew it, words were struggling to break past the lump in his throat. ‘S-sleep baby Regulus, c-calm and deep…’ Sirius paused, unsure whether his singing would work when his voice was so scratchy. Yet Regulus gazed up at him, listening contentedly. So Sirius opened his mouth to try again.</p>
<p>‘S-Siri will guard you as you sleep.’ His voice was a little stronger and he was starting to smile back at his brother as he rocked him. ‘My arms will hold you, lovely and warm, protecting you from any storm’, he paused to tickle gently Regulus, delighted as his brother gurgled and squealed. For one shining moment, it felt as though all the Black siblings were together, happy and smiling.</p>
<p>The door crashed open and a shriek pierced Sirius’s eardrums. As he jumped, he felt his grip on Regulus loosen. Horrified, he managed to catch Regulus a bare instant before his brother was snatched out of his arms. Mother clutched Regulus to her breast, almost smothering him in a way she’d never held Sirius. Her words were nonsense as she frantically tried to soothe Regulus, who had only started whimpering when he was taken from Sirius.</p>
<p>Sirius stared at his mother; a warmth he’d never seen poured from her to his baby brother. But as her gaze moved to him, it froze him from the inside out. Her eyes reminded him of the Slytherin Serpent: hissing venom.</p>
<p>She shushed his brother and clung to him, securing him in her arms. Sirius had just glanced down to look at his own arms, to see how he could hold Regulus better in future, when his mother stepped forward. Her arm lifted and he stared, confused. Her hand struck his cheek with a ringing slap. His skin stung then began to throb. Sirius began trembling uncontrollably.</p>
<p>His mother was shaking in her fury. ‘How <em>dare</em> you try to hurt your brother! If you weren’t the Heir I’d discipline you myself.’ She drew herself up. ‘Instead <em>your Father will deal with you</em>!’</p>
<p>Sirius stared at his mother in shock, his whole body trembling uncontrollably. When she raised her arm again, he flinched instinctively, yet she simply pointed to the door.</p>
<p>‘Get out of this room this instant!’</p>
<p>Sirius turned around in a daze and headed for the door. As he left the Wet Nurse went racing past him to coo and paw at his brother as he wailed, supposedly checking him over. When he left, he could feel their eyes boring into his back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cephus Black entered his son’s room quietly, a dark frown on his face. He paused as he saw Sirius sat on his bed, Aris’s arm around him.</p>
<p>‘Leave us.’</p>
<p>Aris left without a word. Sirius looked up at Father, trying to analyse the look on his face. He stayed still, feeling as though he were being watched by a wild animal. He didn’t know what Father was going to do.</p>
<p>Father shut the door behind him and sat beside Sirius on his bed. ‘Sirius, tell me what happened this afternoon.’</p>
<p>‘I-I just wanted to see my brother.’</p>
<p>‘That is all? Your mother said you were trying to hurt him.’</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head insistently. ‘I’d never hurt him! He’s my brother. Carina said I had to look after him.’</p>
<p>Father tensed. ‘I’ve told you before, <strong>do not</strong> talk about her.’  </p>
<p>Sirius dropped his head. ‘I’m sorry, Father.’</p>
<p>There was silence for a moment, then Father took a breath. ‘You really want to look after your brother?’</p>
<p>Sirius looked up at him. ‘Yes, Father. He is a Black, isn’t he? I’m The Heir. It’s my job to look after him.’</p>
<p>Father looked at him for a moment, then smiled and put his arm around him. He held him close for a moment, then released him.</p>
<p>‘You are correct. It is your job to look after your family. One day, it will be your main responsibility. However, your mother is ... delicate at the moment. She worries about your brother. He was born early and he is still underweight. I must ask you to stay away from him for now. He will move into the nursery one day. Then you may help Aris in caring for him. Do you understand?’</p>
<p>Sirius didn’t really but he knew the right answer. ‘Yes, Father,’ he said.</p>
<p>Father kissed him on the top of his head. ‘Good boy.’</p>
<p>Sirius closed his eyes and rested his head against Father’s chest. He wanted to be a good boy, but he couldn’t leave Regulus alone. He would just have to not get caught again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus sat on his bed, cuddling Amis close. Today was the day. He was dressed in a black suit and his hair was combed down and tidy. His wound itched under his shirt. People were gathering in the garden already but he didn’t want to go. How could he say goodbye to his brother?</p>
<p><em>They’re serving cake afterwards</em>, said René. <em>You like cake. </em></p>
<p>‘I don’t want to go. You haven’t gone away. Why should I say goodbye? I don’t understand it.’</p>
<p>
  <em>Papa needs you to go. And Mama. They’ll come and get you soon.</em>
</p>
<p>‘I won’t go. I won’t!’</p>
<p>
  <em>You have to.</em>
</p>
<p>The door opened and Papa came in. The dark shadows which had been round his eyes for the past week were still there. He was paler than he used to be and his voice was quiet and strained.</p>
<p>‘Remus, it’s time to go,’ he said softly.</p>
<p>‘I don’t want to.’</p>
<p>Papa sighed. He came towards Remus and bent down to kiss the top of his head. ‘You have to, mon fils. We need to say goodbye to René.’</p>
<p>Remus shook his head. ‘But he’s not gone. He’s not.’</p>
<p>Papa put his arms around Remus and picked him up. ‘He is, my beautiful boy.’ His voice choked and he pressed his face to Remus’s hair. ‘He’s gone.’</p>
<p>Remus clung on tight to Papa and did not object as he carried him out of his bedroom and downstairs.</p>
<p>Madame Renard was in the kitchen, helping the cook, Madame Aubert, with the food. A buffet was laid out on the table on silver trays. Remus winced as his gaze fell on them. Both women gave him sympathetic looks. Remus couldn’t stand it and he turned his face into Papa’s shoulder.</p>
<p>Papa carried him outside. There were lots of people around, some he knew well, and others he didn’t. His grandad, Papa’s dad, was there, his face tight and pale like Papa’s. As Remus met his kind eyes, he gave him a small, but encouraging smile. He sat alone because Mamie, Papa’s mama had died last year. Like René, except he didn’t see her anymore.  </p>
<p>His other grandparents, Mama’s parents, were there. Grandmère was weeping, her handkerchief pressed to her face. Grandpère was stern faced. As Papa set Remus down near them and Grandad, Grandpère narrowed his eyes at Remus, studying him. Remus didn’t like it and turned his face into Papa’s leg.</p>
<p>‘Remus was not harmed?’ Grandpère asked.</p>
<p>Papa’s protective arm went around Remus. ‘He is well.’</p>
<p>Remus peeped out to see Grandpère still staring at him. Papa’s arm was tight around Remus’s shoulders.</p>
<p>‘Christophe,’ he called. ‘Will you come and show Remus to his seat?’</p>
<p>Christophe came straight over. Papa gave Remus a gentle push and Remus went to Christophe.</p>
<p>Grandpère sneered. ‘Is this what happens when you do not employ a nanny? You end up with the gardener looking after your son?’</p>
<p>Christophe glanced at Papa and raised his eyebrow, before he took Remus’s hand and let him to the seats which had been set out on the lawn. Remus looked back to see Papa talking quietly to Grandpère.</p>
<p>‘You can sit with me, Remus,’ said Christophe. ‘Madame Renard has promised to sit with me as well! I’m a lucky man.’</p>
<p>Remus smiled gratefully up at him, clutching his hand.</p>
<p>People started taking their seats. Papa was leading Mama up towards the front. She was weeping into her handkerchief and gripping tightly to Papa’s arm. Grandmère was following them but Grandpère was on his way so Remus, that stern look still on his face. Remus whimpered and buried his head in Christophe’s side.</p>
<p>A soft hand took hold of his and Remus looked up to see Madame Renard had sat on his other side. Grandpère glared at them, then averted his path and sat with Grandmère instead.</p>
<p>There was a man at the front. The coffin was beside him. Remus didn’t want to look. Madame Renard put her arm around him.</p>
<p>‘We’re here, mon cher,’ she whispered. ‘You cry on us if you need to. I’ve got a spare handkerchief.’</p>
<p>Remus held tight to hers and Christophe’s hands. The man at the front began to speak, high and lofty words that Remus didn’t quite understand. His gaze drifted to René. His faded-but-still-there brother was standing beside the man, frowning up at him.</p>
<p>
  <em>He’s very boring, isn’t he?</em>
</p>
<p>Remus found a smile. Things were scary and odd and he wasn’t sure what was going to happen. But he still had his brother. He wasn’t alone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Part One, The Beginning, Chapter Ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The 9<sup>th</sup> June was a grey, damp morning. Remus had fallen into a restless sleep at some point in the early hours and woke feeling far from ready to face this day. It was his birthday, just his.</p>
<p>He looked around the bedroom. René wasn’t there. He was alone. Remus didn’t like it. He got up and went through to his parents’ bedroom. Papa was awake and he pulled back the covers to let Remus in.</p>
<p>Remus climbed into the warmth of Papa’s arms and buried his face in that familiar chest. Papa hugged him.</p>
<p>‘Happy birthday, mon fils,’ he whispered.</p>
<p>Remus looked up at him. ‘Merci, Papa.’ He was polite but he couldn’t summon any enthusiasm.</p>
<p>Papa kissed the top of his head. ‘I know it is a difficult day, mon petit, but we have some presents for you and we’re going to have a chocolate cake tonight.’</p>
<p>‘We like chocolate cake.’ Remus frowned, dropping his gaze from Papa’s. ‘I mean, I like chocolate cake.’</p>
<p>Papa hugged him extra tight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The day was nice. Papa made pancakes for breakfast and Remus had mixed berries first, then golden syrup and finally one with chocolate spread. He frowned as he ate, trying to understand the achy feeling in his chest. He felt Papa watching him but Mama kept staring at René’s empty chair at the breakfast table.</p>
<p>Remus kept looking too, although he knew the chair wasn’t empty. René was looking at the pancakes in confusion, like he could not understand why he could not eat. After breakfast, Papa brought out a little pile of presents. They had never got huge piles of presents on birthdays; Mama and Papa did not believe in spoiling them, but they had always been happy with the things they got.</p>
<p>Remus opened his presents slowly, thinking of the way René had torn into the paper. Mama and Papa sat and watched him as he opened a box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans, a big block of milk chocolate chocolate, a new box of Lego and a new Roald Dahl book, <em>Charlie and the Chocolate Factory</em>. He also unwrapped the red cardigan Mama had made for René. Remus’s blue one was still only half-finished on her knitting needles. She hadn’t knitted a stitch since that day.</p>
<p>‘Thank you, Mama, thank you Papa,’ Remus said.</p>
<p>He excused himself and went upstairs to look at his presents. Well, that was what he told himself but really, he couldn’t bear his parents looking at him like that.</p>
<p>René stuck close by him. Remus sat on his bed and lay his presents out in front of him. He wondered where René’s presents were. Had they sent them back? Or hidden them away somewhere. Remus picked up the cardigan and brought it close to his nose. He started. He could smell René. His brother had only worn the cardigan once, to try it on when it had been finished. He’d never thought about how his brother might smell before but the scent was clear and unmistakeable. It made his chest ache.</p>
<p>René sat down on his own bed, watching him in silence for a few moments before he spoke. <em>Happy birthday, Remus.</em></p>
<p>Remus looked up and smiled. ‘Happy birthday, René.’</p>
<p>René returned his smile but there was an edge of sadness to it. <em>It’s not my birthday anymore. You’re older than me now, Remy.</em></p>
<p>Remus felt his smile fade away. He didn’t know what to say. He had always been the younger twin. Now, he was an only child.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus leafed through his book and sighed. He was bored. He missed school and all his friends. It was lonely, here on his own. René was there but he just stared out of the window, gazing out at the garden. He wouldn’t play with him.</p>
<p>Remus got up and went to the mirror in the corner of the bedroom. He pulled off his t-shirt and revealed his bandage. He unwound it and looked at the wound. It had healed to a ragged silver scar. He touched it. It was a little tender but it didn’t really hurt anymore. He didn’t want to stay at home anymore. He wanted to go back to school.</p>
<p>He put his t-shirt back on but left the bandage off. He left his room and went downstairs. He found Papa in his study, reading a large, dusty book.</p>
<p>‘Papa, are you busy?’</p>
<p>Papa jumped and quickly covered up the book. ‘Remus.’ He moved away from his desk and sat on the comfy sofa in the other corner. ‘Come and talk to me.’</p>
<p>Remus went up to him but didn’t sit down. ‘Papa, I want to go back to school.’</p>
<p>Papa blinked at him. ‘Remus, I really don’t think...’</p>
<p>‘Papa, I want to go back to school. I miss my friends and I want to learn.’</p>
<p>Papa sighed. ‘It’s not going to easy, Remus. You will be different from others and you will have to keep secrets. If you want to learn, I could teach you at home and Mama could as well.’</p>
<p>Remus shook his head and stamped his foot. ‘No. I want to go back to school.’</p>
<p>Papa’s mouth twitched and he sighed. ‘All right. We’ll try it and see how it goes.’</p>
<p>Remus grinned and flung himself at Papa, hugging him tight. Papa laughed. ‘I’ve never known a kid as keen on school as you, Remus.’</p>
<p>Remus kissed his cheek. ‘Thank you, Papa!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After Aris had tucked Sirius into bed that night, he lay awake until he heard door to the Wet Nurse’s room close, leaving Regulus to sleep. He got up and crept out of his room. The house was quiet and still. He tiptoed down the hall to the Wet Nurse’s room and inched opened the door.</p>
<p>It creaked a little but nobody came. The room was dark but for a small nightlight on the bedside table. Sirius peered into the cot and smiled as he saw Regulus. He wasn’t asleep yet. His eyes were wide open and gazing up at the enchanted stars on the ceiling. As Sirius came into view, the baby turned to look at him.</p>
<p>Sirius smiled at him. ‘Hello, baby,’ he whispered. Regulus giggled and gurgled up at him, waving his tiny little fists. Sirius reached over to him and caught hold of one of the little fists. Regulus’s fingers uncurled and he wrapped his fingers around Sirius’s. Sirius grinned and that warm feeling flowed through his stomach. Regulus smiled up at him and Sirius sighed happily. His little brother loved him.</p>
<p>His warm feelings vanished as he heard the door opening behind him. He let go of Regulus and whipped around. Mother was standing there, glaring at him. She reached out and seized hold of his shoulder.</p>
<p>‘How <em>dare</em> you come in here again?’ She released his shoulder with a look of disgust, as though she had touched something revolting.</p>
<p>The next moment, she raised her hand and slapped him hard across the cheek. His skin burned with pain. ‘Get to your room. I’ll be informing your grandfather of this. He will have no trouble implementing the required discipline.’</p>
<p>Sirius ran to his room, his knees knocking together.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was a bright sunny June morning. Remus was excited. It was Monday morning and Mama was walking him to school for his first day back. He’d missed his lessons and he’d missed his friends. René was with him and did not understand why he was so eager to go back to school.</p>
<p>
  <em>You could stay at home and play, Remy.</em>
</p>
<p>‘I want to go to school,’ whispered Remus, glancing up at Mama, who wasn’t paying much attention. ‘I want to learn.’</p>
<p>René pulled a face at him. <em>You’re far too serious, Remy.</em></p>
<p>‘I like school. It’s fun.’</p>
<p>Mama took his hand. ‘Come on, Remus, stop dawdling.’</p>
<p>‘I’m not dawdling, Mama.’</p>
<p>She held his hand tightly. ‘You’re so dreamy these days. Are you ... are you sure you should be returning to school?’</p>
<p>‘I want to, Mama. I don’t want to stay at home forever. I want to learn.’</p>
<p>Mama stopped suddenly and crouched down beside him. ‘Remus, if you don’t want to go, you don’t have to. If ... you want to come home at any point today I will come and get you. Do you understand, mon petit? You can come home at any time.’</p>
<p>Remus nodded. ‘I understand, Mama, but I won’t want to come home.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus waved as Mama left him standing beside his class teacher Madame Dupont in front of the school. Once Mama was gone, Remus took a deep breath in and looked around him, smiling as the normalcy of being back at school soothed something inside him. As he met the eyes of some of his friends, a chill went down his spine; they did not look welcoming.</p>
<p>Beside him, René tensed and frowned, the ghostly pallor of his skin seeming to darken a little. <em>What’s wrong with them?</em></p>
<p>Remus shook his head in a tiny movement. He was at school now; he couldn’t be seen to be acting weird. He just wanted to get back to normal and fit in with their friends.</p>
<p>‘Right, let’s get you settled back in Remus, hmm?’ Madame Dupont’s voice was very gentle as she smiled at him. Her eyes shone with sympathy and she held out her hand to him. ‘If you need anything today, you come find me, all right? I won’t be far away.’ She changed her tone as Remus held her hand and they started walking into the school’s entrance. ‘All your friends were asking about you. I bet they can’t wait until break time to welcome you back!’</p>
<p>As the door closed behind them, Remus held back a shiver. They didn’t seem ‘welcoming’ to him.</p>
<p>
  <em>They’re all staring at you, Remy. I wonder why they’re staring. I’ll stay back and see if I can find out.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus managed a small smile. René was here and looking out for him as always.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At break time, Remus went outside alone. The rest of the class had been staring at him all morning and he was sick of it. He was heading into a quiet corner of the playground, intending to read his way through the fifteen minutes of break, when a rough hand connected with his shoulder.</p>
<p>For a moment, Remus’s heart leapt; what if René had somehow found a way to be normal again? Yet as he spun around to face whoever pushed him, he saw his brother from the corner of his eye, glaring furiously at them.</p>
<p>Pierre and the rest of the group of boys that had been friends with him and René were gathered behind Remus, forming a semi-circle.</p>
<p>Remus forced a smile despite his sense of impending doom. ‘H-hi Pierre, I missed you.’</p>
<p>
  <em>Remy don’t talk to them. Walk away and find a teacher.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus was frowning at his brother when Pierre’s hand connected with his shoulder again.</p>
<p>‘We know what happened whilst you were away, Lupin.’</p>
<p>Remus froze, his mind catching on images of silvery light illuminating pools of blood. They couldn’t know anything; Papa and Mama would never tell anyone. René was almost growling as he walked right up to Pierre, clearly wishing he could shove him away from Remus.</p>
<p> ‘We don’t want to be your friends, Lupin. We heard you left your brother to die alone in the woods.’ As he hissed those words, Pierre shoved him again. ‘We don’t want to be friends with a scaredy-cat!’</p>
<p>Remus felt a flare of white-hot anger leap inside him as Pierre’s hand jerked into his shoulder and his words shot right through him. He could think of nothing but making Pierre bleed, making him hurt, making him suffer for what he was saying.</p>
<p>Pierre screamed and Remus tasted blood. Somebody close by ran away and the next thing Remus knew, he was being yanked up by his collar. He snarled at the intruder, baring his teeth. A woman screamed and the grip loosened. He ripped himself away and pressed his back to the nearest tree, glaring at the assembled crowd of kids. Everyone in the playground had rushed over and they were all staring at him. Pierre was on the ground, clutching his bloody cheek.</p>
<p>Remus went cold. Had he done that? He stood up straight, staring up at Madame Dupont. She was staring at him in horror and seemed unable to move. Monsieur Lemaire came up and touched her arm.</p>
<p>‘Madame,’ he said, gently.</p>
<p>She recovered and reached for Pierre. ‘Come on, dear. We need to get you to the school nurse.’</p>
<p>Pierre, sobbing and bloody, went with her.</p>
<p>Monsieur Lemaire gestured at the other children. ‘All right, mes enfants, nothing to see here. Back to playing now.’ He reached for Remus and took a firm hold of his hand. ‘Come with me,’ he said, sternly.</p>
<p>Remus looked around at René for help. René came with him but could do nothing to help.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Part One, The Beginning, Chapter Eleven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus sat in the school reception, kicking his leg against the armchair he was sitting in. It was a huge black chair and he felt as though he were being swallowed up by it. But he couldn’t disappear. Monsieur Lemaire was watching him.</p><p>Mama had been called and she was on her way. He was to be sent home, in disgrace. René was wandering around the room, glaring at Monsieur Lemaire but Remus didn’t look up at either of them. He couldn’t stand to see the fear in his teacher’s eyes. Was everyone going to look at him like that now?</p><p>The obscured-glass front doors opened and Mama came in. Her anxious eyes sought out Remus immediately, checking over him for injuries. Satisfied he was unhurt, she turned to Monsieur Lemaire, who had stood to greet her.</p><p>‘Madame Lupin,’ he said, holding out his hand to shake hers. ‘Thank you for coming in.’</p><p>‘I hope you will be investigating this bullying, Monsieur. My son has undergone a traumatic experience. He has lost his brother and now his friends are turning on him. Do  you think that is acceptable?’ Mama’s voice was like ice but her eyes were like fire.</p><p>Monsieur Lemaire actually took a small step away, but his face remained set and that look of fear still lurked in his eyes.</p><p>‘Madame your son viciously attacked one of our pupils. The boy may now be scarred from the bite your son gave him.’</p><p>‘Remus is a gentle boy. This would have been provoked.’</p><p>‘Provoked or not, gentle he most certainly is not. We do not allow such viciousness in our school and we do not allow creatures such as him around other children.’</p><p>Mama’s brows knitted and she reached for Remus, lifting him up into her arms. ‘How <em>dare</em> you. Remus is six years old and he witnessed his brother’s death. Any reasonable person would have sympathy for him.’</p><p>The fear in Monsieur Lemaire’s eyes was replaced by hungry kind of look that made Remus want to hide his face in Mama’s chest. ‘All those creatures deserve to be hunted down and destroyed like the vicious animals they are. We’ll be informing Le Ministère de la Magie, Madame.’ He cast a disgusted look at Remus. ‘They’ll deal with this creature.’</p><p>He turned and walked away. Mama looked at Remus and her eyes were full of tears. But still they blazed with fierceness. She kissed him. ‘Come on, mon petit, we will go home now.’</p><p>She carried him until they were within the safety of the estate gates.</p><p> </p><p>Back at home, Mama gave Remus a hug and a kiss and sent him upstairs to play, saying she needed to sort something out. Remus went upstairs. He sat on the beanbag and stared at his train set. He and René had spent so many hours playing with it. It represented many hours of happiness. But René couldn’t play with it anymore and Remus wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to play again.</p><p><em>Mama is talking to Papa in the fire</em>.</p><p>Remus looked up at René. His brother was standing above him, faded in the sunlight coming in through the window.</p><p>‘What’s she talking about?’</p><p>
  <em>You. They’re worried. Papa’s coming home. </em>
</p><p>Remus sighed, leaning back into the beanbag and reached up for Amis from the bed. He cuddled the teddy bear close.</p><p>‘I did something bad. I can’t go back to school anymore.’ He swallowed down the sob which threatened to come.</p><p>René sat next to him and put a hand on his arm. The hand didn’t feel like it used to; he could just feel the faintest touch, like a breeze across his skin, but it was a small comfort.</p><p>
  <em>Papa will sort it out, Remy.</em>
</p><p>Remus sniffed and let his tears fall into Amis’s head.</p><p> </p><p>A little while later, Remus heard a loud pop from in front of the house. Then the front door opened and Papa’s voice called out Mama’s name. It was much too early for Papa to be home. Remus knew he was home to deal with the situation. Clutching Amis, Remus went to the bedroom door and opened it a crack.</p><p>He heard Mama and Papa talking in low voices in the hall. Remus stayed where he was. He wanted to go to Papa but he couldn’t stand him to have that same look in his eyes that Monsieur Lemaire had had.  </p><p>Despite their low voices, he could hear them easily. ‘Where is Remus?’ Papa asked.</p><p>‘Upstairs.’ Mama’s voice sounded like she was barely holding herself together.</p><p>‘Right,’ said Papa. ‘I’ll go and talk to him.’</p><p>Remus shot back into his room and climbed under his duvet, clutching Amis. He felt, though he couldn’t hear, René moving around near him.</p><p>The door opened and Papa’s voice broke the silence. ‘Remus? Where are you? Oh.’ His voice softened. ‘There you are. What are you doing under there?’</p><p>He lifted the cover away from Remus and peered at him.</p><p>Remus glanced up at him then quickly away. ‘Hiding.’</p><p>Papa reached out for him and scooped him up. ‘You don’t need to hide, little one. You’re safe here.’</p><p>Remus pressed his face to Papa’s neck. ‘I’m sorry I hurt the boy, Papa. I didn’t mean to.’</p><p>Papa swayed with him gently. ‘Hush, mon fils cher, it wasn’t your fault. These things sometimes happen. The important thing is to do your best to make sure they don’t happen again.’</p><p>Remus sniffed and pulled back to look at Papa. ‘Is Pierre going to be scarred, Papa?’</p><p>‘Perhaps, but maybe that will make him a better person.’</p><p>Remus frowned. ‘I don’t understand, Papa.’</p><p>Papa shook his head, looking weary. ‘It doesn’t matter, Remus. I perhaps shouldn’t have said that.’</p><p>‘Papa, what’s going to happen now?’</p><p>‘I don’t know, mon fils, but we’ll do our best to make everything all right.’</p><p>There was a loud thud downstairs. Remus jumped and craned around. He could see nothing but he could smell a familiar scent. It startled him to realise how strong his senses were.</p><p>‘Papa, it’s Grandpère and Grandmère.’</p><p>Papa’s hands twitched on Remus’s back.</p><p>Grandpère was shouting at Mama. Remus caught his harsh words. ‘I’m going to find that <em>filthy animal</em>, then we’ll see.’</p><p>Seconds later, Grandpère burst into the bedroom. His eyes had that same look of fear and disgust that Monsieur Lemaire’s had had. He glanced at Remus and his lip curled.</p><p>‘It’s true, isn’t it?’ he asked. ‘That ... thing, it’s a werewolf, isn’t it?’</p><p>Papa held Remus tightly. ‘Remus has been through a lot, Fabrice. He needs to recover. We clearly sent him back to school too soon.’</p><p>Grandpère scoffed. ‘School?! That thing belongs in prison. Inform le Ministre immediately.’</p><p>‘Remus will be staying at home with us. There is nothing wrong with him.’</p><p>‘Jean, you are a sentimental fool. For the sake of your wife, you must get rid of this thing. I cannot support your family if you insist on supporting this .... this...’ he spluttered, his face going red. He took a deep breath and gathered himself. ‘Jean, be sensible. You can have more children. This is no longer a child. It is a beast and must no longer be associated with you.’</p><p>‘I won’t listen to this. I want you to leave now.’</p><p>Grandpère held up his hands in a placating gesture. ‘I understand it is difficult, Jean. You have raised him. He looks identical to the son you lost. If it would make things easier, I can take it to the forest and deal with it there.’</p><p>‘I’m not listening to this, Fabrice. How dare you come to my house and say these things.’</p><p>‘And who bought this house? I would do anything to ensure my daughter has the life she deserves. Back when you were first married, I bought this house for you. Now, I will deal with the monster that has invaded your life.’</p><p>Papa opened his mouth to reply when there was a strange wail from downstairs. Remus knew immediately that it was Mama. He wriggled out of Papa’s grasp, dropped to the floor and ran towards the sound. Panicked, Papa called his name and ran after him.</p><p> </p><p>Mama was huddled on her armchair, clutching at Remus’s unfinished jumper. Grandmère was hovering over her, close to her, talking in her ear.</p><p>‘Think of it, Marie. You could have another baby, a beautiful innocent baby. You must protect yourself, protect all of us from the beast. It cannot stay here. You must see that.’</p><p>Mama wailed again and the sound went right through Remus. He went to her, taking her hand and stroking her palm with his thumb.</p><p>‘Mama, it’s all right. I’m not a monster. Papa said.’</p><p>‘That’s right,’ said Papa coming forward. ‘And it’s time for you both to leave my house. If you want us out, we’ll leave. I’ve got a good job, Fabrice. I can afford a new place to live. We don’t need you.’</p><p>Remus looked up to see Papa in the room and Grandpère lurking in the doorway. Grandpère scowled, aiming another look of disgust at Remus.</p><p>‘Good, as you’ll be doing without us as long as you allow that thing to remain alive. Come on, Charisse. We’ll give them a week to move out.’</p><p>Grandmère lingered at Mama’s side. ‘Marie, my dear, come with us. There is no reason you have to stay here with it and this foolish man. We can find you a new husband to haven an <em>uncontaminated</em> child with.’</p><p>Mama wailed and clutched to Remus’s hand, pulling him up into her lap. She refused to look at her mother. </p><p>Grandmère pulled out her handkerchief and dabbed pitifully at her eyes. Papa’s eyes were like stone as he watched Grandpère and Grandmère leave the house. Only when the front door shut behind them did he go to Mama, wrap her and Remus in his arms and hold them both close to him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Part One, The Beginning, Chapter Twelve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Marie Lupin’s grip on her husband and son was relentless as she rocked them all. Remus turned his head into his parents’ chests and held on as Mama’s tears dripped onto the top of his head. Papa watched the door warily for a short while.</p>
<p>Minutes went by before Papa finally turned his head. He smiled at Remus as he raised his head a fraction. Papa nodded to him and Remus slowly nodded back. Jean released his family and knelt on the floor in front of Marie’s chair.</p>
<p>‘Remus would you go and start gathering your toys, mon fils? We need to get ready.’</p>
<p>Remus began to tremble violently, instinctively curling around his mother. ‘P-Papa, I’m sorry.’</p>
<p>Mama gave a faint sob and pulled him in even closer, but Papa smiled softly at him and shook his head. ‘Remus, our precious one, there is nothing to be sorry for. You are our pride and joy. We will protect you.’ He held out his hand for Remus to take.</p>
<p>Remus peered into his father’s eyes. Jean Lupin was clearly shaken, but there was a glint deep down inside his eyes. Remus raised his hand and lightly touched just beneath his Papa’s eye. ‘Papa, your eyes have changed.’</p>
<p>Jean nodded as he made certain his expression was tender to reassure his son and wife. ‘Never forget that I will always protect you and your mother.’ He raised his gaze to his wife and waited until Marie had managed to ever-so-slightly move her head before he looked back to Remus. ‘Please go and start collecting your things, mon fils cher.’</p>
<p>Remus slowly slid from Mama’s arms, registering the fact that she didn’t want to let him go every inch of the way. He padded up the stairs, his heart pounding. Even though he knew they’d never betray him, something inside was panicking at the idea of letting them out of his sight. He sat on the stairs and peered into the room, knowing Papa was focused on Mama.</p>
<p>Jean had taken hold of Marie’s hands as Remus left. He was waiting patiently for her to speak. She looked like a spare piece of parchment, blank and expressionless.</p>
<p>‘Marie, mon amour.’ Papa’s voice was low, achingly tender as he attempted to gain eye contact.</p>
<p>Suddenly Mama sat up a little straighter, the mangled blue sweater finally falling into her lap. A distant smile crept into view and she nodded. ‘Yes, yes, that’s right. We’ll go to your dad for a few days. Mon Père and Ma Mère al-always speak too harshly at first. By the end of the week they’ll be coming to apologise.’ She blinked rapidly before turning her husband. ‘Do not worry my darling. My parents will change their minds. They love us.’</p>
<p>Papa was silent, worry creasing his brow. He didn’t appear to know what to say. Mama’s smile widened into a grin and she nodded rapidly, strands of her usually neat hair flying out of their restraints to flow around her face. ‘Yes. We will be all right,’ she whispered.</p>
<p>Jean swallowed and leant forward. ‘Marie, we will be all right, but… I don’t think your parents…’ he broke off as Marie seemed to crumple into herself. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them again, he smiled as widely as he was able and nodded to her. ‘Yes, we will be all right.’ He kissed her forehead, his eyes wet with tears as he pulled back.</p>
<p>He stood, sighing. ‘Will you pack some things for us?’ He smiled. ‘Who knows how long it will be before your parents apologise.’</p>
<p>Mama smiled and placed down her knitting. ‘Papa has always been stubborn.’ She moved to the door. ‘I’ll go now and get our essentials together.’ She stepped into the hall.</p>
<p>She looked up and saw Remus on the stairs. She smiled. ‘Come on, mon petit, get your toys packed up.’</p>
<p>Remus stood up. There was a knock on the door. Papa came into the hall, frowning and stepped in front of Mama to open the door. Remus saw him take out his wand from his sleeve.</p>
<p>There was a man at the door. He was a short fat man with a stomach that stuck out over short legs. But he was wearing a fancy robe and there were two wizards and two witches waiting behind him with their wands drawn.</p>
<p>Papa lowered his wand and swallowed. ‘Minister, what are you doing here, Sir?’</p>
<p>‘We’ve had a report.’ He stepped into the house and shut the door behind him. He glanced up at Remus. His eyes didn’t quite have that look of fear. It was more distrust and clear dislike.</p>
<p>‘There’s nothing to worry about, Sir. My son just had a little incident at school.’</p>
<p>The Minister was still looking at Remus. ‘Come here, boy.’</p>
<p>Remus looked at Papa. Papa looked back at him but didn’t say anything. Remus stepped down towards the Minister. When he reached him, the Minister put his hand in his pocket.</p>
<p>‘Here, son, I’ve got a shiny new coin for you.’</p>
<p>Papa made a sudden motion towards them but the silver sickle landed neatly in Remus’s palm. A sudden burning pain shot through Remus’s hand. The coin dropped with a faint tinkle on the tiled floor. Remus looked at his hand. A perfectly round red burn mark now marred his palm.</p>
<p>Papa scooped up Remus and held him close. ‘How could you...’ he started.</p>
<p>The Minister held up his hand. ‘I’m sorry, but I had to be sure.’ He picked up the sickle and instead gave Remus a gold galleon. Remus didn’t take it so the Minister placed it on the sideboard. ‘I now know the report was correct.’</p>
<p>Papa glanced at Mama, who was staring a little vacantly at Remus, a frown on her face. Papa sighed and looked back at the Minister. ‘What are you going to do, Minister?’</p>
<p>The Minister sighed and looked seriously at Papa. ‘I have no wish to arrest such a small boy. You have been an excellent employee for me, for many years and your family has been through enough.’</p>
<p>‘What are you saying, Minister?’</p>
<p>‘I do not have to arrest him today. I can say my efforts to determine the truth were unsuccessful. But I will have to return tomorrow and I will have to bring an expert.’ He sighed and looked at Remus. His eyes seemed sort of sad now. ‘This expert will have no doubt as to this young man’s ... condition. Arrest would follow.’ He looked at Papa and his eyes darkened. ‘I suggest you are not here tomorrow.’</p>
<p>Papa nodded, swallowing and holding Remus tightly. Mama shook her head and left them, going in the direction of the kitchen.</p>
<p>The Minister took one last look at them, then turned and let himself out. He shut the door behind him but Remus could hear him and his bodyguards apparate away several seconds later.</p>
<p>Papa kissed his palm, then put him down. Mama came back holding a damp rag in her hands. Her eyes blazed with a bright fire, yet her expression was still vacant as she came to Remus’s side. She tutted, gently taking his hand into hers and wrapping the rag around his burn. ‘Mon petit, you should be more careful. You know you’re precious to us, and despite your beautiful bravery, we want you to be safe as well.’ She kissed his cheek and stepped back.</p>
<p>Papa watched Mama for a moment before he met Remus’s eyes. He bit his lip and nodded to his family.  ‘We’ve no time to linger now. Remus, pack two suitcases with your things. I will send Christophe to help you. Marie, Madame Renard will come to help you. I will return shortly.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius stopped outside Father’s study, hesitating as he looked up at the big heavy door. His knees were trembling as he imagined what might happen behind that door. When Mother had found him crouched beside Regulus’s cot again, she had been so angry, even though he hadn’t picked him up this time.</p>
<p>He could still feel the burn of the slap she had delivered to his cheek and her screeched demand that he report to his father still rung in his ears. He knew she’d sent instructions that Sirius had to suffer for it.</p>
<p>There was nothing to be gained from delaying. He knocked on the door and, from inside, heard his father’s voice telling him to enter. He pushed open the door and stepped inside.</p>
<p>He had never really been in this room that he could remember. Before, whenever he had required punishment, it had been delivered then and there, or up in his bedroom. This occasion was different.</p>
<p>Father was sitting behind a large oak desk, with his back to the window. One side of the room was covered with old books arranged neatly on shelves. Hanging on the other was the Black Family Tapestry. Every single worthy name for centuries appeared on that cloth. Sirius’s tutor had told him about it but he had never seen it before. He wanted to go and examine it, to read every name and every date. Carina’s name would be on there.</p>
<p>But Father was looking at him. He stood straight and still before Father’s gaze. Father observed him in silence for a moment, before standing and walking around from behind the desk.</p>
<p>He sighed as he looked down at Sirius. ‘Sirius, your mother is ... displeased. I thought we decided you would stay away from your brother until he came into the nursery?’</p>
<p>‘I missed him.’</p>
<p>‘You went against my direct instructions, Sirius, and I must punish you.’</p>
<p>Sirius bit his lip, then nodded. ‘Yes, Sir.’</p>
<p>Father turned around and reached for his desk. He picked up a wooden ruler, then took another step towards Sirius.</p>
<p>‘Your grandfather would insist on the cane or the strap for disobedience. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt but I cannot let disobedience go unpunished. Turn around and bend over.’</p>
<p>Sirius did as he was told, biting down hard on his lip. Father hesitated for a moment, then brought the ruler down hard across Sirius’s backside. It stung but it was nothing to Grandfather wielding the strap. It would not stop him visiting his brother. He would not let Carina down.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Papa gave instructions to the staff and then hurried away. Remus, in his bedroom with Christophe, started to pack the things he could not bear to leave behind. Christophe packed his clothes for him, while Remus was left to pick which books, toys and personal possessions he wanted. </p>
<p>René kept flitting about the room, suggesting certain toys. Remus wanted mostly books but there were lots of toys he wanted to take too. How could he leave all this behind? He didn’t even know where they were going.</p>
<p>He didn’t like Papa being gone. He felt like bad things could happen without him there.</p>
<p>Christophe closed the full suitcase with his clothes in it and wrestled with the zip. ‘Have you finished picking your toys, little man?’</p>
<p>‘Yes, Christophe but when are you going to pack?’</p>
<p>Christophe hesitated, then dropped to his knees beside Remus. ‘Little man, we can’t come with you. I have to stay here with my family. Do you understand that?’</p>
<p>Remus sniffed. ‘But I don’t want to leave you behind.’</p>
<p>Christophe put his arms around him and cuddled him. ‘I know, little man, it’s not fair, is it? But we could come and visit you sometimes, and you’ll always have your Mama and Papa.’</p>
<p>Remus pressed his face into Christophe’s firm shoulder. ‘It’s not fair,’ he said, before he started to cry. Christophe held him, rubbing his back comfortingly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After his punishment, Sirius was gathered onto his father’s lap and held close. His bum hurt but he tried not to think about it. He knew he was supposed to take his punishment without crying, without begging. He was the Black Heir.</p>
<p>Father … Daddy was rubbing his back. Sirius thought about his sister. Carina would be proud of him for not giving up on his brother. He’d look after Regulus, no matter what they did to him.</p>
<p>Daddy nuzzled into his neck. ‘If we were just a normal dad and his son I’d take you out to a Quidditch game, I’d play in the garden with you. We’d do all these things together. But we’re not that, do you understand?’</p>
<p>Sirius didn’t really, but he nodded anyway. ‘Yes, Daddy.’</p>
<p>‘We’re a very important family, Sirius. We’re one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight. We’re one of the most important wizarding families in the whole country, and you’re the Black Heir. You’re so important.’</p>
<p>Daddy kissed his cheek, his arm tight around him and his other hand still rubbing his lower back. ‘I love you so much, Sirius. You’re my boy, <em>you</em> are, not your brother. You don’t need anybody else, only me. You understand, Sirius?’</p>
<p>Again, Sirius nodded but he didn’t understand. If Daddy loved him, why did he have to hurt him? It was all mixed up in his head and it didn’t make sense.</p>
<p>‘Daddy, shouldn’t I go to my room now.?’</p>
<p>His father started and pulled back. He cleared his throat. ‘Yes.’ He set Sirius on his feet. ‘Go to your room and behave yourself. Remember, you’re the Black Heir.’</p>
<p>Sirius obediently went to his room. He may not completely understand but he knew he was important. He was the Black Heir.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Papa returned in the early evening. With the help of the staff, Mama and Remus had packed up what they needed and couldn’t bear to leave behind. Boxes and suitcases were stacked in the hall. Mama had packed all of Papa’s books, even leaving behind some of her expensive dresses to do so.</p>
<p>Outside the house, stood a brand-new black car with a trailer attached to it. Mama looked outside with a questioning frown.</p>
<p>‘It’s a Citroen DS19. It’ll get us to Wales.’</p>
<p>‘W-Wales, but...’</p>
<p>‘We have to go, Marie,’ said Papa, sternly. ‘We have no choice anymore. If ...’ He hesitated and glanced at Remus. ‘If your parents wish to apologise, they will be able to find us. Christophe, will you help me load the trailer?’</p>
<p>Remus stood on the stairs and watched. Lots of things were loaded into the trailer, all the boxes and some furniture, far more than should have fit in there, with the help of Papa’s wand. But it took time. It was starting to get dark when the car was fully loaded.</p>
<p>‘You should eat something before you go,’ Madame Aubert said, her voice catching a little in her throat. ‘Come and sit. We’ll make you something to get you through your journey.’</p>
<p>Papa agreed and a little while later, they were sitting at the dining table, all of the family and the staff, eating their last meal together. They weren’t taking the dining table, only the kitchen table.</p>
<p>‘You have all been so wonderful,’ Papa said. ‘I don’t know how to ever thank you for all you’ve done for us.’</p>
<p>‘We’ll always love you all,’ said Madame Aubert, dabbing at her eyes.</p>
<p>‘It’s a crime what this government have done to you,’ said Madame Renard. She looked lovingly at Remus. ‘How could they look at this innocent little boy and think those ...<em>things</em> about him. He’s a good boy. You remember that, Remus. You hear me?’</p>
<p>Remus nodded.</p>
<p>‘Don’t you let anyone tell you any different.’ Madame Renard was fierce and Remus found himself smiling.</p>
<p>The goodbye was not something to smile about. Madame Aubert cried and Madame Renard hugged him very hard. Christophe’s chin trembled and he dropped a kiss in Remus’s hair as he hugged him.</p>
<p>‘You take care of yourself, little man.’</p>
<p>Remus nodded, choking back his own tears. He didn’t want to leave. A sudden horrible thought struck him. What if René couldn’t come with them? What if he was trapped in the mansion all by himself?</p>
<p>‘Come on, Remus, in the car. Amis is waiting for you in there.’</p>
<p>His belly clenching with anxiety, Remus climbed into the car. On the back seat, Papa had put a tub of snacks and drinks, two blankets and a pillow, several books and Amis. Waiting beside them, was René. Whilst Mama and Papa checked over the trailer and said their goodbyes, Remus turned to René.</p>
<p>‘We have to leave. I don’t want to leave you behind.’</p>
<p>René smiled at him. <em>I’m coming with you, Remy. We’re going to Wales.</em></p>
<p>Remus grinned. ‘You won’t leave me?’</p>
<p>
  <em>I won’t ever leave you, Remy.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus snuggled down into his blankets, his pillow neatly behind his head and Amis cuddled in his arms. He picked up <em>Charlie and the Chocolate Factory </em>and began to read. When Mama and Papa got in the front of the car, Remus was already enthralled by his book, though he did remember to wave goodbye to the staff. They were all part of his family too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius left the schoolroom carrying his parchment and quills, the inkpot in his pocket. He had to go outside. He’d spent all afternoon at his lessons and he needed the air, even though it was already getting dark. The house was claustrophobic and he couldn’t concentrate on all the new homework his tutor had given him. Just the idea of it was giving him a headache, but Father had asked him to try his best so they wouldn’t have to get out the strap.</p>
<p>The memory of Cephus Black pleading with him, of his father holding him in a hug as he whispered late at night, was enough to make Sirius determined to try, to push through his abhorrence of the lessons. He came to a halt as he passed the door to Father’s study; voices were coming from inside. He looked around, biting his lip for a moment, then grinned to himself when he realised he was alone. Sirius made sure nothing he was carrying made any noise, then pressed his ear to the wood of the door, barely breathing.</p>
<p>‘He must have more tutors. He is the <em>Heir</em>, Cephus, and he must not be allowed to disgrace any of us. He must be disciplined into line.’ Grandfather gave a loud harrumph. ‘As his Father, you should be at the forefront of his discipline, yet your reluctance, your <em>coddling</em> of the boy is making him disobedient. <em>Weak</em>. I will not have our Heir being whispered about. He will hold himself in the proper decorum that his name demands, that his family demands; he will lead us all into the next generation and keep Our Name strong. We will maintain our power and privilege. There will be no blasted rebels or weak-willed trolls in my lineage.’</p>
<p>Sirius shuddered. He didn’t know Grandfather was paying a visit, and what he was saying… it usually led to punishment. He shuddered and yet he couldn’t make himself move away from the door. Daddy would make him stop. He’d defend him. He had to; he loved Sirius like he’d loved Carina.</p>
<p>‘Sirius is the epitome of the perfect Black Heir, Father. Despite his age, he has shown great intelligence and familial loyalty.’ Cephus’ voice was faint.</p>
<p>‘Hmph. If he is, indeed, the ‘perfect’ Heir, then why does he disobey his mother? Why does he wish to corrupt his brother with kindness before he is even out of the cradle? No, you have been far too soft with him, Cephus, and I shall not have it! It was this sort of indulgence which led you to allow him to spend so much time with his sister. She was always going against the superior judgement of her betters and she has corrupted him. All this nonsense about love and kindness, instead of honour and purity. What kind of impression do you think he will give to the community when he finally goes to Hogwarts? If you don’t stop this errant behaviour before it sets in, you’ll never correct it.’</p>
<p>‘I have disciplined him. He is not yet seven, father, there is bound to be some misbehaviour. He is my son and I will discipline him as he grows. When he goes to Hogwarts, he will do his family proud. He will be a fine Slytherin and a worthy heir to the Black family.’</p>
<p>‘Do not diminish your role in this, Cephus. It is your responsibility to raise the child who is the future of our family. Do not fail in your task. If you do, I will take his education into my own hands. Remember that.’</p>
<p>Sirius suddenly heard his grandfather walking towards the door. He darted away from the door and back up the stairs toward the relative safety of his bedroom. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Part One, The Beginning, Chapter Thirteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus stayed awake, reading, snacking and talking to Papa for most of the night. They drove endlessly, stopping only once or twice at small service stations along the way. He saw the sunrise, just after they reached England.</p>
<p>Papa drank some Pepper Up potion and kept driving. Mama had fallen asleep a little while ago. Remus put down his book and snuggled down in his blankets. He was asleep in minutes.</p>
<p>He woke lying flat on his back on a pine bed in a single bedroom. He looked around and saw his suitcases and a couple of boxes of his books in the room. A matching bedside table, a chest of drawers and a desk were also in the room. He was in his pyjamas, with Amis tucked under his arm. There was no sheet on the bed but he was lying on top of one of his blankets and under the other. René wasn’t there.</p>
<p>Panic clutching at him, Remus climbed out of the bed and ran from the room. There were stairs ahead of him and he could hear voices coming from a room down there. He ran downstairs. There were two rooms coming off from the hall. He peered into one and saw a little kitchen. In the other room, Mama and Papa sat on a sofa talking. A fire had been lit in the grate and it filled the room with hot, cheerful light. René was there, watching them talk. His twin waved at him, grinning widely.</p>
<p>Relief flowing through him, Remus relaxed. Papa looked up and saw him. ‘Good morning, mon fils, or should I say good afternoon?’</p>
<p>Remus yawned and stretched. ‘What time is it?’</p>
<p>‘A little after noon. You hungry?’</p>
<p>Remus shook his head, going forward and climbing onto Papa’s lap. ‘No. Where are we, Papa?’</p>
<p>‘This used to be my Aunt’s house. I lived here in the holidays when I went to Hogwarts. Grandad suggested we come here. It belongs to him now.’</p>
<p>‘Are we going to live here now?’</p>
<p>‘Yes, this is our home now and everything will be all right.’</p>
<p>‘Is grandad going to come here too?’</p>
<p>Papa smiled. ‘No, mon petit. He has his life in France. But he’ll write to you and he’ll try to visit.’</p>
<p>Remus looked at Mama, who smiled vaguely at him and patted his head. ‘I’ll make you a sandwich, mon petit.’</p>
<p>Remus stayed with Papa, cuddled up on his lap. ‘Papa, will I go to school here?’</p>
<p>Papa hesitated. ‘I think it might be best if you learn at home, mon fils. There are few wizards here. It would be too difficult to control your magic in front of muggles. Mama and I will teach you.’</p>
<p>Remus settled his head against Papa’s chest. ‘D’accord, Papa.’ He didn’t tell Papa but it was a relief to not have to go back to school. He was different now, he knew he was. It was better not to be around ordinary people too much.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius entered his schoolroom, eager to show Mr Prewett the toy dog he’d been given, which really barked. He was going to ask him to show him how the spell worked.</p>
<p>As he stepped inside the dark little schoolroom however, it was not Mr Prewett who was waiting for him. It was a woman. She was quite tall and very slim. She had dark hair pulled back into a severe bun and her face was hard, unsmiling. Her eyes glinted at him.</p>
<p>‘Oh, I was expecting Mr Prewett.’</p>
<p>The woman bowed to him. ‘Master Sirius, heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. I am Phaedra Carrow and I am to be your new tutor. You will address me as Ms Carrow.’</p>
<p>‘What about Mr Prewett?’</p>
<p>‘He was not teaching you the things you needed to know. That is enough questions now. Sit down. We have much to learn about the History of your great family.’</p>
<p>As Sirius sat, she pulled down a huge tapestry and fastened it into place on the blackboard. It was a copy of the same tapestry that hung in his father’s study. He leaned forward, eagerly looking for his sister’s name. There was his, there was Regulus’s. But next to them was a patch, neatly sewn on, obscuring what was underneath.</p>
<p>‘Master Sirius, your family is one of the most important in our community. You need to learn who all these people are and how important they are.’</p>
<p>‘Where’s my sister?’ he asked, interrupting his new tutor.</p>
<p>Her eyes glinted and a deep frown settled between her brows. ‘How <em>dare</em> you interrupt me.’</p>
<p>‘I just want to know why my sister isn’t on the tapestry.’</p>
<p>Ms Carrow immediately picked up a thin whippy cane from her desk and glared at him. ‘Your mother has given me permission to use this on you if you will not behave. Now, sit quietly and listen.’</p>
<p>Sirius knew when to keep quiet. He sat back in his chair and let her voice wash over him. It was the same old stuff he’d listened his mother and his grandfather and most of his family drone on about before. The purity of their blood, the importance of his station, how vital it was to keep themselves apart from ordinary, lesser people. He’d heard it all before and he wasn’t interested. Sirius wanted to know what had happened to his old tutor. He wanted to know why his sister’s name was no longer on the tapestry. But he already knew he wasn’t getting an answer to any of these questions. Not anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Over the next few days, Remus unpacked his things and worked on getting his room how he wanted it. Papa found him some shelves in the shed outside and put them up. Remus set out his books in alphabetical order and put his toys in the toy box Papa had shrunk down to travel in the trailer. He’d brought all the Lego and the train set, as well as several puzzles, his chess set and the wooden toy castle with its little figures.</p>
<p>He put his clothes away in the chest of drawers and repositioned his bed, with Papa’s help, to next to the window. He liked to lie in bed and look at the night sky as he dropped off to sleep. René wasn’t always there. He got bored when Remus read or played quietly and would wander off. But he was always there at night, or when Remus needed him.</p>
<p>Papa was looking for a job but Mama wanted to stay at home and look after Remus as she always had. They were getting along okay and working out how things were going to work here.</p>
<p>There was a garden, which Remus liked. It backed onto a little woodland, much smaller and brighter than the forest at the back of the old estate. Remus was allowed to go wandering through the trees when he liked, as long as he didn’t go past them. It was like having the woods as his own private garden. Nobody else ever seemed to go there.</p>
<p>Muggles lived nearby but they stayed away from them, only venturing into town when they needed to. There was a beach nearby and Papa cast a protective spell over the far end of it, so they had somewhere to go by themselves. They took a walk there whenever the weather was good.</p>
<p>Every night, Remus sat on his bed and looked out of the window. The darkness of the countryside around them meant he could see the stars twinkling at him at night. They were a comfort.</p>
<p>But every night the moon got bigger and bigger, fuller and fuller. He didn’t know what was going to happen when it was full but he knew it would not be good. Papa’s face seemed more grey than ever and Remus caught him worrying several times a day.</p>
<p>The day before the full moon was a Wednesday. Papa came home from the job he’d got in an office and came upstairs to talk to Remus. Remus was sitting at his desk building a model Spitfire Papa had bought him. He’d read all about Spitfires from the muggle second world war.</p>
<p>Papa knocked on his door and Remus put down his glue. ‘Come in.’</p>
<p>Papa came in, smiling as he saw what Remus was doing. ‘Looking good, mon fils.’</p>
<p>Remus smiled. ‘I like building these, Papa. Will you get me more?’</p>
<p>‘Bien sûr. They keep you out of trouble.’ Papa sat on his bed. ‘Come and talk to me for a moment.’</p>
<p>Remus got up and went to sit next to Papa. Papa hesitated, then took a deep breath and turned to look at Remus. ‘You’ve been through a lot in the past month, mon cher, and I wish it did not have to get worse.’</p>
<p>Remus held on tight to Papa’s arm. ‘Papa, I know it’s full moon tomorrow. What are we going to do?’</p>
<p>Papa sighed. ‘It’s ... important that you are kept safe tomorrow.’</p>
<p>‘And that everybody else is too, Papa.’</p>
<p>Papa bit his lip. ‘Yes. Remus, it’s not your fault but tomorrow you will change. When the full moon is up, you won’t be able to help what you’ll be doing.’</p>
<p>‘I could be dangerous.’</p>
<p>Papa nodded. ‘Yes. So we have to protect you and everyone else for the night.’</p>
<p>Remus sat up straight, trying very hard to be grown up and sensible, however scary it was. ‘What arrangements have you made, Papa?’</p>
<p>Papa smiled and stroked his hair. ‘You’re being very brave, mon fils.’</p>
<p>‘I’ve got to be brave now, Papa.’</p>
<p>Papa pulled him onto his lap and held him close for a moment. ‘I’ve cleared out the cellar and put some new lights in. I’ve cast some protective enchantments around it and put a soft floor down there. It won’t be the most comfortable place but you’ll be safe and sound.’</p>
<p>Remus nodded. ‘I won’t... I won’t hurt anyone, will I?’</p>
<p>Papa hugged him tight. ‘No, mon cher, I won’t let anything bad happen.’</p>
<p>Remus was scared but he looked into Papa’s eyes and knew he had to believe him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next day Papa made sure he was home early from work, so they could eat tea well before Remus had to go down to that cellar. Mama made a simple bacon pasta dish. Remus was starving and he ate it all up, savouring the bacon in particular. Though, it wasn’t enough somehow.</p>
<p>As they finished, Papa sighed and leaned back in his chair. ‘It’s nearly time, Remus. Do you have any questions or worries before I take you down?’</p>
<p>Remus looked from Papa to Mama. She was quiet and her eyes were red. She bit her lip as she gazed at him. He gave her a reassuring smile.</p>
<p>‘I’ll be okay, Mama,’ he said.</p>
<p>Mama nodded and reached out to squeeze his hand.</p>
<p>‘Right,’ said Papa, standing up. ‘Let’s go down. Marie, go into the living room.’</p>
<p>Mama hesitated, then did as he asked. When she had gone, Papa picked Remus up and held him.</p>
<p>‘Papa, will it hurt?’</p>
<p>Papa swayed with him. ‘I think it might, my beautiful boy. But you’re so brave, you can bear it. I will be in help you the moment the moon sets.’</p>
<p>‘Yes, Papa,’ Remus said, holding on tight. ‘I will be brave. I promise.’</p>
<p>Papa kissed him, then carried him towards the cellar door off the kitchen. Remus felt himself shaking. He would be brave. He would.</p>
<p>They stepped into the cellar and Papa walked down the stairs. He had made the cellar as nice as he could, putting lino down on top of the cold stone and lighting it well. There were blankets there but nothing else.</p>
<p>‘The wolf might tear the blankets but don’t worry about that. They can be replaced.’ He put Remus down. ‘You’d better take your clothes off if you don’t want them to be damaged.’</p>
<p>Remus nodded, taking off his shirt and trousers but leaving on his underpants and socks. Papa kissed him on the top of his head.</p>
<p>‘I have to leave now, mon fils but everything will be fine. I’ll be back before you know it.’</p>
<p>Remus nodded and watched Papa walk away. On the other side of the door, he heard him cast the protective spell, then walk away, though not far. Remus could imagine him, sitting alone in the kitchen, ready to stay there all night.</p>
<p>He looked around, taking a deep breath as he prepared to face this alone. He smiled. No, not alone. René was there, silent and serious. Remus sat down on the blankets and hugged his knees. He was scared, despite what he had told Papa. His tummy was churning and he tried to take slow and steady breaths.</p>
<p>René was watching him. <em>It’s coming soon, Remy. Be brave.</em></p>
<p>Remus hugged himself tighter. ‘I’m scared, Reny.’</p>
<p>
  <em>Be brave. It’ll be over soon.</em>
</p>
<p>The first jolt of pain was a shock and Remus’s breath came out in a sharp gasp. René was close by him and Remus wanted nothing more than to be wrapped in his arms. His brother put his hand to his arm but he couldn’t properly touch him, not really. It was only the echo of a touch. It was of some comfort.</p>
<p>His fingers and toes began to tingle, then the sensation spread throughout his body. The throbbing came next, starting at his toes and spreading through his body. The sharp pain jolting through his body came every few minutes at first, then every few seconds. Then, everything was pain. He cried out, doubling over as he fought the pain.</p>
<p>René was there, speaking calmly to him. <em>It’s all right, Remy, be brave. It’s all right.</em></p>
<p>That was the last thing Remus heard before the wolf pushed him away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus came screaming back to himself with the dawn. He felt his brother close by him, the whispering touch of his hand on Remus’s bare arm.</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s all right, Remy, Papa’s coming.</em>
</p>
<p>The next moment, Papa was there, gathering him up in a blanket and whispering soothing words to him. Remus allowed himself to drift as Papa carried him upstairs. Mama was crying close by but Papa was calm. He laid Remus on his bed and started to clean the cuts, scratches and bites littering his skin.</p>
<p>Remus lay still, gazing out of his window as Papa treated his injuries. The sky outside was getting lighter but was still pink as the sun rose. Papa’s hands were gentle but pain throbbed through Remus’s body and he didn’t want to focus on what was happening. He needed something else to concentrate on.</p>
<p>‘We should go and explore the beach a little more on Sunday,’ Papa said. ‘Maybe we could go fishing.’</p>
<p>Remus smiled as he imagined it; him and Papa standing on the shoreline, slowly shifting sand beneath their feet, fishing in the sea. It wouldn’t even matter if they caught anything.</p>
<p>Papa bandaged his injuries and kissed his cheek. ‘Do you want to sleep now?’</p>
<p>Remus reached for him. ‘Read to me.’</p>
<p>Papa smiled. ‘All right. How about a little Roald Dahl?’</p>
<p>Remus nodded and snuggled down into his covers, holding Amis close. ‘James and the Giant Peach.’</p>
<p>Jean laughed. ‘One of my favourites.’ He pulled up the desk chair, opened the book and began to read.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Part One, The Beginning, Chapter Fourteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>All the doors in Grimmauld Place were thrown wide, all the corners were covered and every single member of the staff had been cleared away from the main hall outside Sirius’s room. The only place that wasn’t open was the stairway, which had been blocked off by house elves magic.</p>
<p>Sirius had been ordered to stay in his nursery, in the corner furthest from his doorway. Aris was watching him from the opposite corner, her expression sadly sympathetic, but she had to follow orders. Sirius shrugged. He was used to Mother trying to keep him away from Regulus; it had been happening for over a year now. If he were caught, he would be punished. But that was a price he was willing to pay.</p>
<p>Still, she couldn’t stop him needing the toilet at the exact moment his little brother tried to toddle on by.</p>
<p>Staring down at his toys, he grinned to himself. His baby brother was growing up fast! He still didn’t look like much, but his cheeks had really rounded out and his hair was a lot longer than it’d started out. The last time he’d snuck into Regulus’s room, his brother’s grip on his finger had almost been tight enough to pull it off! Sirius had heard someone coming and had had to leave in a hurry, but he couldn’t sleep when he finally got back to his bed.</p>
<p>Regulus had looked up at him with a slowly crumbling expression, as though it hurt him for Sirius to leave. He’d lain in bed and fought the need to go back for his brother and sneak him outside so he could sing to Regulus like Carina had done for him. But Mother had started checking up on Regulus a lot more regularly since the first time Sirius had visited. Besides, Regulus would be cold outside if they stayed too long.</p>
<p>So Siri had stayed awake, staring out his window at the stars and humming Cari’s song to himself. He had to remember it. It was important; it made him feel she was there even though she wasn’t. Regulus needed to know they had a beautiful sister.</p>
<p>He straightened as sounds from the hall reached him. He hunched in on himself and made pain-filled noises. Aris was at his side instantly, concern on her face.</p>
<p>‘Master Sirius, whatever is the matter?’</p>
<p>‘I-I know I’m supposed to stay in here, but I <em>really</em> need to use the toilet!’</p>
<p>Aris bit her lip. ‘Master Sirius, you’re seven years old. You’re not a little boy anymore. You can hold it for a few minutes whilst your brother walks by, can’t you? Your Mother wished you to stay out of the way so Master Regulus can attempt to walk uninterrupted.’ Her voice was soft. ‘We don’t want to risk your baby brother falling over, now do we, Sirius?’</p>
<p>Sirius groaned, acting as though he was in agony. ‘But I really need to go, Aris!’ He gave her a desperately embarrassed expression. ‘If I don’t go, I could have an accident and then Father will get mad!’</p>
<p>Aris glanced between Sirius and the door, then reluctantly nodded. ‘If you’re quick. Straight there and back, all right?’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded, giving her a grateful look before he stumbled to his feet. He appeared to be in pain, his steps so short he was barely moving. He kept his head lowered as though it would hurt to straighten up.</p>
<p>When he was half-way to the door, there was a happy cooing noise, followed by the unsteady footfalls of Regulus rushing towards him as quickly as he could go. But Regulus was going to fall over at that pace; Sirius ran to him and caught Regulus in his arms before he fell. Sirius beamed at him and swung him up into his arms protectively. Regulus cackled and immediately latched onto Sirius’s hair with one hand as the other pressed to his cheek.</p>
<p>Sirius could see that Aris was flapping around just out of range, her face changing between an expression of panic and contentment. But Mother was coming around the corner.</p>
<p>‘Regulus? Wherever did you toddle off to? Mother is so proud of y...’ She entered Sirius’s nursery and came to a halt, her face turning to stone.</p>
<p>Regulus was oblivious as Sirius held on a little tighter to him. He didn’t want to get Aris in trouble, but he wanted to look after Regulus.</p>
<p>‘M-Mistress, he just came in… Master Sirius just stopped him from falling…’ Aris stammered, not meeting her employer’s eyes.</p>
<p>Within two strides, Mrs Black had Regulus snatched out of Sirius’s arms and she strode from the room without a word. Regulus wailed all the way and Sirius’s eyes watered; his brother was taking some strands of Sirius’s hair with him. Still, he and Regulus maintained eye contact until Mother turned a corner and prevented them from seeing one another.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus’s quill scratched as he wrote the final answer in his workbook. He was running out of ink. He’d have to get Papa to buy him some more tomorrow. He sighed and sat back in his desk chair. He was done with his schoolwork for the day and he could now do whatever he wanted. He glanced up at the brand-new model kit on his shelf; an owl with moving eyes. Papa had bought it him yesterday. He could make a start on that, or he could go out to play.</p>
<p>He turned and looked out of the window. It was a sunny July day. The local schoolkids were on their summer holidays now. He should go out and play in the sun like one of them. But he wasn’t like one of them.</p>
<p>He reached for the model box.</p>
<p>
  <em>Remy, don’t you dare.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus looked up. René was glaring at him, hands on his hips. His brother had not changed, though Remus had got taller.</p>
<p>‘I want to start my model.’</p>
<p>
  <em>It’ll be dark in a few hours. Come on, Remy, let’s play outside. </em>
</p>
<p>Remus sighed. ‘All right, but just until Papa gets home. I want to show him my work.’</p>
<p>René grinned and immediately disappeared. Remus laughed and ran after him. He passed Mama in the kitchen. She was sitting with a cup of tea, staring into space. Remus skidded to a halt beside her.</p>
<p>‘Mama, are you okay?’</p>
<p>Mama blinked and looked at him. She smiled vaguely. ‘Of course, mon petit. Why don’t you two go out and play...’</p>
<p>Remus hesitated but Mama didn’t seem to realise what she had said. She took a sip of her cup of tea and said nothing more. Remus carried on outside.</p>
<p>For his seventh birthday, Papa had built him a swing set in the garden. He’d originally planned on only one swing but Remus had insisted on two, saying he’d need it if he had a friend over. That wasn’t the real reason, of course. His brother loved the swings.</p>
<p>René was already on his when Remus got there, swinging back and forth. He couldn’t move the swing properly; it just looked like a heavy gust of wind was blowing it around.</p>
<p>Remus sat on his own swing and kicked off. He swung idly for a little while, looking at the bright sunshine. Somewhere in the distance, he could hear other kids laughing as they played. He sighed. He knew he would never be like them. But he didn’t care. He had Mama, Papa, and René. He sometimes thought he was crazy but he didn’t feel crazy. He still felt like himself, except for the presence of the wolf lurking inside him. He didn’t like to think about it too much. It was best if the beast stayed as far away from him as possible.</p>
<p><em>Remy, let’s go and play in the woods,</em> said René suddenly.</p>
<p>Remus looked up, glancing at the little woodland at the bottom of their garden. He hesitated, biting his lip. René laughed at him.</p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t be a scaredy-cat, Remus. There aren’t any werewolves in these woods!</em>
</p>
<p>Remus smiled, shrugging. ‘I’m not scared.’</p>
<p><em>Come on, then</em>.</p>
<p>René was up in a second and running to the woods. Remus chased after him. It had taken him a little time to get used to the soundless way René ran now but he barely noticed it anymore. It was like running with the wind.</p>
<p>The twins ran, laughing, through the woods. Remus focused on René’s laughing face; it was much more comforting than the sound of his laughter. It sounded as though his brother was laughing quietly from a great distance. He’d never tell, but it sounded weird. But even the strange laughter was better than being alone out there.</p>
<p>Suddenly Remus came to a halt. He didn’t know why until he found himself focusing on a patch of grass to his left, squinting until he saw the fox he could already smell. René skidded to a stop too, frowning at Remus. Yet Remus couldn’t turn his head; the fox was closing in on something, prowling forward.</p>
<p>Before he knew it, Remus had rushed forward, letting out a low snarl to scare the fox off. The fox turned to bare its teeth at him, recognising Remus as the larger predator. Remus glared into the brown eyes ahead of him, baring his own human teeth in response. The fox’s ears twitched and he took one step in Remus’s direction before slinking away into the cover of the woods. As it left, a baby bird became visible to the Lupin twins, trembling, its wing hanging limply at its side.</p>
<p><em>Remus! You saved it! Hey, now we can have a pet and teach it to bring notes like an owl. </em> René trailed off, slowly coming towards Remus who hadn’t moved or reacted to the fox’s exit. <em>Hey, Remy, are you okay?</em></p>
<p>Remus shook his head, hair flying into his eyes. He grunted, then raised his foot in the bird’s direction. Before his foot landed back on the ground, his stomach let out a loud grumble and his tongue slid over his lips.</p>
<p>He blinked and fell backwards, away from the bird. René was staring at him.</p>
<p>‘I-I…’ His stomach repeated its demand for food, his eyes returning to the bird. Remus scrambled up, his hand over his mouth. Inside, somewhere deep down, the wolf gave a low howl. It wanted to eat the bird. Remus could imagine the bird’s blood everywhere already and it made the wolf starving.</p>
<p>
  <em>Moonlight making splashes of blood sparkle; a sharp pain; René lying still surrounded by his own blood.</em>
</p>
<p>‘No!’ Remus scrambled to his feet, his heart pounding wildly in his chest. He had to get back to Mama, to explain, before she made them their tea. He heard his brother following him, but he didn’t pay any attention. He felt hungry and ill all at once, like when he’d had a stomach bug a few years ago.</p>
<p>When he got the house, he came to stop before Mama, panting hard. She sat up, looking less vacant than usual as though she sensed her son had an important announcement.</p>
<p>Remus straightened his spine. ‘M-Mama, I need to be vegetarian. I know what it means and I know I-I don’t want to hurt anyone or anything, s-so I need to not be anywhere near meat.’ Tears swam in his eyes, but he kept them inside.</p>
<p>Marie Lupin frowned at him. From the corner of his eye, Remus saw René staring at him in shock.</p>
<p>‘But mon fils, what has brought this on? You have always liked the food we give you.’ She held out her arms and, when Remus ran into them, scooped him up into her lap.</p>
<p>Remus couldn’t help it; he started to sob, barely able to breathe as he pictured hurting animals like that cute little bird. René had wanted to adopt it, but the wolf had insisted it would eat it if Remus hadn’t run away. Mama gently pulled him into a tighter hug, holding onto him as she patted his back and waited.</p>
<p>Once he had stopped his tears, she pulled back to gently wipe his cheeks. ‘Whatever happened to make you believe you must be a vegetarian, mon petit?’</p>
<p>He gulped in a breath. ‘I-I saw a fox hunting a little b-bird and the w-w-wolf wanted me to <em>eat</em> <em>it</em>! I don’t want to eat birds Mama!’</p>
<p>Marie bit her lip for a moment, just rocking him. Then she smiled slowly, a conspiratorial smile that seemed to warm him up from the inside out. ‘I have the very thing, mon bébé. We shall only serve vegetarian food in the house.’</p>
<p>Remus nodded frantically. ‘We won’t eat any meat, then? None at all? Is that all right?’</p>
<p>Marie Lupin solemnly nodded at her son before gently kissing his head. ‘Of course it is all right, my precious. I love you no matter what.’ She hugged him, then set him on his feet. ‘Now go and play, my darling. It will be dark soon and your brother will be unhappy if you don’t play out together for at least some of the time.’</p>
<p>Remus bit his lip. Mama looked vague again, smiling off into the distance as she raised her cup of cold tea to her lips and took a sip.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Part One, The Beginning, Chapter Fifteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The 26<sup>th </sup>May 1967 was an odd day. Remus couldn’t concentrate on his schoolwork, even though Friday was usually his most productive day. René wasn’t around and Remus didn’t call for him. It was exactly three years since that night, the night when everything had changed.</p>
<p>Mama seemed to be avoiding thinking about it. She hummed as she compulsively cleaned the kitchen. Papa had gone out to work as usual. A little while after lunchtime, Remus put down his work, deciding it was too difficult to concentrate today. He went downstairs, expecting to find Mama still cleaning up after their sandwiches. She wasn’t. She was sitting at the kitchen table, an open book and a cup of tea in front of her. But she wasn’t reading or drinking, she was just staring.</p>
<p>‘Mama? Are you all right?’</p>
<p>Mama blinked, then looked at him and smiled. ‘Hello, Remus. Have you finished your schoolwork?’</p>
<p>Remus shrugged and pulled up a chair. ‘I can’t concentrate today.’ He rested his head on her shoulder. ‘Mama, do you think about France much?’</p>
<p>Mama put her arm around him. ‘You boys had the time of your lives running around the estate.’ She hugged him tight. ‘Such a wonderful place for children to grow up.’</p>
<p>Remus looked up at her. She was smiling but there was that vague look in her eyes he was getting used to seeing. ‘It’s nice here too,’ he said. ‘I like the garden and the woodland.’</p>
<p>‘Your birthday’s soon, isn’t it mon petit?’</p>
<p>‘Yes, Mama, two weeks from today.’</p>
<p>She smiled at him. ‘Is there anything you would like?’</p>
<p>Remus sat up. ‘I’d love my own copy of <em>Hogwarts: A History</em>.’</p>
<p>Mama smiled and patted him on the head. ‘Of course, mon petit. You may have any book you’d like.’</p>
<p>Remus leaned up and kissed her cheek. ‘Thank you, Mama.’</p>
<p>She kissed him on the top of his head. ‘Off you go and play outside now, mon petit.’</p>
<p>Remus left, letting himself out through the back door. It was sunny but a little chilly outside. He went to his swing and sat down. He swung idly, his thoughts occupying him heavily. He was going to be nine in two weeks. That life in France seemed so long ago, yet it was so close as well. He remembered having friends there. Now, he only had his family.</p>
<p>He’d met some of the local kids over the years, when out and about in town. He’d run into them at the shops, the park or in the chippie. But they skirted away from him when they saw him, sensing he was different somehow. Remus didn’t know whether it was the wizard in him or the wolf.</p>
<p>The swing began to move by itself, up higher and higher. He looked around for René but he wasn’t there. He blinked, realising it was him who was controlling the swing. He concentrated and made himself stop. He knew it wasn’t technically allowed. He grinned as he turned that thought over in his mind. It would be allowed at Hogwarts. He was magic, he knew that. In two more years, he would be able to go.</p>
<p>Papa had always wanted them to go to Hogwarts, like he did. Mama had wanted Beauxbatons, because she had gone there and said it was more elegant. Remus wanted to go to Hogwarts, like Papa. It occurred to them that the decision had been made completely out of their control three years ago.</p>
<p>He couldn’t wait to read all about Hogwarts. It was the only thing that would get him through the two long years before he could go.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius sat in his nursery, playing with his new Hogwarts model. He’d just started a Quidditch game between Slytherin and Gryffindor when something disturbed him. He put the players down and frowned at the floor. He felt strange, too hot and sweaty, but there was a cooling breeze coming through his bedroom window. He pulled at his proper collar and wrapped his arms around his knees.</p>
<p>Sirius’s eyes caught on the Slytherin serpent slithering around the grounds, the lion almost caught between its fangs. But the lion kept ahead of the snake, craftily diving around corners where the snake had to be more careful. Sirius smiled as the lion foiled the serpent. He picked up his Quidditch players again as an idea came to him.</p>
<p>The Gryffindor team swooped and dove, evading all of Slytherin’s best attempts despite the cheating they tried. Usually Slytherin won the cup, besting any and all opponents; but Sirius kept picturing his cousins Bellatrix and Lucius, sneering at him and happily getting him into trouble. If all Slytherins were like that, he wasn’t sure he wanted them to win every time.</p>
<p>He’d just had Gryffindor score the winning goal, the Quaffle going soaring past the Slytherin Keeper <em>just</em> before the Gryffindor Seeker caught the Snitch, when Aris came closer to check up on him.</p>
<p>‘Master Sirius, have you finished your homework for Mr Selwyn?’ She froze, staring at the celebration going on over on the Gryffindor side of the stadium. Her mouth went slack moments before she grabbed Sirius in a firm grip without hurting him. She started to shake him, then forced herself to stop.</p>
<p>Sirius stared up at her. ‘A-Aris, what’s wrong?’</p>
<p>She finally found her voice and pulled him away from his model. ‘Master Siri, if your Father or Merlin forbid your <em>Grandfather</em> saw you playing with your toys like this!’ She clammed up, shock making her eyes wide and her cheeks flushed.</p>
<p>Aris had never grabbed him like this before, and he didn’t see why she had done so this time. ‘But Aris, what have I done? I haven’t broken anything; I just thought it might be good to change who won for a change.’</p>
<p>Aris shook her head wildly before releasing him so she could put her hand over his mouth. ‘No, Master Sirius. You are the Black Heir. Do you know what that means?’</p>
<p>Sirius rolled his eyes and shrugged, flipping his hair out of his face as he folded his arms. ‘I will one day control the Family. I will run this mansion and go wherever I want.’</p>
<p>Aris nodded. ‘Yes; but if your actions do not follow the <em>correct</em> pattern, the same one everyone in this house follows, then you will not be allowed to remain.’ Her lip quivered. ‘O-or your elders will be displeased and then you may be punished. I don’t want to see you hurt, Master Sirius. So please remember your place and don’t change anything that shouldn’t be changed.’</p>
<p>Sirius stared at her, then slowly switched his focus to the Quidditch game, where the Gryffindors were still cheering. His throat closed up as Aris scurried away from him to compose herself. The lion bounded past the stadium and the beauty of it struck him hard; the golden mane, the fierce way it distracted the snake from its companions. The bravery it took to be that close to the snake’s fangs and not whimper or whine.</p>
<p>He sat down hard, his heart pounding. <em>What if I were a Gryffindor when I go to Hogwarts?</em> He shook his head rapidly, as though the thought could be dislodged. Yet even as he tried to disagree with the idea in as many ways as possible, it persisted in the back of his mind. He wasn’t sure he wanted to be a Slytherin if it meant turning out like his cousins and he’d feel much better with the Gryffindor Lion emblazoned on his chest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus stayed out until it got dark. Normally, he’d go to greet Papa when he came home but he wanted to make the most of the daylight that day. When it got dark, he went inside. Mama wasn’t in the kitchen. As he passed the lounge, he heard them talking. He didn’t stop to listen but went right upstairs to his bedroom and found a book to read. He needed the distraction. He wished he had something about Hogwarts to read.</p>
<p>He settled on <em>To Kill a Mockingbird</em>. He had read it before but it was one of his favourites and easy to sink into.</p>
<p>He had only got a couple of chapters in when there was a knock on his door. ‘Come in.’</p>
<p>Papa came in, looking serious. Remus put down his book and sat up on his bed. ‘What is it, Papa?’</p>
<p>Papa sighed and sat down next to him. ‘I need to talk to you.’</p>
<p>‘What about?’</p>
<p>‘You asked your mother for a book about Hogwarts for your birthday.’</p>
<p>‘Yes, Papa, she said I could have it.’</p>
<p>Papa took a deep breath. ‘Remus ... you can of course have any book you would like but ... it’s important to be realistic. Remus, mon fils, mon coeur, I’m afraid I do not think they will allow you to go to Hogwarts.’</p>
<p>‘But ... but, I’m magic,’ said Remus, confused. What was Papa saying? He’d always known he would go to magical school when he turned eleven. He looked up at Papa, who was watching him with a pained expression, and the realisation hit him. ‘They won’t let me go, will they? Because of ...it.’</p>
<p>Papa shook his head and his eyes seemed to be wetter than usual. ‘Non, mon fils cher, they will not.’ He put his arms around Remus. ‘I’m so sorry, Remus.’</p>
<p>Remus pressed his face to Papa’s chest and breathed in his scent. He smelt of books and coffee. It was of some comfort. Papa kissed the top of his head. ‘We will do whatever we can to teach you at home, Remus. You <em>will</em> be able to use magic, I promise.’</p>
<p>Remus wanted to cry but he kept it in. He had to be grown up about this. He was nearly nine. He was old enough to be brave. Papa kissed him again, holding him close.</p>
<p>‘I know, mon fils, I know.’</p>
<p>After a while, Remus pulled back from his Papa’s embrace. He sniffled. ‘Papa, what will we tell Mama when she asks why I changed my mind about wanting a book on Hogwarts for my birthday?’</p>
<p>Jean stroked Remus’s hair gently. ‘You may still have the book, mon fils.’ He sighed and nodded as Remus gave him a look of denial. ‘Of course you can have something else.’ Papa bit his lip. Remus knew he hadn’t thought through what Mama might think to the change in their plans for Remus’s magical education.</p>
<p>As Remus watched, his Papa seemed to grow older than he had been mere minutes ago. He stood, placing Remus down on the bed. ‘I had better go tell her, mon fils.’</p>
<p>Remus stood up as Papa started towards the door. ‘I’ll come with you, Papa.’ He slipped his hand into Jean’s and held tight.</p>
<p>Jean began to tell him he didn’t have to come, but one look at Remus’s face showed him that would be pointless. His son was becoming a man before his very eyes, and a little too soon. He bent and kissed the top of Remus’s head before walking down the stairs with him.</p>
<p>As they entered the living room, Marie looked up from her untouched knitting, proud to see her family together. Remus and Jean sat on either side of Mama, Remus sliding his hand into hers.</p>
<p>‘Marie, ma chérie, Remus has changed his mind. He does not want the book on Hogwarts for his birthday,’ Jean took a deep breath, trying to steady his voice before he continued, ‘because he isn’t going to Hogwarts.’</p>
<p>For a moment, Mama didn’t react. She simply stared at her husband in mild confusion. Suddenly her whole face lit up and she tightened her hand around Remus’s as her eyes overflowed with tears. ‘I know, mon fils, I know! You have, of course, decided that you miss La Belle France and wish to go to Beauxbatons! Oh, I shall teach you all you need to know about my old school, more than any books could ever hope to contain!’ She sighed happily, content. ‘It was always my dream to see my beautiful sons in the Beauxbatons uniform. You will adore it there, mon fils, I promise!’</p>
<p>Father and son looked at each other, then back at Mama. Papa shook his head and Remus hugged his mother tightly before speaking.</p>
<p>‘No, Mama. I can’t go to any magic school. I don’t want to hurt anyone there.’</p>
<p>Jean watched as Marie seemed to deflate, somehow becoming a shell in a matter of minutes. She rocked Remus at her side and murmured a lullaby to him, as though he were a small child again. Her gentle eyes were faraway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Train whistle blowing, makes a sleepy noise,</p>
<p>Underneath their blankets go all the girls and boys</p>
<p>Heading from the station, out along the bay</p>
<p>All bound for Morningtown, many miles away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Papa’s at the engine, Reny rings the bell</p>
<p>Remy swings the lantern to show that all is well.</p>
<p>Rocking, rolling, riding, out along the bay,</p>
<p>All bound for Morningtown, many miles away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe it is raining where our train will ride</p>
<p>But all the little travellers are snug and warm inside.</p>
<p>Somewhere there is sunshine, somewhere there is day</p>
<p>Somewhere there is Morningtown, many miles away.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Part One, The Beginning, Chapter Sixteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the July 1969 and Sirius could not concentrate. He stared out of the schoolroom window at the beautiful sunny day outside and wished he could be out there, flying around on his broomstick.</p>
<p>‘Master Sirius, will you concentrate? How do you expect to present yourself at Hogwarts as the proper Black Heir if you refuse to pay attention to your lessons?’ Master Selwyn said.</p>
<p>‘My charm and wit, Sir?’</p>
<p>Master Selwyn fixed him with a hard look. ‘Do you wish me to report your insolence to your father? He may decide to send you to the Durmstrang Institute. It is not too late. Your Hogwarts letter has not yet arrived.’</p>
<p>Sirius rolled his eyes but returned his gaze to copy of <em>The Pure-Blood Directory</em> open in front of him. ‘I’m concentrating, <em>Sir</em>.’</p>
<p> ‘Good. Perhaps you will make a worthy Heir after all.’</p>
<p>Sirius gave Master Selwyn a dark look but didn’t comment. His tutor could make things unpleasant for him if he wished.</p>
<p>‘As you see,’ continued Master Selwyn. ‘There are many worthy families whose children you may befriend. It is essential to make proper friends. <em>Pure</em> friends will become contacts when you leave school. Pure families must support each other. Now, close your book and recite back to me the Sacred Twenty Eight Families.’</p>
<p>Sirius sighed and closed the book. In a bored voice, he began to recite. As he did so, he allowed his mind to wander. His Hogwarts letter should be arriving any day now. He had exactly sixty-two days left until he was going. Once the letter came, he would be taken to Diagon Alley to get his very own wand. He could not wait.</p>
<p>‘At least you know something,’ said Master Selwyn, when he had finished. ‘Now, I want you to write two rolls of parchment on the importance of keeping the line pure while I go and fetch your brother. It is time he began his lesson too.’ He exited the room, giving his oldest charge a suspicious look as he headed out the door.</p>
<p>Sirius got out his parchment and quill, happily shoving the huge tome dedicated to the Sacred Twenty-Eight away from him. Anything that allowed him to close that book was wonderful. He scowled. His essay wasn’t much better, but at least it didn’t tell him whom he had to befriend. He smirked, picturing becoming friends with one of the Weasleys. Mother would certainly not like <em>that</em>. He sighed; neither would Father or Grandfather and they were the ones who wielded the strap.</p>
<p>Regulus came in at that moment, grinning from ear to ear as he spotted Sirius. He scurried into his seat, opened his mouth to speak then jumped as the door was shut with a slam.</p>
<p>‘Master Regulus, leave the Heir alone; he has a most important assignment to hand over to me before I am convinced he shall leave for Hogwarts with the proper knowledge.’</p>
<p>Regulus’s face fell, until Sirius winked at him, his hand squeezing his brother’s under the table whilst Master Selwyn began writing on the blackboard, the chalk shrieking as it formed words. Sirius wasn’t surprised, considering that the words it was forming were complete nonsense.</p>
<p>‘You may not be the Heir, Master Regulus, but I assure you, your behaviour shall reflect upon your brother. So learn your lessons well.’ Master Selwyn turned to face Regulus, narrowing his eyes at him. ‘We shall begin with your knowledge of the Family Motto, which is?’</p>
<p>Sirius rolled his eyes, but Regulus sat up very straight and stared straight ahead. ‘<em>Toujours Pur</em>!’</p>
<p>He sounded like the perfect little Black, reciting the words without a hint of irony or sarcasm. Sirius looked up from the sentence he’d managed to write, staring at his brother, then looking to their tutor. Master Selwyn wore a smug expression, a fanatical light in his eyes that turned Sirius’ stomach. He suddenly wished he could apparate, taking Regulus with him.</p>
<p>‘What does <em>Toujours Pur</em> mean to you, Master Regulus?’</p>
<p>Regulus took in a deep breath. ‘Do not mix the bloodlines, do not contaminate the Black reputation, the Sacred Black name, with so much as a whisper of impurity. Do not associate with, talk to or even acknowledge anyone who is unworthy, unless to point out how ridiculous they are. Never deign to do something that could be done for you, whilst always striving for excellence. Respect the Family and keep their Purity at the forefront of your mind.’</p>
<p>Master Selwyn was almost salivating. He nodded enthusiastically at Regulus. ‘Excellent, you are truly an exceptional student, Master Regulus! We will have a great head start on your studies before you even anticipate the arrival of <em>your</em> letter!’ He sighed contentedly, rubbing his hands. ‘Now I may go request our favourite dessert from cook before we continue.’ He swept from the room, leaving the two brothers alone.</p>
<p>Sirius stared at Regulus. He looked delighted, a blush staining his cheeks. Except he seemed genuinely pleased, not embarrassed at having had to learn such a diatribe so early on. Sirius felt so ill he had to put down his quill and put his hand over his mouth.</p>
<p>Regulus turned to him, his eyes sparkling. ‘Didn’t I do well, Siri? Master is so proud of me! I know if I learn what he teaches, word for word, Mamma and Father will be proud, too. I want to see Mamma smile.’ He gave his brother a starry-eyed look. ’Isn’t Mamma so pretty when she smiles?’</p>
<p>Sirius felt like he’d been stabbed; ‘Mamma’ <em>never</em> smiled at him. Still, he forced himself to breathe through it and smile back weakly at his brother. Regulus might be parroting these words, but it didn’t mean he believed them. He just wanted to make everyone proud. Sirius could understand that.</p>
<p>Regulus finally frowned as he noticed how unwell Sirius looked. ‘Are you all right, Siri? Oh, don’t worry! I’ll be sure to give you a biscuit even if Master Selwyn doesn’t.’ He beamed conspiratorially. ‘Under the table if I have to!’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded and was just about to put his head into his hands when Reg launched himself at him, hugging him tightly. ‘I love you, Siri,’ he whispered, his voice strong in Sirius’s ear.</p>
<p>Sirius hugged him back tight. He needed to protect his brother however he could. ‘I love you, too, Reg.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus’s eleventh birthday had been an odd day. Papa had taken the day off from work and they’d gone to the beach. They were safe down at the far end of the beach and Mama couldn’t wander off there. They’d brought a picnic and Papa had set off fireworks as the sun had set. But no one talked about what should have been happening once he’d turned eleven.</p>
<p>It was nearly a month after his birthday now. Remus had spent a lot of time in his room reading. Papa had bought him some magical theory books and he was applying for permission to teach Remus magic at home. Remus hoped it would be granted; he was certain Papa would try and teach him in secret if it wasn’t.</p>
<p>He frowned over the words he had just read. <em>Muggles rarely become werewolves, as they often die from their injuries. However, it is rare that a werewolf will be a fully trained wizard, due to the difficulty in educating them. Few adult werewolves retain their powers, as many decide to give up their wands and live with their own kind.  </em></p>
<p>He had known that, although once he had hoped he would disprove the theory and become a great wizard like his Papa. But now, he knew that would never happen. Even if Papa managed to get permission to teach Remus at home, it would not be like going to Hogwarts.</p>
<p>He heard the front door close downstairs. He put his book down and went downstairs. Papa was in the hall, putting his briefcase down. With a heavy sigh, he took off his outer robe and undid his tie. He looked old and tired.</p>
<p>‘Did you have a good day at work, Papa?’</p>
<p>Papa looked up and smiled at him. ‘Hello, Remus. Work was okay. How was your day?’</p>
<p>Remus shrugged. ‘I did a lot of reading.’ He bit his lip. ‘Did you hear? From the ministry?’</p>
<p>Papa winced and leaned back against the wall. ‘I did, mon fils.’</p>
<p>Remus deflated. ‘It’s not good news, is it?’</p>
<p>Papa shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, Remus, they’re ... nervous about allowing a w...’ He paused, biting his lip. ‘They’re anxious about allowing an unqualified wizard to practise magic so close to a muggle settlement. If we still had an estate it might have been different but …’</p>
<p>‘Papa...’</p>
<p>‘Don’t worry, Remus. We can learn the theory and when you’re seventeen, we’ll catch up on the practical.’</p>
<p>Remus didn’t say anything. He walked the rest of the way down the stairs and past his father. Papa reached for him but Remus didn’t stop.</p>
<p>‘I’m going to play outside until teatime,’ he said, flatly. He felt Papa watching him but he couldn’t make himself look back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was Saturday breakfast and Sirius tugged at his collar. He did not understand why Mother insisted on formal dress for breakfast with just the family. He glanced across the table at Regulus, who was concentrating on slicing into his kippers. The six-year-old looked cute but ridiculous in his tie and dress robes. School uniform would be a doddle after this.</p>
<p>Sirius loosened his tie a little until he caught Mother glaring at him. ‘Do you want to be sent away from the table, Sirius?’ she demanded.</p>
<p>‘I wouldn’t mind,’ said Sirius, although he wasn’t exactly looking forward to his day of lessons.</p>
<p>Mother glared even harder at him. ‘Do you wish to visit your father’s study before your lessons?’</p>
<p>Sirius winced. He glanced at his father but got no response. ‘No, Mother.’</p>
<p>‘Then you will keep a civil tongue in your head. I will not have backtalk from my son. You are the Heir, are you not?’</p>
<p>‘Yes, Mother.’</p>
<p>‘And a Black, what is more. Do not set a bad example for your brother.’</p>
<p>Sirius knew it was not worth it to argue with Mother, though he had to bite his lip to stop himself. It could be so rewarding to see that glint of anger in her eyes.</p>
<p>He returned to eating his kippers in silence, trying not to cringe with every mouthful. He hated kippers.</p>
<p>Kreacher came in, clutching the silver letter tray high above his head. It was piled with letters, as usual. Kreacher doled them out, with most going to Father, but a couple going to Mother.</p>
<p>There was one letter left on the tray. Kreacher came up to him and bowed low, far lower than was necessary. He always did that and it made Sirius’s skin crawl.</p>
<p>‘Master Sirius,’ he squeaked. ‘A letter for you, Master.’</p>
<p>Sirius took the thick envelope. It was addressed to him in elegant emerald green writing. He slid open the envelope. He could feel all eyes on him as he slid out the letter and read it through.</p>
<p>
  <em>Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Dear Mr Black,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Term begins on 1st September. We await your owl by no later than 31st July. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yours sincerely,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Minerva McGonagall</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Deputy Headmistress</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Uniform</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>First-year students will require: </em>
</p>
<ol>
<li><em>Three sets of plain work robes (black)</em></li>
<li><em>One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear</em></li>
<li><em>One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)</em></li>
<li><em>One winter cloak (black, silver fastenings)</em></li>
</ol>
<p>
  <em>Please note that all pupils’ clothes should carry name tags. </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Set Books</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>All students should have a copy of the following: </em>
</p>
<p>The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1)<em> by Miranda Goshawk</em></p>
<p>A History of Magic<em> by Bathilda Bagshot</em></p>
<p>Magical Theory<em> by Adalbert Waffling</em></p>
<p>A Beginners’ Guide to Transfiguration<em> by Emeric Switc</em></p>
<p>One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi <em>by Phyllida Spre</em></p>
<p>Magical Drafts and Potions<em> by Arsenius Jigger</em></p>
<p>Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them<em> by Newt Scamander</em></p>
<p>The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection<em> by Quentin Trimble</em></p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Other Equipment</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            1 Wand</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            1 Cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            1 set glass or crystal phials</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            1 telescope</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            1 set brass scales</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Students may bring an owl OR a cat OR a toad</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS</em>
</p>
<p>‘Did you get in?’ asked Regulus.</p>
<p>Father glared at him. ‘Of course he got in, boy. Sirius is the Black Heir! I expect he will be the most powerful wizard in that whole school. He can certainly best all of his cousins.’</p>
<p>Mother glared back. ‘He had better improve his attitude it he wishes to remain the Black Heir. We do have another son if our first fails to live up to his expectations.’</p>
<p>‘There is no reason why Sirius should fail to meet his expectations. One merely has to look at the boy to see what a powerful wizard he is,’ Father said, proudly.</p>
<p>Sirius smiled a little at Father, who beamed back at him.</p>
<p>Mother tutted and shook her head. ‘You are too soft on the boy. Your father agrees with me on this.’</p>
<p>Father turned his glare from Mother to Regulus and opened his mouth. Sirius reached for him, brushing his hand ever so slightly. Father glanced at him and Sirius sent him a pleading look. It wasn’t Regulus’s fault.</p>
<p>Father dropped his gaze.</p>
<p>Mother turned her glare from Father to Sirius. ‘This is a very important moment, Sirius. You are about to embark upon your journey to becoming a man. You will learn much at school and you will become powerful. But you must maintain your station at all times. You will make connections at school and you will find a wife. You must not, not for even a single moment, lose sight of who you are. You are The Black Heir, Sirius. You have a responsibility to maintain the reputation of our family.’</p>
<p>Mother’s gaze burnt Sirius as she glared into his eyes.</p>
<p>‘There is a war raging out there, Sirius. A war in which mudbloods, blood traitors and muggle sympathizers will attempt to pull you or another member of The Family out of line. As The Heir, you will be the one who is <em>expected</em> to take note of any family member who may be allowing themselves to weaken, who takes pity on the undeserving and unworthy instead of taking every opportunity to grind down their spirit. Even so-called professors are to be scorned for the good of the Family. Hogwarts has become an overly tolerant place, filled with undesirables. If you cannot weed them out, then you must guard against them for the sake of the Family and our status as a Sacred Twenty-Eight bloodline. Always remember, <em>Toujour Pur</em>.’ </p>
<p>Regulus’s eyes were very round and he’d stopped attempting to eat his kippers. He stared from Mother to Sirius, awed at the idea that his brother was a knight who would defend the Family. Sirius could almost see Regulus deciding then and there to take extra time for his lessons.</p>
<p>Mother bared her teeth in a fierce mockery of a smile. ‘As the Heir, any punishments due for infractions committed by a member of the Family may be laid at your door. So heed my lessons well, or your grandfather will be the very first to reprimand you. <em>Toujour Pur</em>.’ This time the family motto was almost a purr as Mother returned her attention to her breakfast.</p>
<p>Sirius clutched onto his Hogwarts letter. Only fifty-seven days to go.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus was determined not to give up. He would learn as much as he could, despite what the ministry said. They couldn’t stop him from learning.</p>
<p>‘Remus, it’s way past time you had a little sunshine,’ said Jean Lupin, putting his head round Remus’s bedroom door and looking sternly at him. </p>
<p>Remus looked up from his book, <em>A History of Magic</em> by Bathilda Bagshot and frowned. ‘I’m doing my History project, Papa.’</p>
<p>‘It’s three o’clock in the afternoon, Remus and you’ve been studying without a break since nine. And it’s Saturday.’</p>
<p>‘I stopped for lunch.’                                             </p>
<p>‘You accepted the plate of sandwiches I brought you and ate when whilst you did your mathematics.’</p>
<p>Remus bit his lip. ‘I enjoy doing my schoolwork, Papa.’</p>
<p>‘I know but it technically is summer and even homeschooled children should enjoy their holidays.’</p>
<p>‘But ...’</p>
<p>‘No arguments. You need the fresh air and the sunshine. Now out.’</p>
<p>‘Papa...’</p>
<p>‘And leave your books here.’</p>
<p>Remus pulled a face but obediently got up and trudged out, his Papa watching until he was safely outside in the sunshine.</p>
<p>It was a gorgeous day and, he conceded, it was pleasant to be out. But he didn’t know why he couldn’t have brought his book. He could learn and have fun.</p>
<p>He sighed and made his way over to the set of swings at the far end of the garden. Remus stared at them, suddenly regretting that he’d made Papa build two. René couldn’t really swing with him and now he wasn’t going to Hogwarts he couldn’t see anyone ever <em>really </em>using it. He wouldn’t make any friends to invite them over. He had no one.</p>
<p><em>I’m here</em>, his brother’s voice was soft and barely there.</p>
<p>Remus felt a horrible aching sadness in chest. ‘We can’t really play though, not anymore.’</p>
<p>René became silent and still, glaring at Remus. <em>I can’t help it, Remy, you know I can’t!</em> René started making the swing rock back and forth.</p>
<p>Remus watched the movement of the swing for a while, before sitting down on his own swing. He bit his lip. It wasn’t his family’s fault the Minister didn’t want him to learn magic, but it was all so unfair!</p>
<p>He looked away from the other swing and stared across the garden at the house. René didn’t like being ignored. With a huff, he disappeared, leaving Remus truly alone. He was just settling in for a good sulk when he heard a loud <em>pop</em>!</p>
<p>Remus sat up straight. That had sounded like someone apparating. He frowned. Papa wasn’t going out, so who could it be? Without thinking about it, he scrambled to get off the swing and rushed to the house, skidding a little as he came in the back door. Mama barely looked up from her knitting, her smile vague as she watched him from the kitchen table. There was a knock on the door.</p>
<p>Papa turned from the stove, a cup of tea in his hand. For a moment he seemed confused, then fear transformed him. He held his finger to his lips and motioned for Remus to go hide in the back porch, just in case. Mama blinked and rose halfway to her feet, unsure what she should be doing. Jean made sure Remus had got himself hidden before he finally answered the door.</p>
<p>Remus peered around the corner and frowned. A strange man was standing on the doorstep, barely visible around Papa.</p>
<p>Jean Lupin stared at him, obviously shocked. The man smiled and tilted his head ever so slightly, as though asking a question. In reply, Jean blushed and hurriedly got out of the way.</p>
<p>‘Professor, what are you doing here?’</p>
<p>His smile widened. ‘I have come to see young Master Lupin, if you would be so kind, Jean?’</p>
<p>Papa stiffened for a moment. ‘Sir, if you mean him harm…’ He broke off as the stranger peered at him over his half-moon spectacles. Papa nodded jerkily. ‘R-right. Remus is in the kitchen. Would you like a cup of tea, Professor?’</p>
<p>Instead of answering, the Professor came towards the kitchen. Remus just managed to straighten up before the stranger reached him. He stared, his mouth slightly open. The man seemed somewhat familiar, as though he’d seen his picture in a book or something. He was a tall, thin man, with long silver hair and a beard so long he could tuck it into his belt. He wore half-moon spectacles and vivid purple robes. </p>
<p><em>Who </em>is<em> he, Remy? </em>René asked, staring at this stranger in their house. His earlier huff seemed to be forgotten.</p>
<p>Remus shook his head a tiny bit, not wanting to show this man that he could see René standing there.</p>
<p>Still, a knowing smile curled his lips. ‘Mister Remus Lupin, I presume?’ His voice was gently jovial, his eyes twinkling.</p>
<p>Remus nodded, unable to say a word.</p>
<p>‘Would you like to show me your garden, Mister Lupin? I have a fondness for swings, and I rarely get to use them anymore.’</p>
<p>Remus glanced at Papa, unsure about the correct response. Papa still appeared bewildered, but he nodded; he must trust this man. Without another word, Remus led him to the swings.</p>
<p>Once they were each sitting on a swing, with René keeping a close watch on them from the side, the stranger spoke again.</p>
<p>‘My name is Albus Dumbledore, Remus, and I am the Headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.’</p>
<p>Remus’s jaw dropped and so did René’s. No wonder this man looked familiar! He was in several books and had his own Chocolate Frog Card!</p>
<p>‘Quite so. I hear you’re an excellent student, Remus. So excellent indeed, that you have insisted on learning at home as often as you can and hardly ever put down your books.’</p>
<p>Remus blushed, suddenly bashful. ‘I-I like to learn things, Sir. Papa says I have to try and go outside every now and then, but I need to learn as much as I can, so maybe I can use magic someday.’</p>
<p>Dumbledore nodded, his eyes showing empathy. ‘Learning is indeed important, Remus. What else do you do with your time?’</p>
<p>‘I like to read a lot, Sir, or sometimes I go on out walks with Mama and Papa. I like to play chess, Sir, but Papa works a lot and I don’t really have any friends here.’ He sighed softly. ‘But I suppose I’ll be all right. I have been so far.’ He took a deep breath and then turned to Dumbledore, meeting his gaze. ‘Sir, I wanted to go to Hogwarts so I could become a great wizard like Papa and prove all the textbooks wrong; I wanted to be a strong wizard not...’</p>
<p>From the side, René started clapping, cheering Remus on. <em>You don’t need Hogwarts for that, Remy. Stay home with me.</em></p>
<p>Dumbledore turned his head and stared directly at his brother for a moment, a faint smile in place.</p>
<p>Remus sighed. ‘But I know I can’t. I’m too dangerous.’ Deflated, he started swinging, avoiding Professor Dumbledore’s eyes.</p>
<p>Dumbledore’s voice was soft, yet there was great strength underneath it that carried his words straight to Remus, despite the creaking of the swing and the breeze in his ears. ‘I am of the opinion that every magical child has the right to a magical education.’</p>
<p>Remus came to a stop and stared at him. ‘Sir, I’m a ... well, you know, you must know, Sir. Papa told me I couldn’t even learn magic at home. I can’t go to Hogwarts.’</p>
<p>Dumbledore turned to him, his tone and expression conveying pure curiosity. Yet his gaze was unwavering as he asked, ‘Would you like to?’</p>
<p>Remus nodded frantically. ‘More than anything Sir!’</p>
<p>Dumbledore sat back with a nod and a smile. ‘Then I see no reason why you should not go.’</p>
<p>Remus bit his lip. He didn’t want to ask, not when he was so close to his dream, to Papa’s dream, but he had to. An image of Pierre’s horrified face filled his mind. Straightening his shoulders, he stood up and faced Dumbledore head on. ‘Are you sure I can be around people, Sir? People will think I’m dangerous. I’ve nearly hurt Papa before a-and once I bit someone when I was little. I didn’t mean to but he made me mad and-’</p>
<p>He held up a hand, his voice soft. ‘Calm yourself, Remus. I have taken all the precautions you or anyone else could wish for. There will be no way you could hurt any teacher or student at my school. It is simply up to you. Would you like to go?’</p>
<p>Remus stared at him, opening and closing his mouth several times before he could speak.</p>
<p>‘I ...I ... I would love nothing more, Sir.’</p>
<p>Dumbledore smiled widely at him. ‘Excellent.’ He held out his hand to shake Remus’s. ‘I look forward to seeing you there in September, ready to be Sorted into your House.’ He gestured at the swing beside him. ‘Shall we have a moment in the fresh air before we go inside to tell your mother and father the good news?’</p>
<p>Remus knew he should thank him but he couldn’t speak. Professor Dumbledore gave him a brilliant smile and suddenly he was fighting back tears. Instead of sobbing, he leaned back and launched himself into his swing.</p>
<p>‘I wonder who can swing the highest, hmm?’ Dumbledore murmured, challenging him.</p>
<p>Remus took him up on it, starting to go higher and higher. He felt as though he could fly, his chest filled with bubbles of excitement. He couldn’t wait to see Papa and Mama’s faces when they found out!</p>
<p><em>You’ll hate it, you know’ </em>his brother whined. <em>We won’t be able to play together anymore.</em></p>
<p>Remus said nothing, just kept swinging.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When they were done and Remus had won, he and Dumbledore agreed they should look solemn as they entered the house, to make the surprised greater. Still, Remus wasn’t sure how he would keep his happiness hidden as they entered the house.</p>
<p>Sure enough, the moment Papa looked into his eyes, his face broke into a grin. ‘Mon fils?’</p>
<p>Remus ran forward and hugged Papa tight. ‘I can go to Hogwarts, Papa!’</p>
<p>Papa’s arms were weak as he hugged him back and a moment later, he stumbled for the nearest chair. ‘I-I cannot believe this. H-how?’</p>
<p>Professor Dumbledore smiled. ‘I think perhaps a cup of tea is in order.’ He set about making a pot of tea, with Remus helping.</p>
<p>‘If Professor McGonagall were here, she would insist on biscuits,’ Dumbledore said.</p>
<p>Remus grinned. ‘So do I,’ he said. He fetched the biscuit tin and offered Dumbledore a chocolate hobnob. ‘They’re my favourites.’</p>
<p>‘Remus loves chocolate,’ said Mama, smiling widely.</p>
<p> Papa looked up at her and smiled gently at her.</p>
<p>Professor Dumbledore was looking at Mama with interest, then he smiled too. ‘He will love the puddings at Hogwarts, Madame, lots of chocolate. I insist on it myself.’</p>
<p>Mama smiled. ‘Perhaps that will compare with the Gateau at Beauxbatons.’</p>
<p>Remus grinned at Papa, who grinned back at him, finally recovering from his shock.</p>
<p>Professor Dumbledore looked at him. ‘So, you like chess?’</p>
<p>Remus grinned. ‘Papa cannot beat me anymore.’</p>
<p>Papa laughed. ‘If you ask me, Remus would benefit from a little one on one with you, Professor. It might teach him a little humility in the game.’ He winked at Remus.</p>
<p>Remus fetched the chessboard and set it up. He didn’t care if he ever won another game of chess ever again. He was going to Hogwarts!</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Part One, The Beginning, Chapter Seventeen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus was awake with the dawn on 31st July. Today was the day they were off to Diagon Alley, to buy his things. Remus already had all of his books but he was hoping for a good long look in Flourish and Blotts anyway.</p>
<p>He got dressed at lightning speed and ran downstairs for his breakfast. Papa appeared just as he’d finished his porridge with golden syrup.</p>
<p>‘I’m sensing you’re a touch excited,’ said Papa, with a gentle smile.</p>
<p>Remus grinned at him. ‘Is it time to go yet?’</p>
<p>Papa laughed. ‘Not quite, mon fils. We have to wait until the shops actually <em>open</em>.’</p>
<p>‘Is Mama coming with us?’</p>
<p>‘No. You know how she feels about crowds. Lots of new students go to get their things today.’</p>
<p>Remus frowned. ‘She’s not going to stay here alone, is she?’</p>
<p>Papa shook his head. ‘No. I’ve asked Mrs Wilson to come and sit with her.’ He smiled. ‘They can do some knitting together.’</p>
<p>Mama came down the stairs, smiling. ‘Oh, what a beautiful day!’ she said.</p>
<p>‘Bonjour, Mama,’ Remus said, giving her a smile.</p>
<p>She smiled back at him and sat beside him. Papa kissed her, then went off to make her some toast. Remus cuddled up to her. It would be strange leaving her. He hoped Papa would cope on his own with her. Though, of course he did have Mrs Wilson, who was always willing to help.</p>
<p>Mama hugged him. ‘You boys are going to have such a wonderful time today; a special day out with your Papa.’ She looked down at him, with a stern expression. ‘You will be good, won’t you mes petits?’</p>
<p>Remus glanced at Papa, who smiled sadly at him.</p>
<p>‘We will, Mama,’ he said. ‘We’ll be good.’ He glanced at René, who stuck out his tongue.</p>
<p>
  <em>I won’t be good. I don’t want to go to stupid Hogwarts anyway.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus ignored him. He wasn’t going to get into that argument again. René, afraid he would be left behind, was still refusing to believe Remus would actually go away.</p>
<p>He stayed by Remus’s side, even as he ate his breakfast.</p>
<p>Mrs Wilson, the elderly woman who lived down the road, arrived at ten minutes to nine. She carried her woollen bag, full of her knitting in progress. She’d threatened to knit Remus a bright yellow jumper with orange and brown bobbles but so far hadn’t managed to finish any of her pieces. Papa greeted her at the doorstep whilst Remus got his shoes on.</p>
<p>‘Jean! How lovely to see you. And there’s that boy of yours,’ Mrs Wilson murmured, giving Remus a beaming smile. ‘You know, he looks just like you did when you were his age, going off to Hogwarts for the first time. I still think back to my days there, you know. Your Auntie and I, Jean, oh we got up to all sorts.’</p>
<p>Papa smiled at her and stood back to her let in. ‘We’ll be back by lunchtime and I’ll cook us up something nice. We appreciate you staying with Marie. She prefers not to be left on her own.’</p>
<p>‘Ah, yes, it’s no trouble at all, Jean. I love nothing better than a good natter and Marie is such a good listener.’</p>
<p>Jean cast a look at Remus, who fought not to giggle. He escorted Mrs Wilson into the kitchen, kissed Mama, then returned to Remus.</p>
<p>‘You ready, mon fils?’</p>
<p>Remus nodded, pulling his jacket on.</p>
<p>‘Oui, Papa.’ He followed Papa to the fire.</p>
<p>Papa handed him the pot of Floo Powder. ‘You remember what to do?’</p>
<p>Remus nodded, taking a handful of the powder, throwing it into the fireplace and stepping in after it.</p>
<p>‘Diagon Alley,’ he shouted, clearly. He was whooshed through the floo network and bumped his elbows on brick as he was thrown out the other side. He shook himself. He really hated travelling by floo powder. He was in a shabby, dingy pub with a bar. There were tables in the shadows, with people sitting at them. Nobody really looked twice at him; he supposed they were used to students popping up regularly during the summer. But still, he didn’t like being on his own in the presence of so many adult wizards and witches.</p>
<p>Papa came through the fire after him and took hold of his hand. ‘All right, mon fils?’</p>
<p>Remus nodded and let Papa lead him through to the back of the pub. He watched Papa go up to a rubbish bin and count three bricks up and two across. He tapped the brick and a small hole appeared in the wall. The hole grew and grew, until it was big enough for them to step inside. Remus kept tight hold of Papa’s hand as they stepped into the heart of Wizarding London.</p>
<p>It didn’t take long for Remus’s keen eyes to narrow on the two quills that announced “<em>Flourish and Blotts: Bookseller</em>” to the world. His heart jumped and a grin split his face as he bounced up and down on the spot. He didn’t care that some of the other students stared at him; all he could do was turn back and forth between Papa and the shop, his eyes burning bright as they asked a question his tongue couldn’t form yet.</p>
<p>Papa sighed softly, a tender smile lighting up his face. ‘Remus, we don’t need books.’</p>
<p>Remus just kept looking up at him, his eyes pleading. Finally, Jean chuckled and nodded. ‘All right, mon fils.’ He didn’t have a chance to say anything else before Remus let out a small whoop and, forgetting the crowds, took off for the bookshop.</p>
<p>His eyes took in the huge tomes, the tiny books and the ones that were crammed into every conceivable corner. The shop was empty, which was helpful as he raced all the way around, staring at the spines of the books and trying to decide where to start. He vaguely heard the doorbell tinkle as Papa came in behind him, but Remus didn’t turn around. He had a short amount of time in here ahead of him, and he couldn’t afford to waste a second of it. He grabbed the nearest book that interested him and he sat down, content as he absorbed information and watched the pictures move.</p>
<p>  </p>
<p>Outfitted in his very best dress robes, Sirius Black came down the staircase of his home. At the bottom stood his mother and father, both solemn, Regulus attached to Mother’s side. Kreacher and the other house elves stood around the front hall, awaiting any instructions that might be thrown their way. Kreacher had been entrusted with Sirius’s cloak and hat, standing proudly and clearly ready to brag of his importance once the humans were out of earshot.</p>
<p>Waiting at the front door, head bowed, was a man Sirius had never seen before. He was tall and had an ordinary, though fairly handsome, face. He wore the plain black robes and peaked hat of a chauffeur. He looked uncertain, the pomp and ceremony alien to him. Yet he was a professional, so he didn’t say anything, just remaining at his assigned post until told otherwise.</p>
<p>Sirius glanced behind him to see Aris stood at the top of the stairs, tears in her eyes as she watched him taking his first steps to becoming a man. As she’d dressed him, she’d told him all about how proud she was and how much she’d miss him when he finally left for Hogwarts. Sirius’s heart beat loudly as he made his way over the floor to stand before his father.</p>
<p>Cephus Black smiled down at him, benevolent and proud. ‘Shall we be off, Sirius?’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded, yet before he’d taken a step, Mother was in front of him, standing between him and Father. ‘Sirius, remember whom you represent in Diagon Alley today. You have the weight of The Black Family and our proud ancestry behind you; <em>do not disappoint us</em>.’</p>
<p>Sirius straightened up and fought not to roll his eyes. ‘Yes, Mother.’</p>
<p>Mother inclined her head and stood back beside Regulus.</p>
<p>Sirius turned to Cephus. ‘Father, may I have an owl? It should be a magnificent bird, immediately recognisable as a Black owl.’</p>
<p>Cephus beamed at him. ‘You have done excellently in your studies, my son, so of course you may have your owl.’</p>
<p>Mother made an indignant noise. ‘Certainly not! Why waste the expense when all his correspondence will have to be approved before it is sent? He will use the family owl and be done with it; all those who see it approaching them have a heartfelt murmur reverberating in their chests. Either pride at being chosen as a suitable correspondent, or terror at potentially having displeased the Great Black Family.’</p>
<p>Father bristled and stood taller. ‘Sirius is the Heir. <em>His</em> owl should invoke its own reaction of terror or pride, as the future head of the family. He must have an owl early on so that it can become common knowledge that he is a powerful force to be reckoned with.’</p>
<p>As Mother opened her mouth, ready to go to battle, Father shook his head and smiled disdainfully. ‘It is a rite of passage, obtaining one’s first owl from Diagon Alley. It would simply not <em>do </em>to have anyone whispering about our son’s lack of such, now would it? We must display our wealth, power and strength from the moment our Heir enters the Wizarding World.’</p>
<p>His point made, Cephus swept away a grinning Sirius with a hand on his shoulder and left, the stranger following them outside.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Remus, come along now. We’ve got lots of other things to buy.’ Remus dragged his gaze away from the book he was reading and looked up at Papa.</p>
<p>‘Can’t we stay another hour?’</p>
<p>Papa smiled but shook his head. ‘Non, mon fils. We’ve stayed two hours already. The streets will be getting crowded soon.’</p>
<p>Remus sighed and closed the book. ‘D’accord, Papa.’ He put it back on the shelf and got up. He followed Papa out of the shop.</p>
<p>‘What’s next?’</p>
<p>‘Uniform, I think. Would you rather have second hand or new a bit bigger to last you?’</p>
<p>‘New, I think, Papa. It’s a false economy otherwise.’</p>
<p>Papa laughed. ‘All right. You’re the boss. Madam Malkin’s it is.’</p>
<p>They made their way to the robe shop and entered together. There was no one else in there. Madam Malkin emerged from behind a rack of robes.</p>
<p>‘Hogwarts, dear?’ she asked Remus.</p>
<p>Remus nodded, then glanced at Papa, twisting his sleeve in his fingers. Papa gave him a reassuring smile, then looked to Madam Malkin.</p>
<p>‘We need some robes with steel fastenings or brass instead of silver.’</p>
<p>Madam Malkin glanced at Remus with a look of surprise, but then she smiled. ‘Not a problem. This way, dear.’</p>
<p>She led him over to a clear area of the shop with mirrors. A measuring tape began taking his measurements and she hummed as it worked. She hadn’t quite finished when the door opened again and a chubby, round-faced boy about Remus’s own age, came in with his mother.</p>
<p>‘Hogwarts?’ Madam Malkin asked.</p>
<p>The mother was a small, mousey woman, who clung tight to her son’s hand. ‘Do you have any second-hand robes?’ she murmured.</p>
<p>Madam Malkin gave her a kind smile and rushed off to find him something. The boy glanced across at Remus, blushing. Remus gave him a shy smile and the boy returned it, then looked away.</p>
<p>Madam Malkin returned with a full set of second-hand robes in the boy’s size. She wrapped them free of charge and the mousey woman thanked her profusely.</p>
<p>‘Come on, Peter. We need to get you a wand.’</p>
<p>The boy glanced back at Remus and waved as his mother led him back outside.</p>
<p>‘Right,’ said Madam Malkin to Remus. She whipped the tape measure out of the air. ‘I think that’s all I need. I’ll be right back.’</p>
<p>She returned not long later with a beautiful set of black robes. The fastenings on the cloak looked silver but he could tell at once that they were steel. They looked handsome against the black.</p>
<p>‘Thank you,’ he said, giving her a smile.</p>
<p>She returned it and wrapped his robes for him, free of charge.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The stranger’s identity became clearer as the Blacks approached a black Mercedes-Benz limousine, very impressive in the sunshine. The stranger bowed as he opened the car door, waiting for Sirius and Cephus to get in before closing the door and getting into the driver’s seat.</p>
<p>‘We shall be outside the Leaky Cauldron presently, Sir.’</p>
<p>Cephus nodded solemnly, waiting until the partition was raised before turning to Sirius with a childish grin. ‘Did you see your Mother’s expression when we left, Sirius? We won one <em>and</em> we get to spend the whole day together!’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. It was weird to see his father acting like a child, but he was so happy they were about to spend the day together that he didn’t care. That was all he wanted, just some time with him while he was in this happy mood and everything was good.  </p>
<p><em>And </em>he was going to get an owl of his very own!</p>
<p>The journey didn’t seem to take long at all. Cephus had become quiet again, but he still grinned from ear to ear, so Sirius didn’t mind as he tried to see out of the tinted windows to the outside world.</p>
<p>‘Father,’ Sirius asked, as a thought suddenly occurred to him. ‘Why are we not using magic to get to Diagon Alley.’</p>
<p>Cephus gazed at him and smiled. ‘It is an important day. A day like this requires a bit of grandeur. Everyone will see you arrive.’</p>
<p>Once they arrived, the car came to a smooth stop and the chauffeur came round to Sirius’s door. Sirius frowned at his father, uncomprehending. ‘Father, why is my door opened before yours?’</p>
<p>Cephus was holding his silver pocket watch and scrutinising it closely. When Sirius made his enquiry, he turned to him with a gently firm smile. ‘Sirius, today is your first day as a man. Today is very special and important for you, because as your mother pointed out, from today forwards you will be forever linked to The Black Family name. Everyone in our world will know who you are and recognise you, affording you a great deal of scrutiny. You may leave the car first, because I instructed our new chauffeur and bodyguard to allow you to lead the way so you can become accustomed to it.’</p>
<p>Sirius still looked uncertain, so Father leaned in and put his mouth to Sirius’s ear. ‘Your mother <em>must</em> be obeyed, mustn’t she? Especially after she gave us such a wonderful speech about how this day is different from all the others.’</p>
<p>Sirius shuddered, his Father’s mouth too close to him, yet he couldn’t help grinning at him; it was so rare for his father’s love to show through when there had been no punishments first. It was wonderful to feel it now, when he needed the support the most.</p>
<p>Cephus glanced back down at his watch. ‘It is precisely one minute to midday.’ Cephus nodded, his eyes showing a sheen of water. ‘Lead the way, Sirius Black, the Heir to the Family.’</p>
<p>Nervous and more than a little awed, Sirius Black tried to contain his nerves as he got out of the car as gracefully as possible. He started to incline his head to the chauffeur, then caught himself and stopped. He was <em>The Heir</em> and he wasn’t supposed to acknowledge the chauffeur. Still, he felt awkward as he looked away, butterflies zooming around his stomach. Luckily, the chauffeur winked at him, as though he’d caught Sirius’s slip-up and knew he wanted to apologise for being rude.</p>
<p>The chauffeur closed the door before he went around the other side and opened Cephus’s door, stepping back. Sirius listened to the door shut as Father came to stand by his side, his chest puffed out.</p>
<p>‘Lead the way, Sirius. I know you have studied a map of Diagon Alley and should know your way to Gringotts Bank.’ His mask slipped a little and he winked at his son. ‘You’ll love Gringotts.’</p>
<p>Sirius led the way, keeping his head high as Father and the chauffeur fell in behind him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>On the way to Ollivander’s, the Lupins bought a pewter cauldron, a second-hand set of glass phials, a telescope and a set of brass scales. Remus loved all his new things but he was most looking forward to his wand. The wand would be a symbol of his magic, proof that he belonged there with all the others.</p>
<p>It was dark inside the wand shop and a little bit creepy. Remus pressed close to Papa. Papa gave him a little push towards the counter.</p>
<p>‘Go on,’ he whispered.</p>
<p>Remus looked up and saw an old man coming forward. He had wrinkled skin and white hair but his eyes sparkled with life and spirit. Remus was intimidated but he stepped forward.</p>
<p>‘A Lupin? Your father got his wand here. What’s your name?’</p>
<p>‘Remus, Sir.’</p>
<p>Mr Ollivander peered at Remus, his wizened old eyes seeming to see straight through him as he examined his eyes. With a nod to himself that made both Lupins a touch nervous, he mumbled to himself as he bustled through his shop to the back, several wand boxes in his hands. The boxes had symbols scratched into them that only the wandmaker could hope to understand.</p>
<p>Ollivander came back to stand in front of Remus as he put the boxes to the side. Yet he didn’t look at Remus as he internally debated which box to try first. He opened one of the boxes, tutted and put the lid back. Remus glanced at Papa who looked nervous but tried to smile for him.</p>
<p>Finally, Mr Ollivander handed Remus a box and nodded. ‘Try this one first. Unicorn hair, cypress. Very pliable. 10 1/4 inches.’ His eyes twinkled as he winked. ‘I get the feeling you are a brave young man, Remus Lupin, and I would be honoured if this wand was indeed your match. Mystery hangs about you, but also a learned determination. The most pliable of witches and wizards have to be strong; you cannot be flexible without a strong core.’</p>
<p>Remus took the wand out of the box with hands that shook. He wasn’t sure about this anymore, but he needed a wand to go to Hogwarts, to have a hope of doing magic. With a deep breath, he waved the wand in the air. For a moment, nothing happened and something inside him deflated so strongly he wanted to weep. Then, from the corner of his eye, he saw something starting to move: a ballerina twirled gracefully on her pedestal, her beautiful little tutu whirling around her. From the distance, a kettle could be heard whistling, and the lids of the boxes on the counter clapped for him.</p>
<p>Mr Ollivander clapped his hands in delight, almost skipping on the spot. ‘First time! Oh my boy, you are indeed going to be a splendid wizard.’</p>
<p>He accepted the wand from Remus and held it up for him to examine. ‘You will never shirk your duties or leave your loved ones behind. You have a great destiny, little one. Do not let anyone try to tell you otherwise, for this wand would belie their claims. The unicorn hair works best for those who are unlikely to be understood by their peers as it is an otherworldly, mystical core for a wand and unpredictable. But therein lies its beauty, for its original owner was of the purest white magic, incorruptible and amazingly loyal. Your power will come from inside you, and your wand shall take its cues from its master.’</p>
<p>Remus stared up, his eyes feeling as though they would fall to the floor any second from how widely they were open. He reached back instinctively for Papa and only released his breath when Papa’s hand slid into his own, warm and comforting. It helped knowing they were both nervous of this man.</p>
<p>Mr Ollivander swept a magnificent bow for Remus, his hair almost touching his own shoes. ‘It is my great honour and privilege to sell you this wand, Mister Remus Lupin, for I know I stand in the presence of one whose name shall surely become synonymous with valour. One who will not abandon people because of the shadows that may lurk inside them.’</p>
<p>He stood up and pressed the box into Remus’ hand. ‘I hope that any shadows that lurk inside you are easily vanquished and that you live a full, wonderful life.’</p>
<p>Remus nodded, his nerves forcing him to be polite before he pressed the wand box to his chest and Papa handed over the right amount of money. Once sorted, he and Papa grabbed their purchases and ran from the shop, speeding away as fast as they could. Still, Remus glanced back to see Mr Ollivander watching them as they rounded the corner. He waved and Remus gulped, relieved that he was out of there.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Part One, The Beginning, Chapter Eighteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius strode down the main street of Diagon Alley, his father and their new bodyguard trailing him close by. Father seemed twitchy and walked very close to Sirius. When a crowd of students came bustling out from one of the shops, Sirius was forced to a halt and his bodyguard stepped around him to make sure no one touched him.</p>
<p>Whilst they were standing still, Cephus leaned in, seeming to reassure his son. He reached for Sirius’s hand and brushed his fingers tenderly. Sirius felt his hot breath on his neck as he leaned in closer to whisper o him. ‘You’re better, more beautiful than any of them.’</p>
<p>Once the way cleared, Sirius continued on, putting some distance between him and his father and pulling his hands up his sleeves.</p>
<p>Gringotts Bank was magnificent, towering and looming over all the other buildings around it. It was almost bright enough to blind Sirius as he put his foot on the first step. But the gleaming marble sent the daylight shining on a sign off to the side. Sirius peered at it from the corner of his eye: <em>Knockturn Alley</em>. It looked a dark and dingy place, not at all the place for a respectable witch or wizard. Still, he didn’t need to worry about it, as he wasn’t going there today.</p>
<p>Ahead of them stood a goblin wearing a smart scarlet and gold uniform. He inclined his head to them as the doors were opened. Sirius made his way through the small entrance hall, his father’s footfalls echoing around him, and read the words on the door ahead of him.</p>
<p> The chauffeur waited, sensing that he was reading as fast as he could and Cephus indulgently allowed people to pile up behind him as he believed Sirius was in the process of making a grand entrance.</p>
<p>Sirius hurried to the last line, “<em>Of finding more than treasure there</em>”. He grinned to himself; if he had his way, he’d come back when there were less people around and try to find his way down to the treasures in the vaults below. The idea gave his mischievousness a buoyant feeling as he swept his way into the room filled with goblins sitting at counters.</p>
<p>Most of them ignored him, but a few glared at him for making a racket; he was at the head of a band of witches and wizards who had been forced to queue before even entering the building due to his pause in the foyer. Father came forward, head held high and expression dour despite his eyes twinkling with satisfaction: his Heir had made a magnificent spectacle of himself, a young man who did as he wished and moved when <em>he </em>was ready to, without obeying the crowd behind him. Even when that crowd was older than he was.</p>
<p>Yet as they reached the end of the first counter, both father and son lost their grins. There, at the correct door, stood Arcturus of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, his starched dress robes hanging off him in straight lines. His presence was more intimidating thanks to the crowd of bodyguards clustered around him. He wore an expression of solemnity as he peered down his nose at his son and grandson.</p>
<p>They came to a halt, suddenly aware of whom the true leader was. Grandfather held out his arms in greeting as he came closer, his welcoming smile icy. As he reached his son, he murmured in his ear. Sirius couldn’t hear what he said, but it was clear that Cephus Black didn’t appreciate it. Then Grandfather turned to him. Instead of embracing him, Arcturus Black pierced Sirius with a glare that froze him to the spot.</p>
<p>Grandfather threw his arms wide, his booming voice addressing all the other beings in the bank. ‘Many years ago, on this very day, I introduced my son, Cephus Arcturus Black, to the Wizarding World. Today it is the turn of my grandson, The Black Heir, Sirius Orion Black, to enter the Wizarding World. I am <em>certain</em> he will bring even more pride to the bloodline.’</p>
<p>Sirius peered around at the ordinary witches and wizards. Suddenly, some of them were avoiding his gaze, whilst others attempted to ignore the Blacks entirely. Yet there were some who were staring him with open interest. The worst were those his own age, unsure whether they should ignore or worship him before he’d even reached Hogwarts. He gulped inaudibly, fighting his need to hide behind Daddy as his heart pounded. He glanced at Grandfather. They were clearly in trouble for <em>some </em>reason, but he couldn’t think why since they hadn’t done anything.</p>
<p>‘Sirius will undoubtedly bring exceedingly outstanding achievements to Slytherin house, as many generations of Black Family witches and wizards have for centuries.’ Grandfather lowered his arms and clapped Sirius on the back with a lot more force than necessary, making him bow with the surprise and pain. ‘Remember the name <em>Sirius Orion Black</em>, for it will one day be chanted throughout Hogwarts.’</p>
<p>Grandfather gestured to his bodyguards to encircle them closer, his speech ended. Sirius’s knees were knocking and there were two bodyguards between him and Father.</p>
<p>Arcturus Black spoke to Sirius in a low voice. ‘Insolence like this morning’s, towards your exalted mother of all witches, will not go unpunished.’</p>
<p>A nasty smirk curled the edges of his lips, his eyes shining. ‘You will receive the proper punishment before your journey to Hogwarts and you <em>will not</em> disappoint me, Sirius.’</p>
<p>They moved as a group down to the vaults, Sirius shaking as he tried to remember his earlier excitement and failing. Grandfather always ruined everything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius was glad to get back into the fresh air after the depths of Gringotts. He looked up at Father. His mouth was in a thin line and his eyes were dark. Sirius touched his hand to his for just a moment, not caring if anyone saw.</p>
<p>‘Dad, let’s go and get my owl.’</p>
<p>Father smiled down at him. ‘We’ll have to get him last. We don’t want him stuck in a cage all day, do we? I know, let’s go and get your wand.’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. He took his hand out of Father’s but walked close beside him as they made their way towards Ollivander’s. He could feel the rearguard of his family behind them, Grandfather at the head, but he didn’t care. This was <em>his</em> day, not theirs. They went to get Sirius’s other equipment and his uniform on the way to Ollivander’s.</p>
<p>Father insisted on the very best of everything; he purest silver on his uniform cloak, crystal phials for potions and a solid gold cauldron, despite it saying pewter on the list. According to Father, and Grandfather agreed, a Black should have the best of everything. He wasn’t allowed to take a broomstick to school this year but Father insisted he have one of his own. He bought him the best, of course, the Nimbus 1001, released just that week.</p>
<p>Father let him carry it and Sirius did not want to ever let it go. He could feel its power even through the brown paper wrapping and he couldn’t wait to get home and try it.</p>
<p>There wasn’t enough room in Ollivander’s for anyone but Sirius and his father. Grandfather had to wait outside. Sirius grinned. Even Grandfather couldn’t get his own way all the time.</p>
<p>Mr Ollivander was behind the counter. He took a step back when he saw who had entered his shop. Father held his head high and stared the wand merchant down. Sirius thought back. The Ollivanders were one of the Sacred Twenty Eight, but <em>this</em> Ollivander had been struck off their family tree, for being a half-blood.</p>
<p>Mr Ollivander had shrewd eyes. He seemed to be studying Father. He inclined his head. ‘Mister Black,’ he said, with an air of cool politeness.</p>
<p>Father placed his hand on Sirius’s shoulder. ‘My son, the Black Heir, has come for his wand. You will serve him.’</p>
<p>Ollivander’s eyebrow twitched. ‘As I would serve any other customer, Mr Black.’ He turned to Sirius. ‘If you would come here, young man.’</p>
<p>Father bristled. ‘You should address The Black Heir as Sir.’</p>
<p>‘Dad, please,’ whispered Sirius.</p>
<p>Father frowned but did not push the issue. Sirius went up to the counter and met Ollivander’s steely grey gaze. The old wandmaker studied him in silence, then disappeared into the back. He brought back a few boxes of wands.</p>
<p>He passed the first one to Sirius. ‘Walnut and dragon heartstring. 9 inches. Rather unyielding.’</p>
<p>Sirius picked up the wand and waved it. It did nothing. Ollivander removed it. He passed him another one. ‘Elm, dragon heartstring.’</p>
<p>Again, Sirius waved it and still nothing happened.</p>
<p>Father huffed. ‘Present my son with a worthy wand and he will wield it!’</p>
<p>Ollivander glanced at him but did not respond. He hummed quietly to himself, then pulled another wand out of its box. ‘Try this one, Mister Black.’</p>
<p>He passed Sirius a dark brown wand, with a twisting design all down its length. Sirius waved it and a strange warmth spread from his fingers and up his arm. The wand felt right in his palm and as he looked around, he saw that the other boxes of wands on the shelves were shuddering.</p>
<p>Ollivander smiled. ‘That’s the one. Cypress wood, unusual for a Black but a sign of great valour and bravery. Dragon heartstring. You show strength, great strength. 10 <sup>1/4</sup> inches, reasonably pliable. Very unusual for a Black.’</p>
<p>He took the wand and returned it to its box, before handing it back to Sirius. Father stepped forward and paid, his hand landing rather too firmly on Sirius’s shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At last, Papa was leading Remus into Eeylops Owl Emporium. Remus could barely keep still, he was so excited. He’d wanted an owl for ages, a pet but a useful one. He would make sure he got the softest one in there, and the prettiest and the most intelligent.</p>
<p>Papa pushed open the door and they found themselves in the dark. Remus was immediately aware that they were being watched. He looked around each face, their sharp eyes and loud screeches echoing around him. Yet as he turned to the counter, one pair of yellow eyes caught his and his breath hitched in his chest. Almost in a trance, he made his way to the smallest owl in the shop. Cute and tiny, it called to him once he got close enough. His keen sense of hearing picked up and narrowed in on the faint ‘wee-oh’ and he beamed at the owl.</p>
<p>The store’s manager came over, smiling. ‘I think it’s safe to say you have found a preference, young man?’ She smiled and held out her gloved hand for the Little Owl to perch on. ‘She’s gorgeous isn’t she?’</p>
<p>‘She’s a Little Owl isn’t she? She’s really pretty.’</p>
<p>Jean smiled, proud his son knew which owls were which. He’d have been surprised had Remus not had an idea which type of owl he might want before they entered the Emporium. Seeing Remus smile went a way to calming Jean’s already frayed nerves as he loosened his grip on the galleons inside his pocket.</p>
<p>‘Would you like to hold her, make sure you two will suit?’ The witch held out a spare glove to Remus.</p>
<p>Nodding, he accepted the glove and put it on. His stomach turned a little when the lady handed him a dead frog to attract the owl to his hand, but he soon got over his squeamishness when the Little Owl hopped onto his gloved hand. She was beautiful, her feathers speckled white and brown. She might seem like a non-descript bird when compared to the Eagle Owl or the Barn Owl, but she was as graceful as any of them and besides, she could hide when she needed to. Remus felt a connection between them as he used a gloved finger to gently stroke her feathers.</p>
<p>The assistant turned to Jean and smiled, pleased that her customers were happy. ‘Shall you take her with you now, or leave her here whilst you shop? I know most customers prefer to take their new pets with them, but I always try to offer them a choice so they have a few less things to carry.’</p>
<p>Jean watched as Remus cooed at the owl, beaming as the Little Owl cooed back and rubbed her face against his gloved finger. ‘We’re done with shopping, so we’ll take her with us now.’ He paid, finally turning all his attention to the assistant.</p>
<p>As they finished up their transaction and she handed him a leaflet on how to look after the owl, plus some food and a glove, there was a strange squeal from behind them. Jean whirled around, dropping the bag of owl nuts onto the counter so he could face his son. Remus was giggling, the Little Owl perched on his head and peering down at him as her feathers brushed his forehead.</p>
<p>Remus lifted the glove and the Little Owl hopped back to it before flying to his opposite shoulder and walking along him.</p>
<p>The shop assistant was beaming as much as Jean was. ‘I’m always so glad when an owl and a customer suit each other so well. I know they’ll be happy together.’ She handed Jean the cage and his purchases.</p>
<p>Remus came back to them, still happily laughing as he balanced the bird on his arm. ‘Papa, she’s tiny but she’s strong!’</p>
<p>‘Well then I guess we’ll just have to get you writing lots of letters, won’t we?’ Jean smiled back, reluctantly holding out the cage with the door open. ‘I think she needs to go in here now, mon fils.’</p>
<p>Remus stroked her head gently a final time and led her to her cage, watching dolefully as she hopped inside and Jean closed the door.</p>
<p>‘What are you going to call her?’ The assistant asked, holding up a certificate of ownership with a smile.</p>
<p>Remus’ smile returned as he thought about the perfect name for the Little Owl. ‘I’m going to call her Pressyne, after a Faerie Queen of legend. She’s beautiful.’</p>
<p>As the assistant nodded in agreement and Jean gathered up their things, Remus spelled out the owl’s name for her. A few minutes later Jean and Remus left the shop, waving to the assistant as they left. Remus smiled down at Pressyne, who cooed at him as they headed back for the pub.</p>
<p>Before they’d gone ten steps, they noticed a commotion and a large group hanging around outside of Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlour. Remus peered around Papa’s shoulder, but Jean was ushering him onwards and shielding him from them. Still Remus caught a flash of black hair and blue eyes before they turned the corner.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Approaching Eeylops Owl Emporium, Sirius tried not to roll his shoulder and wince at the bruise Father’s hand had left beneath his robes as they left Ollivanders. If not for the fact that Grandfather was behind them, he felt as though Father would have been complaining about Mr Ollivander beneath his breath all the way down the street. As it was, he merely glowered at anyone who dared to step too close to Sirius, including the bodyguards.</p>
<p>He knew he shouldn’t grin at the bodyguards’ discomfort, but they weren’t wanted or needed today; they should have just left when Father told them to. He didn’t want all the curious glances or unexpected glares that seemed to be aimed his way. If only he and Father could have continued on their journey with just Chauffeur, then it could have been a wonderful day and none of these witches or wizards would have noticed him so much.</p>
<p>Hoots and squeaks, croaks and meows filled the air as the group reached the pets section of Diagon Alley. He found himself focusing on a white, heart-shaped face with deep set eyes that appeared black until he got closer, when a thin ring of yellow became visible. He knew his face had lit up because Father was staring down at him, his eyes twinkling with pride as though to say ‘isn’t my son handsome?’, and Grandfather was scowling sternly, wanting him to act like a Black rather than an infant.</p>
<p>With an effort Sirius squelched the adoration on his face and forced it back down as he raised his head. But inside that glow burnt ever brighter and he knew which owl he would be leaving with.</p>
<p>The Emporium was dark and pungent, filled with so many owls that he couldn’t even see the walls the cages hung from. Before he’d taken more than two steps inside, a young woman hurried forward, shaking her head at Grandfather and his contingency of bodyguards.</p>
<p>‘No, no way. This is a small shop, sir, and I refuse to allow such a large amount of people inside. The welfare of the owls is my priority; only three of you may enter, but the rest must remain outside.’ Her eyes burnt bright as she stared up at Grandfather and dared him to defy her.</p>
<p>Grandfather smouldered down at her, his bearing pompously regal as he looked down his nose. ‘I will have you know, you impertinent wretch, that you are addressing Arcturus Black. I could have you removed from your measly position with no more than the flick of my smallest finger.’</p>
<p>Sirius shivered at his cold voice, fighting his need to curl up as close to Father as possible even as his head swivelled between the assistant and Grandfather.</p>
<p>She stood her ground. ‘No, sir. If you wish to purchase an owl, then I suggest you are one of the three that enter this establishment. Otherwise kindly remain outside.’ Her piece said, she turned her back on Arcturus Black and strode back behind the counter.</p>
<p>Grandfather had removed his wand and was aiming it at her trembling shoulders when Cephus slid smoothly into the way, moving Sirius into the shop as he did so. ‘We cannot afford to make a scene that would blight the importance of The Heir’s presence, can we? We shall simply purchase the owl and leave the witch with the very real sense that she is not safe walking alone at night from now on. Quietly and discreetly.’</p>
<p>Sirius was deeply embarrassed by all the attention but he knew there was nothing he could do about it. He did not have the power to argue against Father or Grandfather.</p>
<p>Chauffeur looked bewildered by the day’s events, but he merely kept his silence and smiled sympathetically at Sirius. Unable to deal with the sympathy or with the cold fury echoing from the counter, he started to look around the shop. Suddenly there was a nip at his elbow, accompanied by an insistent screech and a circular head movement.</p>
<p>He stared at the barn owl and slowly started to grin. It was gorgeous! He raised his finger, intending to stroke its wings, but it nipped at the air before his fingers and opened its mouth wide to screech again.</p>
<p>Ignoring his father, the shop assistant hurried over. ‘I’m so sorry, I think she’s hungry! She didn’t hurt you, did she?’</p>
<p>Seeing his father frowning a them, Sirius shook his head rapidly, still watching the owl as the assistant removed something from a pouch at her waist. Immediately, the barn owl turned her back on Sirius and flew to the assistant’s gloved hand. With an appreciative noise, she gobbled up the mouse and left the tail hanging from her mouth as though to show off for Sirius.</p>
<p>‘Wow.’</p>
<p>The assistant nodded, trailing one gloved finger gently down the owl’s wing. ‘She’s an amazing bird and quite friendly. But she does have a tendency to try to interact with the customers a lot and some of them don’t appreciate it.’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded, trying not to smile as he noticed the assistant fighting not to look at his father as she said that. ‘Is she for sale?’</p>
<p>‘Really, Sirius, you don’t want a bird that bites! A docile one would be far more fitting and beautiful on your arm.’</p>
<p>Sirius stood to his full height and shook his head. ‘Father she’s beautiful. And with an attitude like that, she’ll fit right in as a Black: she knew what she wanted and she demanded it immediately.’ He paused as inspiration struck, then hurried on. ‘She sought out the most powerful person in the room, the one most likely to get her what she wanted and we know she chose correctly because she chose me. She’s very intelligent, Father, and she’s the owl I want. Please.’</p>
<p>At this point, he widened his eyes, knowing he’d won: Cephus Black had been listening avidly to his speech and now there was a light in his eyes that said he couldn’t deny his son’s sound logic. Father turned to the assistant and raised himself up as straight as he could get.</p>
<p>‘This is the owl we want. Have her put into a cage.’ His tone was imperious as he took out his money pouch and removed the correct coins.</p>
<p>Chauffeur winked at Sirius once Father’s back was turned, then studiously went back to watching as the owl was put into her cage. The assistant had a wistful look on her face as she gathered the owl’s things and pulled out a certificate for her.</p>
<p>‘I’ll miss her. She’s such a wonderful character!’ She pulled herself together as Sirius came to the counter. ‘But I know you’ll take great care of her. What will you call her?’</p>
<p>Sirius didn’t have to think for very long. ‘I’m going to call her Alba.’ He reached a finger forward and beamed when she gently pressed her beak to his finger. He had his owl.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius watched as Aris folded and packed his new things in his trunk. Every single thing was new and exquisite, the best quality of every single thing. He was used to having the best but he couldn’t help thinking that the other kids weren’t going to be wearing velvet robes with silver fastenings when they weren’t in uniform.</p>
<p>He didn’t even know what other kids wore really. He didn’t get to see James much anymore but he wore jeans sometimes, though he also had proper robes. He wore his best clothes when he was allowed to come round to play. Sirius had never been to his house so he didn’t know what he wore at home.</p>
<p>He grinned as he suddenly realised he’d get to see James every day at school. They’d be in the same year. He bit his lip. James was definitely going to be in Gryffindor. Of course, he’d never mentioned his desire to be in Gryffindor to anyone because he knew what would happen if he did, but it was a wish he’d had for years. If James was in Gryffindor, that was another reason to hope for that.</p>
<p>But it wouldn’t happen. Every Black ever, even Andromeda, had been in Slytherin. Just like every Weasley had been in Gryffindor. It was just what happened. It was nice to dream about something different but, somewhere deep inside, he knew it would never happen.</p>
<p>He sighed as Aris closed his trunk and fastened it. ‘Well, you’re all packed now,’ she said.</p>
<p>She turned to him and smiled, then reached out for him and hugged him to her. He breathed in her warm, comforting scent. Aris had been more like a mother to him than his own mother. She’d always been there to fuss over him when he was ill, hug and kiss him when he felt lonely and soothe him when he had a nightmare. He knew he’d see her when he came back for the holidays but he also knew that she wouldn’t look after him anymore the way she had. Now he was going to Hogwarts, he was thought to be past needing a nanny. But she’d still be here, looking after Regulus.</p>
<p>‘I’m going to miss you, my little Siri,’ she said, kissing the top of his head. She brushed back his black hair, tucking it behind his ears. ‘You be good at school. Try your best and you’ll learn so much. You’ve always been clever and now you have the chance to learn everything you’ll need for your future.’</p>
<p>‘I will, Aris. I promise.’</p>
<p>She kissed his cheek. ‘I know you’ll make me proud.’</p>
<p>Warmth spread through him at those words and he beamed up at her. He would. He would try his best and make her proud. <em>Fourteen hours to go.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus carefully folded each item into his trunk. He knew these things had cost a lot of money and he had to look after them. They had to last him as long as possible. As well as his uniform and his schoolbooks and equipment, he packed his casual clothes. Papa had bought him some new jeans and some new shirts. Mama had knitted him a new jumper, in a mottled dark brown, with a lighter brown rib on the collar and cuffs. He could wear it whatever house he was in. It was surprisingly stylish and suited him well.</p>
<p>He’d also packed as many of his books as he could fit in and the diary that his Papa had bought him as a special present for getting into school. Papa said he was about to start a time in his life he’d want to always remember. Remus had already decided he’d write in it as often as he could.</p>
<p> He picked up his old teddy bear from the shelf. He hadn’t slept with Amis every night for a few years but when he had nightmares, the teddy bear was a comfort and meant he didn’t have to call for Papa. He hugged Amis then put him back on the shelf. He was eleven now and off to school. He didn’t need his teddy bear anymore.</p>
<p>There was a knock on the door.</p>
<p>‘Come in,’ he called.</p>
<p>Mama came in. He glanced appraisingly at her. She seemed quite aware today and her gaze was focused. She smiled at her. ‘Everything packed?’</p>
<p>‘I think so, Mama. I checked my checklist three times.’</p>
<p>Mama smiled fondly at him. ‘You will do so well at school, Remus. You’ve always worked so hard.’</p>
<p>‘Merci, Mama,’ he said, smiling as he felt himself blush with pleasure.</p>
<p>She hugged him, then kissed his cheek and looked into his eyes. ‘You just make sure your brother keeps up with his studies too.’ She smiled indulgently. ‘You know what he’s like.’</p>
<p>Remus’s heart sank but he made himself smile. ‘I know, Mama. Don’t worry, I’ll look after him.’</p>
<p>He glanced at where the vague impression of his brother was standing, now so much smaller than him. René scowled.</p>
<p><em>I don’t even </em>want<em> to go to Hogwarts</em>.</p>
<p>Remus ignored him. He’d already come to the conclusion that René was always with him, wherever he went.</p>
<p>Mama helped him lift his trunk down from the bed and they closed it. Remus still couldn’t quite believe it but there it was. His school trunk was packed. His first day’s uniform was in his satchel so he could change on the train, along with two books to keep him going. He’d bought some sweets from the corner shop with his pocket money and, in the morning, Mama would make him some sandwiches, because it was a long way up to Scotland.</p>
<p>He grinned, his stomach doing flip-flops. He was going to <em>Hogwarts</em>!</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Part Two, Starting Hogwarts, Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For the first time in his life, Sirius Black was awake and out of bed before his nanny woke him. He washed and put on the travelling outfit his father had picked out for him. There were black velvet trousers, a black silk waistcoat and a black velvet tie. His robes were also black but they had a silver speckled pattern all over, which looked like stars. It had silver fastenings.</p>
<p>He knew he looked smart, and fitting for who he was, the whole Black Heir thing though it did feel over the top. But that was how things were.</p>
<p>He ran through to his nanny’s room. ‘Aris! I’m ready! Are we going yet?’</p>
<p>Aris was smoothing back her long brown hair into the tight bun Mrs Black insisted she wore it in. She smiled at him. Sirius liked her smile. It showed her dimples and made him feel warm.</p>
<p>‘Master Sirius, it’s not time to leave yet.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, but it must be!’</p>
<p>She smiled indulgently at him. ‘In less than an hour you’ll be on your way to Hogwarts. Be patient.’</p>
<p>Sirius sighed. ‘I’ll go and check my bag then. Can I have breakfast now?’</p>
<p>‘I’ll bring it to you shortly, Master Sirius.’</p>
<p>He turned and rushed from the room. He darted into the corridor and ran straight into his mother. He gasped and stared up at her in dumb shock. Coldness shot straight through him.</p>
<p>She glared down at him. ‘How <em>dare</em> you comport yourself in such a manner in this house?’</p>
<p>‘I…I…I’m sorry, Mother.’</p>
<p>Her eyes narrowed. ‘You had better not let me hear about you behaving in such a way at school.’</p>
<p>‘I…I won’t, Mother.’</p>
<p>Her nostrils flared. ‘If you do, you’ll be spending most of your holidays in your father’s study, getting reacquainted with the strap.’</p>
<p>Sirius swallowed hard. ‘Yes, Mother. I’ll be good, Mother. I promise.’</p>
<p>She didn’t speak again, just swept away down the corridor. Only when she’d gone out of sight, did Sirius feel able to move his legs and hurry back to his own room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Papa had woken Remus very early in the morning. It was still dark when they’d had their breakfast and Mama had made him some cheese and pickle sandwiches. Remus had put on the parts of his uniform that looked like any muggle schoolboy’s but left his school robes in his satchel and put a hooded sweatshirt on over his shirt and jumper.</p>
<p>Mama had hugged him goodbye at the fireplace. She’d cried and he’d felt relieved she wasn’t coming to the station with him. He had to fit in with the other kids and it was going to be hard enough as it was. Papa could be relied upon not to cry.</p>
<p>Finally, they were going. They were going to Floo to The Leaky Cauldron, then walk across to King’s Cross Station. Papa liked to be on time so Remus was reassured they would be there in plenty of time.</p>
<p>London was busy and Remus kept close to Papa as they walked through the crowds to King’s Cross Station. He wasn’t used to so many people around him and part of him wished he was still young enough to hold Papa’s hand. But he was eleven now and had to get used to being away from his parents.</p>
<p>Papa was wheeling the trunk behind him, with a little discreet help from his wand, but he reached out and put a guiding arm around his shoulders. Remus was grateful for it. The flip-flops in his stomach were working overtime now. When they got to the station, Papa would get him on the train, squeeze his shoulder and give him a proud grin and remind him to write. Then he’d go and Remus would be on his way to Hogwarts. Really, actually on his way to learn to be a proper wizard, just like Papa.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>An hour later, Sirius watched his luggage being wheeled out to the car. His little brother was watching the activity from his bedroom doorway. Aris led Sirius downstairs. As he passed his brother’s room, he smiled across at him.</p>
<p>‘I’ll write, Reg. Promise. I’ll tell you all about Hogwarts.’</p>
<p>Regulus beamed. ‘Don’t use too many big words.’</p>
<p>Sirius reached out and ruffled Regulus’s hair. ‘See you soon, little brother.’</p>
<p>He followed Aris downstairs, where his parents were stood. His mother gave him a stern look but didn’t speak.</p>
<p>Cephus Black met his son’s eyes. ‘Make us proud at school, Sirius.’ He reached out and touched Sirius’s shoulder. ‘Remember, you’re the Black heir. Show them all the honour and purity of our family.’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded. ‘I will, Father.’</p>
<p>Cephus squeezed his shoulder and nodded approvingly. Daddy had already said a private goodbye the night before. Sirius could still feel the shadow of his touch on his skin. He stood his head, brushing the memory away. That wasn’t going to happen now, noy until he got back for the holidays.</p>
<p>Aris put her arm around Sirius’s shoulders and led him from the house.</p>
<p>                                                 </p>
<p>The chauffeur and Aris both escorted Sirius to King’s Cross Station. As they passed all the muggles, Sirius stared. He’d never been allowed to be anywhere muggles might be before. They looked so strange in their flared blue trousers and colourful shirts. Was this was all the other children at Hogwarts would be wearing?</p>
<p>As they went through to Platform 9 ¾, Sirius could feel eyes on him and he felt hot. He didn’t want to be stared at. He wanted to blend in. He didn’t want to be different. He just wanted to be the same as everyone else.</p>
<p>He kept his head down. The chauffeur carried his luggage onto the train, then he and Aris left him.</p>
<p>Sirius looked around for people he recognised. Many of his older cousins were here but he was The Black Heir. He knew he would be known, recognised and whispered about whilst he was here.</p>
<p>He spotted a group of his cousins and their friends gathered in one corner of the platform. One of them caught his eye and beckoned him over. He didn’t go. He turned to the train and climbed aboard. He didn’t want to hang around with them. He wanted to find his own place here.</p>
<p>The carriage he got on was empty. The doors were open, awaiting students to fill each compartment with laughter and excited chatter.</p>
<p>He wandered down to the last compartment and went inside. It was only when he’d shut the door behind him that he realised this compartment wasn’t empty. There was a boy sitting by the window absorbed by a book. The title was in French: <em>La Rabouilleuse</em>.</p>
<p>Sirius looked at the boy. He was a small skinny lad and had clearly noticed that Sirius was there but he didn’t look up. He sat, frozen in his seat, staring at the words.</p>
<p>Sirius sat down opposite him. ‘Hello.’</p>
<p>Very slowly, the boy looked up at Sirius. His shaggy brown hair fell across his brow as he widened his pale brown eyes at Sirius.</p>
<p>Sirius held out his hand. ‘I’m Sirius Black.’ He was expecting a start of recognition but there was none.</p>
<p>The boy hesitantly reached out and shook Sirius’s hand. Sirius was surprised at the strength of the boy’s grip.</p>
<p>‘Remus Lupin.’</p>
<p>Sirius frowned as Remus withdrew his hand and retreated behind his book again.</p>
<p>‘Lupin, huh? I don’t know of your family.’</p>
<p>A tiny frown appeared across Remus’s brow. ‘What do you mean?’</p>
<p>‘You’re not one of the big families?’</p>
<p>Remus shook his head. ‘No,’ he said and returned to reading.</p>
<p>Sirius felt almost as though he’d offended or upset Remus but there was no sign that he had, no cross expression, no scowls, and no sharp words. There were always sharp words, or a sharp hit when someone was cross, wasn’t there? Sirius kept silent and watched him. Remus didn’t look at him.</p>
<p>Sirius turned to look out of the window. Students were beginning to crush onto the train. A messy black head caught his eye and he grinned, sticking his arm out of the window and waving madly. ‘James!’ he yelled across the platform.</p>
<p>Remus looked up, startled and watched with interest as James waved back, then began to hurry over.</p>
<p>After a moment, James appeared in the compartment and sat down noisily next to Sirius.</p>
<p>‘Hiya. They’re all talking about you, you know.’</p>
<p>Sirius rolled his eyes. ‘I know.’ He noticed Remus was watching the conversation with curiosity.</p>
<p>‘Why are they all talking about you?’ he asked.</p>
<p>Sirius lounged back in his seat. ‘Because I’m the Black heir.’</p>
<p>Remus blinked at him.</p>
<p>Sirius scowled. ‘Don’t you know what that means?’</p>
<p>Remus shook his head. ‘No.’</p>
<p>Sirius gaped at him. ‘Are you muggle born or something?’</p>
<p>Remus’s pale cheeks went pink. ‘I’m mixed. My Papa was half. We…we don’t get involved in the wizarding world much.’</p>
<p>‘Oh. How odd,’ Sirius said thoughtlessly.</p>
<p>James dug his elbow into Sirius’s side. ‘Shut it. You’re talking like your mother.’</p>
<p>Sirius opened and closed his mouth. He glanced at James, who was glaring at him and then at Remus, who had gone back to his book. Sirius could see his pink ears over the top of the book.</p>
<p>Sirius squirmed, anxiety wriggling in his stomach. He hadn’t intended to speak like that. He’d meant to be like all the others and he’d already put his foot in it.</p>
<p>He resolved to be on his best behaviour from here on in.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Part Two, Starting Hogwarts, Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Remus had first got into the carriage, his book had been something to focus on, something to take his nerves away. He’d expected to remain alone in the compartment, or to have some other kids crowd in there and ignore him. He’d been startled when just that one boy had strode in and plonked himself down opposite. He’d been even more startled when the boy had introduced himself so forthrightly.</p>
<p>Now, Sirius and his friend James were chatting animatedly with each other and Remus found himself watching them, instead of reading his book. He wanted to join in but he felt too shy. He wasn’t used to other kids. He hadn’t really been around any since they’d left France.</p>
<p>Suddenly, the door crashed open and a chubby boy tumbled through it with a surprised ‘oof’, landing on the floor with a bump. From the other side of the door came laughter. Remus looked and saw a group of much older students, all in Slytherin robes, laughing.</p>
<p>The door banged shut behind him, shutting out the laughter and the boy stood up. He looked round at them, with anxious wide eyes. He had a grubby face.</p>
<p>‘S-sorry,’ he said, in a small, scared voice. ‘Can I stay here for a bit? Those boys kept shoving me.’</p>
<p>As soon as he spoke, Remus recognised him. He put his book down, no longer pretending to read.</p>
<p>‘Your name is Peter, isn’t it?’ Remus asked, making everybody look at him. Remus felt his face getting hot with all this unaccustomed attention.</p>
<p>Peter rubbed his face, making it even dirtier. He frowned at Remus. ‘Oh, you were in Madam Malkin’s when I was in there.’</p>
<p>Remus smiled. ‘Yes, I was. I’m Remus.’</p>
<p>‘I’m James,’ said James. ‘And that’s Sirius.’ He opened his satchel and started pulling out loads of sweets and a pack of self-shuffling playing cards. He set them going and gave Peter a big grin. ‘Who’s for Exploding Snap?’</p>
<p>  Peter sat next to Remus and grinned around at them all. Suddenly feeling like he wasn’t the shyest person there anymore, Remus sat up and the four of them started to play Exploding Snap.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They spent the rest of the train journey playing various games and eating sweets. James seemed to have an endless repertoire of card games and he bought loads more sweets when the trolley arrived. At first, Remus was shy about tucking in but James insistently pushed a pile of chocolate frogs his way and Remus couldn’t resist. He’d had these before, when his Papa had managed to get some extra shifts at his job or sold a few extra articles. His collection of the cards was measly but he was more much into the chocolate anyway.</p>
<p>When everybody clambered off the train at Hogsmeade station, Remus was particularly glad to be with somebody. It was all so big and there were just so many people around everywhere. He wasn’t used to it.</p>
<p>After the short boat trip, he followed the other first years up to the school, just letting himself be taken along with the rest of them. There was a buzz around him, laughing and talking and everybody seemed to know someone. Remus didn’t know anyone, except his travelling companions.</p>
<p>James and Sirius chatted loudly with each other. Remus stayed close to them, just because he didn’t know what else to do. They were the people he knew the most in this whole place. Peter stayed with them, chewing on his lip and looking all around with wide eyes.</p>
<p>Remus knew what was going to happen next though. He’d spent hours over the past few weeks interrogating his Papa about every detail of Hogwarts and he was eager to see what house he would be in. He was guessing Ravenclaw. He knew he was clever and he’d always worked hard at his studies. Because of the home-schooling, he’d had to learn how to work hard.</p>
<p>There was that certain worry inside him though. What if he ended up in Slytherin? There was that darkness inside him, that beast capable of causing such pain. Would that be enough to land him there?</p>
<p>A stern witch in a black pointed hat, who introduced herself as Professor McGonagall, spoke to them sternly in the corridor before leading them into the Great Hall. The other kids stared around, open-mouthed at the starry ceiling and the huge sconces, in the shapes of the four house creatures, each holding a huge iron torch base. But Remus’s eyes went to the front of the hall, where the teachers sat in a row behind the headmaster’s lectern. In the middle of them, there was a huge throne, on which was sitting the headmaster. Remus looked at him and found Professor Dumbledore’s eyes were on him. Remus swallowed under that searching blue gaze. Dumbledore was no less intimidating here than when he’d visited the Lupin house during the summer.</p>
<p>As the first years stood in a tight little group awaiting the calling of their names, Remus could feel his knees shaking. The names were being called alphabetically. There were cheers as each student was called up and then whoops and clapping from their new house.</p>
<p>Sirius Black was one of the first kids called. Remus expected the usual cheers but as Sirius’s name was called, a tight silence fell. Remus looked around and saw students and teachers alike watching open-mouthed as Sirius walked up to the hat. The Slytherin table puffed themselves up. The Gryffindor table began to hiss.</p>
<p>Remus watched in amazement. Was being the Black heir really that big of a deal?</p>
<p>The hat was placed on Sirius’s head and the silence drew on. The hat muttered to itself for almost a full minute before it shouted out,</p>
<p>‘GRYFFINDOR!’</p>
<p>There was a split second of shocked silence then the Slytherin table began to boo and hiss loudly and the Gryffindor table joined in as the hat was removed from Sirius’s head. He stood stiffly and, maintaining absolute dignity, walked up to the Gryffindor table and sat down. Remus looked at Sirius and saw him blink hard.</p>
<p>Remus glanced at Dumbledore, who was watching Sirius and stroking his beard thoughtfully.</p>
<p>A few more names were called. A boy called Frank Longbottom became the latest Gryffindor, then it was Remus’s turn. There was the usual cheering as Remus made his way up to the front. Remus felt strange hearing all those cheers around him. He wasn’t used to it. He could feel everybody trying to work him out, to guess which house he might belong to.</p>
<p>Remus sat on the stool and the hat was placed on his head. Words began to push themselves into Remus’s head.</p>
<p>
  <em>‘Hmm, what an interesting brain. The learner and the beast together. You have a quick mind. You can do much. You have your strength but you have your worries. But who do you want to be? And who will help you be that person?’</em>
</p>
<p>Remus listened as the hat continued to mutter. He didn’t understand the hat’s muttering. He didn’t know where he belonged. He glanced across at Sirius, who was sitting alone at the end of the Gryffindor table. No one was sitting with him and he was staring at his hands.</p>
<p>Remus’s attention was brought sharply back to the hat as it called out to the rest of the hall.</p>
<p>‘GRYFFINDOR!’</p>
<p>Remus choked in shock. Gryffindor? Had he really heard that?</p>
<p>He looked around. The Gryffindor table cheered for him and he headed over to the table. He sat beside Sirius. Sirius shot him a glance but revealed nothing in his expression.</p>
<p>                         </p>
<p>Sirius lay still in his new dorm bed and stared up at the ceiling. He was in Hogwarts, after all these years of waiting. He was lying in a dormitory in the Gryffindor tower. <em>Gryffindor</em>. He felt torn in two. Every single member of his family ever had been in Slytherin and he wasn’t. He was in Gryffindor. It didn’t feel real.</p>
<p>He was separate now, from the rest of them. It made him feel giddy inside, like he could just soar up to the stars. But when he thought about breaking the news to his family, he felt like he was being bound by ropes and dragged down into the earth.</p>
<p>His new dorm mates were asleep. He and James had decided to stick together and Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew had tagged along with them. They both seemed all right. Peter was snoring loudly and James’s heavy breathing filled the room. Sirius couldn’t sleep. His mind was too full and his thoughts whirled around in his mind.</p>
<p>He liked the curtains around the four-poster bed. They made him feel protected here inside his cocoon. Nobody could get to him. And he was safe here at Hogwarts too. He was far away from his mother and his father. He was determined to do what he wanted now.</p>
<p>He got up, feeling too restless to sleep. He wrapped his dressing gown around himself, drew back his curtains and stepped out into the dorm. He stopped.</p>
<p>Remus was sitting on the windowsill, wrapped in a woollen blanket and with his head resting against the stone window frame. He was gazing out and the light of the stars and the moon shone on his pale face.</p>
<p>‘Hello,’ said Sirius. ‘Can’t sleep?’</p>
<p>Remus glanced at him. ‘Too much in my head, I suppose.’</p>
<p>Sirius joined him on the thick stone windowsill. ‘Me too. We get lessons and everything tomorrow, don’t we?’</p>
<p>Remus nodded, still staring out of the window.</p>
<p>Sirius watched him, feeling strange. He thought back to what he’d said on the train. He’d been rude, acted just like his mother. He must’ve really upset Remus.</p>
<p>‘Hey, Lupin, I’m … really sorry about what I said on the train.’</p>
<p>Remus looked at him. ‘What you …? Oh, don’t worry about it.’ He went back to staring out of the window.</p>
<p>Sirius watched him, confused. Remus wasn’t like anybody else he knew. It seemed like there really was a lot going on in his head.</p>
<p>Sirius glanced back at his bed. The darkness seemed to surround it but back here, by Remus, the light of the stars shone on them. He shuffled further onto the windowsill and looked out at the night. Remus sat beside him in silence. They didn’t talk again, just gazed outside at the night in companionable quiet until neither of them could stay awake anymore and they returned to their beds.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Part Two, Starting Hogwarts, Chapter Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At ten past eight, Sirius, James and Peter hurried down to breakfast, still doing up their robes. Remus had already gone when they’d woken up, barely twenty minutes ago.</p>
<p>Sirius hid his hands up his sleeves as he followed James and Peter into the Great Hall. This was his first morning in Hogwarts, his first morning in Gryffindor, his first morning as a traitor to pure blood honour.</p>
<p>The door banged shut behind him and eyes turned towards him. He glanced over at the Slytherin table. They were all looking at him. As he walked over to get his breakfast, they began to hiss at him.</p>
<p>He followed James over to the Gryffindor table. At least <em>they</em> weren’t hissing at him. They were ignoring him. All except for one of them. Remus was sitting at the end of the table, eating porridge and smiling at them just a little.</p>
<p>Sirius sat down gratefully. The hissing stopped and his dorm mates began to tuck into their breakfasts. Sirius glanced over at the Slytherin table and his eyes met those of his cousin Lucius Malfoy. Lucius was glaring at him. Then he raised his wand and swiped it across his neck.</p>
<p>Sirius looked down. He didn’t need Lucius to tell him he was in trouble. He picked at his breakfast. He wondered when his parents would hear about what house he was in. No doubt, he’d know about it when they found out.</p>
<p>He felt eyes on him and he looked up. Remus was watching him. There was no judgement in his face, just curiosity.</p>
<p>‘Why do they care what house you’re in?’ he asked. His voice was quiet but clear.</p>
<p>Sirius didn’t know how to answer. Remus really didn’t know what it meant to be the Black heir. Sirius wasn’t sure how he felt about that.</p>
<p>‘Because all Blacks are supposed to be in Slytherin.’ He glanced at Remus’s face. There was no understanding dawning.</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘Maybe you’re better off not knowing.’</p>
<p>Remus sighed, picking at his porridge. ‘My Papa told me that every witch or wizard who ever went bad was in Slytherin. Doesn’t that mean it’s better to be in Gryffindor?’</p>
<p>‘Not according to them,’ Sirius said, nodding in the direction of the Slytherin table. They say that Slytherin is the only pure house.’</p>
<p>‘So?’</p>
<p>Sirius’s mouth opened and shut several times. ‘Well, that’s…important, isn’t it?’</p>
<p>He glanced around him. James shot him a disapproving glare. Sirius looked back at Remus. Still, his face wasn’t judgemental. He just looked at Sirius.</p>
<p>Sirius squirmed. ‘Well, I dunno,’ he murmured. ‘Doesn’t matter.’</p>
<p>He was saved from any more questions by the timetables arriving. Silence fell as they studied them.</p>
<p>‘Double potions first thing,’ James said. He hit Sirius’s arm. ‘Ooh, flying tomorrow!’</p>
<p>Sirius raised his eyebrows. ‘I bet it’s harder on real broomsticks, Potter. Just ‘cause you’re the star on a toy broomstick doesn’t mean a thing.’</p>
<p>James scoffed. ‘Shows what you know, <em>Black</em>. My dad let me have a go on his over the summer. He said I’m the best flyer he’s ever seen.’</p>
<p>Sirius scowled. ‘Your dad says that about everything you do.’</p>
<p>‘Are you really the best flyer?’ Peter asked, his eyes wide. ‘I can’t wait to see you.’</p>
<p>James lounged back in his chair and preened. ‘You’re in for a treat, Peter.’</p>
<p>Sirius rolled his eyes and sulked.</p>
<p>Remus peered over his shoulder. ‘Have we all got the same lessons?’</p>
<p>‘Yeah,’ said James. ‘We’ve got our lessons in houses. We’re with bloody Slytherin for Potions though. Ugh, we’ve got that next.’</p>
<p>Remus checked his watch. ‘We’d better go. We’ll be late.’</p>
<p>James laughed. ‘Come off it, Remus. We’ve got twenty minutes yet.’</p>
<p>Remus stood up, sliding his satchel over his shoulders. ‘We shouldn’t be late, not on our first day.’</p>
<p>Nobody argued or agreed. Sirius watched him go. After a few seconds of hesitation, he got up and grabbed his bag.</p>
<p>‘Where you off to?’ James asked.</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘I’m bound to get lost,’ he said and took a vicious bite of his toast before hurrying out after Remus.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus seemed to know exactly where he was going. They wound through corridors, ducked past other students, found their way down to the dungeons and found themselves outside the potions lab.</p>
<p>Sirius stared at Remus. ‘How did you know where to go?’</p>
<p>Remus grinned and pulled out a folded bit of paper from his pocket. ‘My Papa gave me this. It’s a map of the castle and the grounds. I’ve been studying it for three weeks.’</p>
<p>Sirius gazed at it. ‘Woah.’</p>
<p>‘My Papa reckons there’s loads of secret passages around but he says he never managed to find any.’ A wistful look came over Remus’s face. ‘I’d love it if I could find one while I’m here. Papa would love to hear about it.’</p>
<p>Sirius’s eyes widened. ‘Wow, secret passages? Really?’</p>
<p>Remus grinned back at him. ‘Apparently.’</p>
<p>A hubbub started in the corridor and a few moments later, a large group of Slytherins arrived. Sirius backed himself against the wall and dropped his head.</p>
<p>‘Oh, look! The famous Black heir is mixing with mudbloods already.’</p>
<p>The group of Slytherins laughed.</p>
<p>‘Now, come on Evan,’ said another Slytherin. ‘What else do you expect a <em>Gryffindor</em> to do?’</p>
<p>Sirius’s fists clenched. He knew some of the boys taunting him. He was related to almost the entire Slytherin house, in one way or another. Evan Rosier was some sort of cousin and, although Sirius would dearly love to punch him out, he knew exactly what would happen when his mother found out. Besides, Rosier was bigger than him.</p>
<p>Rosier stepped closer. ‘Well? Aren’t you going to apologise?’</p>
<p>‘He hasn’t done anything to you,’ said Remus, the tips of his ears pink.</p>
<p>Rosier shoved him against the wall. ‘Shut it, Mudblood.’</p>
<p>Remus didn’t react, but Sirius did.</p>
<p>He shoved Rosier hard. ‘Get lost, Rosier.’</p>
<p>Rosier glared at him. ‘Mudblood-lover.’ He spat at Sirius but Remus grabbed him and jerked him out of the way. The glob of spit landed on the wall behind them.</p>
<p>The group of Slytherins pressed closer. Sirius swallowed. They really were in trouble now.</p>
<p>‘Now then, now then!’ came a new authoritative voice. ‘What’s all this fuss, crowding the corridors? In we go, the door’s open.’</p>
<p>Through the crowd came the bustling form of a teacher. He was short and squat and with a round face. He had a pompous air about him. Sirius tried to remember his name.</p>
<p>He swept into the room and the students followed him. Sirius glanced at Remus who let out an exaggerated sigh of relief.</p>
<p>‘Close one, there,’ he murmured.</p>
<p>Sirius nodded. ‘Thanks for grabbing me.’</p>
<p>Remus smiled just a little. ‘You’re welcome.’</p>
<p>They followed the crowd into the potions room. Sirius headed automatically towards the back. Remus hesitated, then joined him. They saved the table right in front of them for James and Peter.</p>
<p>‘Welcome, welcome, first years! I am Professor Slughorn and I’m delighted to welcome you all to Potions. I have absolutely no doubt this will become your favourite lesson in no time.’ He beamed around at the class. ‘And I’m certain you’re all going to create some wonderful potions for me.’</p>
<p>Many of the students exchanged dubious glances. At that moment, the door thundered open and James and Peter hurried in.</p>
<p>‘Oops,’ said James. ‘Sorry we’re late.’</p>
<p>‘Not to worry. Chop chop now, get yourselves sitting down.’</p>
<p>James and Peter hurried to the seats Remus and Sirius had saved for them.</p>
<p>He took the register. At Sirius’s name, he paused. ‘Sirius Black,’ he murmured. ‘Well, well, well.’</p>
<p>Sirius tried to pretend he wasn’t there.</p>
<p>Slughorn finished the register and moved on with the lesson.</p>
<p>‘Right, since you’re all such a sparky bunch, we’ll start with something a bit exciting. Today, we’ll be making a Sparkle potion. Very useful for decorating a party or anything like that. Turn to page 27 in your books. I’d like you to do this individually please, so I can get an idea of your skill level.’</p>
<p>The first years busily got on with the work. Sirius was surprised by how easy he found this. Just do what it said on the page. Easy.</p>
<p>But Remus seemed to be struggling. He frowned over his textbook, hesitantly adding ingredients to his cauldron with an air expectant of an explosion.</p>
<p>Sirius wondered if he should try and help him. Professor Slughorn wasn’t looking. He leaned over.</p>
<p>‘Need a hand?’</p>
<p>Remus shook his head. ‘No. I can do it.’</p>
<p>He bent studiously over his book and his ingredients, his tongue sticking out as he concentrated hard.</p>
<p>Sirius went back to his own cauldron. He found he was nearly finished. The potion just needed to simmer for a while. He sat back and looked around at the class. He was feeling a bit more comfortable now that he was safe from taunts.</p>
<p>Professor Slughorn was making his way over. ‘Well, how are we getting on over here?’ He stopped by Sirius’s and Remus’s desk. He cast Remus’s work a cursory glance, then turned all his attention to Sirius. He peered into his cauldron and beamed.</p>
<p>‘Aha! Gold. Excellent, Mister Black, most excellent. Just a moment more, I think, on the heat and then it’ll be done.’</p>
<p>‘Thanks, Professor.’</p>
<p>Remus looked up. ‘Sir, I’m struggling a bit.’</p>
<p>Slughorn peered down his nose at Remus’s cauldron. ‘Clearly. Red is not the correct colour.’</p>
<p>Remus picked up his chopped daffodils. ‘Perhaps if I add these now, Sir, it’ll turn the right colour.’</p>
<p>Slughorn held up his hand. ‘No…’</p>
<p>He was too late. Remus tipped in the daffodils. BOOM.</p>
<p>Sirius ducked behind his desk just in time. When he emerged, both Remus and the Professor were covered in blobs of red. They weren’t even sparkly.</p>
<p>Remus flushed beneath the blobs of red. ‘S…s…sorry, Sir. I…’</p>
<p>Slughorn turned away, mopping at his face. ‘Dear me, clearly not very promising.’</p>
<p>Many of the Slytherins began to laugh. A few of the Gryffindors sniggered too but most looked sorry for Remus. Remus’s flush got darker.</p>
<p>Sirius waited until everybody had gone back to their work, then patted Remus encouragingly on the back and handed him a cloth. Remus shot him a grateful look and mopped himself up.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Part Two, Starting Hogwarts, Chapter Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was Friday. Through the week, Sirius had got more used to getting up earlier through the week but he still turned up late for breakfast along with James and Peter. Remus was already sitting at breakfast when they made it down. Remus was eating his usual porridge and fruit and sitting on his own at the very end of the table. Sirius, with a plate full of sausages and beans, plonked himself down beside Remus.</p>
<p>‘Morning,’ he groaned.</p>
<p>Remus smiled brightly. ‘Good morning, Sirius.’</p>
<p>Sirius gave him a dark look. ‘How can you be so cheerful this early in the morning?’</p>
<p>Remus laughed. ‘It’s half past eight.’</p>
<p>Sirius sighed hugely. ‘Exactly.’</p>
<p>Peter and James joined him with their full English breakfasts, exactly the same down to the amount of mushrooms. Noisily, they tucked in. Remus finished his porridge and sat back, gazing into space. Sirius peeked at him out of the corner of his eye. He was looking straight at the Teacher’s Table and he looked like he was concentrating hard on something. Sirius kept watching him as he ate.</p>
<p>When Sirius was halfway through his breakfast, Professor McGonagall strode over. Sirius choked on a bean. What did she want? She was the strictest teacher in the school. They couldn’t be in trouble already could they?</p>
<p>‘Mister Lupin,’ she said briskly. Her voice carried crisply across the hall. ‘The Headmaster wishes to see you.’</p>
<p>Remus flushed bright red as the whole school turned to look at him. Holding himself stiffly, he rose and followed Professor McGonagall away under stares and whispering.</p>
<p>Sirius glanced at James and Peter. ‘He’s not done anything has he?’</p>
<p>James shrugged and Peter’s eyes went wide. The Slytherin whispers got louder. Evan Rosier stood up and grinned across at the Gryffindor table and at Sirius in particular. ‘See, mudbloods? Dumbledore knows he’s got to keep an eye on your kind.’ He smirked. ‘It’s only a matter of time before he comes to his senses and sends the lot of you packing.’</p>
<p>Sirius felt hot. Thoughts of going over there and punching Evan to the ground pulsed in his head. He forced them away and focused hard on his half-full plate. He didn’t eat anymore, just sat there scowling.</p>
<p>                         </p>
<p>Remus’s heart thudded and his cheeks burned. He followed Professor McGonagall away, well aware of the whispers darting round the hall about him. He tried to ignore them. He wished he could just shout out the truth but he knew what would happen if they found out. He and his Mama and Papa would be hounded out of this country too.</p>
<p>Professor McGonagall led him through corridors and right up, past a large statue into another passage until finally they reached Professor Dumbledore’s office. Professor McGonagall left him there and Remus slowly made his way through the office. It was messy and stuffed full of interesting things he wanted to stop and examine but he knew he wasn’t allowed.</p>
<p>Professor Dumbledore was sitting at his desk. He smiled at Remus. ‘Good to see you again, Mister Lupin.’</p>
<p>Remus swallowed hard. ‘H-hello, Sir.’</p>
<p>‘Please, take a seat.’</p>
<p>Carefully, Remus sat down. His hands settled in his lap and he twisted his thumbs together. Dumbledore peered over his half-moon glasses at Remus.</p>
<p>‘How are things going?’</p>
<p>‘F-fine, S-Sir,’ said Remus, cringing at the sound of his stammer emerging.</p>
<p>Dumbledore smiled kindly at him. ‘Settling in all right? Making friends?’</p>
<p>‘Y-yes, Sir.’</p>
<p>Dumbledore considered him for a moment before speaking again. ‘All the arrangements have been made for the end of the month. After tea you will meet Madame Pomfrey in the entrance hall. She will take you to where you must transform. Your father assures me that you do not require additional restraint during your transformations so long as the area is secure. Is that right?’</p>
<p>‘Y-y-yes, Sir.’</p>
<p>Dumbledore smiled kindly at him. ‘Good. The room will be secure. I have had planted an enchanted tree at the only entrance to the Shack on the edge of Hogsmeade where you will spend the full moons. The tree makes it impossible for anyone but Madame Pomfrey to enter and you cannot leave without her. She will come to see to you once the moon has set and deal with any injuries you may have.’</p>
<p>Remus dropped his eyes, remembering the last time. He’d been in bed for four days after that. How bad was it going to be now, away from his Papa? What if he could smell people nearby? What if it wasn’t as secure as the Headmaster said?</p>
<p>‘Do you have any other worries, Remus?’</p>
<p>Remus chewed on his lip. ‘It’s t-t-totally s-s-secure?’</p>
<p>Dumbledore smiled at him. ‘Totally. We’ll see how this first change goes and see if you need any other adjustments for next time.’</p>
<p>‘Yes, Sir. T-thank y-you, Sir.’</p>
<p>‘You’re welcome. You’d better run along to lessons now, if you can find your way out of my office.’</p>
<p>Remus smiled. ‘Yes, Sir.’ He got up and quietly left.</p>
<p>Defence against the Dark Arts had already started. Remus felt his face heating up as he entered and everyone turned to look at him. There was a space next to Peter and Remus hurried over to it as quickly as possible and kept his head down.</p>
<p>Once the class was quietly working, Remus felt something flick at his back. He turned and Sirius was flicking his pencil at him.</p>
<p>‘Hey, what he want you for?’</p>
<p>Remus shrugged. ‘Nothing important.’</p>
<p>Sirius frowned and glanced at James but they didn’t press him further.</p>
<p>                         </p>
<p>Finally, lunchtime arrived. Sirius was starving. He hurried the others along to lunch, regretting the fact that he hadn’t finished his breakfast. Remus dragged his feet. He’d been quiet since being called to see the Headmaster. Sirius hoped it wasn’t anything bad. Whatever it was, Remus didn’t seem to want to talk about it.</p>
<p>The moment they entered the hall, Sirius understood one reason Remus seemed unhappy. Immediately the Slytherins started in on them. Evan Rosier strode right over. Sirius could see his slimy cousin Lucius watching with an arrogant sneer on his face.</p>
<p>Evan shoved Remus hard. Remus didn’t lose it, didn’t cry or even wince. He just looked at Evan. Evan shoved him again. Sirius’s hands itched and he drew them up under his sleeves.</p>
<p>‘So, <em>Mudblood</em>, when they throwing you out?’</p>
<p>Remus lowered his eyes. ‘They’re not.’</p>
<p>Evan huffed. ‘They will. Sooner or later they’ll get rid of all of your sort. I hear you’re not even half! Is that right?’</p>
<p>Remus flushed. Everybody was looking at them now. Remus sent half a glance towards Sirius and Sirius felt his stomach drop to his toes. He shouldn’t be letting Evan speak like that. He wasn’t his mother. He didn’t even agree with any of this crap.</p>
<p>Evan shoved Remus hard into the wall. ‘You’re filth. No better than a squib. Time you knew your place.’</p>
<p>White hot heat flashed in front of Sirius’s eyes and he didn’t even think. He strode forwards and shoved Evan so hard the bigger boy stumbled. Sirius shoved him again.</p>
<p>‘Leave him alone. He hasn’t done anything to you.’</p>
<p>Evan righted himself and lunged for Sirius. Sirius dodged and punched him on the nose. James launched himself at him and the pair of them wrestled Evan to the ground again.</p>
<p>Suddenly, Lucius strode over. He aimed a careless kick at Evan, who was sprawled on the floor. ‘Fool,’ he muttered.</p>
<p>James and Sirius skirted back. Lucius reached out and placed a firm hand on Sirius’s shoulder. He bent his blond head and put his mouth close to Sirius’s ear.</p>
<p>‘You’d better be careful, little cousin. Your mother will hear about your choice of friends.’</p>
<p>Sirius stilled, fear jolting through him. What if he did tell her?</p>
<p>Lucius straightened, smirking. He cast a dark glance towards Remus and his nostrils flared. ‘I’d be careful who you form attachments to, Sirius. There are people with whom the Black heir should not associate.’</p>
<p>Sirius swallowed and watched as Lucius stalked away, Evan stumbling after him. The four friends realised the whole hall was watching them and they quickly hurried to their seats.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Part Two, Starting Hogwarts, Chapter Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was Sunday, their first Sunday at school and Sirius was bored. It seemed like everybody else in the whole school was writing letters home and nobody was paying him any attention. Sirius didn’t want to write home, not even to his brother. There was nothing he could safely tell him.</p>
<p>He’d attempted to persuade James, then Remus and even Peter to come exploring with but all had declined, too busy writing letters to parents who’d read their letters with enthusiasm.</p>
<p>He gave a dramatic sigh designed to let the whole room know he thought it ridiculously unfair that no one would entertain him. Nobody even spared him a glance so he left the common room alone.</p>
<p>He wandered aimlessly but eventually found his way outside. He stood at the door and gazed out across the grounds. It was drizzling a little and the sky was grey. Spreading out before him was an immaculately kept lawn covering the hill, paths leading down to various parts of the grounds like the greenhouses and the Quidditch pitch and everything.</p>
<p>Over the crest of one hill, he could just see a little shack and beyond it was the Forbidden Forest. Barely thinking he began to make his way towards it. He’d grown up in London and although they had a garden, it wasn’t untamed wilderness like the forest. It was a patch of perfect grass and flowers and one old tree at the far end.</p>
<p>As he walked, he kept his eyes on the forest. Something about it drew him closer. He wanted to be in amongst those trees. He didn’t know why, just that he needed to be in that forest.</p>
<p>He reached the first line of trees and felt the shelter of the branches come over him. He reached out and touched a tree. The bark was rough beneath his fingertips. He took a few steps forward, further into the world of the trees.</p>
<p>‘Oi, you there!’ called a gruff voice.</p>
<p>Sirius, startled, turned. An enormous man stood watching him. He had long, scraggly black hair and an equally scraggy but far shorter beard. As the giant man stepped closer, Sirius realised it was the same man who’d taken him and all the other first years from the station and across the water. Sirius hadn’t paid much attention to him at the time. He was used to not paying attention to servants. He was difficult to ignore now.  </p>
<p>Squinting up at his face, Sirius could see that it was quite young but the size of him made Sirius feel very young and small. As well as tall, he was broad and heavy and Sirius took a step away from him.</p>
<p>‘Nothin’,’ he muttered, shrugging.</p>
<p>The man frowned. ‘You ain’t allowed in that there forest. No students allowed.’</p>
<p>Something flared in Sirius. This man in his grubby clothing wasn’t a teacher. He must just be a servant. No servant could tell the Black heir what to do.</p>
<p>He shook himself. No, that was his mother talking. He wasn’t going to be like this here. He took a step away from the trees.</p>
<p>‘Yes, Sir,’ he said.</p>
<p>The man’s eyebrows rose. ‘Sir, is it? Can’t say I’m often called that. What’s your name, lad?’</p>
<p>‘Sirius Black, Sir.’</p>
<p>The man’s large mouth fell open. ‘Black, is it? Huh.’</p>
<p>Sirius bristled at the way he said it. ‘Well, what’s your name then?’ he asked, snappily.</p>
<p>The man didn’t seem to mind his tone. ‘Hagrid, keeper of keys and grounds.’ He grinned widely at Sirius and clapped him on the back. The impact made Sirius’s entire body shudder and he could feel the place where the man’s hand had clapped him for several minutes afterwards.</p>
<p>‘Good to meet ya,  Sirius. S’long as you stay outta that forest we’ll be all right.’</p>
<p>‘I will,’ lied Sirius smoothly. He grinned at Hagrid. ‘Bye.’</p>
<p>He felt Hagrid watching him as he hurried off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was Wednesday and Remus wriggled his toes with excitement as he saw his Papa’s tiny Brown Owl, Oscar, soar in through the Great Hall window. The owl landed beside him. Remus took the neatly addressed envelope, petted him and offered him some banana. Oscar turned up his beak at that and begged some bacon from Sirius before flying off. Remus slid open the envelope and pulled out his letter.</p>
<p>Before he even began to read, he noticed Sirius tense beside him. He looked up and saw Sirius staring at the largest owl Remus had ever seen. It was twice as big as the biggest of the other owls and completely black, even its large curved beak. Remus couldn’t help shuddering. It was a mean looking thing, powerful and haughty. He imagined what it must be like to be a mouse with that thing bearing down on you.</p>
<p>Sirius shuddered too but Remus sensed it was for a different reason. He watched him as the owl dropped a red envelope in front of Sirius. Remus frowned at the way Sirius was staring at it, eyes wide and hands hidden up his sleeves. Remus sniffed delicately and smelt his fear: a tang of copper, which clung to the back of Remus’s throat.</p>
<p>‘What is it?’ Remus asked.</p>
<p>Sirius barely glanced at him. ‘A howler,’ he whispered. He looked up at James. ‘From my mother.’</p>
<p>‘What’s a howler?’ asked Peter.</p>
<p>‘You’re going to find out in a minute,’ said Sirius, darkly.  </p>
<p>James cringed. ‘Best get it over with, mate.’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded. ‘I know.’ He glanced around at the hall. ‘Just wish there weren’t so many people around.’ His eyes fixed on the Slytherin table and Remus looked too and spotted Lucius, sitting back in his chair just watching Sirius. He wasn’t quite smirking but his pale lips had turned up just a fraction.</p>
<p>Sirius took a deep breath and eased open the envelope. Immediately a woman’s face appeared in red smoke above the howler. Remus looked at it. It was the sort of face which should have been beautiful. All the features were right: a delicate nose, high cheekbones, soft white skin and raven black hair. But her dark blue eyes, different from Sirius’s, were hard and cruel. Her face had no lines and it gave Remus the feeling of coldness and distance.</p>
<p>Her gaze fixed on Sirius and Remus noticed the way his hands had started to shake. He clenched them into fists and drew them back under his sleeves. She began to speak. Remus had expected her to shout, as most parents did with howlers according to Remus’s Papa. But when she spoke, it was in a low, hard voice and Remus sensed a firmly controlled fury.</p>
<p>‘Your father and I have been informed of your house placement. We are most <em>dis</em>pleased. You dishonour our name, our family and our heritage with your betrayal. We are appealing to the headmaster to have you removed from that den of impurity.’</p>
<p>Here her disgust almost showed in her face. ‘You must prove yourself, Sirius. You are pure. You are great. You are the Black Heir. You do not belong with filth.’ She fixed Sirius with one last hard look, then the smoke swirled back down and the whole package disappeared with a pop.</p>
<p>Sirius breathed out slowly and kept his eyes down. The whole hall was staring at him. Though the howler had been quiet, every single pupil there had fallen silent and listened. Remus glanced around at them watching him and imagined how Sirius must feel, the centre of all this attention. Remus couldn’t imagine everyone everywhere knowing who you were, whispering about you, some disapproving of you because of your family, others calling your beliefs into question.</p>
<p>The silence fell away and the whispering began. Remus felt something inside him ache. Sirius was so still and tense. His pale face had gone even paler, almost green. He couldn’t sit here and listen to all these whispers all about him. Remus stood up and grabbed his own letter and his bag.</p>
<p>‘Come on,’ he said loudly. ‘Let’s get away from this nosy lot.’ He flushed even as he said it, because he could feel people’s eyes turning to him now. But Sirius sent him a grateful look and that was worth it. James and Peter joined them and they walked straight out of the Great Hall.  </p>
<p>‘Thank you,’ whispered Sirius, once they were making their way down a corridor.</p>
<p>Remus flushed but smiled. ‘Just thought it couldn’t have been very nice to have everybody looking and whispering because you got a howler.’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘No but it’s better than being at home to get in trouble.’</p>
<p>Something about the way he said it made Remus shiver. He wouldn’t want to get in trouble with that cold, stern woman either. He wondered if Sirius was close to his dad. He barely mentioned his family at all.</p>
<p>They wandered outside, since it was way too early for lessons. They found a wall to sit on and talked about Quidditch. Remus quietly read his letter, drawing as little attention as possible to it and everybody avoided the topic of family.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Part Two, Starting Hogwarts, Chapter Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus woke up on the morning of the 24<sup>th</sup> September with a feeling of dread settling over him. These weeks at school, he’d settled in, had people to hang around with, was enjoying his lessons and actually starting to feel normal. But tomorrow night, his abnormality was going to make itself known.</p>
<p>He felt jumpy inside and he knew it was waking up, the monster, that part of himself that he hated. He shuddered, wanting so much just to pull his covers over his head and stay there for a week. But he couldn’t. He had to be normal whilst he could. When he came back to the dorm afterwards, the questions would begin.</p>
<p>He sighed and got out of bed, determined to face the day like any other day. He couldn’t eat breakfast at all that morning and when lunchtime came, he couldn’t manage much either. His Papa sent him a reassuring letter and Remus read it over and over again, trying to believe his Papa that it would be all right, that it would be better than before. But his fears throbbed in his mind. Change was bad. He remembered the full moon after they’d moved to England. He’d been torn up so badly that night.</p>
<p>At dinnertime, when he still couldn’t eat much, he could feel his dorm mates shooting him odd glances and several times they asked him if he was all right. He said he was but he wasn’t. The tiredness had set in. As always he wanted to stay up, like he could postpone it but by seven o’clock he couldn’t keep his eyes open.</p>
<p>He dragged himself up the stairs. The bedroom curtains were all open and the room was filled with the silver light of the almost full moon. He went to the window and looked out. The sky was clear and the light of the moon was blocking out the stars. He squinted at the almost full moon and made it look full. He could almost pretend he was a normal boy, looking at the full moon like any other kid. But he could feel the monster clamouring inside him to be let loose and he could hear that other voice in his head, whispering to him.</p>
<p>
  <em>‘You’re not ordinary. You’re special, Remy.’</em>
</p>
<p>He shut the curtains tightly, then changed into his pyjamas and climbed into bed. He shut those curtains too and hid under the covers, keeping the moon’s light as far from him as possible.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Things were different when he woke in the morning. He wasn’t tired. He was full of energy, way too much energy. He couldn’t keep still. The beast wanted to run and howl and hunt and he knew tonight he would be free. There were new people here. He’d taste them, rip some to pieces and make others into family.</p>
<p>Remus shook his head. <em>No, I have to keep those thoughts down.</em> <em>I’m ordinary</em>, he thought. <em>Normal, no beast inside me. I’ll keep it away.</em></p>
<p>At breakfast, he found himself grabbing bacon and sausages and black pudding. Normally, that kind of thing made him sick and he stayed away from anything meaty. But on full moon day, he wanted meat and lots of it, the rawer the better. At home, his Papa would prepare him a rare steak in the afternoon to give him the strength to endure. Remus hated it but it was what his body needed.</p>
<p>James gave him a funny look as he sat down with his plate of meat. ‘Thought you didn’t eat meat.’</p>
<p>Remus’s eyes shifted away. ‘I do sometimes.’</p>
<p>‘Oh,’ said James. He and Sirius shared a frown.</p>
<p>Immediately after lessons, Remus had to go to meet Madame Pomfrey outside. He slipped away from the others, dumped his bag and quickly changed into his scruffy clothes then went to meet her at the main entrance.</p>
<p>‘Good evening, Remus,’ she said and smiled.</p>
<p>‘H-hello,’ he stammered.</p>
<p>She patted his arm. ‘Come along, dear. We’d best get safely there.’ She led him briskly across the grounds until they reached the big willow tree. Its limbs spun and whipped around like it was possessed. Remus knew it had been both planted and enchanted just for him. The students called it the Whomping Willow and there was much speculation about it.</p>
<p>Madame Pomfrey took a long stick and prodded a knot at the base of the tree. ‘You should never have to do this alone but just in case you should know how.’</p>
<p>‘I’ll remember,’ said Remus. She bent and he followed her into the hole at the base of the tree. Even he had to stoop a little to get in. He found himself in a dark passage. She lit her wand and they began to walk.</p>
<p>He’d left his wand in his room. It would be no use to him during full moon and it might easily get broken. He knew his Papa couldn’t afford to get him another one.</p>
<p>They reached the end of the passage and entered the shack. She led him upstairs into a bedroom. There was a double bed here and plenty of room to roam around. She made one last check that everything was in order.</p>
<p>‘That all seems to be fine. Good luck, Remus dear. I’ll be in to check on you after sunrise.’</p>
<p>‘Thank you, Madame Pomfrey,’ he replied. He knew his voice was somewhat stiff but he couldn’t help it. He was struggling to control the growing power inside him. It was nearly time.</p>
<p>She seemed to understand. She patted his arm and left him. He heard her set the enchantments on the door before hurrying back down the passage. He took a deep breath. This was it. It was time.</p>
<p>He looked around the room, then began to undress. He hated this bit. He always felt awkward taking off all his clothes, even though he was alone, well sort of alone.</p>
<p>He avoided looking down at the scars littering his skin and instead stared straight ahead as he undressed. He folded his clothes neatly and climbed on the bed to place them on a high shelf. He would still be able to reach them there but it was less likely they’d get torn apart if they were out of easy reach.</p>
<p>He sat stiffly on the bed and wrapped his arms around himself. Soon. Soon, it would happen. He could feel it approaching, feel his control weakening. He hated this part, when he could feel his control slipping away. He’d struggled so long to keep the monster under control but each month, no matter what he did, he lost the battle. He never had a chance.</p>
<p>His fingers and toes began to tingle, then his arms and legs. He gritted his teeth as the tingling spread to his entire body. The pain would start next.</p>
<p>He gasped when the first shock of pain ricocheted through his limbs. He wished desperately for his Papa’s voice at the door comforting him as usual but Papa wasn’t there. Nobody was there.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m here, Remy. Be brave.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus tried but the pain was torpedoing his body, making him shudder and shake. It was the worst pain in the world. His own body was shattering and from within him was coming a new being, the monster. He’d never called it for what it was, only the monster. His mama had never liked to hear the word and he didn’t either. Calling it monster pushed it away from him, made it something else, not part of him.</p>
<p>The pain of his body imploding doubled him over but he caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of his eye. The voice was there again.</p>
<p>
  <em>Be brave, Remy. You’re a big boy now. You can be brave. </em>
</p>
<p>The childish reassurance was what he always needed. He wished to be held but that couldn’t happen. Instead, he focused on the voice, the voice like his had been so long ago. He collapsed on the floor, seizing as the change overtook him. He could feel the hair sprouting, the teeth growing, his limbs lengthening and strengthening. His human mind was being chased away.</p>
<p>The last thing his human eyes saw was the young face bending close to him, whispering those soft words.</p>
<p><em>Be brave, Remy, be brave</em>.</p>
<p>Remus surrendered to the monster, knowing that the ghost of his brother would look after him.</p>
<p>The big grey wolf stood back on his hind legs and howled, celebrating his existence. His fur bristled and his limbs bulged with strength. He was strong. He was powerful. He was unstoppable. He sniffed. Humans. There were humans near.</p>
<p>This place was new. He stalked around it, sniffing and listening hard for any sound of prey. This feeble new prison could not hold him. He would smash through the door and find the humans, bite them, eat them, make them like him.</p>
<p>He headbutted the wooden door. It didn’t splinter, didn’t even wobble. He did it again and again but nothing happened. He pounded at the walls, at the windows of the whole shack but nothing budged. He was trapped. He gave a mournful howl, then turned his huge razor-teeth on his own limbs and chewed, just to savour the taste of blood. He could just taste the blood of his human boy beneath his own. That was all he could have.</p>
<p>                                                 </p>
<p>Sirius couldn’t sleep. He knew as soon as he dropped off he’d have a nightmare. They kept happening.</p>
<p>Remus was missing. One of the teachers had told them he was ill and was in the infirmary. It felt odd to have him not in the next bed. Every night here, they’d sat on that windowsill and talked after nightmares but now Sirius was alone with the dark and the shadows.</p>
<p>He shuddered and forced away the bedclothes. He scrambled out of bed and headed for the window. He sat alone on the big windowsill and stared out at the full moon casting its silvery light over the world. Sirius had always loved the night sky but tonight it made him feel strange and shuddery. Maybe it was the brightness of that moon. It blotted out everything else.</p>
<p>Sirius glanced back at his dark, empty bed and at Remus’s beside it. He breathed deeply. He’d be glad when Remus was back again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Part Two, Starting Hogwarts, Chapter Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus came screaming back into himself early in the morning. The dawn light shone in through the impenetrable window but he barely noticed. His body was all pain. He couldn’t even think. He could only throb.</p>
<p>He was on the floor, naked and bloody. Madame Pomfrey would be in soon. He couldn’t let her see him like this. He tried to struggle to his feet but he couldn’t even raise his head.</p>
<p>The door opened and in she came. She didn’t even blink. She was carrying a sheet as well as her medical supplies and she tossed it over him to save his dignity.</p>
<p>‘It’s all right, lovey. I’m here now.’</p>
<p>He gave her a grateful smile but it was so weak he wondered if she’d noticed. She didn’t make a fuss, she just calmly went about cleaning and dressing his wounds.</p>
<p>Remus tried to mumble his thanks but it was too much for him and he passed out. He knew when he woke he would be in the infirmary and he would have nothing to do but rest and recover.</p>
<p>                                               </p>
<p>Remus lay in one of the infirmary’s beds, reading to take his mind of his pain. It had been a bad one and he was glad the full moon had taken place on a Thursday night. It meant he only had to miss one day of school. He wondered what he would say to his friends when he got back. They’d been told he was ill and he could only hope they weren’t curious enough to ask him questions. He hated questions.</p>
<p> It was Sunday today and his obvious injuries had healed. He had some more scars on his tummy but they would be hidden by his clothing. He was still tired but he was eager to be getting back. He hated having to stay in bed for long. His Mama used to make him stay in bed for a full week afterwards. Remus was glad his Papa was more sensible and tended to allow him to decide when he felt better. He was eager to get up and get back to lessons. He hated missing things.</p>
<p>Madame Pomfrey appeared out of her office and clicked her tongue as she fussed over his blankets.</p>
<p>‘How are you feeling today, Remus?’</p>
<p>Remus sat up, holding back his whimpers as pain rippled through him. ‘Better. Can I go back to my dorm now?’</p>
<p>‘Hmm.’ She clicked her tongue again. ‘You still look peaky.’</p>
<p>‘I’m fine, Madame,’ Remus said politely.</p>
<p>‘Well, all right, so long as you take it easy and go right to bed.’</p>
<p>‘I will, Madame,’ he said.</p>
<p>He got dressed and returned to his dorm, anxious about the questions he felt certain would await him when he arrived.</p>
<p>It was raining so the Gryffindor common room was full of people, playing cards, chess, gobstones, even some doing homework. He spotted his dorm mates at the other end of the room. James and Peter had joined in a game of cards but Sirius was staring out of the window.</p>
<p>Remus didn’t linger. He slipped through the common room and up to the dorm, hoping nobody noticed him. Anything to avoid questions.</p>
<p>The walk had already made him feel weak. He immediately sat down on his bed and breathed a sigh of relief.</p>
<p>Barely a minute later the door opened again and Sirius poked his head around the door, chewing his lip.</p>
<p>‘Hey, you’re back!’ he said and came in. He plonked himself down on the end of Remus’s bed. ‘They said you were ill.’</p>
<p>‘Erm, yes.’</p>
<p>‘You’re better now though, yeah?’</p>
<p>Remus cleared his throat. ‘Yes, thanks.’</p>
<p>Sirius fiddled with a loose thread on his robe for a moment before he looked up. ‘Hey, guess what.’</p>
<p>Remus smiled a little. ‘What?’</p>
<p>‘I heard this rumour. Some of the fifth years were talking about it.’</p>
<p>‘What rumour?’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned, his excitement bubbling to the surface. ‘A secret passage.’</p>
<p>Remus felt his face light up, despite his weariness. ‘Really? Where to?’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. ‘Kitchens. We could have a midnight feast!’</p>
<p>Remus grinned back at him. ‘They do that in muggle books about boarding schools.’</p>
<p>Sirius laughed. ‘Do they? So you’re into it?’</p>
<p>Remus nodded, excitement jolting his insides. ‘Yeah!’</p>
<p>Sirius got up. ‘Cool. I’ll tell the others.’ He jumped up and bounced away.</p>
<p>Remus sat back, smiling. It was good to see Sirius so cheerful.</p>
<p>                                                 </p>
<p>At eleven that night, the four friends sneaked out of bed and tiptoed out of the Gryffindor Tower. They followed Sirius, who crept through the dark like he belonged in it. On the second floor, Sirius stopped in front of a statue of a knight with his sword raised.</p>
<p>‘This is it,’ he said and took a deep breath.</p>
<p>James stepped up beside him. ‘Cool, so what do we do now?’</p>
<p>‘We gotta run a finger all the way up the sword and say ‘en guarde’.’</p>
<p>James raised his eyebrows and glanced back at the others. Remus, still pale in the dim light, giggled and gave Sirius a little push. ‘Go on then.’</p>
<p>Sirius gave a little salute. ‘Right away, Sir,’ he said and grinned.</p>
<p>Sirius took a deep breath, then ran his finger all the way up the sword and declared the password. ‘En guarde!’</p>
<p>Suddenly the sword started to move downwards. The four leapt backwards and narrowly avoided having their heads chopped off. The knight raised his head and split right down the middle. Revealed from the split was a small shield shaped entrance and a dark passage beyond.</p>
<p>Sirius turned to the others and found them all watching him expectantly. He supposed he’d better at least pretend to know what he was doing. He grinned widely at them.</p>
<p>‘Come on then.’ He grinned. ‘Let’s go exploring.’ He strode into the passages and heard the others following.</p>
<p>The passage grumbled to a close behind them and the dust flew about their heads. Remus sneezed delicately. Peter let out a roar of a sneeze and they shushed him quickly.</p>
<p>Peter rubbed his tummy. ‘I can’t wait for our feast! I’m going to have chips and pizza and coke and <em>pudding</em>!’</p>
<p>Sirius frowned at the unfamiliar list of foodstuffs but joined in with the laughter of the others as they continued to hurry down the dark musty corridor as it sloped downwards. Finally, they reached a door.</p>
<p>They glanced at each other, grinning but all of their tummies rumbling with anticipation. Sirius put his hand on the door.</p>
<p>‘Ready?’ he whispered.</p>
<p>They all nodded enthusiastically. Sirius grinned wider and pushed open the door. They tumbled out and immediately, Peter twigged that something was wrong. His mum had told him about a bright, bustling place with elves rushing about no matter what time it was. But instead of that, there was a thick quiet and dark green walls.</p>
<p>He froze and his eyes flicked around the room. ‘Erm, guys, we’re not in the kitchens,’ he whispered.</p>
<p>‘Oh, crap,’ James murmured.</p>
<p>Three sixth year Slytherins were heading towards them. They were in the Slytherin Common Room. A tall, dark boy strode calmly towards them. He smiled thinly.</p>
<p>‘Can we help you?’ His voice was smooth and cold.</p>
<p>The four dorm mates stared at him in dumb silence for a full minute. Peter swallowed, a brain wave hitting him.</p>
<p>‘Erm, sorry, our friend is sleepwalking,’ he said, grabbing Remus’s arm, who was so frozen from fear he might as well be sleepwalking. ‘We had to follow him to make sure he didn’t get hurt.’</p>
<p>The boy raised his eyebrows, casting his dark eyes over Remus, who stared blankly ahead, playing his part perfectly. The corners of the boy’s pale mouth turned up and his eyes found Sirius who immediately dropped his gaze and pulled his hands up his sleeves.</p>
<p>‘You’d best escort him back to your own dorm then.’</p>
<p>They turned to go but the boy laid his arm across Sirius’s shoulders and leaned in close. ‘If I see your mudblood friends down here again, Black, you’ll regret it. Do you understand?’</p>
<p>Sirius swallowed. ‘Yes, cousin Rabastan,’ he whispered.</p>
<p>Rabastan smiled and patted Sirius rather too sharply on the back. ‘Go. And remember what I said.’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded hastily and the four first years hurried away as quickly as possible.</p>
<p>After a mad dash back to their dorm, they flung themselves on their beds, laughing with relief.</p>
<p>‘That was a bloody close one!’ said James. He grinned across at Peter. ‘Well done, mate. Bloody quick thinking!’</p>
<p>Peter grinned. ‘Well, Remus might as well have been sleepwalking from the look on his face.’</p>
<p>Remus grinned too. ‘Well, at least we know how to get into the Slytherin Common Room if we have to.’</p>
<p>Sirius sat up and grinned at Remus. ‘I like the sound of that.’ He sighed contentedly. ‘We have to get them back somehow.’</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Part Two, Starting Hogwarts, Chapter Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus’s stomach twisted painfully. Yet another disastrous potions lesson. Every single potions lesson he’d had had gone wrong. Sirius and James had no trouble, especially Sirius. He just seemed to get things right, without even trying. Remus studied hard, he always had but with potions, he couldn’t quite seem to ever study hard enough to make things work.</p>
<p>Today it had been a strengthening potion, designed to make any non-magical material stronger than iron. Remus’s had gone rather wrong and, as a result, he was picking out of his hair long strands as sticky and pink as candyfloss as he left the room.</p>
<p>‘Hey, Remus, it’s lunchtime,’ James called after him as Remus began to walk away.</p>
<p>Remus shook his head. ‘I’m not hungry.’ It was true. He didn’t feel like eating. He didn’t feel like doing anything except having a good old-fashioned sulk.</p>
<p>By the time he reached the library, the sticky strands were removed and he was clean. He went to the potions section and grabbed a few beginner books on the subject before making his way over to a desk and sitting down.</p>
<p>With a big sigh, he opened his first book and began to read slowly. He’d read it before, over and over but it seemed that no matter how many times he read the information, it never seemed to make any difference.</p>
<p>‘Your name is Lupin,’ said a slow flat voice.</p>
<p>Remus looked up and saw a thin, pale faced boy watching him. He had stringy black hair a slightly hooked nose. His expression was as flat as his voice but the eyes. There was something in those dark eyes which made Remus feel there was something more beyond the flat exterior.</p>
<p>Remus smiled at him. ‘Hello.’</p>
<p>The boy glanced at Remus’s books. ‘You’ve picked all the wrong books,’ he said, stiffly.</p>
<p>Remus frowned. ‘Oh. Well…which are the right books?’</p>
<p>The boy turned and walked away without speaking. Remus frowned after him. After a moment or two, the boy reappeared with a single ancient looking volume in hand. The book was a muddy brown and badly frayed. The boy sat down beside Remus and flipped open the book.</p>
<p>‘This one is far more accurate,’ he said. His voice was still stiff but, as Remus smiled at him and thanked him, his shoulders became a little less stiff.</p>
<p>‘What’s your name?’ Remus asked.</p>
<p>‘Severus Snape,’ said the boy and his mouth turned up in the smallest smile imaginable.</p>
<p>They sat together and studied for the rest of the lunch break.</p>
<p>                         </p>
<p>Sirius wandered along a corridor kicking a chocolate frog wrapper along the floorboards. He was bored. All his friends had abandoned him. James had gone to watch the Quidditch team practise and Peter had tagged along as usual. Even Remus, who could normally be trusted to stick around Sirius, had gone home on some family emergency.</p>
<p>It wasn’t fair. He’d been stuck on his own all day. Still, at least it was nearly dinnertime. James and Peter would doubtless appear then.</p>
<p>‘Woah, steady there, lad,’ came a startled voice.</p>
<p>Sirius looked up to see he’d kicked the frog wrapper right into Professor Slughorn. ‘Oh, sorry, Sir. I didn’t see you.’</p>
<p>‘That’s quite all right, my boy. I was looking for you actually.’</p>
<p>‘You were?’</p>
<p>‘Yes, my boy. I’m very impressed with your ability in potions. Mind you, coming from such a family, I’m not at all surprised.’</p>
<p>Sirius tensed at the mention of his family. ‘Thank you, Sir,’ he said politely.</p>
<p>Slughorn dug in his robe pocket. ‘Here you go,’ he said, passing Sirius a stiff envelope. ‘You’ve earned this.’ He began to walk away. ‘Most impressed,’ he murmured to himself.</p>
<p>Sirius watched him go in bewilderment, then opened his letter.</p>
<p>It was an invitation. Slughorn was having a Halloween party and Sirius was invited. Utterly bemused, Sirius made his way to dinner.</p>
<p>To his surprise, Remus was there along with James and Peter. He was pale, his eyes were heavy and there was a vivid red cut above his eyebrow. But he was there. Sirius grinned and threw himself down in the seat next to him. ‘Hey, when did you get back?’</p>
<p>‘Only a few minutes ago.’</p>
<p>‘Your family thing sorted?’</p>
<p>Remus blushed. ‘Yes, thanks,’ he said and helped himself to a small helping of vegetarian lasagne.</p>
<p>Sirius helped himself to a steak and kidney pie and dug in, contented.</p>
<p>                                                 </p>
<p>On Halloween, Sirius discovered that the only other first year to be invited to Slughorn’s party was a girl named Lily Evans, also in Gryffindor.</p>
<p>‘I’ve heard he invites his favourites every year,’ said Remus as they sat in the common room after dinner. ‘It’s funny he’s not invited Severus. He’s the best at potions in the whole year.’</p>
<p>‘Who?’ Sirius asked.</p>
<p>‘Severus Snape. He sits at the front in potions. He’s in Slytherin.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, that greasy brown nose. I wouldn’t want him as a favourite either,’ said Sirius carelessly.</p>
<p>Remus stood up and gave Sirius a cool look. ‘There’s no need to be unkind,’ he said and walked away.</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged and smirked like he didn’t care but bit his tongue hard for speaking so recklessly. He didn’t even want to go to this party.</p>
<p>He wore his dress robes, black velvet with a blue trim to bring out his eyes. He knew he looked both handsome and rich. In his family, they were the important things. He left James and Peter in the common room and, wishing Remus had come back, he made his way to Slughorn’s office.</p>
<p>He ran into Lily Evans outside and they went in together. There were around fifteen other students in there, all third years or older. Sirius fiddled with his collar.</p>
<p>‘Ah, Sirius Black and Lily Evans! So glad you could both come,’ said Professor Slughorn. ‘Welcome. Help yourselves to food and drink.’</p>
<p>At the mention of his name, several of the oldest students turned to look at him. Sirius’s skin prickled as he saw Lucius Malfoy glaring at him from one corner. He sighed and went to get some food. If this was the selection of Slughorn’s favourites, he definitely didn’t want to be one of them.</p>
<p>As he stood with a plate of food, he felt an arm drape around his shoulders. ‘Well, well, if it isn’t my dear cousin, the Black heir himself.’</p>
<p>Sirius glanced up. ‘Hello Lucius.’</p>
<p>Lucius leaned in closer but his voice was clearly audible to those nearby. ‘So, Sirius, what are you doing still hanging around with <em>mudbloods</em>?’ He shot a dirty look at Lily, who turned her nose up in disgust and walked away.</p>
<p>Lucius smirked and dropped his voice lower. ‘What <em>will</em> your mother think when she finds out who you’re associating with?’</p>
<p>Sirius swallowed and didn’t reply.</p>
<p>Lucius laughed. ‘Dear, dear. I really don’t think she’ll be happy, will she?’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. Lucius leaned in closer so only Sirius could hear him. ‘I hope she doesn’t leave any <em>permanent </em>marks.’</p>
<p>Sirius shuddered and Lucius laughed as he walked away.</p>
<p>                                     </p>
<p>He got back to the dorm after everybody else was in bed. There was a light coming from Remus’s bed. He was awake and reading a book by a glowing orb which hung above him.</p>
<p>Sirius stood by the door, debating whether to try sneaking past Remus to his own bed or to speak to him.</p>
<p>‘Are you going to stand there all night? You’re letting in a draft,’ said Remus.</p>
<p>Sirius squirmed. ‘Sorry,’ he said and walked in, shutting the door behind him. He sat on his bed.</p>
<p>‘How was the party?’ asked Remus.</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘Crap.’ He chewed his lip. ‘I’m s… sorry.’</p>
<p>Remus looked at him. ‘You sounded like your cousins before.’</p>
<p>Sirius swallowed. ‘I know.’</p>
<p>He lay down on his bed and neither of them spoke again. A short while later, Remus put his light out and Sirius was left in the dark, thinking.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Part Two, Starting Hogwarts, Chapter Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus’s hair stuck to his forehead as he worked over his cauldron. This was not right. It couldn’t be right. Nobody else’s was steaming. Sirius was no help. He was sitting there scowling and wouldn’t even talk.</p>
<p>Remus poked the cauldron crossly and it began to bubble. He put his hand up. ‘Professor Slughorn…’</p>
<p>The words were barely out of his mouth when the cauldron rocked violently. Remus stared wide-eyed and saw the cauldron jerk and the boiling potion exploded over the side.</p>
<p>Sirius’s hand grabbed his arm and pulled him down to the floor. There was a silence, then someone cried out and Professor Slughorn could be heard fussing. Remus struggled to his feet and stared in horror at the carnage. The desk beside them had melted and his cauldron lay where it had been.</p>
<p>A Slytherin boy was lying on the floor clutching a horribly burned arm. Remus felt his stomach twisting painfully. He’d done that.</p>
<p>Professor Slughorn helped the Slytherin to his feet. ‘Class dismissed.’</p>
<p>The Slytherin boy was taken away. There was one moment of silence then the Slytherins turned on them.</p>
<p>‘You stupid mudblood,’ spat one of them.</p>
<p>‘Shouldn’t be allowed in the school,’ said another.</p>
<p>Remus felt cold. Sirius grabbed his arm. ‘Come on.’</p>
<p>Sirius and James pushed through the crowd, dragging Remus with them. Peter trotted close behind. Remus was shaking. What had he done?</p>
<p>‘What if I scarred him for life?’ he asked.</p>
<p>‘Nah. Madame Pomfrey will fix it,’ said James, patting Remus on the back.</p>
<p>Remus blinked back tears. ‘I won’t ever be able to do potions.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, come on…’ started Sirius.’ It’ll be okay…’</p>
<p>He stopped. A group of Slytherins was advancing on them. It wasn’t just first years. Malfoy was there and Rosier and Lestrange. There was a beautiful girl who looked just like Sirius there as well. Sirius was staring in fear at the group.</p>
<p>‘This is not good,’ he whispered. He took his wand out and James and Remus followed suit. Peter gulped and disappeared from James’s side.</p>
<p>‘You’re on the wrong side, Black,’ called Malfoy. ‘Step away from the mudbloods and the traitors and come with us. You’re the Black heir. You don’t belong with them.’</p>
<p>‘They’re my friends,’ said Sirius, his wand trained on Lucius.</p>
<p>The girl stepped forward. ‘Shall I hex them for you, pretty little Sirius?’</p>
<p>Sirius scowled.</p>
<p>‘What about him?’ she asked, pointing her wand at Remus. ‘He’s pretty. Such as shame he’s a mudblood.’</p>
<p>Sirius started towards her. ‘You leave him alone, Bellatrix.’</p>
<p>‘Bellatrix is right,’ said Lucius. ‘The mudblood has wronged us and now he must pay the price.’</p>
<p>Remus gripped his wand tighter. Sirius stepped in front of him. ‘You’ll have to hex me first.’</p>
<p>‘If you’re not with us then you’re one of them, little cousin,’ said Lucius.</p>
<p>Remus braced himself. He was going to get hexed and there was nothing he could do about it.</p>
<p>‘What is the meaning of this?’                                                                                        </p>
<p>He turned and saw Professor McGonagall pushing the crowd aside. ‘No magic in the corridors. Mister Malfoy, Miss Black, with me.’</p>
<p>Scowling, Malfoy and Bellatrix followed McGonagall away. Remus spotted Peter as the crowd dispersed and he sent him a grateful smile. Peter had gone for help.</p>
<p>It was dinnertime but Remus didn’t fancy going to the Great Hall where everybody else was. He did not want to hear what else the Slytherins had to say, or risk getting hexed.</p>
<p>‘I’m going to the tower,’ he said. ‘I’ll see you later.’</p>
<p>James and Sirius hurried after him. ‘We’ll come with you.’</p>
<p>‘Ohh,’ moaned Peter. ‘We’ll miss dinner.’</p>
<p>He looked between the direction of the great hall and his friends then, with a groan, trudged after his friends.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Settled in their dorm, James and Sirius started ranting about the Slytherins. Remus sat on the floor with them but leaned back against his bed, just listening.</p>
<p>‘We’ll get them back,’ said Sirius, scowling.</p>
<p>‘Maybe we could set an explosion in the common room. An explosion of red candyfloss!’ said James.</p>
<p>Sirius laughed. ‘That’d sort them out. Down with Slytherin!’ he yelled.</p>
<p>Remus smiled at him. ‘You glad you’re not in Slytherin now?’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. ‘Yeah.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘Ohh, I’m <em>starving</em>!’ groaned Peter. It had gone dark and way past dinnertime.</p>
<p>Remus rubbed his tummy and looked at Sirius. ‘I’m hungry too.’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. ‘You know what? I think we should have another go at getting to the kitchens.’</p>
<p>James sat up. ‘You found another passage?’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. ‘Maybe. It might be another dead end but it’s worth a go.’ He leaned forwards, his eyes sparkling. ‘Who fancies it?’</p>
<p>‘I’m in!’ said James.</p>
<p>‘Me too if it means food!’ said Peter.</p>
<p>Sirius looked at Remus. ‘You in?’</p>
<p>Remus nodded. ‘I’m in. But we’d better not end up in the Slytherin common room again. They really would kill us!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius led his friends down the dark passage, which began under the first-floor staircase. He was feeling cautious this time. He didn’t want to get his friends into trouble. But he was certain he was beginning to smell food.</p>
<p>He glanced at James, who was grinning. ‘I can smell sausages!’</p>
<p>Remus laughed. ‘Why would they be cooking sausages now? It’s half eleven at night!’</p>
<p>James shrugged. ‘House elves have got really powerful magic. Maybe they know we’re coming.’</p>
<p>They reached the end of the passage. There was a door and Sirius put his ear up to it and listened. He could hear bustling activity and small, high pitched voices. He could smell sausages.</p>
<p>He grinned. ‘We struck gold.’</p>
<p>He pushed open the door and the welcoming fire-lit kitchen welcomed them. House elves were dotted everywhere. One spotted them and a moment later, they were all rushing over to them.</p>
<p>‘Students! Students. Sirs, what can we cook for you? Anything, Sirs!’ they squeaked.</p>
<p>In no time at all, they were tucking into a feast of food. Anything they wanted, the elves cooked for them. Peter made sure he had lots of sausages.</p>
<p>Half an hour later, they were done and the elves immediately started to clear up after them. One brushed up against Sirius, knocking his arm. His drink spilled over his pyjama leg.</p>
<p>Sirius turned on the elf. ‘You stupid elf!’ he roared. ‘Look what you did!’</p>
<p>The elf crumpled before him, cowering and mumbling his apologies. Sirius felt a thrill of power go through him at the sight.</p>
<p>‘What the hell is the matter with you?’ James’s voice cut through him and he went cold. He turned and saw James glaring at him, Remus shuffling his feet and Peter staring wide-eyed at him.</p>
<p>Sirius didn’t say anything. He turned and strode right back to the passage entrance and disappeared into it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Part Two, Starting Hogwarts, Chapter Ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus picked at his food. Even though it was full moon that night, he didn’t feel as hungry as usual. Everybody was talking about him. His accident in potions was nearly a week ago but still nobody could let it go.</p>
<p>Sirius was miserable too. He had been since their visit to the kitchens. Remus didn’t understand Sirius sometimes. He was all at once kind, funny and caring but angry, superior and harsh. There was so much Remus didn’t understand about the Wizarding World, after being kept away from it for so much of his life. He would have to ask his Papa.</p>
<p>‘Remus Lupin!’ called Professor McGonagall.</p>
<p>Remus started and looked up. The Slytherins began to hiss at him. Professor McGonagall called for quiet but Remus could still feel the glares sent in his direction. He could hear whispering but he ignored them and stood. He could feel Sirius watching him too and he wished he wouldn’t.</p>
<p>He retrieved his bag and went towards her. ‘Professor Dumbledore wishes to see you, Lupin.’ Her voice, as usual, was clearly audible to those around them. Remus winced but followed her out. He knew they would all be talking about him now.</p>
<p>As he followed her through the corridors, he wondered what Dumbledore could want with him. Maybe it <em>was</em> about the cauldron explosion. Maybe he was about to get expelled.</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s okay, Remy.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus glanced beside him into that young face. He wished he were still that skinny little kid who’d followed his twin brother everywhere. He’d been happy then, though he’d never known it. Before the bite, his life had been normal. Now … it just wasn’t.</p>
<p>He was escorted into Dumbledore’s office then left alone. Dumbledore was sitting at his desk and Remus approached, his knees knocking.</p>
<p>‘How are you, Remus?’ Dumbledore asked.</p>
<p>Remus’s eyes strayed to his brother, who was skipping up to Dumbledore’s desk. <em>He’s a funny old man. He looks different here than when he was on our swings.</em></p>
<p>Remus chewed his lip. ‘I’m fine, Sir.’</p>
<p>His brother skipped behind Dumbledore and started to pull faces. Remus battled not to laugh.</p>
<p>‘And your arrangements for full moon? Are they working well for you?’</p>
<p>‘Yes, Sir.’ He pressed his lips together as René stuck his tongue out at Dumbledore’s face.</p>
<p>Dumbledore frowned at him. ‘Your father contacted me this afternoon. He is pleased that you’re doing so much better during the full moon at school. However …’</p>
<p>‘I know,’ said Remus. ‘The next one is at Christmas. Does he want me to stay here?’</p>
<p>Dumbledore sighed. ‘He thinks it would be best for you.’</p>
<p>Remus nodded, his insides twisting. He wished he could just be a normal boy who spent Christmas at home with his family.</p>
<p>René wasn’t pulling faces anymore. He was scowling at Dumbledore. <em>He wants to keep you locked up here like an animal.</em></p>
<p>Remus didn’t respond. He stared down at the floor. He knew that this was the best thing but he wished it wasn’t. He knew he could never be normal.</p>
<p>Dumbledore seemed concerned. ‘I know this must be difficult for you.’</p>
<p>Remus stumbled to his feet. ‘I should go, Sir. It’s full moon tonight. I haven’t got long.’</p>
<p>‘Yes, of course. Madame Pomfrey will meet you in the usual place.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus hadn’t come back from seeing Dumbledore and everybody was talking about it. Sirius listened to the way they talked and hated it. They were all saying Remus had been expelled. Three days had passed and Sirius was worried.</p>
<p>Sirius was also worried about Christmas. It was approaching fast and he wished he could stay over the holidays. Those two weeks at home were going to be hell.</p>
<p>He left dinner and went up to his dormitory. He felt like sulking, not joining in any of the games and chat that were going on in the common room.</p>
<p>At the door, he stopped. There was a lump in Remus’s bed. Sirius gaped and rushed over.</p>
<p>‘Remus? Everyone’s saying you’ve been expelled!’</p>
<p>Remus emerged from under the covers and Sirius gasped. There were deep scratches on his face, neck and arms. ‘What happened to you? Did one of the Slytherins get you?’</p>
<p>Remus shook his head. ‘No, I just … fell.’</p>
<p>‘Oh. Is that where you’ve been? In the hospital wing?’</p>
<p>Remus nodded.</p>
<p>‘So you’ve not been expelled?’</p>
<p>‘No. Dumbledore didn’t even mention it.’</p>
<p>‘Oh. So what he want to see you for?’</p>
<p>Remus flushed and squirmed in his bed. ‘Only to talk to me. My Papa asked him to. I’ve got to stay here for Christmas. Papa… has to work.’</p>
<p>‘Oh. I wish I could stay. It’d be fun.’</p>
<p>Remus frowned a bit. ‘Yeah. I’d rather be at home though, wouldn’t you?’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged and looked away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus watched the huge eagle-like horses pull the carriages away from the school. He’d learned that few others could see the Thestrals. Sirius could see them too but Remus hadn’t come across anyone else who could. Neither of them knew why. Objectively, the Thestrals were kind of ugly but Remus liked them. They were creatures of the moonlight, like him but gentle and peaceful, not like him.  </p>
<p>His friends were leaving. The whole Christmas, he would be on his own. Sirius had seemed even more fed up to be going home than Remus was to be staying. Well, in two weeks they’d be back and until then, he had to entertain himself. He turned and made his way to the library.</p>
<p>He perused the shelves, finding his way to the Defence Against the Dark Arts shelves. He wasn’t going to do any potions studying this holiday. He selected a book called <em>Lycanthropes of the Ages</em> and took it over to a small table. At least, with so few students left, he wasn’t likely to be noticed reading books about werewolves.</p>
<p>‘We’re not supposed to learn about werewolves until third year,’ said a rather sullen voice.</p>
<p>Remus looked up and saw Severus. He looked surlier than usual and he sat down without asking. Remus shrugged.</p>
<p>‘I like reading about everything.’</p>
<p>Severus nodded. He had a book of his own under his arm. He pulled the tome out and opened it. ‘So do I.’</p>
<p>Quiet fell and they both read in silence for a while. Eventually, Remus realised that Severus was looking at him. ‘I expected you would go home.’</p>
<p>Remus looked away. ‘My Papa has to work so there’s no point. What about you?’</p>
<p>‘I prefer to stay here. I can get more work done.’ Severus’s voice was stiff and awkward. Remus glanced at him but Severus didn’t meet his eyes. Remus didn’t question him further.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius arrived on the muggle side of London Euston to find only Chauffeur waiting for him.</p>
<p>‘Where’s Aris?’</p>
<p>‘Aris is no longer with us,’ said Chauffeur.</p>
<p>Sirius froze. No longer with us. The last time he’d heard that… Chauffeur stopped and looked at him, then realised what he’d said.</p>
<p>‘I beg your pardon, Master Sirius, I should say she has been let go. It seems your mother decided it was no longer appropriate for her to be in the house.’</p>
<p>‘Oh.’ A little of the warmth returned to Sirius’s body but only a little. There would be one less friendly face at home now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Sirius was led into the house by Chauffeur, he immediately felt the tightness of the atmosphere. Regulus peeped at him from the top of the stairs, then immediately disappeared as the door to the sitting room opened. Sirius braced himself. His mother was approaching.</p>
<p>She did not greet him. She towered above him, glaring down at him from her great height. She seemed even more imposing than he remembered.</p>
<p>‘Your father wishes to see you in his study immediately, regarding your conduct at school.’</p>
<p>Sirius pulled his hands under his sleeves and inclined his head. ‘Yes, Mother.’</p>
<p>She swept away and Sirius looked towards his father’s study. Behind him, Chauffeur sighed. ‘I’ll place your luggage in your room, Master Sirius.’ He hesitated. ‘Good luck, Sir.’</p>
<p>Sirius waited until he’d gone, then took a deep breath and knocked on his father’s door. He heard his father’s low voice bidding him to enter and he pushed open the door and slid inside. Cephus was standing in front of his desk, staring out of the window. His hands were tightly clasped behind his back.  </p>
<p>Sirius swallowed down the lump in his throat. ‘Father.’</p>
<p>Cephus Black turned to his son and smiled just a little. ‘It is good to see you, Sirius.’</p>
<p>Sirius noticed that his face seemed weary and more heavily lined than it had before. ‘And you, Father.’</p>
<p>Cephus strode towards him. ‘The house has been very different without you, Sirius.’ He reached out and squeezed Sirius’s shoulder. Something ached inside Sirius and he wished his father would put his arms around him and hug him close.</p>
<p>But the next moment, Cephus released him and his manner changed. He stood stiffer and avoided Sirius’s eyes. ‘Your mother is disappointed in your behaviour this past term. As well as the fact that you have been placed in Gryffindor, your mother has received reports of you fraternising with those <em>lesser</em> than you.’</p>
<p>Sirius lowered his head with respect. He clenched his fists beneath his sleeves. ‘Yes, Father.’ He knew what was coming next.</p>
<p>His father didn’t look at him. ‘Fetch the strap,’ he said.</p>
<p>Sirius turned towards where the strap hung on its hook. He lifted it, felt the thick weight of the worn leather in his hand. Heavy inside, he turned and presented it to his father. There was nothing he could do but submit to his punishment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus came screaming back to himself in the early hours of Christmas Eve morning. The soft hands on him were not solid but he took comfort from them nonetheless. That comfort only lasted a moment. His brother faded away as Madame Pomfrey entered the shack.</p>
<p>Remus let himself drift into unconsciousness as she began to tend to him. He knew he would wake in the hospital wing and spend his Christmas recovering.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Christmas morning, Remus woke to the gentle sounds of Madame Pomfrey pottering around the hospital wing. He shifted over and reached for his book.</p>
<p>‘C’est mon fils!’ said a voice Remus knew better than his own. His book dropped to the bed and he struggled to sit up.</p>
<p>‘Papa!’</p>
<p>‘Easy,’ admonished Jean Lupin as he strode into the room. ‘You don’t want to hurt yourself, mon fils cher.’</p>
<p>Remus could hardly contain himself. His papa reached down and hugged him gently.</p>
<p>‘I didn’t think I’d see you!’</p>
<p>‘I had to see my dear son on Christmas day.’</p>
<p>Remus smiled and held onto his papa’s hand. ‘I’m so glad you came, Papa. Happy Christmas.’</p>
<p>‘Happy Christmas, Remus. I … had thought to perhaps take you to Hogsmeade but I’m not sure you’ll be well enough.’</p>
<p>‘Oh he’ll be quite well by tonight, Sir,’ said Madame Pomfrey. ‘He’s a strong boy. You should be very proud, Mr Lupin.’</p>
<p>Jean smiled. ‘Oh, I am.’</p>
<p>Remus blushed scarlet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus had a quiet but pleasant day. He stayed in bed, chatting with his Papa. They had Christmas dinner together in the hospital wing. Remus wondered whether his absence had been noticed in the Great Hall.</p>
<p>In the early evening, Madame Pomfrey announced that Remus was well enough to leave the hospital wing and visit Hogsmeade. Remus felt a thrill go through him. He was certain he was the only first year to get to visit the village.</p>
<p>Snow had fallen and Remus tugged his cloak tight around himself. His Papa put his arm around him, supporting him as they walked and Remus couldn’t help but smiling. His Papa was with him.</p>
<p>They sat together in The Three Broomsticks and Jean bought them a butterbeer each. As they sat together, chatting, Remus wondered how it was that his Papa had managed to come.</p>
<p>‘Papa? Where’s Mama?’</p>
<p>Jean glanced away. ‘I asked Mrs Wilson down the road to look after her. She doesn’t get much company. She was ecstatic to have your mother for Christmas.’</p>
<p>‘How is Mama?’</p>
<p>Jean stared into his Butterbeer. ‘She … is not well. Her grasp on reality seems to get weaker every day.’</p>
<p>Remus looked into his own drink. His mama never should have left France. If only…</p>
<p>‘I heard a secret,’ said his papa conspiratorially.</p>
<p>Remus looked up and smiled. ‘Yeah?’</p>
<p>His papa leaned in a bit. ‘A one-eyed witch may well hide her own secrets.’ He held up his goblet. ‘One is particularly useful if you like Butterbeer.’</p>
<p>Remus grinned as his papa coolly sipped his drink. He had the best Papa.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Part Two, Starting Hogwarts, Chapter Eleven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>School resumed. Remus felt right again as the noise of his dorm mates filled the room. James and Peter were loud and excitable after the feast. James was practically bouncing.</p>
<p>‘I got the most awesome thing!’ he said, flinging open his trunk.</p>
<p>Sirius lay on his side on his bed. Remus glanced at him. His expression was oddly morose and he barely paid attention to anything around him.</p>
<p>Worried, Remus turned back to James but kept one eye on Sirius. James was pulling something out of his trunk which moved like water. Remus stared at it.</p>
<p>‘Wow,’ he whispered.</p>
<p>James grinned around at them. ‘It’s an invisibility cloak. My dad gave it to me for Christmas. It’s been in our family for generations.’</p>
<p>Remus stared at it. ‘Wow, it’s just like the one in the Tale of the Three Brothers.’</p>
<p>Peter and James laughed but Sirius sat up and glared at Remus. ‘Don’t be stupid, Remus. That’s only a children’s story. We’re too old to believe in that shit now.’</p>
<p>Remus gaped at him. Sirius shot him a filthy look, then lay back down with his back to them. There was a short silence, then James spoke up.</p>
<p>‘Ignore him. He’s just being a grumpy git.’</p>
<p>Remus kept his eyes on Sirius for a moment longer, then turned back to James. James stood, swished the cloak around his shoulders and disappeared.</p>
<p>‘Woah,’ said Remus and Peter together. Sirius glanced over but didn’t say anything.</p>
<p>‘I’ve got an idea,’ said Remus.</p>
<p>James tugged the cloak off and sat back down. ‘What?’</p>
<p>‘My Papa told me about a secret passage into Hogsmeade. I think we should go exploring.’ He grinned. ‘We won’t get caught now we’ve got an invisibility cloak.’</p>
<p>James grinned. ‘Awesome. Siri, you in?’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘I suppose.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius felt the cool night air on his face and breathed out slowly. He was squashed in beside James underneath the cloak. Remus and Peter on James’s other side. They’d been wandering through corridors for a while, being directed by Remus’s whispers.</p>
<p>Sirius wasn’t sure Remus knew what he was doing and he didn’t know why he was going along with this. He would have been better off staying in the dorm and sulking.</p>
<p>‘Wait,’ hissed Remus.</p>
<p>They halted. Sirius looked and saw that Remus had led them to the statue of a one-eyed witch. Remus glanced around them took out his wand and emerged from underneath the cloak.</p>
<p>He tapped the witch with his wand and something rumbled. Remus’s eyed widened and he darted back under the cloak. The witch shuddered and slid aside. The four friends rushed into the passage. It was dark. They threw off the cloak and James bundled it up in his dressing gown.</p>
<p>‘Lumos,’ hissed Remus and his wand lit up. The rest of them copied him and they started to make their way down the passage.</p>
<p>They’d been walking for a little while when Remus, who was in the lead, stopped.</p>
<p>‘Uh oh,’ he said.</p>
<p>‘What is it?’ James asked.</p>
<p>‘There’s two turnings.’</p>
<p>Sirius caught them up and looked down each passage in turn. ‘Didn’t your father tell you which way?’</p>
<p>Remus shook his head. ‘I suppose he wanted me to find out for myself.’ He peered down the tunnels. ‘Let’s just pick one.’ He turned down the right hand one and hurried off.</p>
<p>James and Peter followed him. Sirius hesitated, then joined his friends. His heart was going faster. They had no idea where this was going to take them. It may take them to Hogsmeade but it could also take them anywhere else, or nowhere at all. This was exploring.</p>
<p>He found himself walking next to Remus. He turned and grinned at him. ‘I like exploring.’</p>
<p>Remus laughed. ‘Me too.’ He looked ahead. ‘I was thinking.’</p>
<p>‘What?’</p>
<p>‘You know the map my papa gave me? We could put all the secret passages we find on it.’</p>
<p>Sirius smiled. An idea had sparked in his head. He kept quiet. He would tell them later.</p>
<p>They came to the end of the passage. There was a little round wooden door. Remus hesitated and looked back at them. Sirius nodded encouragingly at him. ‘Go on, it’s your show.’</p>
<p>Sirius watched as Remus took a deep breath, then pushed open the door. Sirius was surprised to feel night air on his face. He would have guessed that the passage would have come out inside out of the shops or at least under cover.</p>
<p>Remus climbed out and Sirius heard an ‘oh’ of surprise. Sirius scrambled up after him and James and Peter followed.</p>
<p>‘Ah,’ said Sirius. ‘I think we should have taken the other passage.’</p>
<p>James looked around at the trees surrounding them. ‘I dunno, I think we made the right decision.’ He grinned. ‘We now know how to get into the forbidden forest!’</p>
<p>Sirius glanced at Remus and saw him glancing around at the dark trees. His eyes seemed strangely bright, unnaturally so. Sirius frowned at him. He’d never seen anybody’s eyes glow in the dark like that, not a person’s anyway. Remus glanced at him, then away.</p>
<p>‘We’re not supposed to be in here,’ said Peter. ‘There are wild animals and everything.’</p>
<p>‘We’re safe,’ said Remus. ‘As long as we stick to the path.’ Commanding and confident, he strode forward. Sirius grinned and hurried after him.</p>
<p>‘You’re breaking rules,’ he said, walking beside Remus.</p>
<p>Remus focused on the dark forest ahead of them. ‘My Papa says Hogwarts is where you learn which rules matter.’</p>
<p>Sirius frowned and watched the ground. He’d never liked rules. Rules had always meant bad things. But there was one little voice echoing in his head, from when he was really small. He remembered lying in his garden late that night, his sister’s arms around him. He remembered her rule.</p>
<p>
  <em>‘Always be nice, Siri,’ she whispered. ‘Keep being my loving boy.’</em>
</p>
<p>He swallowed hard and blinked rapidly. ‘Remus.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah?’</p>
<p>‘I’m sorry about before, shouting at you. I didn’t mean it.’</p>
<p>‘I know.’</p>
<p>Sirius kicked a stone and it echoed along the path. ‘My Christmas wasn’t that good.’</p>
<p>‘I guessed. Maybe they’ll let you spend next Christmas here.’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘Maybe.’ He felt Remus glance at him and then away.</p>
<p>They walked in silence for a while. Sirius listened to the footsteps of James and Peter getting fainter behind them.</p>
<p>‘Sirius…’</p>
<p>‘Yeah?’</p>
<p>‘What … happened to make your Christmas so bad?’</p>
<p>Sirius froze, his hands clenching painfully and pulling automatically under his sleeves. He felt Remus’s eyes on him. He shook his head rapidly.</p>
<p>‘Oh … just got Slytherin green robes from my parents. Like I’d be seen dead in those.’ His laugh echoed woodenly through the trees. He expected Remus to laugh but he didn’t. He watched Sirius intently. Sirius felt his face go hot and he stared resolutely at the dark ground.  </p>
<p>‘Hey, can we go back now?’ called Peter plaintively from behind them. ‘I’m tired!’</p>
<p>Sirius looked back, glad of the distraction. James and Peter were quite a way back. Peter was dragging his feet and James had wrapped his arms tightly around himself.</p>
<p>‘Yeah, come on. It’s bloody freezing.’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘All right then. We’ll go to Hogsmeade tomorrow.’</p>
<p>They trudged back to the passage, then back through into school and back to their dorm without being caught.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus hadn’t really wanted to leave the forest. He loved the darkness all around him, no moon glaring down at him. He loved the fresh air on his cheeks and Sirius walking beside him on that narrow stone path. There was something about the forest.</p>
<p>Still, he wanted to stay with his friends. As they returned to the dorm, he was still thinking about what Sirius had said to him. It was a lie, obviously, but covering something Sirius really didn’t want to talk about. Remus decided he wouldn’t push him. There was plenty <em>he</em> didn’t want to talk about as well.</p>
<p>Peter flopped on his bed. ‘I’m exhausted. Going about late at night like this is a lot more fun when we get snacks when we get there.’</p>
<p>James hid his cloak back in his trunk and climbed into his own bed. ‘He’s right, you know. Still we’ve found three passages already and it’s only January.’</p>
<p>Sirius wasn’t getting into bed. He bounced on his heels. ‘I’ve got this idea.’</p>
<p>‘What?’ asked Remus, sitting on his bed and toeing off his shoes.</p>
<p>‘Your map. We’re going to put all the passages we find on it, right?’</p>
<p>‘Sirius, it’s way past midnight,’ complained James. ‘Can’t we do this in the morning?’</p>
<p>‘No, James. Listen. We put every passage on the map and we enchant it.’</p>
<p>Remus frowned. ‘To do what exactly?’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned widely. ‘To make sure we never ever get caught.’</p>
<p>Remus glanced at James who shrugged sleepily.</p>
<p>‘How do we do that exactly?’ Remus asked.</p>
<p>‘If the map can tell us, not only where everything is, but where <em>everyone</em> is, we can explore as much as we like and never get caught.’</p>
<p>Remus grinned. ‘That’s a really good idea.’</p>
<p>‘It is kind of brilliant,’ conceded James.</p>
<p>Sirius bounced up and down on his heels. ‘I know.’ He paused. ‘Only problem is, I don’t know how we’d enchant it to do that.’</p>
<p>Remus’s grin got even wider. ‘The library.’</p>
<p>James and Sirius both groaned but Remus ignored them. ‘I’ll find out all about how to do it there. We might not be able to do the spell yet though.’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged and climbed into bed. ‘It can’t be that hard. We’ll figure it out.’</p>
<p>Remus got in bed and fell asleep to the thought of exploring every inch of Hogwarts castle and grounds.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Part Two, Starting Hogwarts, Chapter Twelve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Friday 13<sup>th</sup> February dawned grey and dismal. Remus knew it was going to be an unlucky day for him. He had potions. He drudged into class to find Professor Slughorn in a good mood. This was getting worse.</p>
<p>‘Welcome, welcome class. Love is in the air, it seems.’</p>
<p>Remus sighed as Slughorn delivered his preamble. He was certain potions classes were longer than all the others.</p>
<p>‘Today, we’re going to do something a little fun. Page 14 in your books everyone.’</p>
<p>Remus groaned as he turned to the page. They were going to turn their hair pink. As if it wasn’t bad enough that he was rubbish at useful potions. Now he was going to stink as something pointless as well.</p>
<p>As usual, he followed his instructions and refused all help from his friends. He watched the potions around him turn a deep pink, whilst his became a sickly yellow.</p>
<p>Slughorn checked several potions but bypassed his with a distracted hum. ‘Better not trial that one,’ he muttered.</p>
<p>Remus watched, fed up as his classmates giggled and sipped their potions. Everybody’s hair went pink, though Sirius’s black hair would only get streaks. He swished it around.</p>
<p>‘I look like my cousin Andromeda!’</p>
<p>Remus wondered how many cousins Sirius had. There seemed to be hundreds of them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pink hair wore off by the next day and but the whole school seemed to be overtaken by giggling girls and blushing boys. It seemed that all the older students were obsessed. Fluffy hearts whizzed around the grounds and one of the fifth years enchanted cupids to fly around the water fountain blowing kisses at the pretty girls. Remus ignored it all. He wasn’t interested in any of it. He was glad his friends weren’t either. They sloped off and played Gobstones instead.</p>
<p>Remus had never played the game before. His Papa had taught him chess, both sorts, but they’d never played Gobstones. The four friends settled in the practically empty Transfiguration Courtyard. Peter brought out a huge bag of Gobstones, grinning from ear to ear.</p>
<p>‘I’ve got the best collection,’ he said. ‘We should use mine.’</p>
<p>Sirius rolled his eyes. ‘Just share them out, Peter.’</p>
<p>Peter gave him a look and started dealing. As one by one, the little collection of blue swirly marbles in his hand grew, Remus admitted to himself that Peter’s collection was pretty. He squirmed as he realised he had no idea what he was meant to do with them though.</p>
<p>‘I don’t know how to play,’ he said.</p>
<p>Peter looked at him in surprise. ‘Oh. Well, don’t worry, it’s easy.’ He looked over at James and Sirius. ‘You two play a game. I’ll teach Remus.’</p>
<p>He lay on his tummy and placed a handful of marbles in the middle of a chalk circle already drawn on the ground. ‘There’s lots of different ways to play but this is my favourite. We’ve each got ten each and the aim is to use them to knock each of these out of the circle. Whoever has the most Gobstones knocked out of the circle at the end is the winner.’</p>
<p>‘Okay, I’ll try it.’</p>
<p>Peter gave him a smile. ‘You’ll enjoy it. You go first.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The following Friday, Remus disappeared again straight after tea. Sirius watched him rush out straight after devouring rare steak and a pile of chips.</p>
<p>‘Where’s he off to?’</p>
<p>James shrugged. ‘Probably gone to throw up that bloody steak. Yuck.’</p>
<p>Peter didn’t say anything. He was stealing Remus’s abandoned sticky toffee pudding.</p>
<p>Remus didn’t appear for the rest of the evening or the next morning. Bored, they wandered out to the courtyard. There were lots of people out here and Professor McGonagall was attempting to keep order. Sirius went over.</p>
<p>‘Professor, is Remus ill again?’</p>
<p>McGonagall called over his head. ‘Mr Thwaite will you stop exploding firecrackers over Miss Laurie’s head. Black, Mr Lupin has gone to the hospital wing. A love potion gone wrong apparently.’</p>
<p>‘But, Professor…’</p>
<p>‘Miss Laurie, there is no need cover Mr Thwaite’s head with glue!’ She rushed off.</p>
<p>Sirius trudged back to his friends. ‘It doesn’t make any sense.’</p>
<p>‘What doesn’t?’ asked James.</p>
<p>‘McGonagall said Remus is in the hospital wing because of a love potion gone wrong. He’s not had any potions.’</p>
<p>James shrugged. ‘Maybe he’s just ill.’</p>
<p>‘He’s always disappearing with some excuse or another.’</p>
<p>Peter tugged at their arms. ‘Hey, come on. Frank Longbottom’s setting up a Gobstones tournament over there!’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus returned on Sunday night, pale and quiet.</p>
<p>‘Where have you been?’ Sirius asked as Remus appeared in the common room.</p>
<p>‘Hospital wing,’ said Remus quietly.</p>
<p>Sirius frowned. ‘But what was up with you? McGonagall said you took a love potion.’</p>
<p>‘Erm, yeah.’ He started to make his way towards the stairs to the dorms.</p>
<p>Sirius followed him. ‘But you didn’t drink any potion.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, erm, I’m tired. I’m going to bed.’</p>
<p>Before Sirius could ask any more questions, Remus disappeared up to bed. Sirius let it go, for now.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Part Two, Starting Hogwarts, Chapter Thirteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus sighed over his scroll, re-reading the low mark again and again. Every potions paper he got back got back was rubbish, no matter what he did. He’d worked so hard on this one too.</p>
<p>‘Unhappy with your paper, Lupin?’</p>
<p>Remus looked up and saw Severus. As usual, he had a thick and dusty tome under his arm. He also carried his black satchel, from which he pulled his own paper and quills.</p>
<p>‘I can never get higher than 30%, no matter what I do.’</p>
<p>Severus sat and took hold of Remus’s paper. He read it through quickly. ‘This isn’t bad. You should have got at least 50%.’</p>
<p>Remus sighed. ‘This sounds stupid but, I think he just doesn’t like me.’</p>
<p>Severus frowned at him. ‘I have observed that Professor Slughorn does have favourites. It would follow that he dislikes some students.’</p>
<p>‘We have another essay due next week.’</p>
<p>‘I have an idea, Lupin. Either it will get you a good mark or it will prove he is biased against you.’</p>
<p>Remus frowned. ‘What is it?’</p>
<p>‘I will help you write it.’</p>
<p>Remus opened and closed his mouth several times, then smiled and nodded. ‘That’s a good idea, Severus. Thank you.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Later that evening, Remus returned to the dorm. Everybody else was in bed when he slipped into the dorm. Ten minutes later and he would have been in trouble.</p>
<p>He got undressed in the dark and climbed into bed, putting his newly copied essay on his bedside table.</p>
<p>‘Where have you been?’ asked Sirius.</p>
<p>Remus glanced at him. ‘Library.’</p>
<p>Sirius scoffed. ‘You’re always disappearing off somewhere.’</p>
<p>Remus wriggled uncomfortably. He pulled his covers tightly up to his chin. ‘I was doing my homework.’</p>
<p>‘Is that what you’re doing when you disappear for days as well?’</p>
<p>Remus swallowed, feeling his face getting hot. He’d known it wouldn’t take long before everybody started asking questions.</p>
<p>‘I … I … get ill a lot and … my mama, she’s ill and I have to go and see her.’</p>
<p>‘But…’</p>
<p>‘Please, don’t keep asking me,’ Remus said in desperation. ‘You’ve got things you don’t want to talk about too.’</p>
<p>Sirius fell silent and Remus heard him sigh.</p>
<p>‘Yeah,’ he said slowly. ‘Yeah, I do. I’m sorry. I’ll stop asking.’</p>
<p>‘Thanks.’</p>
<p>Sirius turned over noisily. ‘‘Night, Remus.’</p>
<p>‘Goodnight, Sirius.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius was up early the next morning, before anyone else. He dressed and crossed to the window. He sat there and looked out. It was a bright clear morning and flowers were beginning to show themselves on the grounds. His eyes strayed beyond, to the Forbidden Forest and he remembered the way Remus had been in there.</p>
<p>He glanced back at where Remus was sleeping in his bed. He frowned lightly in his sleep and Sirius wondered what he was dreaming about. He had heard him crying out in his sleep sometimes. He knew what it was like to have nightmares.</p>
<p>He turned back to the view outside and as he gazed at the spring blooming over the grounds, his thoughts strayed to what would happen when the summer settled in. He’d be on his way back home, trapped into spending two full months at home. He sighed. At least now he’d started school, he could spend most of each year away from his family. He’d never realised how much he hated it there until he’d got away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>By the time the next Potions class happened, Remus was so worried about Sirius’s endless questions, that he’d forgotten about the paper due back. He’d struggled through an Antidote to Common Poisons and he thought his torture was over for the day when Professor Slughorn started handing round papers.</p>
<p>Remus groaned and sunk down in his seat. ‘Oh, I’d forgotten we had another paper.’</p>
<p>James patted him on the back. ‘It won’t be that bad.’</p>
<p>‘Easy for you to say.’</p>
<p>Severus glanced round at him as the paper landed on his desk. Remus remembered the experiment. He took a deep breath and looked at his paper. Twenty-eight percent. He looked back at Severus and shook his head ever so slightly.</p>
<p>Severus sighed and rolled his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Later in the library, Remus and Severus went over the paper. Severus sighed repeatedly as he searched through the paper for comments. There weren’t even any ticks beside good points. There weren’t any bad comments. There was just that big 28% in red at the top of his paper.</p>
<p>‘It’s not a bad essay, is it?’</p>
<p>‘It is a decent essay, Remus. I should say it should have got at least 80%. There are no incorrect answers; it’s only a little unclear here and there.’</p>
<p>‘He definitely doesn’t like me then. What can I do?’</p>
<p>Severus pushed back his black hair from his face. ‘I am not certain there is anything you can do.’</p>
<p>Remus groaned. ‘So I’m doomed to having shit potion marks forever?’</p>
<p>Severus raised an eyebrow. ‘If it helps, the O.W.L.s are independently marked.’</p>
<p>Remus groaned again and let his head drop to the desk. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Over the next week, Sirius noticed that Remus seemed down. He got back yet another paper from Slughorn with a low mark and he replaced evenings spent in the library with evenings staring out of the common room window. Sirius didn’t get it. After all, he was in the top five in every other subject, so why did potions matter that much?</p>
<p>‘Hey, Remus, give me a hand with this charms homework, will you?’ he called over.</p>
<p>Remus glanced at him. ‘You don’t need my help, Sirius. You’re in the top five in the class.’</p>
<p>‘Well… let’s go outside then.’</p>
<p>Remus turned back to the window. ‘You’ve got homework to do.’</p>
<p>Sirius glanced at James, who shrugged and carried on scribbling answers on his charms homework. He looked at Peter, who just chewed his pencil.</p>
<p>Sirius sighed and got on with his own work.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Part Two, Starting Hogwarts, Chapter Fourteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>On the 22<sup>nd</sup> March, Remus disappeared again. When Remus didn’t come up to bed, Sirius got up and went to the window. He peered out. The full moon hung low in the sky. Sirius watched the sky for a moment and felt a strange pull, like all the answers were up there.</p>
<p>He’d promised not to ask Remus about it but that didn’t mean he was just going to forget about it. He was determined to find out what was going on. It couldn’t just be illnesses, not this often and not this regularly.</p>
<p>He returned to his bed and rooted out his school diary, where he wrote down his homework. He looked back through his diary and noted down each time Remus had disappeared. His feeling was right. It was regularly. Once every single month. It was weird all right but he couldn’t think of an explanation to it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pain took over Remus’s body as he returned to himself. Relief flooded him as his human body took over once more. He reached out and felt his brother’s soft, barely-there fingers returning his touch.</p>
<p>‘Renny,’ moaned Remus, wishing he could be held for real. Back at home, his papa came in the moment the transformation was complete, to care for him and comfort him. Here he only had the phantom of his long-gone brother.</p>
<p>Full moon was the only time René did not sing and prance like the five-year-old he was. Remus took comfort in his quiet presence, the way he used to when they were little and Remus was afraid of monsters under the bed.</p>
<p>After a little while, Remus’s strength returned and he climbed up on the bed and pulled the covers up over him. Soon Madame Pomfrey would be here but until then, he would sleep, with his brother’s arms around him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two days later, Remus returned to his friends. It was evening and they were all in the dorm, chugging bottles of Butterbeer.</p>
<p>Remus smiled. ‘Where did you get those from?’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned at him. ‘House elves. I went and made nice and they gave us these.’ He held up a fourth bottle. ‘There’s one for you too.’</p>
<p>Remus took it and sat with his friends. James glanced at him.</p>
<p>‘Where’ve you been?’</p>
<p>Remus’s face went hot and his mind raced, trying to come up with an excuse. He opened his mouth.</p>
<p>Sirius hit James on the arm. ‘Shut it, James. You can see he’s been ill. It’s none of our business.’</p>
<p>James opened his mouth, then glanced from Sirius to Remus and back again. He shut his mouth and nodded.</p>
<p>Remus opened his bottle and took a swig.</p>
<p>There was a short silence. Sirius was the one who broke it.</p>
<p>‘I heard about another secret passage.’</p>
<p>Peter bounced up and down with excitement. ‘Where? Where?’</p>
<p>‘Well, I only heard about it. I was sneaking about last night and I heard Flitwick talking to Slughorn about it. I don’t know exactly where it comes out but you get in through the knight with the black flag on the second floor. Wanna go tonight?’</p>
<p>Remus noticed that Sirius was waiting for his answer particularly. Remus nodded and smiled. ‘Sounds like fun.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Late that evening, they got back out of bed and pulled on dressing gowns. Feet in socks only, they pulled the cloak around them and went out into the night. Remus was getting to like this. Exploring the castle like this made him feel alive. He was discovering and learning and that thrilled him. He was breaking the rules and he loved it.</p>
<p>Sirius led the way, sure and confident. He barely made a sound and Remus tried to emulate him as much he could.</p>
<p>They reached the second floor and Sirius peered into the darkness for the knight with the black flag. Remus spotted it, in a dark corner opposite a doorway. In silence, he patted Sirius on the arm and pointed towards it. Sirius nodded and led them towards it.</p>
<p>Sirius waved his wand into the knight’s flag. It shivered and opened and they stepped inside. They found themselves in a narrow passage. James pulled off the cloak when the passage closed behind them.</p>
<p>‘Phew, it’s hot in here.’ He bundled his cloak away under his dressing gown.</p>
<p>‘Come on,’ said Sirius. ‘Let’s explore.’</p>
<p>They crawled along the passage, two by two. Remus found himself at the front with Sirius. His heart pounded as they rushed along the passage, with no idea where they were going. He’d never felt like this before. Back home, his life had been quiet pleasures of reading and studying and walking out with his papa. He could have been missing all this, even now, if it hadn’t been for Dumbledore.</p>
<p>The passage widened and they began to run along it, Sirius ahead. He reached the door, pushed it open and they stumbled out into somewhere bright.</p>
<p>‘Oh shit,’ murmured Sirius.</p>
<p>‘Mind your language, Mister Black,’ snapped a sharp voice Remus recognised with a sinking feeling.</p>
<p>He looked up into the stern face of Professor McGonagall.</p>
<p>‘What on earth are you four doing out of bed at this time of night?’</p>
<p>Remus was lost for words and so was Peter. James and Sirius both murmured something. Remus looked past Professor McGonagall and saw other staff members. They were in the staff room.</p>
<p>‘Sneaking around at this time of night, no doubt searching for a passage to the kitchens,’ she said, glaring at them. ‘Members of my own house. I’m ashamed of you all.’</p>
<p>Nobody said anything.</p>
<p>‘Well? What do you have to say for yourselves?’</p>
<p>Remus found his voice. ‘We’re sorry, Professor.’</p>
<p>Peter also managed an apology, as did James. Sirius said nothing.</p>
<p>‘All of you will serve detention tomorrow night and letters will be going home to your parents. I will not have this sort of behaviour from you again.’</p>
<p>She escorted the chastened group back to their dorm. Remus was shaking. Detention and a letter home to his papa. He bit his lip. What would Papa think? He’d be so disappointed in him.</p>
<p>He glanced at Sirius, who scowled at the ground and didn’t respond.</p>
<p>Professor McGonagall escorted them right to the door of their dorm and watched them all trail inside before she went away.</p>
<p>They all climbed into bed in silence. Remus lay there picturing his papa’s face when he read the letter.</p>
<p>After a few minutes, James spoke up. ‘Well, at least she didn’t spot my invisibility cloak. We’ll just have to be more careful next time.’</p>
<p>‘Next time?’ Remus sat up and stared at James. ‘We can’t do this again. Professor McGonagall was furious and I don’t know what our parents are going to think.’</p>
<p>‘Who cares?’ mumbled Sirius from his bed.</p>
<p>‘I care and I’m not going exploring again,’ Remus said and lay back down. He didn’t get to sleep for ages but he stayed quiet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For the detention, they were ordered to report to the entrance hall at sunset. Hagrid was there waiting for them. He was friendly enough as he explained what they were to do and led them outside.</p>
<p>They were to clear the main path into the Forbidden Forest. Remus thought it could be worse. It was like gardening, only in the dark in a forest filled with all sorts of dark creatures. But Remus knew there was no need to be afraid.</p>
<p>Peter was shaking but he joined the others in doing their work. As Remus worked, he let his senses stretch. He could feel them, out there somewhere, others like him. Could there really be other werewolves in this forest? He’d never met another werewolf, not since the night he’d become one.</p>
<p>He felt Hagrid watching him and he wondered how much the huge gamekeeper knew about him.</p>
<p>‘The forest is very dangerous without me ‘ere,’ Hagrid announced, scratching his huge dog Lambkin behind the ear. </p>
<p>Remus glanced at Sirius and found him scowling over his work and paying no attention.</p>
<p>Finally, at ten o’clock, they were finished and Hagrid escorted them back to school. Nobody spoke; they were all feeling sorry for themselves.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Howlers arrived for James, Sirius and Peter a couple of days later and Remus got a letter instead. The others didn’t seem bothered about their howlers, though Peter went a little red. Remus was shaking as he opened his letter. His papa would never publicly admonish his son but his private words of disappointment always made Remus ashamed of what he’d done.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Dear Remus</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            I am most disappointed that you have gone so clearly against the rules set out for the students. It is important to fulfil your responsibilities and not become distracted by frivolous concerns.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I expect you to focus on your studies now and do well in your schoolwork. I know you will make me proud in your exams.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I am pleased you have found good friends but do not allow yourself to become distracted from your studies.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Your mother and I are well and we miss you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>All our love</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Papa and Mama</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>P.S. When you come home for Easter, you can tell us all about the secret passages you have found!</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus smiled a little as he read the last words. He knew his papa was proud of him for being able to fit in and have friends for the first time ever.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Part Two, Starting Hogwarts, Chapter Fifteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was Easter that Sunday and Remus was heading home on Thursday. A lot of students were staying. Out of their dorm, only James and Remus were going. Remus couldn’t wait to see his papa and mama. It had been so long since he’d been home.</p>
<p>It was too difficult for Papa to find someone to stay with Mama so Remus made his own way back to Denbighshire by train. When he hefted himself and his backpack up the front step at seven o’clock that evening, his papa swung open the front door and lifted him up into his arms in a hug.</p>
<p>‘Mon fils!’</p>
<p>Remus laughed as his papa swung him around. He hadn’t realised how much he’d missed him.</p>
<p>‘I’ve got supper on the table and a nice cup of tea brewing.’</p>
<p>Remus grinned. ‘Thanks, Papa.’</p>
<p>He followed his papa into the kitchen. His mama was there, sitting demurely at the kitchen table as though she was still dining in a grand dining room. He went to kiss her hello. She smiled vaguely at him.</p>
<p>‘Dress for dinner, dear,’ she said, patting his arm.</p>
<p>Remus glanced at his papa, who raised his eyebrows gently.</p>
<p> ‘Yes, mama,’ he said and took his seat. </p>
<p>Papa brought out Ratatouille, Remus’s favourite. Remus grinned at him. ‘Thanks, Papa. They can’t make this at school.’</p>
<p>Papa smiled. ‘I remember. I missed my mama’s cooking incredibly whilst I was at school, fine though Hogwarts’ meals are.’</p>
<p>Remus dug in eagerly. He sated his hunger quickly, then began to eat more slowly.</p>
<p>‘Papa, I am sorry about getting in trouble.’</p>
<p>Papa smiled. ‘It is the job of a schoolboy to get in trouble and the job of his father to admonish him. However <em>this</em> papa is glad you’ve found some friends with whom you can get in trouble.’</p>
<p>Remus grinned. ‘I’ll try not to get in too much trouble, Papa.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus felt relaxed and refreshed after his two-week Easter holiday. He’d read in the peace of his room, had chatted endlessly with his papa and taken his mama for gentle walks around the nearby countryside. Of course, she thought the gentle hills, the fields and the forests around Denbighshire were all part of their own estate. He didn’t remember even their old estate being that big.</p>
<p>He met up with James on the train and they played exploding snap and gobstones most of the way. Remus enjoyed himself. It was nice to just relax. James was good fun.</p>
<p>They found Peter and Sirius in the dorm room. Peter was devouring a huge chocolate egg, whilst Sirius was actually reading a charms book.</p>
<p>Remus grinned at him. ‘Not doing homework are you, Sirius?’</p>
<p>Sirius groaned. ‘The teachers have been going on and on about revision all holiday. This is the only way to shut them up.’</p>
<p>James laughed. ‘You’d pass anyway, Sirius.’</p>
<p>Sirius just grinned.</p>
<p>‘Hey, Peter,’ James called. ‘You sharing any of that chocolate?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The whole of April was filled with revision. The teachers mentioned exams every single lesson. Remus was getting anxious about the upcoming exams. He was desperate to make his papa proud. He’d always done well at his lessons and he was determined he would do as well at the exams. The only subject which worried him was Potions. At least Slughorn couldn’t mark him down in the theory exam. The practical, on the other hand ... well Remus wasn’t looking forward to it.</p>
<p>He met up with Severus in the library every day. Most of the time, he was alone but occasionally, the pretty, redheaded girl from Gryffindor, Lily Evans, joined them. She was the only person Remus had seen being friendly to Severus. She was clever too, excellent at both Potions and Charms.</p>
<p>The three of them formed a sort of study group together. Remus had tried to study with his friends as well but Sirius was impossible, always getting distracted over something and James was nearly as bad.</p>
<p>Sitting in the library with Severus and sometimes Lily, Remus felt focused and stress-free. It was a good thing too; exams were starting at the beginning of the next week.</p>
<p>It was nearly dinnertime. Lily sat up and brushed her hair back from her face. ‘I’d better go, I’m meeting my friends for dinner. See you boys later.’ She packed up her books, waved and hurried off.</p>
<p>‘I suppose you want to go for dinner too?’ Severus said.</p>
<p>Remus shrugged. ‘I’m not really hungry. I’ll stay here and study.’</p>
<p>Severus smiled. ‘So shall I.’</p>
<p>They returned to their studies. It was around ten minutes later when the library door opened again.</p>
<p>‘Remus?’</p>
<p>Remus glanced up and saw James. He came closer and frowned, glancing at Severus. ‘It’s dinnertime. What are you doing with him? He’s a Slytherin.’</p>
<p>Remus shrugged. ‘So? He’s my friend?’</p>
<p>James spluttered. Remus frowned and felt a surge of anger but before he could say anything, Severus stood and gathered his things. ‘I should go,’ he said and abruptly turned away.</p>
<p>James shouted after him. ‘Good riddance.’</p>
<p>Remus didn’t say anything but frowned.</p>
<p>‘Come on,’ said James. ‘Let’s go and get something to eat.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The moment Remus and James sat in the Great Hall with Sirius and Peter, James was telling them.</p>
<p>‘You’ll never guess where I found him.’</p>
<p>‘James ...’</p>
<p>‘In the library with a Slytherin!’</p>
<p>Sirius stared at Remus. ‘Why <em>would</em> you?’</p>
<p>Remus shrugged. ‘He’s not so bad. We help each other with revision.’</p>
<p>Sirius scowled. ‘Don’t you know what they’re like? You’re not pure blood, Remus, they all hate you.’</p>
<p>‘He doesn’t.’</p>
<p>‘Don’t kid yourself. Maybe he wants your help but that doesn’t change what he feels about you. The whole lot of them hate you, they hate all of us.’</p>
<p>‘Sirius ...’</p>
<p>‘You should stay away from him, Remus. You should stay away from all of them.’</p>
<p>Remus glanced at James and Peter, who both nodded anxiously. Remus glanced over at Severus, who had just entered the hall.</p>
<p>‘He’s my friend.’ He picked up his rucksack and stalked off.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Part Two, Starting Hogwarts, Chapter Sixteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The whole of May was filled with exams. Sirius could barely concentrate on his work for worry about Remus. How could he be spending time with a Slytherin? He should know what they were like by now. He’d had enough run-ins with them already.</p>
<p>In studying his exam timetable, he had noticed that the 20<sup>th</sup> to the 22<sup>nd</sup> of May had been left free of exams for all first years. Sirius consulted his diary and saw that, according to the pattern, Remus would be disappearing on just those days. That meant that, whatever the real reason for Remus’s disappearances, the school knew about it and they were expecting it to happen again.</p>
<p>Sure enough, on the 19th, Remus looked peaky and tired all day and then, on the 20th, he was edgy, full of energy and eating rare steak for dinner. He had noticed that same behaviour just before each time Remus disappeared. What could be going on?</p>
<p>When Remus left after dinner, Sirius waited for him to leave the hall, then hurried out after him. He followed Remus out to the entrance hall. He was surprised to see Madame Pomfrey there. Remus went to her and spoke to her. She smiled at him, then turned and led him outside.</p>
<p>Sirius hesitated. He could follow but that would most likely get him sent back. Instead, he rushed to the nearest window. Remus walked with Madame Pomfrey across the grounds towards the Whomping Willow. She grabbed a stick and prodded at the tree. Its crazy movements ceased and both Remus and Madame Pomfrey climbed into a hole at the base of the trunk.</p>
<p>Sirius pulled away from the window, totally confused. What could Remus be doing in there?</p>
<p>He didn’t go back to the great hall but went up to the dorm. He felt like being alone with his thoughts. He sat on the windowsill and looked out at the sky. The full moon hung over the school, big and clear in the dark sky. He felt like the answer was out there somewhere.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A couple of days later, Remus was back in the dorm looking peaky. It was the weekend and Remus stayed in bed all Saturday, reading. Sirius didn’t ask him where he’d been and Remus didn’t offer any excuses.</p>
<p>In their own corner of the common room, Sirius leaned across to James and Peter to whisper. ‘Hey, have you noticed that Remus disappears once a month, every month.’</p>
<p>Peter frowned. ‘Does he? Maybe he’s just ill a lot. Maybe that’s why he was homeschooled?’</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head. ‘Most wizard kids are homeschooled, Peter. Well, proper wizards anyway.’</p>
<p>James nudged him hard.</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head, flushing a little. ‘I mean ... the old wizarding families all homeschool until Hogwarts. No, I don’t think he’s ill.’</p>
<p>‘He does always look rough when he comes back though,’ said James.</p>
<p>‘Something weird’s going on. There’s something different about him.’</p>
<p>‘We should ask him,’ said James.</p>
<p>‘Maybe we should just stay out of it,’ said Peter.</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head. ‘It’s something he wants to keep secret, or he’d just tell us. I don’t think we should ask him unless we know what sort of thing it could be. Just ... think about it.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Exams were over. The first years streamed out of their last exam into the brilliant glare of the June sunshine along with the rest of the school. Remus sat with his friends on the lawn and looked up at the pure blue sky.</p>
<p>Happiness seemed to build in a gentle wave inside him. He felt sure he’d done well in his exams and at least okay in Potions, thanks to Severus’s help. He’d turned 12 a week ago and his transformations had settled down well. It was a relief not to have to watch his father looking after him, so weary and ground down, after a full moon night. But the summer was approaching quickly.</p>
<p>It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see his parents but he knew he would miss Hogwarts and his friends so much. It seemed strange to think of his life before being a student here. What had he done every day?</p>
<p> Sirius had been quiet and thoughtful all the way through the exam period. Remus had wondered whether he’d simply been nervous about the exams but he was still in the same mood now they were all over. He kept looking at Remus like he was trying to work something out about him. Remus didn’t like it.</p>
<p>They settled in the shade of a tree near the huge lake. Students were dotted everywhere, laughing, chatting and lounging back on the grass after the stress of the last few weeks of exams. Sirius and James lay back on the grass and sighed contentedly.</p>
<p>‘Thank Merlin that’s over,’ said James.</p>
<p>Peter grumbled. ‘Bet you two came first though.’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘We’re only first years. It doesn’t really matter what we get as long as we pass.’</p>
<p>Peter frowned but didn’t say anything more. He sat beside Remus with his back against the tree trunk.</p>
<p>‘I can’t believe we’ve only got one week left of being first years,’ said Remus, slouching against the tree.</p>
<p>Nobody replied. Sirius stared off towards the Lake and James seemed to be falling asleep, the sun bright on his pale face.</p>
<p>Peter looked at him. ‘Do you think there are many more passages?’</p>
<p>‘My Papa says there are loads! Maybe we can find all the rest next year.’</p>
<p>Peter put his head on one side and chewed his lip. ‘Maybe ... perhaps the house elves would know where there would be some more passages? I bet they know everything about the castle.’</p>
<p>Remus sat up a bit straighter. ‘That’s a great idea, Peter! We should go and ask them tonight.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah! James, do you fancy it?’</p>
<p>James didn’t reply, just snored.</p>
<p>‘Sirius?’</p>
<p>Sirius glanced up briefly. ‘You two go. I can’t be bothered.’</p>
<p>Remus glanced at Peter, who shrugged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That night, Remus and Peter borrowed James’s invisibility cloak and made their way from the dorm. James was already fast asleep and Sirius was lounging, uncommunicative, in bed. Hidden under the cloak, they shuffled to the first floor staircase. They saw no teachers but had to stop suddenly when the tall ghost of a beautiful lady in grey floated past them.</p>
<p>Remus smiled as he saw his brother stare after the lady in adoration. When she had gone, Peter shuddered. ‘I’ll never get used to these ghosts.’</p>
<p>‘She wouldn’t hurt you. That was the Grey Lady, Ravenclaw’s ghost.’</p>
<p>Peter pulled a face. ‘They still all give me the creeps.’</p>
<p>Remus tugged on his arm. ‘Come on. We’ve got to get in the passage before any teachers come along.’</p>
<p>They said no more until the door of the passage closed behind them. Remus pulled off the invisibility cloak and stuffed it under his dressing gown. They started to make their way down the dark, sloping passage.</p>
<p>They walked for a few minutes in silence, then Peter started mumbling.</p>
<p>‘Remus, you know Sirius and James were talking about you missing classes.’</p>
<p>Remus checked himself but managed to keep walking. ‘Oh.’</p>
<p>‘I told them they shouldn’t go on about it. My mum gets ill a lot, you know.’</p>
<p>Remus glanced at him. ‘Oh.’</p>
<p>Peter shrugged and kicked at the dust on the passage floor. ‘Just saying, I know what it’s like and you don’t have to feel bad.’</p>
<p>Remus chewed his lip, feeling a twinge inside. He hated having to lie to his friends. ‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘I’m sorry about your mum.’</p>
<p>Peter shrugged again. ‘She’s got me.’ He looked ahead. ‘Hey, there’s the other end of the passage.’</p>
<p>The house elves were as pleased to see them as last time. They were immediately shown to chairs and given sponge cake and hot chocolate. Peter dug in immediately.</p>
<p>Remus sipped his hot chocolate carefully. ‘Thank you, this is delicious.’</p>
<p>‘Anything for students!’ squeaked a female house elf with droopy ears and a pink apron.</p>
<p>‘We’re trying to find secret passages and we thought you’d know all about the castle. It would be extremely kind of you to tell us about any that you know about,’ said Remus.</p>
<p>The house elves squealed with excitement and began muttering to one another. Remus glanced at Peter, who widened his eyes hopefully.</p>
<p>The elf with the pink apron tugged on Remus’s dressing gown sleeve. ‘We’ve decided we’ll tell the polite students everything we know.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Later that night, Remus lay in bed wide-awake. His head was too full of secret passages to allow him to sleep. At about four o’clock, he gave up on sleep and went to his ordinary spot on the windowsill.</p>
<p>He stared out at the dark sky. The moon was covered by cloud but he knew it would be full in about a week. His Papa had written to him, suggesting he stay the extra couple of days after term had ended to spend the full moon at school. He’d never make it home in time to transform safely. It was best but it was going to be weird staying after everyone else had left. It would be even quieter than it had been at Christmas. Still, most of the time he would be in bed in the hospital wing anyway.</p>
<p>A noise attracted his attention and he looked over to Sirius’s bed. He was whimpering in his sleep, his brow deeply lined and his fists clenched. Remus wondered what he could be having nightmares about. On the surface of it, Sirius’s life seemed idyllic. He was rich, famous, talented and good-looking. But Remus knew already that Sirius had a secret, something which tormented him. Remus knew what that was like.</p>
<p>He rested his head against the stone window frame and watched Sirius. The other boy jerked suddenly and whimpered again. His clenched fists jumped up to his mouth.</p>
<p>For a moment, Remus thought he might wake but he settled down. Remus closed his eyes and allowed himself to drop off, his head still turned in the direction of Sirius’s bed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Part Two, Starting Hogwarts, Chapter Seventeen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The day had come to leave. Exam results had come out. The four friends had all passed, but some better than others. Sirius packed slowly, like he could put it off. Two months at home was going to feel like a life sentence in Azkaban. He couldn’t imagine his mother would have forgiven him yet, after all he was still in Gryffindor. Would it be like Christmas all over again?</p>
<p>He sighed as he dropped the last of his books into his trunk. Why couldn’t he stay here over the bloody summer too? He was bound to have to see his cousins at some point too. At least at school he could avoid them. At home, he had no chance.</p>
<p>‘What’s up with you?’ asked James, flinging his balled up socks into his trunk from the other side of the room. The mess in the room was all James’s stuff. Remus and Peter had both packed already and had disappeared off somewhere. The library and the dining hall probably.</p>
<p>‘Fed up. Can’t believe it’s summer already.’</p>
<p>James snorted. ‘You’ve got it backwards, mate. You’re supposed to look forward to the summer and dread September.’</p>
<p>Sirius gave him a look. James knew exactly ... well not exactly but he had an idea of why Sirius would rather be at school. He’d come over enough times to see how strict his parents were.</p>
<p>James threw his next pair of socks, thankfully clean ones, at Sirius.</p>
<p>Sirius ducked. ‘Oi.’ He chucked the socks in the vague direction of James’s trunk.</p>
<p>‘You could come and stay with me for a week. Mum and dad would love to see you.’</p>
<p>Sirius raised his eyebrows hopefully. ‘Really?’</p>
<p>‘Yeah! I know, I’ll ask Remus and Peter round too.’ He grinned. ‘Maybe just us for the full week though.’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned back. ‘Yeah, all right.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius, Peter and James were on the train. Remus had never reappeared from the library and when they’d asked McGonagall about him, she’d said he was making his own way home. It was weird and definitely something to add to his list.</p>
<p>Still, it would let them talk about their suspicions without Remus there. Sirius put down his empty pumpkin pasty wrapper.</p>
<p>‘You’ll have to owl Remus to invite him to yours, James.’</p>
<p>‘I will. It’s really weird him not being on the train. How do you think he’s going to get back?’</p>
<p>Peter leaned forward, wide-eyed. ‘Maybe his dad’s going to pick him up on a broomstick!’</p>
<p>Sirius snorted. ‘Remus? No way! Haven’t you noticed his face all year during flying lessons? He’s not a natural flyer.’</p>
<p>James and Peter laughed.</p>
<p>‘Anyway,’ said Sirius, ‘How he’s getting home isn’t the interesting part. The bit I want to talk about is why he’s not here in the first place.’</p>
<p>James shrugged. ‘It’s got to be something big, or he’d just tell us. He knows we think something funny’s going on.’</p>
<p>‘What we need to do is find out what kind of things happen every month like that. I’ve worked it out. Every single month, every 28 days or so, he disappears. There can’t be that many things that could be.’</p>
<p>James sighed and leaned back in his seat. ‘Maybe he’ll tell us by himself.’</p>
<p>‘Maybe but I want to know first. We need to know what we’re dealing with. How else can we help him?’</p>
<p>James nodded. ‘Guess you’re right. But I still think you should drop it.’</p>
<p>Peter picked up another pumpkin pasty. ‘Are we done with this now? I’m starving.’ He didn’t wait for his friends to reply but sunk his teeth into the warm pasty.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finally, Remus was being allowed to leave the hospital wing. Professor McGonagall herself came to fetch him.</p>
<p>‘Lupin, I shall be escorting you home. Do you feel strong enough to walk to Hogsmeade or shall we get the carriage?’</p>
<p>‘Erm, I would prefer the carriage if it’s all right, Professor.’</p>
<p>She gave him a rare smile as he bravely stood, despite his shaking limbs. ‘I thought you might need it. Your trunk has already been loaded.’ She offered him her arm. ‘We’ll take it slowly, Remus, though I’m sure you’re anxious to see your parents.’</p>
<p>Slowly, they made their way to the door of the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey waved her handkerchief at him. ‘Have a good summer, my dear. Do take care of yourself.’</p>
<p>It seemed to take Professor McGonagall and Remus a long time to make it down to the front of the school. A carriage was waiting for them there, with Remus’s trunk already aboard. The carriage was being pulled by two thestrals. He went towards them and stroked their flanks.</p>
<p>Professor McGonagall started in surprise. ‘You can see the thestrals, Lupin?’</p>
<p>‘Yes, Professor. Sirius can too. We don’t know why hardly anybody else seems to be able to see them.’</p>
<p>Professor McGonagall opened the carriage door. ‘Only those who have seen death can see them.’ Her voice sounded sad but she helped Remus aboard in a businesslike manner.</p>
<p>Remus thought about that as the thestrals pulled them along smoothly. He could see them because of his brother then. But Sirius? Why could he see them? He couldn’t imagine what death Sirius could have seen.</p>
<p>They dismounted at Hogsmeade and Professor McGonagall tied the thestrals up to await her return. Remus felt his stomach swirling with nerves. The idea of what was going to happen next was terrifying. She was going to apparate with him, something he wouldn’t be allowed to do on his own until he was seventeen. That seemed such a long way away, yet here he was about to experience it for himself.</p>
<p>She seemed to sense his unease and patted his arm. ‘There’s no need to worry, Lupin. I have done this many times before. Just hold onto my arm and you’ll be at your parents’ house in no time.’</p>
<p>Remus did as he was told, despite the nerves clenching his stomach. He held tight to Professor McGonagall with one hand and his trunk with the other.</p>
<p>There was a horrible lurching sensation in his stomach, like his organs were desperately trying to stay where they were whilst his body flew ahead.</p>
<p>But the next thing he knew, he was standing outside his house, blinking. Professor McGonagall released him.</p>
<p>‘I’ll leave you now, Lupin. I need to get back to the thestrals.’ She gave him another smile and patted his arm. ‘Have a good summer. Take good care of yourself. Oh, and give my regards to your father. One of my best students, he was. Always worked so hard. I should think he’s proud of you, coming fourth in your year.’</p>
<p>Remus blushed. ‘Thank you, Professor. You have a good summer too.’</p>
<p>She nodded, then stood back and apparated back to Hogsmeade.</p>
<p>Remus grabbed his trunk by the handle and wheeled it to the door. It swung open as he reached it and his Papa lifted him into his arms.</p>
<p>‘Mon fils cher! Oh, it’s good to have you back.’</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus lay on his bed, leafing through his schoolbooks. A half-written essay lay in front of him and he kept adding a sentence or two as he read. It was a gloriously warm July day and he knew he should be outside, enjoying the sun, but all he really wanted to do was get his homework done.</p>
<p>But his window was open. A cool summer breeze drifted over him and the sun was warm on the back of his neck. It was still early and he hadn’t been down for breakfast yet. He could hear his Papa up and about downstairs and his mama was probably sitting in the lounge, imagining she was still in her drawing room in the old house in France.</p>
<p>Remus found his mind wandering away from his homework and back to school. He missed it, though he loved being back at home as well. But Hogwarts was different to an ordinary school, at least what he remembered of his few months at primary school in France. Hogwarts was more like home.</p>
<p>He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have found friends, real friends. Though, he didn’t want to think about what would happen if they ever found out his secret. He would just have to do his best to make sure they never found out.</p>
<p>His thoughts drifted to Sirius. Just like at Christmas, a dark cloud had seemed to descend on him as the holidays had approached. He hoped whatever he’d been dreading hadn’t happened after all.</p>
<p>There was a knock on his door.</p>
<p>‘Come in,’ he said.</p>
<p>His Papa came in, holding a letter. ‘Good morning, Remus. Owl post for you.’</p>
<p>Remus sat up and smiled. ‘Thank you, Papa.’ He took the letter and turned it over. The return address was James Potter, Potter Cottage, Godric’s Hollow, Devon.</p>
<p>‘It’s from James!’</p>
<p>‘One of your friends?’ his Papa asked as Remus slit open the letter.</p>
<p>‘Yes, he’s in my dorm.’ He read through the letter quickly. ‘He wants me to come and stay for the weekend.’ He looked sideways at his Papa. ‘Can I go?’</p>
<p>His Papa looked sternly at him. ‘Would you behave yourself?’ His Papa’s stern look broke to a grin and a chuckle. ‘Of course you can, as long as it’s not too near full moon. When is it?’</p>
<p>‘Next week, a full week before the full moon.’</p>
<p>His Papa smiled. ‘All right, you can go. On one condition.’</p>
<p>Remus frowned. ‘What’s that, Papa?’</p>
<p>Jean grinned at him. ‘That you go outside today and enjoy the sunshine. You’ve got plenty of time to do your homework.’</p>
<p>Remus narrowed his eyes. ‘I shall consent to going outside to do my homework.’</p>
<p>Jean chuckled and cupped the side of Remus’s head. ‘You never change, mon fils cher.’</p>
<p>Remus just grinned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius was grateful he had something to distract him this holiday. He lay on his front on his bed, pouring over books. He wasn’t doing homework, though. He was trying to find the answers about Remus. So far, he hadn’t had much luck.</p>
<p>His stomach rumbled. He’d skipped lunch, preferring to avoid spending time with his family when he didn’t have to. There was no skipping dinner though. He glanced at his clock. It was nearly time. He had to dress properly.</p>
<p>He took off his comfortable black lounge pants and plain black t-shirt and, with a wince, pulled on his black dress trousers. He found his dress shirt and buttoned it up to the top, before fastening his purple tie. Then he pulled on his thigh length dress robe jacket. As he slid his feet into his black shoes, he looked into his full-length mirror. He looked every inch a Black. If he held himself stiff and straight, he even took on that haughty look his mother wore. If he didn’t have that voice inside that disagreed with everything they said about muggleborns, perhaps he could really feel like the Black Heir, instead of an imposter in his own family.</p>
<p>He heard the dinner bell chime and he made his way downstairs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Regulus was waiting outside the dining room. He straightened when he saw Sirius. ‘They’re waiting.’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded. He pulled his jacket straight, then reached out and adjusted Regulus’s crooked tie.</p>
<p>Regulus gave him a smile. ‘Thanks, Siri, I can never get it straight.’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned at him and patted his back. ‘You look very smart. Come on.’</p>
<p>As the oldest boy, it was Sirius who had to enter the dining room first. Even as a little boy, he’d had to do this. Even when his sister had been well enough to attend, he’d been first.</p>
<p>He entered the room. Father and Mother were already sitting at the table, waiting for them. He bowed to his father.</p>
<p>‘Good evening, Father.’</p>
<p>Cephus inclined his head. ‘Good evening, Sirius.’</p>
<p>Sirius bowed to his mother. ‘Good evening, Mother.’</p>
<p>Walburga inclined her head but didn’t speak. Technically, she was breaking etiquette but she had been refusing to speak to him since he came home. Sirius had to admit, it wasn’t much of a punishment. It made things a little more peaceful.</p>
<p>‘You may sit,’ said Cephus.</p>
<p>Sirius took his place at the table. Now it was Regulus’s turn. He bowed to Father, who greeted him. Then he bowed to Mother.</p>
<p>‘Good evening, Mother.’</p>
<p>She turned her full smile on Regulus. Although it was as big a smile as he had ever seen her give, Sirius still thought it looked cold.</p>
<p>‘Good evening, Regulus,’ she said. ‘Do take your seat.’</p>
<p>Regulus took his seat, opposite Sirius.</p>
<p>Kreacher served the dinner, making a point to present Sirius with the smallest portions. Sirius’s foot twitched as he fought the urge to kick the evil little git. But the brief moment of satisfaction wouldn’t be worth the punishment his mother would lay down. He honestly thought she actually loved the little creep, though probably more like a pet than like a son. Sirius was under no illusions about her love for him as a son. Regulus, yes, but Sirius she couldn’t stand. It had always been like that. But if she could mould him into the perfect Black Heir, she would be happy. The trouble was he doubted now whether he could ever bow down to that expectation.</p>
<p>They ate in silence, as usual. Sirius couldn’t bear it. If he ever had children, they’d eat together in a noisy kitchen, chatting and bickering.</p>
<p>Normally, once they had eaten, Sirius and Regulus would be excused whilst Mother and Father had coffee and port.</p>
<p>Sirius finished eating first, laid down his dessertspoon, and waited for the others to finish. Regulus put down his spoon a moment later.</p>
<p>‘Regulus,’ said Father, once he and Mother had also finished. ‘You are excused. Sirius, you will remain here.’</p>
<p>Sirius looked at his father in surprise but Cephus didn’t elaborate. Regulus glanced at Sirius with a frown before he left the room. Father didn’t say anything until Kreacher had brought them their coffee. He took a sip, then put his cup down and looked at Sirius.</p>
<p>Sirius swallowed. He didn’t remember doing anything wrong but it definitely felt like he was in trouble. Cephus reached inside his dress robe jacket and pulled out a letter.</p>
<p>‘We received a letter from Mr Potter this morning.’</p>
<p>Sirius frowned. What could be wrong about that? He kept his mouth shut and listened attentively.</p>
<p>‘He has invited you to stay for your usual summer visit with them.’</p>
<p>Sirius didn’t say anything. He’d gone to stay at James’s house for a week or so every summer since they were eight years old. Why would this be any different?</p>
<p>‘Although we have previously granted you permission to do this, we have some concerns this year.’</p>
<p>Sirius groaned internally. This was about the Gryffindor thing. He kept his face passive and said nothing.</p>
<p>‘We want your assurances that you will not be associating with anyone unsuitable to your position as the Black Heir.’</p>
<p>‘What do you mean, Father?’</p>
<p>‘We require your assurances that you will not be associating with mudbloods or blood traitors whilst you are there.’</p>
<p>Sirius glanced at his mother. Her icy gaze was fixed straight ahead and her lips pursed tightly. She didn’t look at Sirius.</p>
<p>‘You will need to make a promise that you will not associate with anyone unsuitable whilst you are gone.’</p>
<p>No one unsuitable? He bit back a smile. He could make that promise, because to him, Remus and Peter weren’t unsuitable.</p>
<p>‘I promise I will not associate with anyone unsuitable, Father.’</p>
<p>Cephus nodded but his mother hadn’t finished with him.</p>
<p>‘If you go against your promise, we will find out, Sirius.’</p>
<p>He glanced at her and an unpleasant smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. ‘When you return, you will have two weeks before your school term resumes. There will be plenty of opportunities for you to receive a <em>most severe</em> punishment if you lie to us.’</p>
<p>Sirius bowed his head. ‘I understand, Mother.’</p>
<p>Walburga tutted. ‘See that you remember your obligations to your family, Sirius.’ She rose and spoke to Kreacher. ‘I shall take my coffee in the drawing room tonight.’</p>
<p>Sirius watched her leave, then glanced at his father. Cephus watched him in silence for a moment before he spoke.</p>
<p>‘Sirius, I know you wish to fit in with your house but you have to maintain your position. You are the heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. You have a responsibility to your ancestors to maintain their reputation. Remember that in all that you do.’</p>
<p>‘I will, Father.’</p>
<p>Cephus nodded. ‘You are excused, Sirius. You should pack ready for your trip.’</p>
<p>‘Yes, Father.’</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There were still three days before the weekend. Remus had kept his word to his Papa and was outside, using a hard backed book to rest his parchment on as he wrote.</p><p>
  <em>Why are you doing homework? You should be playing with me!</em>
</p><p>Remus looked up at René and felt a twinge of guilt. ‘I’m going to James’s house in a couple of days and I want to get as much done as I can before I get there. I’ll play with you when I get back. I promise.’</p><p>René screwed up his pale face, tearful. <em>Why do you have to go away at all? You were lucky I could follow you to Hogwarts, Remy. What if I can’t follow you to the Potters’?</em></p><p>Remus held back a sigh. ‘Reny, you’ll be fine. If you can find me at Hogwarts, you can definitely find me at James’s.’</p><p>There was a moment where the two brothers looked at each other, then René stamped his feet. <em>But that’s not the</em> point <em>Remy! </em>He howled, running off to the swings and making them sway violently.</p><p>Remus stared for a moment, then laid down his stationery and followed his brother, keeping back when he reached the swings. He was about to tell René to stop, worried their mother would look out the window and see the swings behaving strangely, when he noticed the silvery quality to his brother’s cheeks. The sound of the swings had covered his brother’s tiny crying noises. A lump rose in his throat. He’d made his brother upset and after everything.</p><p>‘René, I’m sorry.’ Remus’s voice was quiet, but the swings slowed down as René faced him. ‘I want you to come to the Potters’ with me and climb trees and fly on a broomstick and ...’ He couldn’t finish that sentence, so he smiled tentatively instead. ‘I don’t think I’m a natural flyer. Bet you’d fly rings around me without trying!’</p><p>There was a pause, then the swings finally ceased moving and René grinned at him. <em>I’d be the youngest Quidditch player at Hogwarts if I could go!</em></p><p>‘And I’d cheer you on.’ Remus grinned back. ‘But I bet I can still beat you at Hide and Seek.’</p><p>
  <em>But I’d still be a better Seeker than you!</em>
</p><p>‘Agreed.’ Remus drew himself up, able to act haughty now his brother seemed to be in a better mood. ‘Let’s have a race around the garden and see who wins. I bet I’m back at the swings before you.’</p><p>René nodded, stretching and smirking. <em>I was always better at running than you, too!</em></p><p>‘We’ll see.’ Remus did his own stretching as he spoke. ‘Once around that tree over there and then we loop around the swings three times before jumping onto a swing each. Agreed?’</p><p>René nodded. <em>Ready when you are, Deputy Remy!</em></p><p>Remus bristled. ‘How come I’m the Deputy?’</p><p>
  <em>I’m the Captain, silly! I’m the oldest. You’re the second in command though.</em>
</p><p>‘If I win the race, then I’ll be the Captain. Deal?’</p><p>
  <em>I suppose.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Half an hour later, Remus was sitting back beneath the tree and pretending to be annoyed as his brother danced around him in triumph.</p><p>
  <em>Told you I’d win, Deputy Remy!</em>
</p><p>‘Yeah, yeah, Captain Reny.’ He paused, wanting to go back to his homework but not wanting to make his brother sad again.</p><p>He found René watching him, his expression telling him he expected Remus to start ignoring him again. Instead, Remus sat forward and folded his arms.</p><p>‘René, how about a game of hide and seek now?’</p><p>Remus watched as his brother’s pale face lit up. <em>Can I be the Seeker?</em></p><p>‘Only if you promise not to cheat.’ Remus held up his hand as René spluttered. ‘By cheating, I mean disappearing and following me without giving me time to hide.’</p><p>René pouted, then nodded.</p><p>‘You’re not crossing your fingers behind your back, are you Reny?’</p><p>René scowled, held up his hands and, sure enough, his fingers were crossed. As Remus glared at him, René uncrossed his fingers. <em>I promise, Remy.</em></p><p>Remus smiled. ‘Right, you stand facing the tree and I’ll go hide. Count to a hundred, okay?’</p><p>René started counting and Remus checked to see that he wasn’t looking before sloping off to hide. He headed for the nearby woods. The sun made him feel even safer than the darkness in the Forbidden Forest at Hogwarts had; not only was there no moon, but there was a bright shining orb that signalled the ability to roam in his human form. He picked a scalable tree and got up to the top with ease.</p><p>He sat back and enjoyed the breeze as he peered at the ground, searching for the pale shape of his brother.</p><p>A few minutes later, a small <em>boo</em> sounded behind him, making him hide a smile. René always tried to make him jump. He turned slowly, unable not to grin at René’s farcical expression.</p><p><em>Found you! It didn’t even take me five minutes!</em> His brother was proud of himself, dancing around in the air in victory and making faces at Remus.</p><p>Remus stuck out his tongue. ‘Gloater.’ He grinned at him, then gave in and joined in making faces back. He felt better now René was smiling again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘Potters’ Cottage, Godric’s Hollow,’ shouted Sirius as he flung down his handful of Floo powder. The flames turned green and he stepped into them, clutching his bag and his broomstick. The next moment, he was whooshing through the Floo network. Seconds later, he saw James’s face swimming in front of him and he stopped with a bump.</p>
<p>He brushed the soot from his cloak and stepped out of the fire in the Potters’ Cottage. ‘Hi!’ he said to James.</p>
<p>James grinned. ‘Hiya! Your dad sent a really snotty letter to my dad, you know.’</p>
<p>Sirius rolled his eyes. ‘Yeah, they’ve been a right pain.’</p>
<p>James tugged on his arm. ‘Come on. Let’s put your bag in my room.’</p>
<p>He raced upstairs and Sirius followed, dragging his bag.</p>
<p>James’s room was huge and his parents had set up three spare beds in there for his friends. Sirius threw his bag on the bed he always used.</p>
<p>‘When are the others coming?’</p>
<p>‘Friday.’</p>
<p>‘You wanna go and practise?’ Sirius said, holding up his broom. He laughed. ‘It’s not like Remus and Peter will want to do that!’</p>
<p>James laughed. ‘Yeah. But you’d better get changed out of those posh clothes.’</p>
<p>Sirius looked down at his plain black dress trousers, his high collar button up shirt and the silver bowtie he’d been forced to wear. ‘Yeah, my parents made me wear this. But I packed my muggle clothes!’</p>
<p>They changed, Sirius pulling on his tight jogging pants and a t-shirt. Slim fitting clothes were best for Quidditch.</p>
<p>‘They been on at you again?’ James asked as they made their way outside.</p>
<p>Sirius clutched his broomstick. ‘Yeah. Non-bloody-stop. It’s like no one’s ever been in Gryffindor before.’</p>
<p>‘Well you are the first Black in Gryffindor. Even Andromeda was in Slytherin.’</p>
<p>Sirius frowned. ‘I know but I don’t see why it matters. You know, they even had a go about me coming here, in case there were muggleborns coming.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, I know. That’s what was in the letter your dad sent. Questioning him on who would be here.’</p>
<p>Sirius stared in alarm at James. ‘What did he say?’</p>
<p>James grinned. ‘Don’t underestimate my dad. He sent this brilliant letter back, reassuring him that they make sure their son is surrounded by the very best of people and any one of those people will also be suitable for the company of the heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.’</p>
<p>Sirius snorted. ‘Your dad’s brilliant.’</p>
<p>James grinned. ‘I know.’</p>
<p>They reached the back garden. It was a huge garden but, unlike Sirius’s, there were no ornamental gardens. It was mostly lawn but surrounded by a thick line of trees all the way around. There was a big climbing frame, with a climbing wall at one end and swings at the other. James’s dad had built it for him when he was six and it was still big enough for them. There was an all-natural plunge pool in one corner of the garden and a set of hanging hammock seats at the other. James’s dad had also placed protective enchantments around the garden so they could fly their broomsticks and not be seen by any muggles.</p>
<p>‘You going to try out for the team in September?’ James asked.</p>
<p>Sirius swung onto his broom and winced; for a moment he’d forgotten the soreness across the skin of his backside. ‘Yeah. I was thinking I’d be a good beater. You?’</p>
<p>‘I’m gonna try for a chaser or a seeker.’ James tossed back his head as he mounted his own broomstick. ‘They’d be mad not to take me.’</p>
<p>Sirius rolled his eyes. ‘You should learn to have a bit more confidence in yourself, James,’ he drawled.</p>
<p> James’s eyes lit up with the fire of a challenge. ‘Oh yeah. Catch me if you can!’ he challenged and pushed off into the air.</p>
<p>Sirius laughed, the joy of the chase flowing through him as he took off after James.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hours later, Sirius and James tumbled to the ground, laughing and breathless from the game. They weren’t quite sure who had won but it didn’t seem to matter. James chucked the Quaffle at Sirius, who caught it neatly.</p>
<p>‘Pity we can’t use a real snitch,’ said Sirius, as James threw a golf ball up and down, catching it each time. ‘You could do with the practise.’</p>
<p>James pulled a face at him. ‘I don’t need to worry. I’ll get in.’ He sat up. ‘Ooh, here’s mum with refreshments! Excellent.’</p>
<p>Sirius craned round to see Elizabeth Potter making her way across the lawn with a tray. ‘Your mum spoils you.’</p>
<p>James hit him. ‘No she doesn’t.’</p>
<p>‘Boys, I thought you’d like some lemonade and some cake. I expect you’ve worked up quite an appetite.’</p>
<p>‘Ta, mum.’</p>
<p>‘Thanks, Mrs Potter.’</p>
<p>She placed the tray on the patio set near them. They both got up and slurped lemonade thirstily.</p>
<p>‘When are Peter and Remus arriving, James dear?’</p>
<p>‘Friday,’ spluttered James, through a mouthful of lemon drizzle cake.</p>
<p>‘Yeah, what time, dear?’</p>
<p>James shrugged. ‘I dunno.’</p>
<p>Mrs Potter tutted. ‘Just like your father, never knows the time for anything that man.’</p>
<p>James grinned at Sirius behind his mum’s back.</p>
<p>‘Well, I’ll leave you two to enjoy your cakes. I’ll be making tea for six so pop along inside then.’</p>
<p>‘Yes, mum,’ said James.</p>
<p>Sirius waited until Mrs Potter had disappeared inside before he spoke again. ‘You got any ideas about what it is with Remus yet?’</p>
<p>James shrugged. ‘How should I know? I’ve told you we should leave it. Let him tell us if he wants.’</p>
<p>‘James, come on. Something’s really weird about this. Every month he disappears. Don’t you want to know what’s going on?’</p>
<p>James shrugged again. ‘Not really.’</p>
<p>Sirius scowled. ‘You’re hopeless.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For the next two days, Remus split his time between playing games with René and doing his homework. His Papa was pleased to see him outside, he got his homework done and René seemed to forget that he was leaving for the weekend.</p>
<p>But that ended when day three came along and Remus stayed inside to pack. He picked up his clothes and threw in a couple of books in case his friends needed to research enchantments. He grinned. He would finally get to tell James and Sirius about the secret passages he and Peter had found out about.</p>
<p><em>You weren’t outside when I came to find you.</em> René’s voice was sullen.</p>
<p>‘I’m sorry, René, but I’m going in the morning. I have to pack today. I’ll come out and play after I’ve packed, I promise.’</p>
<p>René was peering into his suitcase. <em>Why do you need books? Are you going to ignore your </em>friends<em>, too?</em></p>
<p>Remus sighed. ‘If they could see you, Reny, we’d be able to include you in our games.’</p>
<p>René scowled. <em>They can’t see me. I won’t let them. You can’t make me.</em></p>
<p>Remus shook his head. ‘All right, all right. If you say you can’t, then you can’t, but it means you have to stay alone because I can’t ever expect my friends to understand me if I’m always talking to thin air.’ He bit his lip, as René seemed to fold in on himself. ‘I’m sorry. I just wish you had someone other than me to talk to.’</p>
<p>René shrugged and disappeared as someone knocked on Remus’s door. Remus rubbed his head as it started to throb. He hated to be at odds with his brother, especially because René had always been there for him. Another knock rocked the door.</p>
<p>‘Remus? Can I come in?’</p>
<p>‘Yes, Papa.’</p>
<p>Jean Lupin entered, his expression concerned. ‘Are you all right, mon fils cher?’</p>
<p>‘Yes Papa. I was just packing.’</p>
<p>‘Hmm.’ He didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t push it. He looked at his suitcase. ‘Are you really taking books, Remus? I know you’re travelling by the Floo Network, but it’ll still be heavy with three books in it. Do you need them?’</p>
<p>‘We might want them for ... erm ... a non-homework project.’ Remus held up two more books. ‘I’m just trying to decide which ones to take.’</p>
<p>Jean took a seat on his son’s bed. ‘What kind of spell were you thinking of?’</p>
<p>‘Enchantments, like the ones on Hogwarts portraits and chocolate frog cards.’ Remus sighed. ‘But we haven’t got there yet in our lessons so I’m not sure where to start.’</p>
<p>Remus’s Papa stood up. ‘I think you want some different books. We should have a couple of volumes on Charms, but you should look through the indexes first so you’re not carrying ten books!’</p>
<p>Remus laughed and nodded; his Papa knew him so well. ‘Yes, Papa.’</p>
<p>‘I can help you look for a while, since you’ve been playing outside so much the last few days.’</p>
<p>Remus grinned. ‘Thanks, Papa.’  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius woke with a jerk, his heart thumping in his chest. He glanced around. It was okay. He was safe. He was in James’s bedroom, in Potter Cottage, two hundred miles away from Grimmauld Place. He was fine.</p>
<p>Still, the feeling of being in bed, in the dark, was too close to the nightmare. He could almost picture that figure approaching him, that familiar hand reaching out for him in the darkness.</p>
<p>He shook his head, threw back the covers and bolted from the room. A soft light lit the landing as he stepped out of the room. Sirius smiled. James’s parents thought of everything. If he were their son, he could go to them now and have a reassuring hug and maybe a cup of cocoa. But if he were their son, he probably wouldn’t be having nightmares in the first place. James never did.</p>
<p>He tiptoed downstairs. Soft lights came on to illuminate his path but there seemed to be no one still up. He wondered how late it was. At home, the house was never so still. If he wandered downstairs in the night, there was Kreacher, always ready to offer assistance should his mistress or any of his masters require him in the night. Sirius never left his room at night and after his father had been to say goodnight, he always locked the door.</p>
<p>He shook his head again to clear it. He needed to get away from the fear chasing him. He could go to the kitchen and get himself a mug of cocoa. There were no house elves here to taunt him.</p>
<p>He passed by the library door and stopped. He glanced back at it. Perhaps he could find a book which would give him some clue about Remus. He doubled back and gently pushed open the door. He’d not really been in here before. It had never interested him. He’d always preferred to be playing outside in James’s amazing garden or getting up to mischief upstairs.</p>
<p>He stepped into the library and let the door swing shut behind him. He closed his eyes and breathed in deep. The smell of books surrounded him and he was overwhelmed by the thought of Remus.</p>
<p>He opened his eyes and looked around. The room was huge, larger than his mother’s drawing room and the Black dining room put together. Remus would go absolutely loopy in here.</p>
<p>‘Loopy Lupin,’ he murmured to himself and chuckled. It worked. Remus was a bit strange. But what exactly was strange? That was what Sirius needed to find out.</p>
<p>The trouble was, he didn’t know where to start. But he did have all night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘Have you got everything?’ Remus’s Papa asked, as he helped him with his suitcase. Remus himself clutched his rucksack.</p>
<p>‘I think so. I had to decide between <em>Extreme Incantations</em> and <em>Achievements in Charming.</em>’</p>
<p>‘I would suggest <em>Extreme Incantations</em>. <em>Achievements in Charming</em> is more O.W.L. standard.’</p>
<p>Remus blushed and ducked his head. ‘Actually, I decided to take both in the end.’</p>
<p>Jean chuckled and shook his head. ‘Do you spend your pocket money on anything other than books, mon fils cher?’</p>
<p>Remus grinned. ‘Sweets? Though Peter buys more than enough to share.’</p>
<p>Jean shook his head again but couldn’t keep the grin from his face. He placed Remus’s suitcase by the fire. ‘Right, you remember how to use Floo Powder, don’t you?’</p>
<p>‘Of course, Papa.’</p>
<p>‘Right, now have a good time and don’t forget to thank the Potters for having you.’</p>
<p>‘I won’t, Papa.’</p>
<p>‘And be as helpful as you can to Mr and Mrs Potter.’</p>
<p>‘I will, Papa.’</p>
<p>Jean leaned forward to hug Remus. ‘And don’t forget to have fun.’</p>
<p>‘Jean? Jean, the butler’s refusing to answer my bell,’ called Mama. ‘Will you come and do something about him? It’s most unacceptable.’</p>
<p>Jean let out a little sigh. ‘I’ll be right there, Marie.’ He pointed a finger at Remus. ‘And don’t spend all your time studying. Run around in the sun with your friends.’</p>
<p>He disappeared off to deal with his wife and Remus was left with the Floo Powder. His stomach fluttered with nerves. He’d never gone to stay at another kid’s house before. It was weird. But these were his friends, with whom he’d spent a whole school year sharing a dorm. He’d be fine. He would; he convinced himself.  </p>
<p>Remus shifted his suitcase so it was closer to him. It was a little heavy, with five books in it. But they would be useful.</p>
<p>He threw the Floo Powder down into the fire. Green flames shot up and Remus stepped into them, lugging his suitcase and rucksack in after him.</p>
<p>‘Potter Cottage, Godric’s Hollow!’</p>
<p>Remus felt his insides twisting as he disappeared. His stomach swirled queasily as he reappeared in the Potters’ fireplace. He hoped the Potters liked him. His palms had started sweating, which was a strange sensation mid-flight. When he landed in the fireplace, he blinked into the brightness of the room and realised his palms were all but soaked. He just had time to wipe them on his smartest robes before Elizabeth Potter came around the corner.</p>
<p>James’s mother seemed to glow, her cheeks a gentle red as she beamed at him. She was wearing an apron with comfortably smart clothes beneath it and the smell of baking cookies filled the house. Remus blinked; the pink flowers on her apron were bright to his eyes. She stepped forward to help him with the rucksack, leaving him to deal with the suitcase at his side. He reluctantly handed her the rucksack, safe in the knowledge that the heavy tomes were in his suitcase. They’d narrowed it down to five books, two of which were massive; Sirius in particular would be sure to tease him about not ‘travelling light’.</p>
<p>Mrs Potter put the backpack to one side, spreading her arms wide to welcome him. Remus put the suitcase down beside the fireplace and stepped into her hug, feeling alternately awkward and warmed right through as he allowed her arms to surround him.</p>
<p>‘Hello, Remus sweetheart, how are you? Enjoying your summer?’</p>
<p>‘H-hi Mrs Potter, I’m very well th-thank you. Thank you for having me s-stay.’ He bit his lip, ‘I-I hope it’s not any trouble, h-having me here. L-let me know if I can h-help you with anything.’</p>
<p>‘Oh thank you, sweetheart. But I want you to enjoy yourself while you’re here.’ She paused, seeming to realise that Remus was uncomfortable. ‘But if you want to help me in the kitchen when the cookies are done, that would be wonderful.’</p>
<p>Remus released the breath he’d been holding and smiled at her. ‘Thank you, Mrs Potter.’</p>
<p>‘Well if you take your things to James’s room, the cookies should be ready by then.’ She turned to the doorway as her husband came in. ‘Henry, if you take Remus to the room and help him with the suitcase then I can call in the others. Do you know when Peter was supposed to arrive?’</p>
<p>Henry Potter held out his hand for Remus to shake, even as he replied. ‘It’s lovely to meet you, Remus. Elizabeth, Peter is supposed to arrive soon.’</p>
<p>Remus shook Mr Potter’s hand and then handed over his suitcase. ‘N-nice to meet you, Mr Potter, sir.’</p>
<p>Henry gave Remus a twinkly-eyed smile. ‘I think you’ll find we don’t stand on ceremony here. You’ve nothing to worry about.’</p>
<p>Something about Mr Potter reminded Remus of his own Papa. He was kind and friendly. But he had no air of worry about him like Jean Lupin did. There were no heavy lines around his eyes, although he was older than Remus’s Papa. Instead, he had gentle smile wrinkles around his mouth and eyes and there was a lightness about his step which seemed strange and unfamiliar.</p>
<p>‘Come along then Remus,’ Mr Potter said, waving his wand at Remus’s suitcase to make it float along in front of them.</p>
<p>He led Remus through the house, pausing to point out the kitchen, bathroom and library. Remus’s eyes lit up when he saw how large the library was and he began planning a  visit, with the Potters’ permission, of course. But he decided he’d ask Mrs Potter rather than James, just to avoid some of the teasing he could be receiving. As long as he was polite about it and treated the books with all possible respect, surely they wouldn’t mind him taking a small peek. Besides, the sooner he found the right enchantment, the sooner they’d be able to start the map!</p>
<p>‘Here you are, Remus. I’ll let you boys sort out which bed you want, but at least the suitcase is at the door now.’ He set it down magically and then picked it up to manoeuvre it out of the doorway. ‘Magic is a great thing to have, but it doesn’t work so well when moving things around corners.’</p>
<p>Remus bit his lip; he felt awkward about having brought so many books when the Potters had a library ready and waiting. But he hadn’t expected a library and James had never mentioned it.</p>
<p>‘Oof, what’s in here, son?’</p>
<p>‘B-books, s-sir.’ Remus looked at his feet. ‘I-I didn’t know you had such a large library and I wanted to look up something with everyone.’ It wasn’t a lie, yet he felt his face heat up as he shuffled his feet. They had plans for that information which weren’t exactly following the rules.</p>
<p>‘Hmm. Exploring requires a lot of preparation, if I remember correctly.’</p>
<p>Remus’s head jerked up as Mr Potter winked at him. ‘S-sir?’ He tried to appear guileless, his cheeks becoming even more of a giveaway.</p>
<p>‘Don’t worry, Remus: I did my own share of running around Hogwarts, discovering everything I could whilst I could.’ He smiled. ‘I wish you luck in your <em>studies</em> whilst you’re here. But don’t forget to enjoy Elizabeth’s cooking; my wife’s cookies never last long in this house!’</p>
<p>‘Y-yes sir. Thank you sir.’ Remus stared after him, trying to work out what had just happened. He’d just begun to smile when Mr Potter turned around.</p>
<p>‘Remus, you’re welcome to use the library whilst you’re here; just making sure that that’s clear. Don’t forget to go out to the garden before long; James and Sirius are waiting for you.’</p>
<p>Remus, whose smile was now very wide, was about to say, ‘yes sir’, again, but he remembered that Mr Potter had mentioned a lack of formality in this house, so he simply nodded. ‘I promise.’</p>
<p>With a final nod, Mr Potter left Remus to his own devices. Remus couldn’t discern which of the two free beds would be his, but he could tell which James’s bed was and which was Sirius’s. After sharing a dorm with them for a year, he could tell that the bed with all the clothes strewn over it would be James’s, whilst the other, with the covers thrown over and a bundle of black clothes and a silver bowtie shoved under the bed, was Sirius’s.</p>
<p>Remus put his rucksack by his suitcase and left the room, heading for the kitchen. As he passed by the library, he stared longingly at the books inside, but he kept his feet moving forwards: if he went in, he wasn’t sure when he’d come back out. It would be so easy to hide in a library; no matter where he was or how he felt, if he could surround himself with books then it would soothe him. He knew he was safe here, but his uncertainty and the fact that he wasn’t sure how to behave in someone else’s home made him want to closet himself away with a book until his friends found him.</p>
<p>He squared his shoulders. He’d help Mrs Potter with the cookies as he’d promised, then he’d be with James and Sirius, who wouldn’t allow him to hide in the library. He smiled to himself as he picked up the scent of baking cookies. They smelt delicious!</p>
<p>Remus paused at the entrance to the kitchen and watched as James dropped chocolate chunks all over the floor. His friends had come inside and had clearly offered to help... and then proceeded to create chaos. Sirius was decorating one batch of freshly made cookies, the icing going everywhere, and James was holding a packet of chunks in a haphazard fashion whilst he asked his mum about a batch of cookies containing white chocolate chips.</p>
<p>Remus smiled. Mrs Potter was already waving her wand to clear up the dropped chunks, even as she responded to her son.</p>
<p>‘James, three batches of cookies in one day is too much. I know your friends are here, but there’s a cake as well...’</p>
<p>‘But mum, white chocolate cookies are Remus’s favourites and he won’t ask you to make them, so I have to do it for him.’</p>
<p>Sirius hid a grin as Mrs Potter laughed. ‘How considerate you are, James! And I suppose you won’t even have <em>one</em> white chocolate cookie if I make them, hmm?’</p>
<p>‘Remus wouldn’t want to be selfish, though, Mum, and we’d share the rest, too.’</p>
<p>Remus was amazed at James’s wheedling, but his mouth almost dropped open when Mrs Potter sighed and nodded. ‘All right, I’ll make another batch. But it’ll be <em>after</em> lunch, with everyone helping.’ She turned to Sirius as James silently whooped behind her back. ‘How’s the icing going, honey?’ Before Sirius could answer, she spotted Remus. ‘All settled in, Remus dear?’</p>
<p>Everyone turned to face him, which made Remus blush. ‘Y-yes, Mrs Potter.’</p>
<p>Immediately his friends dropped what they were doing to dash over to him.</p>
<p>‘Remus!’</p>
<p>‘Where have you <em>been</em>?’</p>
<p>‘What took you so long?’</p>
<p>‘Bet you’ve been in the library, haven’t you?’</p>
<p>‘Mum’s making white chocolate chip cookies for you after lunch. You know how they’re your favourites.’</p>
<p>‘I wouldn’t say favourites but I do like them. Ouch!’ Remus rubbed his shoulder where James had punched him. ‘I mean, I love them!’ he amended.</p>
<p>James grinned. ‘Come on, let’s go outside. I’ve got a broom you can borrow.’</p>
<p>Remus’s stomach fluttered. ‘Erm, I thought we were helping your mum.’</p>
<p>‘Nah, she’s got it all under control. Come on.’ James grabbed Remus’s arm and, with Sirius helping, frogmarched him outside.</p>
<p>Remus tried to turn back to apologise to Mrs Potter but she was laughing lightly and giving James a patiently indulgent look.</p>
<p>After being dragged outside, Remus stared in awe at the Potters’ garden. He’d never seen one like it. It put his own little garden with its swing set to shame. It was even vastly different from the estate. He remembered that as a large formal garden, with the woods backing onto it. He and René had done most of their playing in those woods.</p>
<p>James’s garden, on the other hand, was built for children. Remus wanted to have a go at everything, starting with the climbing wall. But James thrust a broomstick at him.</p>
<p>‘Come on, Remus, you’ve got to throw golf balls for me and see if you can get any past me.’</p>
<p>‘Can’t I do that from the ground?’</p>
<p>‘Nope,’ said James, swinging onto his own broomstick.</p>
<p>Remus looked at Sirius for help.</p>
<p>Sirius grinned and shrugged. ‘He’s obsessed with getting onto the team. Best just to humour him.’</p>
<p>Remus groaned. That was not the answer he’d hoped for.</p>
<p>Peter arrived an hour later, just in time for lunch. Remus was saved from a two on two game by Mrs Potter calling them for lunch.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At bedtime, Sirius noticed that Remus chose the bed opposite his. He lay reading on his bed and seemed to exude contentment. James pulled out the Exploding Snap.</p>
<p>‘Fancy a game?’</p>
<p>Sirius glanced around. Peter was curled up reading as well and munching his way through a bag of popcorn. Sirius didn’t know how he had room after the gourmet burgers and chips for dinner followed by several plates of homemade chocolate biscuits.</p>
<p>‘Yeah, okay.’ He sat against the end of his bed, so he could keep his eye on Remus. He was still thinking about what the problem could be. He hadn’t found anything helpful in the books yet but it was tricky when he didn’t know what he was looking for.</p>
<p>He couldn’t really focus on the game and James absolutely thrashed him, four games to one.</p>
<p>‘What’s up with you tonight?’ James asked. ‘You’re normally brilliant at this. You’re kinda crap tonight.’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged.</p>
<p>Remus glanced up at them. ‘Maybe it’s getting a bit late for that game. It’s nearly midnight.’</p>
<p>James shrugged. ‘Mum and dad don’t mind, not in the summer. They can’t hear us from their suite anyway.’ </p>
<p>Remus pursed his lips and went back to his book. Sirius wondered if he felt a bit uncomfortable being in such a big house. James had a lot of money and never thought about the fact that others didn’t. Sirius knew that Remus didn’t have that much money.</p>
<p>Peter sat up suddenly. ‘Hey, are there really real werewolves?’</p>
<p>Remus glanced at him sharply and his cheeks went pink, before he buried his face in his book again. Sirius frowned and was about to speak when James spoke up.</p>
<p>‘Yeah, there really are! My dad met one!’</p>
<p>‘Really?’ Peter asked, sitting up straighter. ‘How come?’</p>
<p>‘He works for the Ministry Department of Child Welfare and they got this report of these kids being held by this werewolf, Fenrir Greyback. He was going to infect them all. In the end, he only got one. My dad hit him with a full body bind curse. I bet it was fantastic!’</p>
<p>‘Are they like they are in the storybooks?’</p>
<p>‘Like what?’</p>
<p>‘Can they be a wolf anytime or just at full moon?’</p>
<p>‘Just at full moon,’ said James. ‘But some of them can be pretty vicious all month. I’ve heard some of them keep their nails and teeth sharp so they can really bite. But they don’t all have magic, so you can get them like that.’</p>
<p>‘So they’re not all wizards?’ asked Peter.</p>
<p>‘Well, some are but if they got bitten before school age, they wouldn’t be allowed to go to school. My dad says that most get bitten when they’re kids because adults don’t usually survive. He says it’d be pretty rare to have a fully trained wizard werewolf.’</p>
<p>‘Wow,’ said Peter. ‘I thought they were just a muggle story.’</p>
<p>‘Nope.’ James grinned, clearly pleased to be imparting wisdom. ‘Definitely real.’</p>
<p>Peter glanced at Remus. ‘Did you know about this?’</p>
<p>Remus glanced at him. ‘Yeah,’ he mumbled. ‘Read it in a book or something. I’m going to go to sleep now.’ He put his book down and climbed under the covers.</p>
<p>Sirius frowned. There was something niggling in his head but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. They headed to bed, one by one dropping off.</p>
<p>Sirius lay in bed, fully awake and listened to James’s heavy breathing and Peter’s snoring. Remus was quiet; perhaps he was lying awake too. That something was still niggling at him. It was like chasing an errant snitch.</p>
<p>He closed his eyes. He should try to sleep.</p>
<p>
  <em>A snitch flew in front of his face. He reached for it, grasping desperately for the wriggling thing. He closed his fingers over it. It wriggled in his palm, its wings beating against his skin. It was like holding a butterfly in his hand.  </em>
</p>
<p>He woke to the stillness of the bedroom. Peter was still snoring and James was still breathing heavily. He couldn’t hear Remus. The dark pressed close and he scrambled out of bed and out of the room. He made his way downstairs and to the library.</p>
<p>This time, he knew what he was looking for. It wasn’t as organised as Hogwarts’s library but he’d spotted a section on beasts the other night. He made his way towards it, passing many rows before he reached the one he was looking for. He turned the corner and stopped.</p>
<p>Remus was standing right at the section Sirius was looking for, standing staring at the books sitting neatly on the shelves. There was an odd look on his face, almost sad.</p>
<p>Sirius squirmed, uncomfortably. This felt like a private moment. He shouldn’t be there. He took a step back but Remus turned to him suddenly. His eyes widened in the dim light and he took a step back from the bookcase.</p>
<p>‘Er, I couldn’t sleep. Thought I’d try and find something to read.’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded. ‘Yeah, me too.’</p>
<p>Remus frowned. ‘Since when do you read for fun?’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘Thought there might be something to put me to sleep. Anyway, I read, sometimes.’</p>
<p>Remus smiled weakly. ‘When nobody will entertain you.’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. He let the silence hang for a moment, then frowned curiously at Remus. ‘Hey, are you ... all right?’</p>
<p>Remus frowned. ‘Why wouldn’t I be?’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘I don’t know. You get ill a lot. Thought you might be feeling sick or something.’</p>
<p>Remus took a step back. ‘No, I’m fine.’</p>
<p>‘You sure? I know you can’t sleep at school a lot. I thought that might be ‘cause you get sick.’</p>
<p>Remus looked away. ‘No.’ He wandered off to look at the books on the other side of the aisle. Sirius watched him run his finger along the spines of a row of books, reading their titles.</p>
<p>Sirius took a few steps forward, glancing at the books Remus had just left. A few titles jumped out at him: <em>Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them</em> by Newt Scamander; <em>A Children’s Anthology of Monsters</em> by Newt Scamander; and <em>Most Macabre Monstrosities</em>, whose author was too faded to read.</p>
<p>‘You get nightmares?’ Sirius asked. He felt Remus turn to look at him but he kept his eyes firmly on the books. ‘I wouldn’t be surprised if you do, reading this sort of stuff before bed.’</p>
<p>A tense silence hung for at least a minute. Sirius stared down at his socks. ‘I get nightmares,’ he whispered. ‘I wouldn’t ... make fun of you if you do too.’ He held his breath as he waited for Remus to reply.</p>
<p>‘I know,’ said Remus, after a long moment. ‘That’s why we’re both awake late at night at school.’</p>
<p>Sirius bit his lip, screwing up his courage before he turned and looked at Remus. ‘Remus, if ... if there is something, a secret, you know you can trust us with it, don’t you?’</p>
<p>Remus stared at him and, for a moment, Sirius almost thought he was going to speak, that he was going to tell him everything.</p>
<p>But then he turned away. ‘I’m going to bed. Goodnight.’</p>
<p>Sirius watched as he walked away and felt on the very edge of the secret. The explanation, the reason behind the strangeness of Remus felt right in his grasp.</p>
<p>He turned away and spent another hour in the library, before tiredness overcame him and he returned to bed.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘Geez, what is it with you two?’ groaned James. ‘We’re not at school. We’re not doing extra credit on one of Flitwick’s essays!’</p>
<p>Remus shrugged. ‘I thought you wanted to make this map.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, you said it was a brilliant idea,’ said Sirius, rallying to his side.</p>
<p>James gave him a look. ‘I believe I said it was ‘kinda brilliant’ and probably only to shut you up so I could go to sleep.’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned at him. ‘No way. Think about it, Jamie, we can do anything we want with this map. We can sneak around at night, go to the kitchens, visit Hogsmeade, run around the Forbidden Forest. Anything. And we’d never ever get caught.’</p>
<p>Remus watched the exchange, glad he had Sirius on his side. Sirius’s argument was so impassioned, how could James disagree?</p>
<p>‘We’ve already got an invisibility cloak. Isn’t that enough? I don’t want to do all this work,’ moaned James. </p>
<p>‘But with the cloak, you can still run into people and then we’d be caught. No, if we do it right, this map would let us know where everyone was at any single moment. No way could we get caught.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah but this is really advanced magic, Siri. It’s not going to be in <em>The Standard Book of Spells</em>, is it?’</p>
<p>‘We can find the spell,’ said Remus. ‘I’ve brought some promising books with me.’</p>
<p>James flopped back on his bed. ‘Go ahead. Just don’t expect me to waste any of my holiday mucking about with advanced spells and an old map.’</p>
<p> Sirius glanced at Remus with a twinkle in his eye. He winked before he spoke. ‘Well, if you’re afraid Remus and I will be better at it than you, I understand why you don’t want to have a go.’</p>
<p>James sat up and glared at Sirius. ‘What did you say?’ he growled.</p>
<p>Peter, who had been watching quietly from his bed, pulled his pillow over his head. ‘Oh, don’t argue. Not on holiday.’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged, turning fully to Remus. ‘Never mind, Remus. We’ll just have to work it out without James’s help. I’m sure we’ll get there eventually.’</p>
<p>James huffed. ‘All right, all right. I’ll bloody help, if only to stop you bloody going on.’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. ‘Excellent.’ He took one of Remus’s books from his arms and chucked it at James. ‘You start looking through that.’</p>
<p>A small squeak escaped Remus’s lips as the heavy book flew through the air but James caught it neatly and Remus relaxed.</p>
<p>James gave Sirius his best glare but obediently started leafing through the pages of the thick tome on his lap. Sirius passed Peter a smaller book and they sat, reading through various spells for quite some time.</p>
<p>Remus sat with his book, one hand on the smooth paper of his papa’s map. He’d slipped it into the back of the book he was reading, to keep it flat. They might have to redraw it but it would be a great place to start. His heart raced as he imagined actually creating something wondrous themselves. If he managed to do this, it would prove, once and for all, that he did belong at Hogwarts. He was a wizard, whatever his tainted blood, the blood of the wolf running through his veins, might tell him. He would be a wizard, just like any of the others, as long as no one ever found out what he really was.   </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus focused on his book. They’d all managed to focus for an hour but now Peter and James had set up a Gobstones tournament and Sirius’s attention seemed to be drifting. He kept looking at Remus, a strange look in his eye. But whenever Remus looked up, Sirius quickly returned to his reading.</p>
<p>Remus turned to page 264 of <em>Achievements in Charming</em> and sat up a little straighter. ‘Here’s something. It mentions an Homonculous Charm, which allows the tracking of people. If we could cast the charm on the map, it would track the people on it. Only thing is, I think we need to start with redrawing the map to include the passages we know about.’</p>
<p>Sirius reached across him and grabbed the book. Remus tried and failed to hold back his wince.</p>
<p>‘Wow, this looks tricky.’</p>
<p>James took on a superior expression. ‘You’d better leave it to the pros then.’ He snatched the book from Sirius and looked over the spell. After a moment, his face fell. ‘Oh.’</p>
<p>Sirius smirked. ‘See?’ He glanced at the front of the book. ‘It is more like O.W.L. standard. But who knows how long it might take us to redraw the map. We might be able to manage the spell in a few months anyway.’</p>
<p>‘Right,’ said James. ‘Come on. We’ve found the spell and we probably can’t do anything about it until third year so we might as well go outside and play a two-on-two game of Quidditch right?’</p>
<p>Remus glanced at Sirius, who smirked then shrugged. ‘I think you’ll have to give in this time, Re.’</p>
<p>Remus sighed dramatically. ‘Fine. Peter and I will play but we’re not teaming up against you. Me and Sirius, against you and Peter.’</p>
<p>James shrugged. ‘Whatever.’ He grinned. ‘I’ll win anyway.’  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They spent the rest of the weekend helping James practise Quidditch, playing on the climbing frame and the swings and they splashed about in the pool in their t-shirts and shorts. Remus was relieved there was no more talk about werewolves but he was disconcerted by the curious way Sirius kept looking at him. He hoped his cover hadn’t been blown.</p>
<p>James didn’t allow any more discussion about the map but Remus didn’t mind. Once they got back to school, they’d start to redraw it. Peter and Sirius at least would help him and maybe James would too if he wasn’t too busy with Quidditch. Remus had no doubt he would get on the team. Remus wasn’t exactly a fanatic about the game but even he could tell James had talent.</p>
<p>All too soon, it was Sunday night and he was going to sleep for his last night at the Potters’ house. He hoped James would invite him back next summer. He was exhausted but happy and satisfied. His bones ached but he felt fresh and energised. His Papa was right. He did need to spend more time running around outside, having fun.</p>
<p>He was also stuffed full. Mrs Potter had cooked a roast chicken dinner and he’d felt so happy and normal that even eating the meat hadn’t made him feel sick. It had been the best meal he’d had in a long time. There was chocolate cake, then jelly and ice cream for pudding. In bed, Remus patted his full stomach and closed his eyes, a smile on his face.</p>
<p>The others were chatting but Remus allowed himself to drift off to the sound of his friends around him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius lay back in bed, listening to the sounds of his friends sleeping. He felt as though a potion were brewing inside him and it needed time to simmer. He felt as though the answer were right there, if he could only uncover them.</p>
<p>Remus and Peter were going home tomorrow. Sirius had two more days before he had to return to Grimmauld Place. Then he would have two weeks left to get through before he could go back to Hogwarts. If he kept his head down, he would be all right.</p>
<p>He closed his eyes and, lulled by the familiar noises of his friends sleeping, drifted off to sleep himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Moonlight casts a silvery light across his face. He stares up at endless trees, stretching away from him. A sound vibrates his ears, throbbing his delicate ear drums. He can’t place the sound. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He turns and sees the moon high in the sky. Its light falls on an old house on a hill. He hears the sound again and realises what it is. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The howl fades away into the night and he is left wishing for it to sound again. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0042"><h2>42. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was an atmosphere when Sirius returned home. It took him a couple of days to work out why. It wasn’t until he heard his parents talking that he realised.</p>
<p>‘There was no need to tell him. Haven’t we dealt with the situation enough?’ hissed Father.</p>
<p>Mother drew in her breath sharply. ‘Well, I am sure we would all rather no one knew of this disgrace but surely this requires stern measures. Has he not always shown the utmost strength in these matters?’</p>
<p>‘Yes but still, I’m not sure it was necessary. Do you want everyone to know of our shame?’</p>
<p>‘You can trust your own father to preserve our name and our reputation. I have been insisting for months that you deal with this situation more severely. A strapping is hardly sufficient for such an ... egregious, shameful action.’</p>
<p>Sirius, listening at the parlour door, began to think he knew what this action was. This was about him being in Gryffindor. But what did that have to do with his grandfather? Surely ...</p>
<p>‘How long is he coming to stay?’ Father asked, his voice resigned. </p>
<p>Sirius’s mouth fell open. His grandfather? Coming to stay? No, please no.</p>
<p>‘Only for three days. But believe me, it will be sufficient to sort out that wayward boy. When he returns to school in September, he will be begging Dumbledore to change houses. That will sort things out.’</p>
<p>‘Walburga, I really do not think this is necessary.’</p>
<p>‘Do not be ridiculous, Cephus, of course it is necessary. Do you want a blood traitor for an heir?’</p>
<p>‘No, of course not.’</p>
<p>‘Then have trust in your father. You will see. He will deliver enough pain and misery to Sirius that he will be persuaded to fall in line.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The night had come. Remus had been dreading it but the sooner it was over, the sooner he could relax. At least until the next one.</p>
<p>His papa’s expression was grave as he led him down to the cellar ten minutes before moonrise. Mama had become distressed over dinner and Papa had put her to bed. They could all sense this was going to be a bad one. The wolf did not like change.</p>
<p>Papa kissed his forehead at the cellar door. ‘We love you, mon fils cher.’</p>
<p>Remus hugged him. ‘I know, Papa. I love you too.’</p>
<p>Papa opened the door. ‘I’ll be here the moment the moon sets.’</p>
<p>Remus nodded. He turned and faced the stairs down into the cellar. Transformations were bad anywhere but here ... he knew this was going to be worse. He didn’t know why but he could feel it.</p>
<p>He stepped into the cellar and Papa closed the door behind him. He hated the cellar, hated it with every ounce of strength he had. This was the symbol of his imprisonment. At least it was better than the cage he’d had to use in the past.</p>
<p>He heard Papa performing the protective enchantments outside. They would be safe now. He took off his raggedy old dressing gown and put it on the high shelf. It didn’t always keep it safe from the wolf but that’s why he always brought only his old dressing gown down here, the one that was getting a little too small.</p>
<p>He sat on the floor and waited. At first Papa had tried putting cushions down here for him but the wolf had simply torn those up in his anger at being prevented from getting to humans. It was uncomfortable to sit naked on the cold cellar floor but it was necessary.</p>
<p>He wrapped his arms around his knees and waited for it to start. It was only a matter of time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius stood at his bedroom window and looked out. It was nearly dusk and the sky outside was getting grey. He’d been just about to dress for dinner when Kreacher had appeared in his room with a pop to tell him he was not to attent dinner but was to remain where he was until called. He had heard Butler greeting his grandfather at the door, then nothing more. They would be having dinner now, Grandfather taking over Father’s usual place as Head of the Household.</p>
<p>A painful knotting was happening in Sirius’s stomach and it wasn’t hunger. What was going to happen? Whatever it was, it would be bad. Grandfather wasn’t known for acts of kindness or mercy. He beat his servants and beheaded his house elves if they displeased him. He was something of a kindred spirit with his daughter in law.</p>
<p>There was a pop and Kreacher was back. ‘You are to follow me, Master Sirius.’</p>
<p>Sirius, resigned to his fate, followed Kreacher from the room. To his surprise, he wasn’t led to the dining room or the drawing room, where he had thought Grandfather would be. Instead, he was led to the kitchen.</p>
<p>Cook was in there, cleaning up after cooking dinner. She looked at him, then had to yank her hankie out of her bosom to dab at her eyes. The knot in Sirius’s stomach was getting tighter.</p>
<p>He was led past the kitchen door and past the utility room to the cellar door. Kreacher opened it for him. ‘You are to wait down there, Master Sirius,’ he squeaked.</p>
<p>‘I guessed.’</p>
<p>Kreacher lingered a moment. ‘Master commands you leave your clothing outside the door, Sir.’</p>
<p>Sirius scowled but it wasn’t unexpected. Not with his grandfather around. He pulled off his shirt and passed it to Kreacher. Kreacher jerked away, refusing to take the clothing from Sirius. Crazy elf. Who wouldn’t want to be freed from this place?</p>
<p>He removed the rest of his clothing and dropped it by the door. He stepped down the cold cellar steps and heard the door shut firmly behind him.</p>
<p>The cellar was dark, lit only by the light of the full moon coming in through the small, high window. He sat on the cold floor and kept his eyes on the moon. All he could do now was to wait for it to start. It was only a matter of time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus looked up at the small window onto the night sky, the only light in the cellar. Any moment, the last of the light would disappear and the moon would come.</p>
<p>René shimmered into his faded form before him. That childlike face was soft and serious tonight. There was no fun in his eyes. Tonight, René would just be there, the way he always was on full moon nights.</p>
<p>His fingers ached, then his wrists. Soon, it spread through his body. His hands began to shake, then his arms, then his shoulders. The pain was coming. It would overtake him soon.</p>
<p>René reached out to him, the echo of his hand soft on Remus’s bare arm. Remus’s chest ached with the desire to feel the real, live touch of his brother. But only his ghost remained now, no matter what. The wolf had taken him away too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The door opened and Sirius raised his head to look. His grandfather stepped into the room, bringing light with him. The candles lit themselves and revealed Sirius’s father also stepping into the room.</p>
<p>Sirius fought the urge to scramble away. That would do no good. Grandfather had brought the strap. Sirius stared at it, keeping his gaze away from his grandfather’s eyes. This was going to be bad and there was nothing he could do to stop it.</p>
<p>Grandfather stepped towards him. ‘Stand up, boy.’</p>
<p>Sirius stood, his hands clasped in front of him.</p>
<p>‘Hands by your sides, boy.’</p>
<p>Sirius winced but did as he was told. Resisting Arcturus Black was a foolish thing to do. He kept his head down and waited, submissively for it to start.</p>
<p>‘Sirius, you are the Heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. You know of your responsibility to your house, to your name. Why have you betrayed it?’</p>
<p>Sirius said nothing. There was no answer he could give.</p>
<p>Arcturus raised his hand. Sirius heard the whistle of the strap through the air before it came down hard across his bare thigh. A whimper escaped Sirius’s lips as pain burned across his skin.</p>
<p>‘Answer, boy.’</p>
<p>Sirius raised his head and met his grandfather’s eyes. A cold anger gleamed in Arcturus Black’s eyes. Sirius felt a deep hate well up inside him and he resisted all his instincts to lash out. He thought of his friends, of his place in Gryffindor, the first time he’d found his place.</p>
<p>Grandfather sneered. ‘You’d make your <em>real</em> friends in Slytherin boy, not those mudbloods and blood traitors.’</p>
<p>Sirius couldn’t hold himself back.</p>
<p>‘At least I haven’t betrayed myself, Sir.’</p>
<p>Grandfather clenched his jaw and behind him Sirius’s father widened his eyes.</p>
<p>‘Right,’ said Grandfather. ‘Get against that wall. I’m going to beat some sense into you, boy. You will suffer and you will atone for this blood treachery.’</p>
<p>Sirius lowered his head and walked to the wall his Grandfather indicated. Grandfather followed him. ‘You are a pureblood and you will learn to do your duty.’</p>
<p>Sirius leaned against the wall, pressing his hands to the cold stone. The pain was going to come soon. He would take it. He would endure it. He had no other choice.</p>
<p>His Grandfather raised the strap.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pain was bad. It was the worst thing Remus had ever felt. It rocked his entire body with every throb. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think. The only thing Remus could do was let it take him.</p>
<p>René stayed close to him, his faded presence comforting. At least he wasn’t alone. At least he had his brother.</p>
<p>As the wolf erupted from his body, Remus was cast aside, broken and bloodied by the power of the wolf. It would always overtake him, no matter what he did.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0043"><h2>43. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius’s world was nothing but pain. It rocked him as the sound of the strap whistled through the air again and again. He could feel bruises forming on his backside, pushing past the skin and into the depths of his flesh.</p>
<p>He tried to breathe evenly. His head was swimming. He steadied himself against the wall, pressing his fingers to the rough, wet stone. He could no longer feel the throb of the strap. Worried he’d gone numb, he looked over his shoulder to see his grandfather had let the strap drop to his side. A look passed between his father and grandfather that Sirius couldn’t summon the energy to interpret.</p>
<p>Sirius turned back to the wall, shutting his eyes for the brief reprieve. A little peace, just a little, then he would be able to bear the pain when it came again.</p>
<p>But Grandfather wasn’t raising the strap again. He was stepping closer. Sirius could feel the heat of his body close to his. He could smell leather, blood and the musty scent of old tapestries.</p>
<p>Sirius’s eyes widened as a soft hand touched the stinging skin of his buttocks. He winced as he realised it was his grandfather’s touch.</p>
<p>‘I see this pain is not enough to make you submit.’ He paused and his hand made its way up to the smooth, unblemished skin of his back. ‘Such beautiful skin,’ he whispered. ‘How can you deny the greatness of your heritage, boy? You are a Black, through and through. You belong in Slytherin.’</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head. ‘No, no, I belong in Gryffindor. I’m not like you.’</p>
<p>Grandfather grabbed hold of his arm and yanked him around. ‘You are a Black, boy. You are pure, you are beautiful.’ He pulled him close, so Sirius’s head was against his chest. Sirius turned his face away but Grandfather took hold of him by his chin and pulled up, so Sirius had no choice but to look at him.</p>
<p>‘You are <em>mine</em>, Sirius. My family, my grandson, part of my lineage.’ He gripped Sirius’s chin tightly. ‘You are my heir and I will <em>not </em>have you associating with mudblood <em>scum</em>.’</p>
<p>An ugly smile spread across Grandfather’s face. ‘It’s time you took your punishment and atoned for your behaviour.’</p>
<p>His hand slithered itself in between them and made its way down Sirius’s body. Suddenly, he gripped Sirius’s penis hard. Sirius whimpered and tired to pull away but Grandfather held him too tight.</p>
<p>He looked at his father for help. Cephus looked away, his body paralysed with fear. Sirius struggled but Grandfather pushed him down to the ground. Sirius cried out as he hit the hard floor.</p>
<p>But then his grandfather was coming towards him. Kneeling over him, he grasped hold of his hips and held him steady.</p>
<p>‘You’re going to regret your treachery, boy. Believe me.’ Grandfather’s hand was in his own robes and Sirius pulled back, squirming desperately to try to get away. He knew exactly what Grandfather was planning to do.</p>
<p>He looked at his father. Cephus wasn’t looking at them but staring resolutely away.</p>
<p>‘Father, please,’ Sirius gasped. ‘Please help me.’</p>
<p>Cephus winced but didn’t move.</p>
<p>‘Dad,’ Sirius begged. ‘Daddy, please, make it stop.’</p>
<p>Cephus flinched like he had been slapped in the face. Arcturus slammed Sirius face down on the stone floor and lifted his hips. Sirius braced himself for what he knew was coming. What else could he do?</p>
<p>But the intrusion never came. Grandfather’s body was pulled back, yanked roughly away. Sirius turned in time to see his father pushing Grandfather away, towards the cellar door.</p>
<p>‘You will <em>not</em> do that to him,’ Cephus snarled.</p>
<p>‘It worked on you, did it not, little boy? It turned you away from your mother’s memory, did it not? Forced you to become an obedient son. It will do the same for your son.’</p>
<p>Cephus whipped out his wand and pointed it at his father. ‘You will not touch my son. He is <em>mine</em>, do you understand?’</p>
<p>Arcturus glared at his son for several long seconds, then turned away. ‘Fine. But I warn you not to plead for my help when you have a wayward blood traitor on your hands.’</p>
<p>Cephus watched until his father had gone, then turned back to Sirius. Sirius stared up at him.</p>
<p>‘Thank you, Daddy,’ he whispered.</p>
<p>Cephus dropped to his knees and pulled Sirius into a close embrace. He dropped a kiss on the top of Sirius’s head. ‘I love you, Sirius.’</p>
<p>Sirius held his father tight, feeling safe and loved. But as Cephus’s hands began to caress his naked skin, he started to remember.</p>
<p>No. It would be all right. His father loved him. He had just proven it.</p>
<p>Yet, his skin rose in painful goosebumps as his father embraced him and he fought with the impulse to pull away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus came back to himself in a world full of pain. He lay still and mentally catalogued his injuries. There wasn’t an inch of him that didn’t hurt. His skin was tight with drying blood and he could feel the sharpness of a broken bone somewhere.  </p>
<p>René was there, his hand soft on Remus’s arm. ‘Papa’s coming,’ he whispered. ‘Just wait.’</p>
<p>Remus waited, still and silent, waiting for his Papa. It had been a bad one, worse than any since the first. The wolf was worse when there were people nearby and he didn’t like change. He’d known this would be bad.</p>
<p>The door opened and Remus heard the hurrying footsteps of his papa. The next moment, Jean was gathering him up in a blanket. ‘It’s all right, mon fils cher, I’m here.’</p>
<p>Remus closed his eyes, resting his head against his papa’s chest. He was safe. He was with Papa now.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He woke some hours later in his bed. His wounds had been cleaned and dressed and the pain was now a dull throb. A glass of water sat on his bedside and next to it a bottle of medicine. A copy of <em>Charlie and the Chocolate Factory </em>by Roald Dahl lay ready for him to read.</p>
<p>He didn’t feel like reading just now. He didn’t quite have the energy. He sipped his water but ignored his medicine. He could do without it.</p>
<p>His mind, suddenly, turned to Sirius and he wondered how he was. He’d seemed so sad at the idea of going home for the rest of the summer. Then there were the nightmares. Sirius was definitely a puzzle.</p>
<p>His head throbbed. Perhaps now was not the best time for working out a puzzle. He lay back. He wanted to read but he didn’t quite have the energy. He wondered what time it was and how long he’d been asleep.</p>
<p>There was a knock on his door. ‘Remus? Are you awake?’</p>
<p>‘Yes, Papa.’</p>
<p>Jean came in. He looked over Remus for a moment, then smiled. ‘You’re looking a bit brighter after some sleep. How are you feeling?’</p>
<p>‘Tired, Papa, but okay.’</p>
<p>Papa smiled again and came properly into the room. He sat on Remus’s desk chair and pulled it close to the bed. He glanced at the medicine on Remus’s bedside.</p>
<p>‘You have not had your medicine yet, Remus.’</p>
<p>Remus pulled a face. ‘It tastes horrid, Papa.’</p>
<p>‘Be this as it may, it’s good for you.’ He picked up the bottle and poured out a dose into the lid. He passed it to Remus. ‘Here. Drink up.’ His tone left no room for argument.</p>
<p>Remus grimaced but drank the dose. Once it was gone, he lay back down and closed his eyes. ‘Will you read to me, Papa?’</p>
<p>Jean patted his hand gently. ‘If you like.’ He picked up the book and opened it. ‘Chapter One,’ he read. ‘Here comes Charlie.’</p>
<p>‘I like this book,’ said René. Remus smiled as he felt his brother’s gentle touch.</p>
<p>Papa read and René sat and listened. Remus lay in his bed, letting the words of his Papa wash over him and the soft touch of his brother comfort him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0044"><h2>44. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sight of the Hogwarts Express soothed the twisted knot in Sirius’s stomach just a little. He was going back to his real home, where was safe. Chauffeur returned from delivering Sirius’s trunk to the train and gave him a smile. He’d been extra jovial with Sirius lately.</p>
<p>‘Well, Master Sirius, that’s your trunk safely on board. Shall I wait until you’re safely on board?’</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head. He tried to smile but he couldn’t seem to make the muscles work. Neither could he make himself quite meet his eyes. ‘No, thank you. I’ll go and find my friends.’</p>
<p>Chauffeur nodded. ‘Very good, Master Sirius.’ He hesitated a moment, as if he wanted to say something more, but then he turned and walked away.</p>
<p>Sirius watched him go, then looked around. It was tricky to spot his friends amongst the crowds of Hogwarts students. Some, like Sirius, were already in their school robes. It was either that or wear one of the outfits his mother approved of.</p>
<p>‘Sirius!’</p>
<p>A voice he recognised called out. Sirius turned and saw Remus. He was in muggle clothing, dark brown trousers and a red checked shirt. He looked good, bright eyed and ready for school. The sight of him helped that knot in Sirius’s stomach ease a little more.</p>
<p>There was a man with Remus, who had the same dark brown hair and the same brow. But his eyes ... Sirius frowned. Remus’s eyes were hazel but with a hint of amber there, which glowed brightly when he got worked up. But the man’s eyes were just soft hazel.</p>
<p>‘Sirius, this is my Papa.’</p>
<p>Mr Lupin held out his hand for Sirius to shake. ‘Pleased to meet you, Sirius.’</p>
<p>Sirius hid his hands up his sleeves. ‘How do you do, Sir?’</p>
<p>Remus shot Sirius a curious look. Sirius winced and turned away. One look from Remus and it felt like he knew everything. He couldn’t bear it.</p>
<p>‘I’m going to find an empty carriage. See you on the train.’</p>
<p>He turned and hurried away before Remus could say anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus watched Sirius rush off with a frown. He was different. He hadn’t raised his eyes to meet Remus’s, or Papa’s. He was quiet, subdued. He was not himself.</p>
<p>‘He’s different from the other Blacks, isn’t he?’ Papa said.</p>
<p>Remus glanced at him. ‘He is. But that’s not what he’s normally like. Something’s the matter.’</p>
<p>Papa put his hand on Remus’s shoulder. ‘He does seem a troubled boy, one who needs a friend.’</p>
<p>Remus nodded. ‘I’m his friend, Papa.’</p>
<p>Papa patted his shoulder gently. ‘Come on. Let’s get this trunk of yours on that train.’</p>
<p>After helping Remus load his trunk on the train, Papa said goodbye at the carriage door. He kissed his forehead and gave him a tight hug.</p>
<p>‘Have a good term, Remus. Study hard but don’t forget to have fun.’</p>
<p>‘Yes, Papa.’</p>
<p>Papa gave him one last hug, then pulled away. ‘See you at Christmas, mon fils.’</p>
<p>Remus waved as Papa walked away. Then he turned back to the carriage. Sirius was sitting there, watching. He flinched when he saw Remus was looking at him and he turned his head away.</p>
<p>Remus took his seat opposite Sirius. ‘So, how was the rest of your summer?’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘Fine.’</p>
<p>Remus knew at once that he was lying but he didn’t know why.</p>
<p>The door flew open and Sirius flinched. Remus looked round and saw James and Peter burst in.</p>
<p>‘Hiya!’ said Peter, grinning.</p>
<p>James grinned too. ‘Hey!’ He pushed on Sirius’s arm, not noticing how he flinched. ‘Shove up.’</p>
<p>Sirius moved up but didn’t say anything. He looked out of the window. James didn’t seem to notice. He started babbling about the Falmouth Falcons game his dad had taken him to. They got their usual cakes, drinks and sweets from the trolley and chatted the whole way. But Sirius stayed quiet, barely ate and just stared out of the window.</p>
<p>Remus had a knot of worry in his stomach but no matter what, he couldn’t get more than a couple of words out of Sirius. He was staring at the empty wrappers of sweets when an image of one of the many Charms books he’d read popped into his mind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius looked up in surprise when Remus murmured, ‘excuse me’, and left. He wanted to call his friend back; James and Peter were all right, but they were chattering on as though nothing had happened. He wanted Remus’s quiet acceptance, the comfort that came from his friend’s presence. He wanted to apologise for not greeting Remus’s father properly. Sirius bit back a sigh and stared out the window of the train.</p>
<p>Ten minutes after Remus left, Peter gave a loud cheer. Sirius looked up to see Remus struggling to open the door, arms loaded up with sweets. James and Peter instantly got up to help him inside, but Remus avoided every attempt they made to take any of the sweets from him.</p>
<p>‘Move over, will you James? I want to be by the door for now.’</p>
<p>Peter and James obediently scooted over, automatically leaving the seat on Sirius’s side free for Remus to sit in. Remus turned his back to them and shushed Peter and James when they tried to ask him what he was doing. Sirius gave up and turned back to the window; he’d listen instead.</p>
<p>There were several clatters as Remus clearly emptied several packets.  Sirius tried to expand his ears, wanting to catch every sound.</p>
<p>‘<em>Cantis</em>!’ Remus’s voice rang out loudly, making Sirius jump slightly. He craned his neck to see around Remus, even as his body shoved itself further into the corner.</p>
<p>‘<em>Cantis</em>!’ Remus tried again. There was a silence, then the strangest sound started up: a croaky sort of warbling.</p>
<p>‘Cool!’</p>
<p>‘Remus, I can’t eat it now!’ whined Peter, but Sirius could see from the corner of his eye that he was just as entranced as James.</p>
<p>Sirius tried to convince himself that he was fine, that he could get out of the corner and still be safe. He was with friends, on his way to Hogwarts. But he couldn’t make himself move.</p>
<p>Yet when a second and third set of voices started, Sirius ripped himself out of his corner to stare at the line-up of singing chocolate frogs, Remus beaming beside them even as he had to focus on the charm he was using.</p>
<p>The friends were about to compliment him on his charming prowess, when Remus waved his wand at a pile of sweets, which suddenly rose up and began dancing, wiggling in mid-air. James and Peter were laughing already, but Sirius couldn’t quite bring himself to smile yet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus watched his frogs and pile of Liquorice Allsorts sing and dance, the Allsorts having formed a man-shape to do it. He was quietly proud of his achievements, but he could see that Sirius wasn’t smiling yet, so his work wasn’t done. Pointing his wand at the carriage light, he murmured, ‘<em>Colovaria’</em> and waited for the light to change colour. He was relieved when it worked and, in a fit of inspiration and mischief, he pointed his wand at James and murmured the Charm for uncontrollable singing. All three of his friends stared at him, James struggling to keep his mouth shut as Peter frantically gestured ‘not me!’ at him. But Remus focused on Sirius. He could see his friend deciding how to react. The battle was lost as James was forced to hit a high note; Sirius started to smile, the expression small at first, but growing as James began to lead the frogs into a harmony and the person made of sweets began trying to slow dance.</p>
<p>Seeing his scheme had worked, Remus cast one last charm on the remaining sweets and created a sweet dancing partner. He and Peter laughed, but Sirius stared at Remus, half in wonder and half in gratitude. Remus just smiled at his friend, pleased that all of them could laugh together on their journey at last.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At the feast, Remus and Sirius kept exchanging glances as James and Peter ate, chatting away, unaware that their friends were so silent. Sirius wanted to thank Remus for cheering him up and making him smile when he hadn’t been able to for so long, but he knew it would sound strange and could lead to questions, so he kept quiet. Instead, he tried to communicate his appreciation through glances.</p>
<p>It was relieving to know that Remus also seemed awkward, as though he hadn’t done anything like that before, as though comforting friends wasn’t what he was used to doing. Sirius was used to it, being the big brother and trying to protect Regulus. But he’d left his brother there…</p>
<p>Sirius winced and tried to keep his thoughts away from home. Just as he felt himself starting to droop even more around the edges, James’s voice interrupted his thoughts.</p>
<p>‘So then the frogs start singing and the sweets start slow dancing! It was bloody brilliant!’ He told the rest of their table. James and Peter beamed at Remus and Sirius shrank into his chair, hoping none of them noticed his sudden return to silence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus smiled bashfully at his friends, noticing as he did so that the main reason for his behaviour on the train had reappeared: Sirius was again unnaturally quiet. He looked speculatively at his pudding, glanced around to be sure he wasn’t being watched closely and murmured a spell.</p>
<p>Whipped cream flew across the table to Sirius, a couple of small dots hitting him on the cheek. Remus smiled innocently and took a bite of his apple and blackcurrant pie, watching as his friend’s face registered shock, followed by indecision. Sirius clearly wanted to pay him back for that, but he still didn’t seem capable of smiling. So Remus winked at him and subtly leaned left, indicating James with his head.</p>
<p>He repeated the incantation and he watched Sirius watching James, as more specks of whipped cream took flight, landing on James’s nose. James sneezed, glared at Remus and then Sirius in turn, before turning to Peter, who was obliviously chomping away at a chocolate sponge pudding. James and Sirius turned to Remus in unison. Remus grinned.</p>
<p>James was beside Sirius, with Peter sat beside Remus. Remus made sure James and Sirius could see his mouth move as he whispered the spell for the third time. Tiny specks landed on Peter’s cheek, but he didn’t notice. Remus winked at his friends, mouthed one to three and then whispered the spell again.</p>
<p>This time, five times the amount of cream landed on Peter, covering his face, speckling his robes and hair. He jumped, staring around before catching on and glaring at his friends. Before he could get the hump though, Remus nudged him and whispered the spell. The four friends shared a significant look: this feast was about to get interesting.</p>
<p>All of them grinning, they sent dollops of whipped cream, chocolate sauce and sprinkles soaring through the air, silently egging one another on to see how far they could fling pieces of dessert.</p>
<p>As they left the hall, they grouped together and giggled, allowing as many of their fellow students to pass them as possible so they could take note of who they’d hit. Remus noticed that Severus Snape and Lily Evans both had liberal doses. Just as he was about to interrogate and scold his friends for targeting Snape, Professor Slughorn demanded to know why they were dawdling and Remus forgot all about it: Professor Slughorn had a rather large smear of chocolate sauce on his robes, and it appeared to be covered in sprinkles…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The moment they reached their dorm, they fell on their beds laughing and rolling around. Sirius beamed at Remus, his laughter coming to a stop. That was the second time Remus had made him laugh today when he‘d thought he couldn’t.</p>
<p>‘Bloody hell, Remus, what happened to you over the summer?’ James spluttered, staring at Remus as he tried not to laugh and failed.</p>
<p>‘Did you <em>see</em> Sluggy? I think we got him!’ Peter chortled, talking over James.</p>
<p>Remus adopted a lofty expression, trying to hide a grin even as his lips turned up at the corners. ‘I think it’s you three. You’ve led me astray.’ He waited a moment, watching as Sirius started to frown, then let loose his grin. ‘Lead on, please!’ They all laughed again, then Remus leant forward, watching as his friends mirrored him. ‘Who got Slughorn? He looked like an ice cream sundae!’</p>
<p>Sirius, James <em>and</em> Peter raised their hands, smirking.</p>
<p>‘We all did,’ Sirius said. ‘He’s horrible to you, Remus.’</p>
<p>Remus blushed a little; his friends had his back. They’d not only joined in his fun, risking detention on the first day back, but they’d played a prank on his worst teacher.</p>
<p>‘Thanks,’ Remus murmured, smiling at his friends in turn.</p>
<p>They went quiet, smiling back at him.</p>
<p>He cleared his throat. ‘I hope Sluggy doesn’t mark me down again this term.’</p>
<p>‘If he does, we’ll prank him into surrender; we know where his office is, and what with all the charms you made us look up <em>during our holidays</em>,’ James gave Remus a playful glare, ‘we’re prepared to make him pay!’</p>
<p>Peter and Sirius cheered their agreement, then Peter paused and gave them all a doleful expression. ‘But… can we not waste so much pudding next time? Maybe we could get food supplies from the kitchens when we need to do that again?’</p>
<p>Remus started to join in with the grumbling aimed at Peter, then his eyes widened and he lifted his arms. ‘Wait! I know what we can do!’ He smirked, the expression slightly evil. ‘We can find out what his worst pudding is, then tell the house elves that it’s his favourite and have them send it to him every day, instead of his normal meal.’ Remus looked to Sirius. ‘He’s a fan of yours. You could go to one of those meetings under cover…’</p>
<p>Sirius groaned. ‘Not in a thousand years. He’d make me go every time! No prank is worth <em>that</em>.’</p>
<p>‘Take one for the team, Siri!’</p>
<p>‘You can make up <em>any</em> excuse not to go and he’ll believe you!’</p>
<p>‘You’re the only one he really likes!’</p>
<p>‘Still no. Not a chance!’</p>
<p>Remus grinned, then yelled over them all. ‘You can take James, he’s a Slug favourite, too!’</p>
<p>That started off another wave of noise, Sirius and Peter laughing and agreeing, James protesting and Sirius making it clear that he’d drag James along if he was forced to go. Remus joined in with them, alternately cajoling and hurling friendly insults at James.</p>
<p>It ended when James yelled ‘no’, threw himself back on his bed and turned away from them. They were silent for a moment, then Remus pulled out a pack of Exploding Snap cards and rattled them.</p>
<p>‘Anyone for a game?’</p>
<p>When Peter and Sirius agreed with enthusiasm and James remained sulky, Remus winked at Sirius. ‘James? Are you in?’</p>
<p>There was no response. Sirius sighed heavily. ‘I guess James is in the wrong house; he’s terrified his Exploding Snap skills have disappeared after a summer spent <em>diligently studying</em>.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah. It’s a shame.’ Peter shrugged. ‘But we can beat his record this way, right? If he’s too much of a chicken to play?’</p>
<p>Remus nodded and got the cards out, shuffling them slowly. ‘I bet he can’t even shuffle the deck like he used to. It’s a sad loss to Exploding Snap.’</p>
<p>Remus had barely finished speaking before James sprung up, grabbed the cards off him and shuffled them. Everyone grinned at each other whilst James concentrated on doing his best ever card shuffling. When he looked up, he stuck his tongue out at them and started dealing.</p>
<p>‘We’re all in,’ James told them, daring them to contradict him. The friends sat in front of their beds in a circle, playing snap until they were too exhausted to carry on. James and Sirius were the last ones playing, determined to beat each other since they kept drawing. Remus watched them, forcing his eyes open because of how entertaining it was. After hours of games, James yawned and gave up.</p>
<p>‘We’ll play again tomorrow and I’ll prove I’m better at snap than you are!’</p>
<p>Sirius, the current winner, smirked. ‘<em>If</em> you can, Potter.’</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0045"><h2>45. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus had developed a touch of cold by the time full moon hit so he played it up a bit so his friends would believe he was spending a couple of nights in the hospital wing. James was distracted enough to not question it, because he’s been accepted into the Gryffindor Quidditch Team as a Chaser, and Peter had been bouncing with excitement about it ever since, desperate to hear all James’s tales about the tryout and the practises.</p>
<p>Sirius hadn’t hadn’t tried out in the end; his focus seemed completely on Remus instead, when he wasn’t quiet and withdraw. Full moon night, he gave Remus an odd look when he sloped away. Remus said he was going to get some medicine from Madame Pomfrey and got out of there as quick as he could.</p>
<p>The wolf was clamouring in his head as he followed Madame Pomfrey to the Whomping Willow, desperate to get out. He could feel it bubbling to the surface already, eager to run, destroy and howl. Remus bit his lip to keep the wolf’s anger from bursting out.</p>
<p>‘There you are, dear,’ Madame Pomfrey said, as she escorted Remus into the Shrieking Shack. ‘Is there anything you need?’</p>
<p>Remus fought down the wolf’s impulse to snarl and swear at her and shook his head. ‘No thank you, Madame Pomfrey, I’m fine.’</p>
<p>She patted his hand. ‘Very good, dear. I’ll lock you in then.’</p>
<p>He stepped into the shack and shut the door behind him.</p>
<p>He heard her lock it. ‘I’ll see you in the morning, my dear.’</p>
<p>Remus made his way upstairs. He always went to the bedroom to change, though the wolf sometimes rampaged all over the house, smashing everything he could get hold of.</p>
<p>Undressed, he sat on the double bed and waited. Already, he was feeling shaky inside. Then the pain would start.</p>
<p>
  <em>He’s angry.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus looked up at René, whose silvery face was grave.</p>
<p>‘I know. He doesn’t like change.’</p>
<p>
  <em>He hates it here. He hates it everywhere.</em>
</p>
<p>‘If he could run free, he would feel better.’ Remus looked down at his hands, which had begun to shake. ‘It almost makes me understand why ... why <em>he</em> lived in the forest. At least there, he could feel free.’</p>
<p> René scowled. <em>He hurt us.</em></p>
<p>Remus rested his chin on his knees. ‘I know. I do understand him though. I’d do anything to run free.’ He frowned. ‘I mean, the wolf would.’</p>
<p>René harrumphed. <em>Well, I don’t think it’s a good idea.</em></p>
<p>Remus rolled his eyes. ‘I wasn’t suggesting...’ He gasped, as pain shot through him. René stopped arguing and watched Remus with concern.</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s all right, Remy.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus clenched his arms around his knees as the pain began to build. René stayed near him and Remus resigned himself to the transformation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius jerked awake with a cry. He grasped hold of his quilt and stared around, trying to remind himself where he was. He was in his dorm at Hogwarts. He was safe. He glanced over at Remus’s bed and saw it was empty. He’d never returned from getting medicine from the hospital wing. Without Remus there to talk to, he couldn’t get rid of the knotty, shaky feeling inside.</p>
<p>He got up and went to the window. The moon was full. He winced as he remembered the last time he’d seen that. He turned away from the window. Tonight, looking at the night sky was not helping. He pulled off his pyjamas and pulled on jogging pants, a sweatshirt and a cloak before heading for the door.</p>
<p>At the last minute, he turned back and took James’s invisibility cloak from under James’s bed, before he made his way out of the dorm. There was no need for him to get detention.</p>
<p>The corridors were deserted and it was easy to sneak outside. He was worried as he went out of the main doors that there would be a warning charm on the doors but all stayed silent.</p>
<p>Out in the cool night air, he felt better at once. He breathed in deep, watching the stars twinkling in the night sky. He started walking towards the Forbidden Forest, taking care to keep away from the caretaker’s hut.</p>
<p>Once he reached the line of trees, he stopped. He wasn’t quite brave enough to go inside at night. Besides, he wanted to feel the air moving freely around him. There was a breeze and it whispered pleasantly over his skin.</p>
<p>The night was still and quiet and he felt peace spreading through him. He would be all right, so long as he was here at Hogwarts. He would get through the holidays when he had to and he would be fine. At least, he’d try to be.</p>
<p>A high, singing moan broke the silence. Sirius blinked and had to listen for a moment before he realised it was a wolf howl. He looked towards the Forbidden Forest. He’d heard there were wolves living in there but his ears told him it wasn’t coming from the trees. He listened harder and realised it was coming from beyond the castle grounds, perhaps beyond Hogsmeade Station.</p>
<p>It was like a fire had been lit inside him. He turned and hurried back to his dorm, suddenly more certain than he ever remembered being in his life.  </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus had to spend four nights in the hospital wing. He was in bad shape. The wolf had been furious to discover he was once again in the excellent prison Professor Dumbledore had designed. He wanted to be out, running free in the forest he could smell. His injuries were bombarding his body and he had a fever.</p>
<p>Remus pushed down the wolf’s thoughts, forcing him away. He didn’t want to listen to that <em>thing</em> inside him. He lay in bed and read his book. Papa had sent him <em>James and the Giant Peach</em> and he read eagerly, though slower than usual due to the pain throbbing through his body.</p>
<p>René was dancing around the hospital wing. Remus kept glancing across at him and every time he saw him, Remus couldn’t help but smile. At least he had his brother, whatever happened, they would stay together.</p>
<p>On the fourth day, Madame Pomfrey bustled over to him as soon as he woke and checked his temperature. ‘Well, your fever’s gone.’ She looked him over shrewdly. ‘And you’re looking a lot brighter this morning. How are you feeling?’</p>
<p>Remus sat up eagerly. ‘Yes, Madame. A lot better. Can I go back to school now?’</p>
<p>Madame Pomfrey looked over him for another moment. Behind her, René twirled.</p>
<p>
  <em>She’s like Mama used to be</em>
</p>
<p>Remus felt a twinge of sadness at that but he didn’t let it show on his face. If he did, Madame Pomfrey wouldn’t let him go home for at least a week.</p>
<p>She smiled. ‘All right, my love. You can go back to school now.’</p>
<p>He grinned. ‘Thanks, Madame.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Remus Lupin is a werewolf. Remus Lupin is a werewolf. Remus Lupin is a werewolf. </em>The words had been going round and round Sirius’s head for the last few days, whilst Remus had been absent. He was supposedly in the hospital wing with a bad cold. But Sirius knew that he was really recovering from his transformation. He’d read in <em>Most Macabre Monstrosities </em>that the transformations were hard on the human body and he’d certainly seen the evidence for that with Remus.</p>
<p>It was the fourth day since full moon and Sirius was lying in bed, waiting for breakfast time. He watched Remus’s empty bed and felt a pang of worry. This was the longest Remus had ever been away. Could ... could a werewolf die due to a transformation? Sirius couldn’t ignore the painful twist of worry inside him.</p>
<p>The door opened and Remus came in. Sirius sat up. ‘Remus! You’re back.’</p>
<p>Remus stopped when he saw that Sirius was awake. ‘Oh, hi. I’ve been ... erm, ill. I had to ...erm ...’</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head. ‘I know, it’s fine. You don’t have to explain. Are you feeling better now?’</p>
<p>Remus pushed back his hair from his brow. ‘Yeah, thanks.’ He checked the clock on the wall. ‘I’m going to have a shower before breakfast. I smell of Madame Pomfrey’s medicine.’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded and watched Remus slope off. He was so quiet, so unassuming. It seemed strange that, underneath the quiet, shy, studious but mischievous boy he’d got to know, there lurked a strong, fearsome beast. It didn’t seem real. But he knew it was. He knew, without one shred of doubt, that Remus Lupin was a werewolf. He didn’t know why he hadn’t seen it right from the start.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It had been two weeks since full moon and René had been with Remus constantly since the full moon. It was strange. Normally René came and went as he pleased, sometimes disappearing for days at a time. But for the past two weeks, he had been visible constantly.</p>
<p>It was like he was worried, protective. It made Remus think of their first week at school when they were five. René had stuck by him every second of the day, watching over him and not letting anyone be mean to him. René had always been like an overprotective older brother, making sure nobody ever hurt him. He’d even done his best to protect him the wolf that attacked them.</p>
<p>He kept looking at Sirius like he hated him. Remus squirmed. He didn’t like that. He wanted them to get on, although Sirius had no idea René existed. But maybe someday he would. Maybe someday, René would let Remus’s friends see him.</p>
<p><em>He’s looking at you</em>, said René, staring at Sirius. They were in History of Magic. Remus glanced up and saw Sirius quickly look away.</p>
<p>
  <em>Told ya</em>
</p>
<p>Remus frowned and lowered his voice. ‘He’s probably just bored.’</p>
<p>René shook his head. <em>No way. </em></p>
<p>Remus glanced at Sirius again, who was now frowning into the distance and doodling stars and globes on his parchment. Remus refused to listen to the voice inside his head which told him they were not globes. They were moons.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Eleven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was full moon again. They were all in the dorm room. Peter and James were setting up a Gobstones tournament and Sirius was lying on his bed. Once again, Remus made his excuses. This time, no one questioned his excuse that he had to go and visit his sick mother. Sirius sat up and glanced at him.</p><p>‘Good luck,’ he said.</p><p>Remus frowned. That was a strange thing to say. Again, that funny feeling squirmed in Remus’s stomach. There were a lot of bad signs.</p><p>He tried not to let it trouble him and made his way to meet Madame Pomfrey outside. He had to focus on getting through this full moon. He just hoped it wouldn’t be as bad as the last two.</p><p> </p><p>Sirius waited until Remus left the room, then darted to the window. He sat on the wide sill and looked out. In the darkness, he saw Remus appear on the lawn with Madame Pomfrey, like he’d seen him before. Together they walked towards the Whomping Willow. Seconds later, they were inside and out of sight.</p><p>It was safe. Sirius turned to his dorm mates. He watched them for a moment. They were happily engrossed in their first Gobstones game, kneeling up opposite each other. They weren’t troubled by what Remus was, but Sirius was. He needed to help him, in any way he could. The secret was too much for Remus to bear. Sirius had to help him.</p><p>‘I know what’s wrong with Remus,’ he said.</p><p>The others glanced at him, then went back to their game.</p><p>‘Oh, not this again,’ groaned James.</p><p>‘Will you listen?’ Sirius demanded. ‘This is important.’</p><p>James and Peter looked at him. ‘What?’</p><p>Sirius looked from James to Peter and back again, unsure what to say now he had their attention.</p><p>James raised an eyebrow. ‘Well? What’s this great secret then?’</p><p>Sirius took a deep breath. It was now or never. ‘Remus is a werewolf.’</p><p>They stared at him for a moment, then James snorted.</p><p>‘Get real, Black. There’s no way.’</p><p>Peter, whose eyes had gone wide, relaxed when James dismissed the idea. He flicked another Gobstone at James’s row.</p><p>‘I’m serious, James. He’s a werewolf. All the signs are there.’</p><p>James looked up and frowned. ‘Signs? Like what?’</p><p>Peter’s eyes widened. ‘He could be ... Remus could actually be a werewolf?’ He stared around at them in panic. ‘But ... but, they’re dangerous, aren’t they? Do they come after people they know first?’ There was definite note of panic to his voice.</p><p>James glared at him. ‘Shut up, Peter.’ He crossed his arms. ‘Go on then. Evidence.’</p><p>Sirius took a moment to think before he spoke. ‘Well,’ he said eventually. ‘He disappears every month, without fail every full moon. He’s gone at least two nights. Think about it, that’s one night for the transformation and one night to recover. And when he comes back, he always looks terrible and he’s always covered in scratches.’</p><p>‘Go on.’</p><p>‘He always looks really pale when it’s nearly full moon. And the eating thing. Haven’t you noticed he’s a vegetarian who eats really bloody steaks just before full moon?’</p><p>James stared at him in silence for a moment, then sat back and stared. ‘Remus is a werewolf. Bloody hell.’</p><p>‘Is he dangerous?’ Peter asked, in between chewing on his lip.</p><p>Sirius shook his head. ‘They wouldn’t let him come here if he were dangerous. That’s why they take him away for full moons. They’re keeping him safe.’</p><p>‘Oh,’ said Peter. He kept frowning, clearly trying to work something out. ‘But ... do you think that means, his mother’s not ill at all? That’s it’s just an excuse?’</p><p>Sirius glanced at him. Peter’s eyes were wide with worry and he felt a twinge in his chest. ‘I’m sure Remus told us the truth as much as he could.’</p><p>Peter’s frown faded but Sirius could tell he wasn’t completely satisfied. James was quiet too.</p><p>‘So,’ said Sirius. ‘I vote we tell him we know and that we’ll support him.’</p><p>James looked up at him. ‘Don’t you think we should ... wait for him to tell <em>us</em>? He clearly wants to keep it a secret. He might even have been told he has to.’</p><p>Sirius frowned. He hadn’t considered that. ‘Maybe. But ... he might be scared of what we’ll think.’</p><p>James shrugged but Sirius recognised a stubborn glint in his eye. ‘I still think we need to keep it quiet.’</p><p>‘All right. Look, it’s full moon tonight. We’ll give it until the next new moon, then we’ll tell him we know.’ He could be stubborn too. He wasn’t going to back down from this. Remus needed to know they supported him.</p><p>James looked at him and Sirius could feel he was being considered. ‘All right,’ he said, eventually. ‘We’ll wait until the new moon, then we’ll tell him.’ He glanced at Peter. ‘Deal?’</p><p>Peter nodded enthusiastically. ‘Deal.’</p><p>Sirius nodded. ‘Right, that’s settled then.’ He sat down beside their game. ‘I play the winner!’</p><p> </p><p>Remus let out a breath, pushed open his dorm’s door and saw three pairs of eyes staring at him. As one, Peter, James and Sirius smiled, their expressions a mixture of concern and something else he couldn’t quite define. Yet it made him nervous, his scratched stomach itchy.</p><p><em>Something’s wrong.</em> René drifted around the room, examining their faces one by one and pulling his into grotesque shapes when he reached Sirius.</p><p>Remus wanted to tell René to stop, to try to get along with Sirius, but he couldn’t do that when they were all watching him; he must seem strange enough to them without seeming to talk to himself. Gulping, he smiled tentatively at them. ‘Hi.’</p><p>‘Hey, Remus.’</p><p>‘H-Hi, Remus. How’s your mother doing?’ Peter stumbled through his question, not quite meeting Remus’s eyes and receiving an unearned glare from his friends.</p><p>Remus wanted to tell them the truth, that although his mother wasn’t well, he hadn’t seen her recently, but he bit his tongue and smiled wanly at them all. ‘She’s… as well as can be expected.’</p><p>They all nodded, the gesture awkward. After several minutes of silence, Sirius cleared his throat and stood up, brushing back the hair which had fallen into his eyes. ‘We should all head to breakfast.’ He smiled at Remus, the expression genuine but with a hidden layer beneath that made Remus feel strange: both nervous and happy at the same time. Warm. ‘We don’t want to be late for Potions!’</p><p>That set Peter and James groaning, James scrambling back into bed with a muffled cry of, ‘I’m not getting up for <em>that</em>!’</p><p>Sirius smirked, darted across the room and pulled James out by his ankles, Peter belatedly helping when James was already mostly out of bed.</p><p>Remus smiled at their antics, but he was tired. The night before last had been an improvement over the previous full moon, but not by much. He still felt drained but hadn’t wanted to miss lessons again.</p><p>René was still hanging around Sirius, glaring at him and making hideous faces.<em> They’re different.</em></p><p>Remus shook his head at René, who ignored him and returned to mocking Sirius, his gaze pinned to Remus’s friend.</p><p> </p><p>Sirius watched as Remus left them to go for a shower. He was moving slowly, too slowly for Sirius’s liking and he hadn’t joined in with pulling James from his bed. He opened his mouth to tell his friends to be more careful with what they said; they wanted Remus to tell them, but not because they pressed him into it. But before he could get a word out, Peter was jumping up and down on his bed, waving his hands in the air.</p><p>‘I’ve got an idea!’ Peter’s voice was excitedly hushed as he impatiently beckoned James and Sirius to him. ‘In the Muggle stories, a werewolf reacts badly to silver, so if we get a tiny bit of silver and press it to his hand, we’ll know whether or not he’s really a werewolf! I mean, we could be wrong, and he could be hiding something else, but we can’t help him if we don’t find out what it is.’</p><p>In two strides Sirius was in front of Peter, one hand over his mouth, the other gripping his shoulder hard. He glared at him. ‘You will do no such thing, Peter Pettigrew.’ His voice was cold, reminding him of his mother. But at that moment, he didn’t care. All he cared about was that Peter understood that Remus was not going to be hurt, under any circumstances. He fixed his iciest glare on Peter. ‘Whether Remus tells us or not is up to him but you <em>are not</em> going to hurt him with silver, no matter what. Is that <em>clear</em>, Peter?’</p><p>Peter was frozen in his grip, his eyes wide and trembling. Sirius felt a hand on his arm. ‘Sirius. Let him go.’ James’s voice was calm and cool; he didn’t approve of Sirius’s behaviour. Sirius slowly released Peter and shook himself, running his hand through his hair. Whilst James glared and Peter gave him an expression like a terrified mouse, Sirius lifted his head high and left the room, cheeks flushing on his way out.</p><p>He refused to apologise. Peter had been suggesting a Muggle solution, one which would have expose Remus with pain and cruelty. He’d never forgive them. Sirius Black straightened his spine; Remus was his friend and he was <em>proud</em> to have protected him. Yet a small twinge of shame curled in his belly: he’d acted like the Black Heir again, and no matter how justified it might have seemed, he hated that he could be like that.</p><p> </p><p>In Potions, Remus struggled to concentrate on his cauldron. René kept dancing between his friends, frowning at each of them in turn. They weren’t talking and Peter kept giving Sirius a petrified expression, then glancing at Remus before almost shoving his head into his cauldron. Sirius had taken the seat nearest to Remus, but he seemed different. Almost like…</p><p>
  <em>I think he’s guarding you.</em>
</p><p>Remus blinked at René, frowning. ‘Why would he need to guard me?’ he murmured, giving Sirius an innocent look when he frowned at him.</p><p><em>He’s watching you.</em> René stood beside Sirius, matched his stance and nodded. <em>He’s definitely looking in your direction and he hasn’t stirred the pot for ages!</em></p><p>Remus chewed his lip. He wanted to believe that René just didn’t like Sirius, but something was off and had been since that morning. He turned back to his disaster of a potion; he would find out after class, especially since Slughorn was heading his way and seemed to be in a bad mood.</p><p> </p><p>After class, Peter scuttled away with James close behind. Sirius seemed content to stroll beside Remus, but the silence felt awkward. Remus cleared his throat. Sirius looked at him and his voice died.</p><p>‘I-I’m going to the library!’ he croaked and ran off, aware that Sirius was staring after him. But he needed some alone time; he wasn’t feeling great and everything that normally got him through wasn’t working. His friends were too tense for that.</p><p>As he was cursing himself for a coward and pushing open the library doors, he felt a presence behind him.</p><p>‘Slughorn still giving you problems?’</p><p>Remus turned to see Severus Snape stood behind him and he smiled. Finally, a friendly face he could relax with! He sighed. ‘Yes, but today I just want to go to classes and pick up a book to read when they’re done. How-how was your summer, Severus?’</p><p>Snape raised an eyebrow. ‘My summer was unexceptional.’ He moved through the rows of books, Remus following. ‘Have you read Catullus Spangle’s Book of Charms of Defence and Deterrence? I read it over the summer; quite acceptable if you feel like expanding your knowledge.’</p><p>Remus shook his head. ‘I’ve read a few over the summer but not that one. Is it here in the library?’</p><p>Severus nodded and led Remus to the right section.</p><p> </p><p>Sirius watched Remus talking with Severus Snape and fought the need to go into the library and carry Remus out. Snape was a Slytherin, someone who believed the same things his mother did; Remus shouldn’t prefer <em>his</em> company to Sirius’s, not when Sirius was protecting him.</p><p>Sirius slid into the library and followed them around, pretending to look at books when he was really listening in on them.</p><p>Or trying to. They were such rule-abiding geeks that he couldn’t hear their whispering; they were used to this, keeping their voices low enough to be only heard by the person next to you and what was worse, they knew the exact right level for each other’s hearing.</p><p><em>I bet werewolf hearing is miles better than human hearing. We’ll have to be careful Remus doesn’t pick up anything he shouldn’t.</em> On that thought, Sirius scooped up a book that was specifically about werewolves and put it under his arm; he’d have to wait until Remus left to read it since if he took it to their dorm Remus was sure to find it… or Peter might leave it out to scare Remus into a confession.</p><p>Sirius’s blood boiled at the idea that Peter wanted to use silver on Remus just to find out something they already knew. That boy would have to watch his step around him for a while.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0047"><h2>47. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Twelve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That night, the dorm was silent. Peter pretended to be engrossed in Gobstones practise, James was alternately doing homework and glaring at Sirius, and Sirius was staring out their window. Remus looked down at his homework, feeling glum. This isn’t how his friends were supposed to be. But he was frightened that whatever had happened between them had something to do with his own secret troubles, so he bit his lip.</p>
<p>After an hour of this though, he cleared his throat and frowned as Peter jumped almost high enough to hit the canopy of his bed. ‘So, Halloween’s coming up…’</p>
<p>None of them answered, just staring at him. Remus looked around at them all, one eyebrow raised. ‘The perfect time for pranks, right?’ He looked at Peter, who seemed to be frozen. ‘What do you think, Peter?’  </p>
<p>Sirius cleared his throat and Peter jerked to life and nodded his eyes wide. ‘Y-Yes, M-Muggles always have loads of fun on Halloween. They dress up and play p-pranks and tell scary stories.’ As he said the word ‘scary’, Remus could almost swear he glanced at Sirius, but Peter’s movement was too quick to be seen and Sirius didn’t acknowledge anything.</p>
<p>‘I’m not in the mood to play pranks, Remus,’ James stated, turning back to his homework.</p>
<p>‘Well I would be more than happy to help you arrange pranks, Remus,’ Sirius told him, shooting daggers at James.</p>
<p>‘I was hoping … all of us would enjoy it.’ He bit his lip, watching as James turned a page of his book and Peter’s hands twisted together. Sirius was scowling at Peter, as though offended. Remus smiled, though he was feeling distinctly out of place. ‘Come on, Sirius. Don’t you want to help me persuade them?’</p>
<p>When Sirius didn’t reply, Remus pushed his books away and got off his bed. ‘I’m going to the library.’</p>
<p>As he left the room, he saw Sirius getting up out of the corner of his eye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The moment the door closed behind Remus, Sirius stood in front of his friends, hands on hips. ‘What the hell was that? We’re supposed to be showing Remus that we <em>support</em> him, so he’ll want to come forward with his secret. Not making him think you’re both weirder than he is!’</p>
<p>He turned on Peter. ‘You shouldn’t jump every time Remus opens his mouth, Peter: if anyone in this room is going to bite you, it’ll be me! You came up with that stupid suggestion this morning and you’ve spent all day staring at Remus. Keep it up and I’ll make you wear tomorrow’s pudding!’</p>
<p>James jumped up, his stance matching Sirius’s. ‘Sirius, stop ordering us about. You dropped a lot of information on us last night. We deserve to be allowed to get used it before you jump down our throats: if Remus can’t tell anyone about it yet, then even he isn’t used to it! Stop threatening Peter and accept the fact that you could be wrong, that Remus’s secret could be different to what we think it is, and that you terrifying everyone isn’t helping.’</p>
<p>Sirius barely heard James’s rant. He spun and pointed his finger at James, left hand still on his hip. ‘<em>And you</em>! You’ve been a prat to Remus all day. If you have an issue with me, take it out on me, not on him! He probably thinks he did something to you, James, which is why he’s gone to the library rather than stay here. For the second time today, where Severus <em>bloody</em> Snape is probably waiting for him! We want him to trust us, not Snape!’ He sneered. ‘Such great friends you two are.’</p>
<p>By this point, Peter had jumped beneath his covers and hid. He made a trembling lump by the headboard, as far away from the argument as he could get without leaving. James was glaring at Sirius, yet as he took a breath, he paused as something seemed to register with him.</p>
<p>‘Remus is hanging out with Snape again?’ James shook his head and sighed.</p>
<p>Sirius wasn’t satisfied with that reaction. He closed the short distance between them and leaned close to James’s ear. ‘Why were you mean to him, when you love pranks and all he wanted to do is make mischief?’ He pulled back and felt himself freeze before he spoke. ‘But then I suppose Remus doesn’t matter to you as much as precious Peter does.’</p>
<p>As he finished speaking, Sirius paused and looked down his nose to give James the full benefit of his arctic stare, before spinning on his heel. He strode to the door, head held high and stiff, then left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus looked across the table at Severus and smiled. He was feeling relaxed in a way he only could be around books and friends who weren’t snapping at each other. He sighed. He had to go back soon. He put his head in his hands.</p>
<p>‘Tired, Lupin?’</p>
<p>Severus’s voice from across the table made him sit back up. ‘It’s just a bit strange in my dorm right now.’ He wasn’t sure he should be telling Severus this… no. Severus was a friend. He trusted him. ‘Everyone seems to be mad at each other.’</p>
<p>Severus sneered. ‘Well if you will hang out with the rabble…’</p>
<p>‘Severus!’ Lily Evans snapped at him, putting her book down so he could see her glare. ‘If Remus wants to hang out with them, you should respect that and comfort your friend.’</p>
<p>Severus started to flush, yet the sneer remained in place. ‘Lily, they <em>are</em> a rabble. They don’t study; they just mess around. They’re never serious in class.’</p>
<p>‘That is not the point and you know it.’ Lily collected her things and stood. She smiled kindly at Remus. ‘I’m sure it’s nothing you’ve done, Remus. They’re just being boys. See you tomorrow.’ With that, she left.</p>
<p>Severus was quiet for a moment, then pretended to turn back to his books. Remus did the same, aware that they would soon have to leave for curfew anyway. Ten minutes later, Severus rose and packed away his books. ‘Goodnight, Lupin.’</p>
<p>Remus hid a smile. ‘Night, Severus. See you later.’</p>
<p>Severus inclined his head and strode from the room, his steps almost twice their usual length.</p>
<p>Remus stood up, scooped up his books and walked through the library. He had about half an hour until curfew and he could make it back to the dorm in ten minutes, so he wouldn’t leave until he had to.</p>
<p>At least that was his thought until a throat was cleared behind him. James stood there, ears flushing and gaze sheepish. ‘Hi Remus.’</p>
<p>‘Hi, James.’</p>
<p>
  <em>He seems better than before.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus heard René but kept his gaze on James, who seemed to be struggling to say something, his hand tugging at the neck of his robes. But even as he fidgeted, he didn’t look away from Remus’s face.</p>
<p>‘So you’ve probably noticed, but in case you haven’t,’ he took a deep breath and blurted it out, ‘I’ve been a prat today. I’m sorry. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I guess, and I just didn’t want to talk to anyone.’</p>
<p>Remus noticed that something was off about his explanation, but he wanted to believe him, so he grinned a little. ‘You mean you were dragged out of the wrong side of the bed? I’ll give Peter and Sirius a talking to about that: can’t have them yanking you out of bed unless it’s on the right side!’</p>
<p>James laughed, rewarding Remus’s humour. He held out his hand to shake and Remus shook it, before they stuck their tongues out at one another and grinned. ‘So did you find any good books for prank planning?’</p>
<p>Remus shook his head, his grin turning rueful. ‘I ended up studying instead.’</p>
<p>James shrugged. ‘We’ve got twenty minutes; want to look now?’</p>
<p>‘Yeah!’ Remus beamed at his friend and they set off, dashing through the shelves in search of some fun spells.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius had walked through the halls for an hour, then halted near a bare patch of wall. He sat down, thinking about how he’d been with James that day; he’d been rotten to his oldest friend, but someone had to stick up for Remus. His bookworm friend’s glum expression was a travesty to behold, and Sirius wanted him to smile.</p>
<p>He wanted Remus to come clean. Why couldn’t he tell them everything? He should be able to trust them with it, even if he’d promised someone he wouldn’t tell. None of them would ever betray him.</p>
<p>Sirius scrubbed his fingers through his hair. Hadn’t he proven that Remus could trust him, with all their late-night talks about their nightmares? He and Remus had been there for each other for more than a year, so what made Remus doubt him now?</p>
<p>He was right. He knew Remus was a werewolf because everything fit. He’d even done his research, to be absolutely certain of it before allowing himself to believe it.</p>
<p>When his legs began to cramp, Sirius stood. He wandered down the corridors, his feet seeming to know where to take him. As he saw the library up ahead, he slowed down and pressed himself against the wall, around the corner and out of sight.</p>
<p>He wouldn’t go in there. He was <em>not</em> going to stalk Remus. That thought made him stand up straighter: it wouldn’t be stalking. He was concerned about his friend. He wanted to make sure Snape wasn’t getting his claws into him.</p>
<p>That decided, he pulled away from the wall in time to see a girl going by, the Gryffindor that was friends with Severus Snape. He watched her but she didn’t make a comment, seeming to be lost in her own thoughts and annoyed at someone. Sirius smirked; he hoped she was irritated at Snape.</p>
<p>Just as he’d decided to move, who should come tearing towards him at speed, but the very bane of his existence: Severus <em>bloody</em> Snape. Sirius bared his teeth in a mockery of a smile and stepped in front of Snape, not giving him time to get out of the way. Instead, Snape almost crashed into Sirius, stopping with barely an inch of space between them.</p>
<p>Snape sneered at him. ‘The Black Heir.’</p>
<p>Sirius stiffened, straightening and sneering right back. ‘Snivellus.’ He looked down his nose. ‘Is your nose sore from all the grinding it’s been getting? The paper cuts must be painful, especially when added to the times it’s been shoved against the floor by someone’s boot.’</p>
<p>‘No worse than your head must feel, Black, when it’s been stuffed with such unrealistic, lofty notions about who you are.’ He raised an eyebrow. ‘Your family must be <em>so proud</em> that you ended up in Gryffindor, what with all their preparations for Slytherin. I wonder how it feels, disgracing your lineage.’</p>
<p>Sirius’s blood boiled and his stomach twisted into knots. He grabbed Snape by the collar and shoved him into the wall. Pressing his face close, he bared his teeth again. ‘You’re right. I have certain expectations out of life, Snivelly Snub-Nose, and one of them is that <em>lesser beings</em> will stay out of my way.’ He laughed darkly. ‘And you are most definitely a lesser being, Snivellus.’</p>
<p>He released Snape and allowed ice to take over. ‘Stay away from Remus Lupin. He doesn’t need someone like <em>you</em> in his life.’ He loomed over him and straightened his clothes, coldly calm. ‘If I see so much as one strand of your greasy mop-top anywhere near him, I’ll make you regret it.’ As he finished speaking, he saw James and Remus headed their way. With one last glare at Snape, he darted out of sight and trailed his friends all the way back to Gryffindor Tower.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0048"><h2>48. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Thirteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two days later, Remus saw Severus on the way to Potions. He smiled and hurried up so he could walk beside him; he’d left the rest of his dorm behind in the Great Hall. There was still an underlying tension and it was making the wolf growl inside him. Remus was worried that if he didn’t get away from the constant snapping, jumping and glaring, then the next full moon would be worse than the previous two put together.</p>
<p>Lily Evans nudged Severus, indicating Remus behind them, but Severus didn’t even look over his shoulder. His back slumped and he began to scurry away, for once hurrying away from Lily. Remus had never seen him do that before. He frowned, wondering whether Severus needed the toilet or something. Instead of Severus, he found himself level with Lily.</p>
<p>‘H-hi, good morning, Lily.’ He blushed, very aware that he hadn’t spoken with her much prior to now.</p>
<p>‘Morning, Remus.’ She smiled at him, then narrowed her eyes in the direction Severus had disappeared into. ‘I’m sure Severus didn’t mean to be rude. I think he forgot something for Slughorn’s lesson.’</p>
<p>Remus wasn’t sure, but since he couldn’t think of a reason for Severus to avoid him, he accepted Lily’s explanation. ‘It’s okay. How did you do with Slughorn’s homework?’</p>
<p>Lily wrinkled her nose. ‘It was all right. Potions isn’t my favourite lesson, but I still enjoy it. How about you?’</p>
<p>The rest of the walk to their lesson was taken up with a discussion about their favourite lessons, teachers and by the time they reached the classroom, they’d started to talk about some teachers they’d rather like to throw stinksap at. It was relaxing, the feeling of making a new friend.</p>
<p>But the moment they arrived in the dungeon, that relaxed feeling disappeared. Severus was sitting far away from Remus’s usual seat and seemed to be nervous, glancing from Remus to Lily and away again.</p>
<p>Lily rolled her eyes. ‘It was lovely talking to you, Remus. See you in the library?’</p>
<p>Remus nodded and watched as she went over to Severus, clearly demanding to know what was wrong with him before she even sat down. Their conversation was hushed and Severus ended up looking bashful but stubborn, as though he wasn’t budging no matter how much Lily’s opinion made sense.</p>
<p>Just then, his friends came barrelling into the room, Peter shuffling to a seat away from Remus, and James and Sirius obviously arguing again. Remus sighed; he still hadn’t got to the bottom of what had happened when he was in the Hospital Wing. He took his books out of his bag and settled in for another thrilling lesson of Potions, knowing without looking that Sirius would be the one to take the seat beside him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Throughout the lesson, René monitored Sirius whilst Remus switched his attention between James, Sirius and Severus. They were his friends, yet right now they were almost strangers to him. He couldn’t figure them out.</p>
<p><em>He’s always watching you now, Remy. </em>René poked the air beside Sirius’s cheek. <em>I think he wants to say something to you, but I don’t know what. </em>He scowled. <em>I don’t like him.</em></p>
<p>‘I don’t know what’s up with him, René, but he <em>is</em> my friend!’ Remus hissed, relieved that the noises his potion was making covered up his words.</p>
<p>
  <em>Are you sure? He’s not acting like he’s much of a friend to anyone right now. Can’t you see him being mean to Peter?</em>
</p>
<p>Remus stared into his potion, not really seeing anything. He wanted to deny what René was saying to him, but as he tried to open his mouth to defend Sirius, he remembered each time Peter had leapt out of his skin, each time Sirius had glared Peter into silence. He groaned and put his head in his hands, leaning on his desk as his potion continued to sizzle.</p>
<p>‘It’s not that bad, mate. The potion from last time was worse. I think you’re getting the hang of it.’ Sirius was leaning close, patting him on the back.</p>
<p>‘Liar, I’ll never get the hang of potions,’ Remus mumbled back, not wanting to raise his head. He wished he could just say what was really up with him, but he didn’t want to lose Sirius by having a go at him.</p>
<p>‘Of course you will! You’re <em>always</em> studying for it.’</p>
<p>There was an edge to Sirius’s voice as the warmth of his hand left Remus’s back; Remus didn’t understand him. Right now, he wasn’t willing to try.</p>
<p>
  <em>Uh, Remus? You might want to look up. Right this minute.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus shook his head at his brother. He just wanted this lesson to be over.</p>
<p>
  <em>Really, Remus! Look!</em>
</p>
<p>‘Remus, watch out!’</p>
<p>Remus frowned; it sounded as though Sirius and his brother were talking in unison.</p>
<p>Slowly, he lifted his head. His potion was bubbling and smoking, spilling over the side of his cauldron and making the fire sizzle. His eyes widened and he lunged at the same time Sirius did. They knocked the potion off the fire and it spilled all over the desk,  but luckily it didn’t splash anyone.</p>
<p>Remus gaped at the chaos as Slughorn stormed over. All his classmates, apart from Severus and Peter, were trying not to laugh at him. If they’d been coated in slime, they’d have been glaring daggers at him, but since he’d avoided all-out eruption, they were content to just smirk.</p>
<p>‘Another disaster, Mr Lupin?’ Slughorn sighed. ‘Are you hurt, Mr Black?’ He turned his attention to Sirius and didn’t seem to mind that Sirius stared coldly back.</p>
<p>‘I’m fine, sir. But it was Remus’s potion. He was a lot closer than I was.’</p>
<p>‘Nonsense, my boy! You were the one who used quick thinking and knocked it off the flame. Excellent timing, especially when Mr Lupin wasn’t even taking care of his cauldron.’</p>
<p>Remus felt his face burning and he looked at the floor, not even feeling bolstered by the fact that his brother and friends were scowling at Slughorn. ‘I’m sorry, sir.’</p>
<p>‘I’m getting used to it. But you’ll be in detention to clean up this mess,’ he said, then paused and seemed to assess Sirius’s expression, ‘<em>if</em> it continues to happen. Next time watch what you’re doing.’ With that, he waved his wand to clear up and dismissed Remus completely.</p>
<p>‘We’re definitely going to get him for that.’ Sirius murmured, watching Slughorn with a speculative gleam that didn’t bode well for their potions professor.</p>
<p>‘Just leave it Sirius.’ Remus used his sleeve to wipe the drops of spilt potion from his books.</p>
<p>
  <em>For once, he’s right. He’s picking on you, like the snaky boy said.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus sighed and rested his head on top of his pile of books. Since he didn’t have time to restart the potion, he watched his friends. James and Lily gave him almost identical expressions of sympathy, Lily mouthing ‘library’ at him. He smiled back as much as he could, nodding to Lily’s suggestion. But when he turned towards Severus, he still wasn’t looking at him. Instead, he appeared to be writing in his potions book, frowning and pressing his nose close enough to get ink on it.</p>
<p><em>I don’t </em>think<em> you said anything bad to him. I think he’s just being moody. </em>René tried to read over Severus’s shoulder and shrugged. <em>I don’t know what he’s writing in there. He’s scribbling and his shoulders are shaking.</em></p>
<p>Remus sighed. Great. Severus was probably laughing like everyone else. At least James and Sirius had stopped grinning when Slughorn pointed out that next time he’d be punished for a potion mishap. He wondered why he’d been spared this time… until he turned to Sirius. Sirius smiled at him, the smile one of sympathy and support. Clearly Slughorn wasn’t an idiot; if he made an enemy of one of Sirius’s friends, he’d never get The Black Heir to go to his party. Remus finally felt a sad smile curling his lips. It couldn’t have hurt that Slughorn also seemed to favour Lily and James, both of whom were also his friends.</p>
<p><em>I’m glad he makes you laugh.</em> René’s voice was quiet as he stood beside James. <em>I don’t like you not playing with me, but if you </em>have<em> to spend time with someone else, I’m happy when it’s him.</em></p>
<p>Remus glanced to make sure Sirius was occupied with his potion, then casually put his hand in front of his mouth, making sure Sirius wouldn’t see his lips move. ‘James is as much my friend as Sirius is, so why don’t you like it when Sirius makes me smile?’</p>
<p>René refused to answer, instead moving to hover over Peter, watching him. <em>He flicks his eyes at you all the time. But I don’t know how you scared him. You haven’t done anything. </em>He peered at Sirius. <em>They all fell out at the last full moon. I bet </em>he<em> did something to the chubby boy and that’s why James is protecting him.</em></p>
<p>‘But Sirius wouldn’t hurt Peter.’</p>
<p>
  <em>The chubby boy is like Mama. Say the wrong thing and it worries him.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus frowned. ‘His name is Peter.’ But he considered his words as René skipped to Lily, seeming to skid to a halt beside her as though he hadn’t noticed her when he’d been looking at Severus. If Remus didn’t know better, he’d say René’s ears and cheeks flushed; the normally silver skin looked darker where René used to blush.</p>
<p>
  <em>She’s pretty. I wouldn’t mind if you spoke to her more.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus smiled at his brother. He was five, but even a five-year-old could see someone like Lily was pretty. And sometimes Remus thought he wasn’t really five at all, not anymore. Remus didn’t even know how much of him was ghost and how much was from Remus’s head. Maybe Remus was just mad as well as a monster.</p>
<p>Since Lily was sitting beside Snape, René used the opportunity to look away from Lily and hide his embarrassment by peering at Severus again. He frowned, twisting himself into the same position as Severus. Then he glared at Sirius. Remus was about to dismiss that and start on his homework when René made ‘psst!’ noises at him. He looked up again.</p>
<p>
  <em>That meanie is glaring at the snaky boy too!</em>
</p>
<p>Remus paused, trying to work out whether this was another moment where René just wanted to reiterate how much he disliked Sirius or whether Sirius really was glaring at Severus. Slowly, he peered around his hand and saw that Sirius <em>was</em> glaring at Severus.</p>
<p>
  <em>Told you. He’s bad. Maybe you should ditch him.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus shook his head. ‘Sirius is my friend, René.’</p>
<p>Sirius’s head whipped around. ‘Did you ask me something, Remus?’ He asked, smiling.</p>
<p>Remus shook his head. ‘No. I’m just wondering when this lesson is over.’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. ‘It’ll be over soon, and at least you can do your homework or something. You’ll be able to...’ He paused, smirking. ‘Well, being you, you’ll just study more even if all your homework is done, but at least you can then choose what to read about.’ His expression became concerned. ‘You’re not feeling ill, are you?’</p>
<p>Remus shook his head, smiling at his friend. ‘No I’m fine.’ When Sirius had turned back to his potion, Remus gave René a look that said, no matter what else was going on, Sirius was definitely his friend.</p>
<p>Ten minutes later René was still trying to convince Remus to give up Sirius, and stubbornly refusing to acknowledge that that would mean giving up James too. Suddenly, Sirius dove to Remus’s bench and pulled him down, eyes gleaming with mischief.</p>
<p>‘Sirius, what did you-?’</p>
<p>There was an almighty <em>bang</em> and Slughorn was blown backwards, the blast radiating out from Sirius’s cauldron.</p>
<p>‘I saw him coming and couldn’t resist. He was so horrible to you earlier. I just added a little something when I saw him on his way over.’ Sirius giggled, the expression looking strange on his face when it had been so rare since the Potter’s house. He cleared his throat. ‘And I didn’t want him fawning over me again.’</p>
<p>Remus found himself gaping at Sirius. He just managed to shut his mouth as Slughorn came storming towards them. He headed straight for Remus.</p>
<p>‘Mr Lupin, what on earth did you do this time? Isn’t once a lesson good enough for you? Detention, young man; <em>detention.’ </em>He was seething, his hair a lovely shade of neon pink to match his cheeks.</p>
<p>Remus and Sirius stood. Sirius stepped in front of Remus and looked down his nose, his tone cold. ‘Actually, it was <em>my</em> cauldron, Professor.’ As Slughorn spluttered, Sirius adopted a sheepish expression. ‘I picked up the wrong ingredient and barely had time to duck before it exploded. I’m sorry, Sir.’</p>
<p>Slughorn straightened himself. ‘Yes, well, be that as it may, Mr Black, I am not the only one to have been affected by this <em>mishap</em>.’ He gestured over his shoulder to where the rest of the class were glaring at Sirius; lots of them now had neon pink streaks in their hair, Lily and Snape included. ‘I expect a formal apology on my desk by this evening. Mr Lupin, you will hand in double the amount of homework for this week.’ He spun on his heel, heading to his desk. ‘Class dismissed!’</p>
<p>Remus and Sirius began laughing, slipping down behind Remus’s desk so they wouldn’t be seen as they collapsed. Remus stared at Sirius. He’d protected him. This was what he’d imagined friends were like from all his reading. Muggle books always had friends saving each other and he’d been so jealous, sat alone in his room with only himself. His Papa, Mama and René loved him, he was lucky, yet he’d always wanted friends like Sirius, James and Peter. He met James’s eye across the room and saw him also trying not to laugh, Peter struggling not to grin.</p>
<p>He felt that everything would be all right. They would get back to planning pranks and making their map. They just needed to spend more time doing things like this.</p>
<p>Then his gaze slid to Severus Snape. He didn’t look amused. He was staring at Sirius and Remus, a sneer making him ugly. But what registered with Remus was the look in his eyes, a look of longing and loss. He wanted to be a part of their group, which made sense. Everyone wanted to have friends to have a laugh with. Yet Remus didn’t understand the loss. Severus turned away and prepared to hurry to his next lesson. That decided Remus: he was going to corner Severus in the library and ask what was going wrong.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius watched as Remus laughed, clearly watching James and Peter struggling not to openly appreciate Sirius’s potion prank. He loved seeing his friend laugh like that, and it was worth any punishment to see it again after so long. As he was watching Remus closely, he noticed when he turned his attention to someone else.</p>
<p>Sirius knew who his friend would be looking at. He felt a snarl building up inside him, even as he turned to give Severus Snape a glare. Watching Snape try not to jump too visibly gave Sirius the satisfaction he needed and he smirked. As he turned back to his friends, he felt his smile stretch wider, becoming feral; it was time to have another little word with that slimy Slytherin.</p>
<p>The moment they left the classroom, Sirius excused himself and headed after Snape. His friends were so busy enjoying the sudden release of tension between them that they didn’t notice him leaving, striding past everyone in his way. He caught up to Snape just as he was speeding through the Transfiguration Courtyard, his greasy head hanging down so he could avoid eye contact.</p>
<p>‘Rushing off to show everyone in Charms your new hair style, Snivellus? Or are you hoping to improve it during the lesson? I think slime green with neon pink would <em>really</em> suit you, like a Streeler has vomited on top of your head!’</p>
<p>Snape hunched in on himself even further, quickening his stride. Sirius didn’t relent; he took three longer strides, overtook Snape and forced him into a quiet corner of the courtyard.</p>
<p>‘I hope you haven’t forgotten our previous conversation, Snivellus; Remus needs people he can trust in his life, friends who are better than you. Remember that.’ He shoved Snape’s shoulder before continued on to Herbology.</p>
<p>‘Hey Sirius, what are you rushing to Herbology for?’ James yelled, just as Snape went out of sight. ‘Do you fancy Professor Sprout or something?’</p>
<p>Sirius rolled his eyes and turned around to his friends. ‘Just because <em>you</em> like her, doesn’t mean everyone else is as ill as you are, James!’ He saw Remus’s laughing face and he smiled; he’d protected him. Again. Snape would stay far away from them from now on.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0049"><h2>49. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Fourteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus headed for the library with a purposeful stride. He’d abandoned his friends on the way out of the Great Hall after dinner; he’d known he’d need to sneak away from them, or else they’d question where he was heading.</p>
<p>They were all still laughing and joking about both Potions disasters and how Professor Slughorn had flown across the room; Remus didn’t want to say or do anything that might take them back to their pre-Potions tension. He had a feeling that the words ‘library’ and ‘Severus Snape’ would have that exact effect.</p>
<p>He sighed. Sirius would be the one to fly off the handle about Severus; James would scowl about him, but then start teasing him over another trip to the library and probably point out that he didn’t need to start his Potions homework this soon. Peter would stay quiet, trying to pretend that no one was saying anything in a remotely angry tone of voice.</p>
<p>He smiled. He knew his friends. He wanted them to accept him. His smile disappeared. If only he could tell them, if only his brother didn’t have some kind of issue with Sirius, if only he’d never been bitten and he and René could have come here together. They would have gone home to France for the holidays and maybe they could have had their friends to visit the estate. The five of them would have been firm friends.</p>
<p>He shook his head. Whilst he was daydreaming <em>if only</em>, perhaps he should also wish for Sirius and Severus to become friends overnight.</p>
<p>Before he could sink down into his thoughts even more, he heard someone behind him. Turning, he saw Lily Evans waving at him. He stopped and smiled shyly at her.</p>
<p>‘Hi Remus! I saw you leave your friends behind.’ She winked at him. ‘So who’s the hot date?’</p>
<p>Remus blushed. ‘H-hot date? I don’t have a…’ He saw she was teasing him and cleared his throat. ‘I just have to go to the library. Have you seen Severus? I was hoping to ask him about Potions; he seems to know a lot more about them than I do.’ His blush worsened as he remembered that morning, again seeing his cauldron tipping over.</p>
<p>Lily smiled, but her eyes were concerned. ‘He does know a lot about Potions. I’m sure he’ll be happy to help you, Remus.’ She bit her lip, looking as though she wanted to say something, but then shook her head and pushed the currently pink strands of hair behind her ear. ‘See you at the usual table? I have to find a book for Charms.’</p>
<p>Remus watched her hurry away and through the library doors. He frowned. She knew something, but maybe she thought it best Remus find it out for himself? At least she wasn’t picking sides, he supposed.</p>
<p><em>She’s nice. The snaky boy said something to her. I couldn’t hear what it was, but I bet it had to do with </em>him<em>.</em></p>
<p>Remus glared at René, wanting to stop his brother referring to Sirius as ‘him’. Sirius wasn’t nearly as untrustworthy as René seemed to think him. ‘Not everything can be blamed on Sirius, René, and he protected me today. Slughorn was going to put me in detention when it wasn’t even my potion!’</p>
<p>
  <em>But if he hadn’t blown up his own potion in the first place, that teacher would have left you alone.</em>
</p>
<p>‘That’s not the only time he’s helped me. He’s my friend.’ He paused, analysing what René had said. ‘And it’s Severus Snape, not the snaky boy, René.’</p>
<p>René shrugged and disappeared through the wall, leaving Remus to catch up. Remus took a moment, taking a deep breath and straightening his clothing. He blushed as he realised this was what characters in books did before a date. If any of his friends, Snape included, heard him use that word to describe his upcoming talk with Severus, they’d torture him for the rest of the year… after pretending to throw up, or perhaps really throwing up.</p>
<p>He went into the library, peering up and down the aisles for any sign of Severus. He was sitting at their usual table, Lily approaching the seat opposite, a stack of books in arms.</p>
<p>Remus bit his lip and strode forwards. When he reached Severus’s side, he cleared his throat. Severus looked up with a glare, then jumped as he saw who it was. A second later, a scowl covered his face.</p>
<p>‘What do <em>you</em> want, Lupin?’</p>
<p>He managed to make Remus’s surname into an insult, as though they’d never studied together or spent hours trying to prove that Slughorn was being prejudiced to Remus.</p>
<p>Remus felt anger building inside him, but he shoved it down; he wasn’t like that thing inside him. Severus clearly had some problem and he was going to find out what it was.</p>
<p>He stepped towards him and leaned in, aware of Lily watching them covertly. He kept his voice low. ‘I want to know where my friend went. Have you seen him? He looks remarkably like you, but instead of glowering at me, he offers me the seat beside him. He helps me. He suggests books I might like.’ He released a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. ‘He’s been gone a couple of days and I miss him.’ He smiled shakily.</p>
<p>Severus seemed to shake all over, his fists clenched as he stared at the book in front of him.</p>
<p>‘I want my friend back, Severus. Can you tell me where he is?’</p>
<p>Snape slowly raised his head, the streaks of bright pink showing up brilliantly against his hair. ‘Your<em> friend</em> is the one who made me look ridiculous. Go find <em>him</em> if you need help. I can’t associate with you. Your guard dog made that perfectly clear.’</p>
<p>Remus reared back as though slapped. He’d come here to make amends, to find out what kind of apology needed to be exchanged between them. Instead, Snape spewed venom at him for something Sirius had done. The rage he’d suppressed bubbled back to the surface; why would Snape be mad at him, when it was Sirius’s potion that had affected him? It wasn’t even as though either Sirius or Snape had ever hidden that they didn’t like each other!</p>
<p>Remus got really close to Snape and hissed, ‘That was an accident that turned the whole class’s hair pink, Severus, not just yours! Have you seen Lily’s hair? What do you mean anyway, about my ‘guard dog’ warning you? I don’t need anyone else to tell<em> me</em> who to be friends with!’ He pulled back and glared at him. ‘But I suppose you do, because you’re just a cowardly serpent!’</p>
<p>Lily turned her glare from Snape to Remus. ‘There’s no need for you to start name-calling as well, Remus! Severus, just tell us what’s going on, what’s happened.’</p>
<p>Snape seemed to draw into himself, not the least bit repentant and glaring at Remus as though Lily hadn’t spoken. ‘Better a serpent out in the open, than a dog who attacks only when no one else is around to see it!’ He sneered. ‘If you’re such good friends with the Black Heir, why don’t <em>you</em> tell <em>me</em> what his problem is?’</p>
<p>‘Maybe he just can’t stand people who are two-faced little snots who trail slime everywhere they go!’ Remus retorted, his face as flushed as Severus’s.</p>
<p>‘That’s it. I’ve had it with stupid boys and their childish behaviour!’ Lily snapped, then stormed from the library.</p>
<p>Remus and Severus stared after her, both of them wanting to apologise to her but neither of them willing to back down for the moment.</p>
<p>Remus glanced at Snape at the same time Snape looked at him. Snape sneered.</p>
<p>‘I’ve had enough of stupid boys as well,’ Remus murmured, turning and leaving the library.</p>
<p>When he got halfway back to the Gryffindor Common Room, he leaned against the wall, going over what had been said. He felt guilty for snapping, but Severus hadn’t held back either. As he analysed their argument, he realised who the guard dog must be. It was time to interrogate Sirius.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius sat in the Gryffindor Common Room, a piece of parchment in front of him and his feet up on the table. He was concentrating for once, his quill pressed to the page rather than stuck between his teeth. As Remus came in, Sirius looked up and beamed at him.</p>
<p>‘Remus, excellent! You can help me write my apology to Sluggy, then after we’ve delivered it we can find Jamie and Peter to start planning our next prank!’ He stretched, beaming at his friend. ‘I’ve been waiting for you so we could write and send our apologies together. Who knew it would be impossible to write something you don’t mean?’</p>
<p>He finally registered Remus’s expression and frowned. ‘What’s happened? You look like a storm cloud’s hanging over you! Did Slughorn give you more grief?’ He groaned. ‘Oh <em>man</em>, you didn’t already hand him your apology, did you? I don’t want to go by myself; he’ll just try to drag me to one of his special dinners again. Why can’t he understand that I don’t want to go?’</p>
<p>Remus waited, not responding to Sirius as he ranted. It was unlike him to be so talkative; he must be feeling better. The reason for his friend’s improved mood made Remus clench his fists by his sides as he stood there, wanting Sirius to notice that he hadn’t spoken since he arrived.</p>
<p>Sirius finally looked up at him, registered his stony expression and gulped. ‘What’s up Remus?’</p>
<p>‘You threatened Severus, didn’t you?’ Remus’s voice was cold, direct.</p>
<p>Sirius’s own expression turned to ice as he folded his arms over his chest. ‘<em>Severus</em>,’ he muttered petulantly. ‘So what if I did warn that cretin not to mess with my friend?’</p>
<p>‘What right do you have to dictate who I speak to, who I spend time with?’</p>
<p>Sirius spluttered. ‘He’s a <em>Slytherin</em>, Remus! An entitled, slimy, cold git! He’d drop you in an instant if you did something he didn’t like. I’m just trying to protect you; he’s like my cousins. You don’t need him. He’ll just drag you down and change you until you don’t know who you are any more. He won’t protect you from the other Slytherins either. Just leave him and stay with us.’ He took a deep breath and smiled shakily. ‘We’re much more fun anyway!’</p>
<p>Remus’s hands were painful now, his nails hurting his palms. ‘That isn’t for you to decide, Sirius. What do you really know about Severus? Have you said more than two words to him, without being mean?’</p>
<p>Sirius’s face darkened, his smile disappearing. ‘You don’t understand, Remus. He. Is. A. <em>Slytherin</em>. They don’t think like we do. They’re elitist and they punish anyone that’s even a little different than they are. They’re mean. They pick on people.’</p>
<p>‘You’re judging every Slytherin based on a handful of them, Sirius! You can’t do that. Snape might be difficult to get close to, but he’s not a bad person. He’s just guarded. You need to give him a chance.’</p>
<p>‘I’ll never give him a chance, not to hurt me or <em>any</em> of my friends. He’s not getting close enough for that!’</p>
<p>Remus sighed and bit his tongue. When he finally spoke again, his tongue throbbed and he needed a deep breath before he could speak to Sirius. ‘That is not for you to decide, Sirius,’ Remus murmured, not looking at his friend. He left the Common Room to go to their dormitory.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0050"><h2>50. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Fifteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius opened the door to Slughorn’s office, slipped through the gap and headed to his seat. Slughorn beamed at him, his equilibrium restored. Remus didn’t acknowledge him; he was taking notes from a massive volume called <em>How to Brew Potions Correctly: The Beginner’s Handbook</em>.</p>
<p>‘Ah, Sirius m’boy! Come in, come in; I have your detention work set up over here.’ He gestured to a different book, a lot slimmer than Remus’s, called <em>Potions for the Quick Learner</em>. ‘If you finish your notes from that, you can help me with my invitations. One must be formal when inviting the crème de la crème of the Hogwarts student body! You never did tell me why you have been unavailable to attend my little get-togethers so far, Mr Black! Perhaps you will find yourself free on Halloween for a little discussion after the Feast? I promise it will be well worth your while.’</p>
<p>Sirius felt his blood boiling as Sluggy went on. Regardless of their disagreements, he hated to see Remus being forced to re-read the most basic of Potions books. Remus was the most intelligent person he knew. He tried harder than a lot of students around them. Just because he couldn’t make the information work for him, didn’t mean he should be set back or mocked. He waited until he’d managed to sit down, then smiled sweetly at Slughorn, an idea occurring to him.</p>
<p>‘Sir, I think it would be much more appropriate for both of us to write your invitation letters. Remus has elegant handwriting and when the invitations are done we could work on a potion to turn everyone’s hair back to normal.’</p>
<p>Slughorn’s face lit up and he clapped his hands. ‘Excellent, m’boy! Excellent! I need some young lads like you two to write these notes for me – my hands aren’t what they used to be! Oh, I remember when I was at school and I went to these little get-togethers with my professor and we still keep in touch. Wonderful wizard, he was…’ He started getting out the fancy notepaper, quills and ink for them, still rambling on.</p>
<p>Sirius hid his grin as Remus glared at him. ‘This is going to be such an educational, beneficial detention, Professor!’ Sirius gushed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Three hours later, Sirius and Remus headed for the door to the office, moving as fast as their tired feet could carry them; Slughorn had insisted on showing them some dance moves from when he was their age, and he hadn’t relented until they’d also attempted them. As they reached the door, Slughorn piped up behind them.</p>
<p>‘Boys! Do you need me to walk you back to your Common Room? I can show you more of my special dance moves and it’ll be much easier to practice them in the corridors than in here! Wouldn’t want two wonderful students such as yourselves to get caught out by the caretaker at this time of night; no one else will be so considerate as to give you a brilliant detention like mine!’</p>
<p>Remus immediately held his hands up, shaking his heads. ‘No, sir, no! We’d hate to trouble you. It’s been a long day and we’re going to walk straight back to the Common Room.’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded in agreement with Remus. ‘Straight to bed, sir!’</p>
<p>Slughorn deflated a little. ‘All right then. But I’ll be sure to see you at my next event, eh, Mr Black?’</p>
<p>Sirius waved in a decidedly non-committal way and scurried from the room ahead of Remus. They ran down the corridor together, not stopping until they were around a corner.</p>
<p>‘Phew! Thought we’d never get out!’ Sirius gave Remus a horrified expression, leaning against the wall.</p>
<p>‘You. <em>Git</em>!’ Remus shoved his shoulder, glaring. ‘You did that on purpose! First, you take away my quiet reading and <em>then</em> you encourage him to be embarrassing by “dancing” around his office! <em>You git</em>.’</p>
<p>Sirius couldn’t help grinning. ‘He was mocking you and besides, I know you secretly enjoyed watching him dance; it was funny!’</p>
<p>‘It was horrifying. I never want to see that again!’ Remus shuddered, then smirked at Sirius. ‘But I’ll be sure to remind you on Halloween that you’ve agreed to go to Slughorn’s party. Just think: James, Peter and I will be sat in the Great Hall, stuffing ourselves with sweets, while you sit in Slughorn’s office, watching him strut his stuff and telling you about his exploits! James and Peter will understand; they know how compelling Professor Slughorn can be, and how much you <em>love</em> him!’</p>
<p>Sirius shoved him in the shoulder. ‘I won’t be going! I’ll be ill that day and if you rat me out, you’ll be my guest!’ He threatened, his lips twitching even as he glared at Remus.</p>
<p>Remus stuck his tongue out at him and finally smiled. Sirius smiled back. They had a way to go, but their friendship wasn’t ruined.</p>
<p>‘Ugh, three hours of my life, <em>gone</em>! It’s all your fault, Siri! He was only going to keep us for two when you suggested that he get us to write invitations!’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged and shoved Remus’s shoulder again. When Remus did it back, it set them off into a friendly game of shoving each other all the way back to the Common Room.</p>
<p>James and Peter were waiting for them in the dormitory. Sirius and Remus elbowed each other before jumping onto their own beds. Sirius opened his mouth, but Remus spoke first.</p>
<p>‘Sirius has a date; he’s agreed to go to the next Slug Club party.’ He sighed and shook his head with an expression of mock sadness. ‘We’ll just have to do all our Halloween pranks without him there to help. Slughorn is much more important to Sirius now, especially after all those dancing tips!’</p>
<p>Sirius grabbed the first thing he could lay his hands on and hurled it at Remus as Peter and James laughed. ‘At least I wasn’t the one being made to re-read Basic Potion Making! I saved you and you know it, Remus!’</p>
<p>Remus threw the sock back at him and grinned. ‘He’ll never let you get out of it now, Siri; you’re doomed!’</p>
<p>‘James, you’ll help me pretend to be ill, right? You’ll stick up for me?’ Sirius turned pleading eyes on him and glared as James shook his head while laughing. ‘You suck!’</p>
<p>‘Don’t worry, Sirius: we’ll save you some pumpkin pie!’ Remus declared, laughing as Peter shook his head frantically.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Two evenings later, Remus watched as Snape left the Great Hall. He noticed Sirius watching him and shrugged, turning back to his meal. Sirius nodded subtly at him, then returned his attention to James, who was gently teasing Peter about how he was jumping at all the shadows in the ‘sky’ above them. Peter seemed to be less jumpy than before, yet he was still unsettled as Halloween drew nearer.</p>
<p>Picking at his dinner, Remus smiled as Sirius joined in the teasing; his friends were definitely getting over whatever had happened the last full moon. But there was still an uncomfortable vibe every so often. He hated to see Sirius glaring at Peter; he needed protecting. Yet he still had moments where he was also glaring at Sirius, so it was difficult to ask what was wrong.</p>
<p>‘Should we try to get revenge on Sluggy tonight, Remus?’ James was the one who asked, yet Sirius was clearly the one who wanted to know: he was staring at Remus, his arms folded.</p>
<p>‘I can pick up some books for ideas; I have to head to the library in a minute.’</p>
<p>Sirius stiffened beside him. ‘Would you like some company, Remus? We can help you carry the books back.’</p>
<p>‘No, <em>we</em> can’t, Sirius! We have homework to do. If you want to carry Remus’s books, you can go by yourself! I’d rather practise Quidditch than head to the library.’ James protested, backed up by Peter’s frantic nodding.</p>
<p>‘But you’re both nearly done with your dinners and it won’t take him five minutes to find the right books, right Remus? You know the library like the back of your hand. We just need to be there to help you carry them.’ Sirius looked around at each of them, all three of whom shook their heads.</p>
<p>
  <em>He thinks you’re going to see Snake Boy. You’ve got him worried… he deserves it.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus shook his head at René before speaking. ‘I’m going to do my homework in there too. Besides, I’m used to carrying heavy books. I’ll be fine.’</p>
<p>He could see Sirius debating what to say. How to make him see that it would be best to spend time with them rather than anyone else he could encounter in the library.</p>
<p>‘See? Remus will be fine. It may not look like it, but he has strong muscles; did you see him carrying all those books back from the library the other week? He held onto ten huge tomes without moaning!’ James beamed at him. ‘If you were better on a broom, you’d make a great beater Remus!’</p>
<p>Remus grimaced. ‘Never.’</p>
<p>‘I bet it’s because he’s a – ow!’ Peter jumped, his eyes watering.</p>
<p>James glared at Sirius, whose expression was suspiciously innocent. ‘Remus just spends a lot of time carrying so many books around that he can’t help but have strong muscles. Right, Remus?’ Sirius murmured, looking sideways at Remus.</p>
<p>Remus sighed. His friends were acting weird again. He smiled and shook his head at them. ‘Sure, I have hidden muscles, just like Sirius hides his brain!’ He smirked, quickly standing to dodge Sirius’s outraged kick. ‘I’ll see you all in our room.’</p>
<p>‘I’ll get you for that later, Remus!’ Sirius shook his fist at him as James and Peter laughed.</p>
<p>Feeling as though he’d set his world to rights a little more, Remus made a beeline for the library; time to sort out another friendship.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Snape was sitting at a table, his nose buried in a large book. Remus kept out of his line of sight, creeping around so he could read the spine before Snape sensed his presence. His keen eyes read the words, <em>Expert Potions</em> before the book snapped shut and lowered to the table.</p>
<p>Snape lifted his head, rubbing his eyes as he leant back in his chair. He seemed tired; his hair was lanky and Remus noticed that there were several sheets of crumpled paper around him. Snape wasn’t exactly popular, but this evening he’d been given an even wider berth than usual. Lily Evans’s presence did seem to have a real effect on him and everyone else in the library.</p>
<p>Deciding to approach this situation differently, Remus skirted back around Snape and started collecting books, checking every now and then to make sure Snape hadn’t left yet.</p>
<p>Hiding behind one of the stacks, Remus floated a book over to Snape, allowing it to come to rest beside him with a gentle <em>thump</em>. Snape raised his head with a frown, looking around before realising there was a new book in front of him. Picking it up, he read the title, his confusion visible: <em>Most Macabre Monstrosities</em>. He stared around him, wondering who’d sent it.</p>
<p>Remus smiled to himself, knowing how cleverly he was hidden. He read the title of the next book, <em>Fowl or Foul? A Study of Hippogriff Brutality</em> and carefully covered the last five words with a torn off piece of parchment from his pocket. Moving silently, he changed his position and sent the second book to Severus.</p>
<p>When the book landed this time, Snape leapt to his feet and stormed in the direction the book came from. His face was flushed and he had his wand out.</p>
<p>‘Come out, you impudent urchin! What do you mean, calling me a foul monstrosity? I’ll teach you a lesson!’</p>
<p>Remus came out from the stands, folding his arms over his chest as he spoke from behind Snape. ‘I think you misinterpreted the message, Snape,’ he murmured.</p>
<p>Snape whirled on him, glaring. ‘Lupin, I thought I made myself clear? You’re not worth talking to!’ He sneered, flicking his hair out of his eyes with a dismissive jerk of his head.</p>
<p>‘Is Lily Evans worth talking to, or not?’</p>
<p>Snap flinched, his face paling even as he deepened his sneer. ‘Don’t talk about her!’</p>
<p>‘Why not? I think it’s telling that you’re alone this evening.’ After a pause, Remus nodded to the books. ‘In case you were wondering, I was referring to our argument; it’s monstrous to argue with friends, and I wanted to know if we’re going to be chickens about sorting it out.’ He shrugged. ‘We can let it get foul if you want. I just wanted to give you a choice.’</p>
<p>He watched as Severus Snape struggled to form words. Starting with a sneer, Snape’s expression went through several transformations in a matter of minutes. In the end, he folded his arms to match Remus’s stance, glaring defiantly back at him.</p>
<p>‘I am not fowl. <em>Black</em>, however…’ he made a <em>bock bock</em> noise, smirking nastily.</p>
<p>Remus bristled. ‘Leave Sirius out of this. He had no right to decide whom I should be friends with, but that definitely doesn’t mean I’ll be taking your unsolicited advice on the subject either!’ He took a deep breath. ‘Severus, I want to be friends with you. Or at least, I did, until you decided to be so poisonous. Even Evans doesn’t want to be around you when you’re like this!’</p>
<p>‘Don’t you <em>dare</em> tell me how Evans feels about me! If I need to change, she’ll be the one to tell me and not <em>someone like you</em>!’</p>
<p>It was Remus’s turn to smirk horribly. ‘That’ll be why she’s not here, because she’s <em>so </em>keen on being friends with a snarky git like you!’</p>
<p>Snape dove at Remus, scrabbling to hit him, but Remus had been play fighting against James and Sirius for over a year now; he pinned Severus in moments, not even breathing hard.</p>
<p>‘Let go of me, you overgrown House Elf!’</p>
<p>Remus snorted. ‘Is that the best you can do, Snape? Definitely fowl!’</p>
<p>His breathing laboured, Snape flushed. ‘You’re not worthy of my best! Now get off!’</p>
<p>‘I like having you pinned; means I can talk to you without you running off.’ Remus grinned to himself, before softening his voice as Snape continued to struggle. ‘I told Sirius that he doesn’t determine with whom I’m friends. I want to be friends with Severus Snape, the Severus that Lily studies with.’ He deliberately met Snape’s eyes. ‘The Severus who studied my paper with me last year so we could prove Slughorn was marking me down.’</p>
<p>Snape had gone quiet, avoiding Remus’s eyes. After a while, he looked back up, sneering defiantly even as his voice came out soft. ‘But your friends hate me, and I hate them. They don’t want us to hang out.’</p>
<p>Remus smiled. ‘Hasn’t anyone ever told you that friends play games, Snape? Ours can be called, Deception is Kindest.’</p>
<p>It took him a moment, but Snape’s eyes slowly began to gleam. ‘So we argue in front of them, but when we’re in here, we’re normal?’</p>
<p>Remus’s smile widened and he nodded. ‘Exactly.’ Releasing Severus, he offered him a hand up. True to their agreement, Severus accepted it with a grin.</p>
<p>‘Shall we study? I want to see if there’s a way to take the pink out of everyone’s hair!’ Remus shuddered. ‘Potions will be even more hellish if everyone else hates me as much as Slughorn does!’</p>
<p>Snape scoffed. ‘I found that hours ago, Lupin, what kind of Troll <em>are</em> you?’</p>
<p>Remus scoffed back. ‘At least I didn’t insult my only friends in the whole school!’</p>
<p>They glared at each other, then grinned. Quietly, they picked out a few random books from the Potions section and went back to Snape’s desk.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0051"><h2>51. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Sixteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus rushed around the corner to the Entrance Hall, skidding to a halt only as he saw his friends up ahead. Sirius was suspicious, his eyebrow raised; but Peter and James were beaming at him. At their feet were several bulging sacks, inconspicuous to the casual observer. Peter was clutching a cauldron nearly overflowing with sweets. Even though it was heavy, he wouldn’t put it down.</p>
<p>‘Where did you get that?’ he asked.</p>
<p>‘The feast,’ said Peter, jerking his thumb back in the direction of the Great Hall. Loud chatter and delicious smells came from beyond the big heavy doors.</p>
<p>‘Where have you been, Remus? You’re late. It’s not like you. Who were you hanging out with?’ Sirius demanded.</p>
<p>Remus rolled his eyes. ‘I just had to take out enough books to cripple an ox. You try walking around Hogwarts whilst charming a tower of books to float beside you.’</p>
<p>James nudged Sirius. ‘Lay off him, Siri; you know how distracted Remus gets when he’s in the library.’ He smirked. ‘Like you do when Professor Morgenstern walks by.’</p>
<p>Remus and Peter laughed as Sirius glared at James. Remus moved forward to scoop up two of the bags. ‘Come on, we have to get moving.’</p>
<p>As they noticed, he could carry two of the sacks at the same time without flinching, his friends returned to that weird atmosphere they were in before. Sighing, Remus moved forward. ‘I hid my sack of tricks by Sluggy’s office, so we can go there last.’</p>
<p>James nodded, following Remus’s lead. ‘That’s the real reason you were late, isn’t it?’</p>
<p>With a noncommittal smile that made everyone chuckle, Remus winked before making his way down to the Dungeons.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was time for some pay back. Remus grinned as he pictured the Slytherins’ reactions and Slughorn’s face. This would be brilliant. He didn’t want to be mean but some people deserved a joke on them every now and then. They made their way up to the second floor to the statue of the knight with his sword raised. It covered a secret passage which led to the Slytherin Common Room.</p>
<p>‘Hey, Peter, give me that,’ Remus said, reaching for the cauldron.</p>
<p>Peter squeaked an objection but Remus, easily stronger than any of them, took the cauldron without any trouble.</p>
<p>‘You’re the most inconspicuous, Peter. Peek around that corner and check there’s no one there.’</p>
<p>Peter huffed but did as he was told. After a moment, he called that the coast was clear and they all crept forward and into the secret passage. At the end of the passage, there was the Slytherin Common Room. They hesitated at the exit to the tunnel and Sirius pushed Peter in first.</p>
<p>‘All clear?’</p>
<p>There was a moment of silence, then Peter called back. ‘All clear.’</p>
<p>Remus stepped in next and found himself bathed in an eerie green light, that he had been too scared to be caught to notice last time. He looked around and saw the green hue of the lake coming in through huge windows on one side of the common room.</p>
<p>‘We’re under the lake,’ he said, in awe.</p>
<p>‘Yeah, yeah, it’s wonderful,’ drawled Sirius. ‘Let’s focus, shall we? You know, on getting these bastards back, not admiring their pretty common room.’</p>
<p>Remus frowned at Sirius but didn’t say anything.</p>
<p>Sirius rubbed his hands together. ‘So, what you got for us, Remus?’</p>
<p>‘Come on, this way.’ He led them out of the main door of the common room, to the corridor directly outside it. Statues and suits of armour lined the corridor. Remus retrieved the piece of parchment from his pocket, unwinding it until he came across the right spell. He turned to James.</p>
<p>‘You’re good at Charms, right? Here’s one I found to conceal us whilst we set up the pranks and get away. We don’t want to get caught here.’ He turned to Sirius. ‘You’re annoyingly great at whatever spell you try, so I need you to try casting <em>Cantis </em>on one of the pumpkins. We have to alter it, mix it with a permanent sticking charm.’</p>
<p>James frowned at Remus as he turned away, already starting to focus on the parchment in his hands. ‘Why do we need a concealment charm, Remus? We’ve got the cloak.’</p>
<p>Remus turned around, blinking. ‘Hmm?’</p>
<p>‘Why can’t we just use the cloak?’</p>
<p>Remus rolled his eyes and glanced pointedly down the hall at the long line of statues and suits of armour. ‘Really? We’re all going to crowd under the cloak so we can stand side by side and elbow each other as we try to pull this off?’</p>
<p>James held his hands up as Sirius grinned. ‘Our Remus has an attitude!’</p>
<p>Remus just smiled then turned back to the parchment, tapping the feather of his quill against his lips.</p>
<p>Sirius removed a pumpkin from the sack and tossed it to Peter. ‘You’re good at carving, right? Make these spookier before we make them sing; we want them to freak out the Slytherins when they stumble back from the feast. Make their mouths grotesque.’</p>
<p>Peter jumped, startled, but caught the pumpkin with a soft ‘oof’ sound. Peter took the carving knife they’d brought and went to sit off to the side to start his job. Sirius grabbed the helmet off the nearest suit of armour and began attempting <em>Cantis</em>.</p>
<p>There was relative silence for a while as each of them tended to their part. Almost as one, Remus and James turned to announce that they had finished. Smirking at each other, they high fived.</p>
<p>‘Here, take a look at some of the other spells I’ve found. What do you think we could use them for?’ Remus asked, showing James the parchment.</p>
<p>Sirius swooped in on Peter, peering down at his pumpkin. Just as Peter raised his knife to alter the pumpkin’s expression, Sirius pulled it away from him. ‘Don’t you dare, Peter! It’s <em>perfect</em>!’ With an evil grin, Sirius headed for the sacks to search out what he needed.</p>
<p>Peter scowled after him, yet said nothing. Instead, he got up for another pumpkin and started carving, making sure to get the creepiest face he could manage.</p>
<p>As Sirius went past carrying a pumpkin and several pieces of fabric, Remus jerked upright. ‘Oi, where do you think you’re going? We need you here, Siri!’</p>
<p>Sirius spun around to face Remus, then continued to walk backwards. ‘Trust me, you want me to let this be a surprise!’</p>
<p>James shrugged as he met Remus’ gaze. ‘What do I know about Sirius’s bright ideas?’</p>
<p>‘Oh, how about they usually get us in detention?’</p>
<p>Chuckling, James started pointing out various spells on the list. ‘We can do these. Did you have any that needed testing?’</p>
<p>Remus was about to respond, when there was a yell of frustration from around the corner. The next thing they knew, Sirius had stomped back to them.</p>
<p>‘Peter, I need you, get over here!’</p>
<p>Jumping, Peter got to his feet and scurried to Sirius without question.</p>
<p>Remus sighed. ‘We need to be better to Peter.’</p>
<p>James gave him a strange look, a mixture of guilt and agreement. ‘Agreed. So, which spells do we need to work on?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius was glaring at the pumpkin and the scraps of fabric sat before him. ‘I should be able to transform one bloody pumpkin!’</p>
<p>‘What are you glaring at it for, Sirius? Glaring never created anything!’ Walking forward, Peter knelt beside the pumpkin. ‘I don’t even understand why you stopped me from changing its expression.’ He looked to the fabric and frowned. ‘What<em> were </em>you trying to do?’</p>
<p>‘I thought it should be a different type of grotesque. Special.’ He grinned. ‘I want it to take up pride of place outside of Sluggy’s office and I think we should surprise Remus.’</p>
<p>Peter gulped audibly. ‘A-are you sure we should surprise him? What if he…’ He broke off as his friend growled at him.</p>
<p>‘When are you going to remember that Remus is <em>our friend</em> and that he’d never hurt us?’</p>
<p>Peter started to crumple into himself, but something inside him seemed to snap and he straightened to meet Sirius’s glare. ‘He may be our friend, but he’s not himself for at least a few days a month! I just want to know we can always trust him.’ His eyes widened as Sirius stared at him. With a small squeak, Peter retreated and picked up the pumpkin.</p>
<p>He focused all his attention on the pumpkin in front of him, the only indication that he was still feeling rattled the red tips of his ears. Sirius ignored him.</p>
<p>‘W-we might need another pumpkin if you want to make a terrifying one for Slughorn. I think this one will end up too adorable. Especially if you try attaching all of <em>that</em>.’</p>
<p>Sirius let out a sound of frustration. ‘I want it to be adorable! Creepily, terrifyingly adorable!’</p>
<p>Peter laughed. ‘What, are you going to try and get the pumpkin to look like a cute Professor McGonagall?’</p>
<p>Sirius’s eyes lit up for a moment, then he shook his head. ‘No, we don’t want detention from McGonagall. Instead, we just want it to have huge eyes, fluttering eyelashes and an adoring expression.’ He scrubbed his hand through his hair. ‘Do you know what I mean?’</p>
<p>Peter grinned. ‘I think I do.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>James and Remus looked up from the chalks they were enchanting as Peter scampered past them, snatched up the carving knife, and hurried out again.</p>
<p>‘What do you think that was about?’</p>
<p>Remus shrugged. ‘Sirius is clearly planning something.’</p>
<p>James cast an evil eye after Peter. ‘They’re scheming without us. They shouldn’t be allowed to do that.’</p>
<p>Remus shrugged as he walked to the guts of the pumpkin Peter had left behind. ‘We can always throw this at them the next time they rush past.’</p>
<p>James grinned. ‘Nah, let’s put that into balloons and let the Slytherins have a proper welcome.’</p>
<p>Remus tapped the parchment. ‘We’re nearly done here. Reckon we can cast <em>Cantis</em> with our modifications?’</p>
<p>James nodded. ‘Since Sirius is skulking around, we’ll have to.’</p>
<p>Remus and James stood at opposite ends of the line of armour suits. Just as they raised their wands, Sirius and Peter came back, looking all too innocent. Sirius clutched a bulging sack in one hand.</p>
<p>‘So the wanderers have returned, huh? Ready to do some work with us?’</p>
<p>Sirius smirked at James’s irritation. ‘Aww, you seemed to be enjoying it so much that we just <em>had</em> to leave you two to it.’</p>
<p>Remus snorted. ‘For that, you two are on <em>Cantis </em>duty. We need to get the charm to stick permanently, and since we want them to sing at different times, we’ll need…’</p>
<p>Sirius rolled his eyes. ‘Remus, just tell us what to say. We’re not in lessons now. You’d think you were one of the bloody teachers.’</p>
<p>Glaring, Remus told them what they needed to do. Instead of joining in, Remus went to get the balloons from the sacks. He began filling them with a mixture of glitter and pumpkin guts.</p>
<p>Sirius orchestrated where the pumpkin heads went, realising too late that Peter had only managed three spooky pumpkins before he was called away. Sirius snapped his fingers.</p>
<p>‘Let’s place them alternately; the pumpkins give a hollow sound and the armour gives a higher, more piercing sound. So we can really make them sing out of tune!’ He grinned and began setting the pumpkins in the place of the helmets, James and Peter helping him. As a unit, they moved down the line, chanting <em>Cantis</em> as they did so. Soon, every pumpkin was ready and it was time to move on to their next mark.</p>
<p>Slughorn was in for a surprise. But as Remus moved away from the Slytherin Common Room, he smirked; Slytherin house would be covered in glitter and pumpkin, listening to their doors creak and the chalk scraping along the wall.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0052"><h2>52. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Seventeen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the friends raced through Hogwarts, skidding to a halt at frequent intervals to charm a bunch of black and orange to cover the tops of the portraits, Peter spilled sweets around himself. He couldn’t turn corners as quickly as his friends could and the cauldron in his arms overflowed with the slightest provocation.</p><p>When they lost Peter for the fourth time, Remus sighed before whistling softly to James and Sirius. ‘We can’t leave him behind. Let’s go find Peter; we need him for the spells outside Slughorn’s!’</p><p>Grumbling, they came back to Remus’s side and all three of them headed for where they’d last seen Peter. When they reached him, he was standing stock still, with a grin on his face and his hand still outstretched towards a fallen sweet, staring up at a portrait of the old caretaker Apollyon Pringle. Sirius went forward, clearly intending to get him in a headlock and demand what he was playing at. Remus caught Sirius’s arm, shook his head and went to stand beside Peter.</p><p>Keeping his voice soft, he watched Peter. ‘What are you doing, Peter?’</p><p>Peter slowly swung his head around to face Remus, the grin widening into a smirk. ‘I have an idea…’ Leaning close to Remus’s ear, he whispered, deliberately keeping the portraits and their friends from hearing.</p><p>Remus was smirking in no time. Darting away from Peter, he turned his back to the portrait and scrabbled for his piece of parchment. As he muttered to himself, James and Sirius rounded on them both.</p><p>‘What were you two whispering about?’ Sirius demanded, glaring at Peter and then Remus.</p><p>Peter grinned and held his head high. ‘Not telling.’</p><p>When he was done, Remus went back to Peter. ‘I’ve got it! If we mix this and that, we can have as many portraits as we can find wearing creepy masks and looking Picasso.’</p><p>‘Looking what?’ interrupted Sirius.</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes. ‘He was a muggle painter who screwed up people’s faces in his paintings.’</p><p>Sirius frowned like this was the most confusing thing he’d ever heard of.</p><p>Excited, Peter let out a small whoop. ‘Yes! Let’s get to it!’</p><p>Remus turned to James and Sirius, his eyes sparkling. ‘Ready to make more trouble?’</p><p>When they nodded, he told them all the spells they’d need and they started their project; soon each portrait in this hallway resembled a horror film or a bizarre painting. The occupants shrieked and glared, but Sirius quickly performed a Silencing Charm on them to keep them quiet.</p><p>As they left to get to Slughorn’s Office, Peeves came down the corridor behind them. Once he spotted the altered portraits, he cackled and whooped, throwing spitballs at the now-mute portraits. Before they turned the corner, Peeves stared at Peter, who was still lagging behind his friends, with a twinkle in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Once they reached the corridor outside Slughorn’s office, Sirius crept off, gesturing for Peter to catch up to him. Remus scratched his head and looked at James. Shrugging, James led Remus to the nearest suits of armour.</p><p>‘I was wondering… do you know of any spells that can create dragons, bats or mice?’ James’s face lit up with a grin. ‘It’d be funny to see Filch trying to catch them!’</p><p>Remus’s face lit up too, making him scrabble for his parchment again. ‘I think we’ve found our true occupation in life: making mischief!’</p><p>James nodded. ‘We should do this every year. But we’d need to do some different things too…’</p><p>‘It’ll be worth it though, to see everyone squealing!’</p><p>Laughing, they scanned the parchment. Remus pointed out a couple of spells. ‘They’re difficult though… which means you and Sirius will find them easy!’ Glaring playfully, Remus went to their supplies, frowning over their choices.</p><p>He bit his lip before looking at James with a smirk. ‘Shall we… try to transfigure some of the sweets into mice or bats? But we’ll have to be quick; Peter will have a fit!’</p><p>James quickly matched Remus’s expression. Without a word, he grabbed a handful of sweets from the cauldron and handed them to Remus. Together they attempted to transform the sweets; James was surrounded by mice within minutes and was casting the <em>Incarcifors</em> spell to trap them in the nearest suit of armour, yet Remus took three attempts before he had mice to trap.</p><p>Once the mice were all contained, the friends looked to the remaining four sweets and nodded. Together, they called out, ‘<em>Draconifors</em>!’</p><p>Four mini dragons took shape slowly, stretching their wings and exhaling small flames. Remus gently caught one and trapped it in his pocket; he had a plan for that one.</p><p>Winking at James, Remus directed the other three dragons into the nearest suit of armour. When Peter and Sirius came back, James and Remus were smirking whilst attempting to look innocent.</p><p>‘What?’ asked Peter, looking between them.</p><p>Sirius shook his head, carrying the ‘adorable’ pumpkin behind his back. ‘They’ll never tell us, Peter.’ He sighed dramatically. ‘They clearly have a plan.’ A grin lit up his face. ‘But then, so do we.’</p><p>As Sirius produced the pumpkin, James and Remus burst into laughter. ‘We thought we’d make two suits of armour dance together… imitating Slughorn’s dance moves.’</p><p>Remus chortled. ‘I <em>love</em> that!’</p><p>The group quickly got to work assembling two dance-ready suits of armour. When Sirius went to remove the helmet from one of the mice-filled suits, Remus rushed forward to direct him to another one.</p><p>‘You’ll see later why we can’t use that one for this…’ He winked.</p><p>Sirius blushed ever so slightly, but he smirked back before moving on. </p><p>The adorable pumpkin and a pompous-looking one with a good imitation of Slughorn’s toupee Sirius had transfigured from a mop head were placed atop a suit of armour each. All four boys stood back to approve their handiwork.</p><p>Pleased, they nodded to each other.</p><p>‘<em>Tarantallegra</em>!’ rang out softly as all four boys cast it.</p><p>Smirking, Sirius gently pushed Peter towards the cute pumpkin-headed suit of armour. ‘Try dancing with her, Peter!’</p><p>Flushed and flustered, Peter tried to get away; but the metal hands held onto him fast and soon they were dancing… sort of.</p><p>Laughing, Remus turned to Sirius. ‘It sort of works… but the suit dances better than Slughorn!’</p><p>Sirius nodded, grinning. ‘What’s left on the list?’</p><p>‘We could enchant all the suits of armour on the main corridor to dance to the Monster Mash,’ Remus said.</p><p>Peter, the most familiar with the song, giggled as he climbed out of the grip of the pumpkin-lady.</p><p>‘Come on, quick. The feast will be over soon.’</p><p>James shoved the suits of armour back in place just at the same moment as the door to Slughorn’s office opened with a terrible thud.</p><p>Remus turned back and saw Slughorn emerge, his heavy eyebrows knitting together as he took in the scene before him.</p><p>‘What is the meaning of this?’</p><p>Sirius stepped forward. ‘Good evening, Sir. I was hoping to look in on you and give my apologies for being unable to attend your party. I have rather more homework than I thought.’</p><p>Remus’s eyes widened as he heard Sirius put on his most charming voice. Behind Slughorn were the lights and noises of a party in full swing. Remus could see several, mostly older students, laughing and chatting in the depths of Slughorn’s office.</p><p>‘Ah, well, I had rather hoped... most disappointed, you know,’ Slughorn rambled.</p><p>Remus’s eyebrows arched as he saw Sirius was gripping his wand. He made a subtle movement and murmured a word Remus couldn’t quite catch. The next moment, there was a horrible discordant squeal of music and the suits of armour began to dance a slow waltz. Slughorn’s eyes widened and he spluttered but no words came out.</p><p>Sirius backed off a little way before he turned and ran. ‘Come on!’ he called.</p><p>James was the first to move, followed by Remus. Peter double-backed to grab his cauldron of sweets, then legged it after the rest of them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0053"><h2>53. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Eighteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus staggered into the dorm room behind his friends, holding his side as he tried not to fall over in a fit of the giggles. Ahead of him, Peter tottered towards his bed clutching their Halloween haul: a cauldron almost over-flowing with sweets.</p>
<p> ‘That was brilliant!’ Remus gasped, closing the door behind them.</p>
<p>Sirius collapsed on his bed, grinning from ear to ear. ‘That was class! Slughorn’s face!’</p>
<p>Peter began to settle on his bed, laughing even as he started to choose a sweet. James pivoted and snatched the cauldron out of his hands, before dancing away and wagging a playful finger at him. James set the cauldron down by the door.</p>
<p>Peter, who’d still managed to sneak a chocolate frog out of it, stuck his tongue out at James and, giggling, aimed for his bed but fell and burst out laughing even harder.</p>
<p>James shook his head and sat back on his own bed. ‘Best Halloween ever.’</p>
<p>Remus sat on his own bed. ‘I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard in my whole life.’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned at him. ‘You just wait until next year.’</p>
<p>Remus beamed at him. Next year. They weren’t planning on dumping him. They were his friends. That was that. Maybe he could tell them. Maybe they would understand after all. He looked into Sirius’s laughing, bright blue eyes and suddenly felt like he could tell him anything. Sirius looked back at him with knowing eyes as if he could see exactly what he was thinking.</p>
<p>
  <em>They’d never understand. </em>
</p>
<p>Remus glanced at René, who was glaring at Sirius. He sighed, knowing that his brother was right. They would never understand, not in a million years. They’d turn against him and probably make sure everyone knew. The whole school would look at him with fear, just like at his last school.</p>
<p>He didn’t want to think about it. He got up, headed over to the sweet haul by the door. Crouching, he grabbed a handful of them and let them fall back into the cauldron. ‘We’ll have to make sure we don’t wolf it all down tonight. Or we’ll all get stomach aches...’ He trailed off, realising what he’d said.</p>
<p>He looked at the others to see if they’d noticed. Peter’s giggles had died away and he was frozen in one place on his bed, his eyes wide. Remus thought he heard the faintest squeak from him.</p>
<p>Sirius glared at Peter. ‘Will you stop squeaking every time Remus says anything? You sound like a bloody mouse.’</p>
<p>Peter flushed and his eyes shifted across to James, who shrugged. Remus looked between them, frowning. There was that atmosphere again. What was going on?</p>
<p>Sirius looked at James, who nodded. ‘Do it, Sirius. Tell him.’ </p>
<p>‘What’s going on?’ Remus asked.</p>
<p>Sirius looked at him. His eyes were blazing with an intense blue fire. ‘We know, Remus.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius watched the slight widening of Remus’s eyes. His mouth fell open and his breathing began to get ragged. His fists clenched in his robes and he looked around the three of them, unable to say a word.</p>
<p>Then, he scrambled to his feet and bolted, sweets flying everywhere as his foot caught the cauldron. For once, Sirius was quicker than James. He leapt after Remus and caught up with him at the door. He grabbed hold of his arm, so he couldn’t get away. Then James was at Sirius’s elbow, holding his other arm.</p>
<p>‘What ... what are you going to do to me?’ Remus asked, a distinct tremble in his voice. Sirius could feel the pulse in Remus’s wrist hammering hard beneath his hand.</p>
<p>James’s eyes widened and he glanced at Sirius. Sirius looked back at him, then met Remus’s eyes. ‘Do to you? Why do you think we’re going to do something to you?’</p>
<p>Remus shrugged them off and backed up against the door. One hand went to his wand, hidden up his sleeve. ‘You don’t have to tell everyone. I’ll leave. You’ll never see me again. I just can’t stand them all looking at me like I’m about to ...’ He trailed off, his voice cracking. Sirius saw his eyes were wet and he was blinking desperately not to let the tears fall. His body stiffened and his fingers were white on his wand.</p>
<p>There was a thick silence in the dorm, broken only by Peter’s faint squeaking from the bed and Remus’s breathing coming in short pants through his nose.</p>
<p>Sirius put a hand on Remus’s shoulder. He felt the warmth of his friend’s skin through his robes. ‘Remus, we’re your friends. We’re not ... you’ll always be our friend, all right.’</p>
<p>Remus stared at him, then at James. His wand hand dropped to his side and hung limply as if it had never expected the situation to go this way. ‘You ... you mean it? You don’t mind?’</p>
<p>‘Mind?’ said James. ‘This has got to be the coolest secret anyone at this school has!’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. ‘Exactly. We’re on your side, Remus. We’re not going to tell anyone and you’re still our friend. You don’t have to leave.’</p>
<p>Remus looked between the two of them, then glanced over at Peter. ‘What about you, Peter? What do you think?’</p>
<p>Peter glanced at Sirius, then at James. He took a deep breath, gave another tiny squeak before he grinned. ‘You got any cool scars?’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius lay awake, listening to Remus’s breathing. It didn’t take his friend long to fall asleep and Sirius smiled as he heard his calm, steady breathing in the bed next to him. Soon, the others were all asleep and only Sirius was lying there awake. He turned on his side and looked out of the window. The curtains were open a little way and he could see the night sky. The stars were bright but there was no moon.</p>
<p>He sighed. He’d never seen a werewolf before. He’d never even seen a wolf. The closest he’d got was a big dog. He grinned to himself. He knew where Remus went to transform. Next full moon, he’d be able to go and look. He’d see an actual real werewolf in full fury. It would be amazing and he could not wait.</p>
<p>With that thought, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sometime later, he woke to the silence of the dorm in the middle of the night. Well, there was silence except for Peter’s snoring and James’s heavy breathing, with the occasional snort. He couldn’t hear Remus’s breathing.</p>
<p>Sirius sat up, pulled back the curtains from his bed and looked out into the room. Remus was silhouetted in the window, just staring out into the night. Sirius watched him for a little while, expecting Remus to realise he was awake. But he didn’t; he seemed lost in his own world.</p>
<p>He climbed out of bed and padded closer to Remus. ‘Dreaming?’</p>
<p>Remus turned his head, his eyes wide with surprise. ‘Oh, Sirius, I didn’t hear you get up.’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. ‘Too busy <em>mooning</em>?’ he asked, his grin turning to a smirk at his own joke.</p>
<p>Remus rolled his eyes. ‘Really? Can I expect my whole life to be filled with moon puns now?’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘I guess so, Moony.’</p>
<p>Remus stared at him for a moment, then grinned. ‘Is that a nickname?’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged again. ‘Seems so. Suits you, dreamer that you are.’</p>
<p>Remus blushed a little but didn’t stop smiling. Sirius hoisted himself onto the windowsill beside Moony and looked out into the dark night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0054"><h2>54. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Nineteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning at breakfast, the four friends entered the Great Hall to whispering and giggling. Remus glanced across at the Slytherin table and had to suppress a grin when he saw their scowls and one or two of them scratching at their heads. Perhaps there was still the memory of pumpkin guts in their hair. Slughorn glared across at them and Remus had to bite his lip not to giggle.</p>
<p>The urge did not last long, however. Before they had even sat down, Professor McGonagall was striding over to them, a fearsome frown on her face.</p>
<p>‘Potter, Black, Lupin, Pettigrew. Do you know how much mess and disruption you have caused? I have heard reports from Professor Slughorn and from all of the portraits down the Caretakers’ corridor that you were responsible for those pranks in those areas. I am certain that you were responsible for what happened in the Slytherin Common Room, though I cannot imagine how you got in there.’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘You have to admit, Professor, it was impressive spellwork.’</p>
<p>Remus glanced at him to see Sirius give a lazily arrogant wave of his wrist. There was a grin on his face like nothing could touch him. Remus had to admire that sort of bravery.</p>
<p>McGonagall clearly did not. ‘Impressive or not, Black, you will be serving detention, all four of you. However skilled the magic was, it was still rule-breaking. Mr Filch is still trying to clean up the mess and those pumpkin heads have resisted all attempts so far at removing them!’</p>
<p>James snorted and Peter was whimpering behind his hand in an attempt not to laugh. Only Remus managed to keep a straight face: he’d had a lot of practise keeping his emotions to himself.</p>
<p>‘Detention every night this week!’ she roared, shaking with fury at the insolence she was facing. ‘And ten points from each of you.’</p>
<p>His three friends were shaking with laughter by now. This couldn’t go on. She would only get angrier.</p>
<p>‘We’re really sorry, Professor,’ Remus said. ‘We were just trying to have a little fun. We didn’t mean to make such a mess. We’ll help clear up with no arguments at all, Professor.’</p>
<p>McGonagall frowned over her glasses at him, then seemed to relax. ‘All right, well you can clean up on Detention tonight and if you do a good job, we’ll say no more about it.’</p>
<p>‘We promise, Professor. Don’t we?’ He nudged James, who was next to him.</p>
<p>James nodded hurriedly. ‘Yes, Professor.’</p>
<p>The others nodded too, biting their lips to seem contrite. Professor McGonagall gave them all one last severe look, then turned and stalked away, back to the staff table. Remus glanced at his friends and grinned. They all beamed back at him, knowing he’d just save them from six detentions and possibly, if she really believed them, the loss of points too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next full moon happened on Friday 13<sup>th</sup> November. They all paid particular attention to Remus that day, Sirius especially. He surprised himself with how protective he was over him. He stuck close by his side all day and noticed, for the first time, the odd twitches he gave during the day. He wondered if he was in pain.</p>
<p>At dinner, he fetched Remus’s dinner for him, a rare steak and chips like he always had. Nobody stole his chips that day, though Peter was eying them.</p>
<p>‘Your lucky day, isn’t it, Moony?’ James asked with a grin.</p>
<p>Remus rolled his eyes. ‘Oh yeah,’ he drawled. ‘Fantastically lucky day.’ He slapped away Peter’s hand as he reached for a chip.</p>
<p>‘What time do you have to go?’ Sirius asked.</p>
<p>Remus glanced at his watch. ‘In about ten minutes.’ He dug into his steak, his brown eyes glowing brighter than usual.</p>
<p>Sirius watched him with interest. As a child, he’d imagined werewolves as being fearsome monsters. They’d been horrible slathering beasts whenever they’d appeared in his nursery stories. Nanny had always put on a high-pitched scared voice whenever they appeared. But Remus was just Remus. He was a twelve-year-old kid, just like Sirius. He was far too studious, kind of awkward and a bit shy. He had entirely too many knitted jumpers and he actually folded his socks. He looked serious but he had a streak of mischief as wide as James’s. He wasn’t a vicious beast. He was just Remus.</p>
<p>Yet, now he was looking for it, there was a sense of strength and power about him. Perhaps the wolf part was closer to the surface near full moon and his power shone through. He wondered how big the wolf was.</p>
<p>‘Right,’ said Remus, putting down his knife and fork onto his empty plate. There was nothing left of the steak but a single streak of blood. ‘I’d better go.’ He stood and glanced down at them and smiled. ‘See you tomorrow afternoon if it’s not too bad.’</p>
<p>Sirius watched him head off. He glanced up at the ceiling of the Great Hall. It was getting dark and the moon would be rising soon. He left it a few minutes, then got up. ‘I’m going for a walk.’</p>
<p>James frowned at him, then shook his head in exasperation. ‘Yeah, a walk. Fine, just be careful, won’t you?’</p>
<p>Sirius smirked. ‘I will.’ James knew him so well. He was such a good friend. That’s why he wouldn’t mind him that Sirius had borrowed his invisibility cloak.</p>
<p>Sirius walked nonchalantly outside and waited until he was in an unobserved part of the grounds. Then he pulled the cloak out of his bag and pulled it over himself. He glanced down and saw his own feet disappear. He grinned and headed off across the grounds towards the Whomping Willow.</p>
<p>As he got closer to the big waving tree, he caught sight of the small figure walking with a woman. They were too far away to make out but he knew they were Remus and Madame Pomfrey. He hung back a little and watched Madame Pomfrey cast a spell on the branches, then she, followed by Remus crawled into the small entry at the base of the tree. Sirius ran forward and crawled in behind them barely a second before the tree branches started moving again behind him. He felt a twig snap at his ankles as he shuffled in.</p>
<p>He waited there at the entrance until Remus and Madame Pomfrey were out of sight, then he started crawling after them. It was a long passage but at last he rounded a corner and there they were, disappearing inside the door of a shack.</p>
<p>Sirius shuffled back into a corner of the passage, so he wouldn’t trip Madame Pomfrey when she came back out. He waited a few minutes and heard her talking to Remus, then she emerged. She locked the door with a key and a spell, then hurried off down the passage. Sirius waited until he was sure she’d gone, then crept forward to the door of the shack.</p>
<p>‘Remus,’ he hissed. ‘Remus, can you hear me? Moony?’</p>
<p>There was a short silence then, incredulously, ‘Sirius? What are you doing here?’</p>
<p>‘Came to keep you company.’</p>
<p>Remus gasped. ‘What? You can’t do that, Sirius. It’s too dangerous.’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged, though Remus couldn’t see him. ‘I saw her lock the door. You can’t get to me. It might help to have some company.’</p>
<p> ‘Er, I’m not so sure.’</p>
<p>‘Come on, Moony, I want to stay. It’ll help, I promise.’</p>
<p>Remus didn’t reply, though Sirius could sense the doubt. He wondered how close the rising of the moon was now. It couldn’t be long.</p>
<p>Remus gasped and Sirius winced. He recognised that sound; it was a gasp of pain.</p>
<p>‘You okay?’ he asked.</p>
<p>Remus didn’t reply. He didn’t say one more word. Sirius crouched there, listening, as gasps became moans, moans became screams and, at least, a final ragged scream became a long, high howl.</p>
<p>Sirius wrapped his arms around himself as he listened to the pain of his friend. He’d never imagined it could be this bad. Then, the wolf was there, snapping and snarling on the other side of the door. He heard the loud snuffs of a giant snout sniffing him earnestly through the enchanted wooden door. Then a massive body slammed into it and Sirius prayed that the charm had been done correctly.</p>
<p>He closed his eyes tightly, fighting the strong impulse to run and never look back. But he’d promised himself he would be there for Remus. The wolf threw himself at the door, again and again, snuffling and snarling. It even whined when its repeated attempts to get to Sirius were thwarted.</p>
<p>Sirius sat frozen in his spot as he heard the wolf scrabbling at the door. Then came a roar of rage as it bound away from the door and smashed into wooden furniture. All Sirius could hear was destruction and growls of frustration.</p>
<p>It whimpered, like a dog that couldn’t get to its toy. Then came a sound Sirius knew all too well; it was the sound of ripping flesh. The wolf cried and whimpered in pain but did not halt its destruction of itself.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0055"><h2>55. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Twenty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rumours that flew around on the morning of the 21<sup>st</sup> of November 1970 were all mumbled in quiet corners or written in hastily scribbled notes. The students were subdued, unsure of what to believe. At breakfast there was triple the ordinary flurry of owls, zooming around to more than half the students with letters.</p>
<p>Sirius watched them, curious. He could tell there was something wrong, even in this place that he could usually call home. Even here, terrible things could reach them. The owls swooping over his head proved that; one letter and everything could change.</p>
<p>Even the teachers were apprehensive, talking behind their hands and avoiding the students’ eyes. Around him, various letters were being opened only for the recipients to rear back and go silent.</p>
<p>Peter reached up to catch his letter and Sirius could see him trembling. Picking at his food, Sirius turned back to his plate only to hear the raucous call of The Black Family owl heading his way. With his insides trembling, Sirius straightened and lifted one hand to catch the letter that fell from above.</p>
<p>Shoving the letter beneath his plate, he defiantly dug into his breakfast despite his stomach turning. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Remus and James looking at him, with concerned frowns on their brows.</p>
<p>He appreciated the concern, but he didn’t want to be watched; it was hard enough keeping up the pretence for the Pure Bloods and everyone else who seemed to be studying him for a reaction, he didn’t want to have to deal with it from his friends too.</p>
<p>Rabastan Lestrange was watching him from the Slytherin table, along with several others. In fact, quite a lot of the Slytherins appeared interested in him this morning. Ignoring Bellatrix Black and Lucius Malfoy, who were watching him with sly little smirks, he kept himself upright and slid his gaze along until he reached Severus Snape, the slimy little grease ball that had had his fangs in Remus.</p>
<p>Snape wasn’t watching him. Instead, he seemed to be staring at a spot on the table, the space in front of him empty. As Sirius watched, he flicked his eyes in the direction of Lilly Evans and then back to the table. Rage simmered inside Sirius, making him want to wipe that guilty confusion from Snape’s face.</p>
<p>Just as he started to stand up, Remus was at his elbow, standing beside him.</p>
<p>‘What was the letter?’ he murmured, his voice soft.</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head. ‘Didn’t open it.’ He picked up the letter, stuffed it inside his robes and brushed Remus off. ‘I’ll see you in Defence.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As Sirius left, Remus sat back beside James. ‘We need to stay beside him,’ he murmured, so low only James could hear him. He felt his cheeks getting red. It still felt strange to talk openly about the wolf. ‘I can… smell it. Something’s going to happen.’ Clearing his throat, Remus quickly stood up and headed after Sirius. From his peripheral vision, he saw Bellatrix Black and Lucius Malfoy stalking towards the door to the Great Hall, flanked by Rabastan Lestrange and Evan Rosier. All seventh years, they towered over them all.</p>
<p>James and Peter stood by Remus’s side, following his lead. They sped up their pace, determined to reach the door before the Slytherins did. Remus felt a terrifying urgency to catch up to Sirius, to protect him from the poison of the Slytherins.</p>
<p>They caught up to the Slytherins and slipped past them, Peter trembling despite trying to show a tough front. Bellatrix laughed and Lucius sneered at them, but they headed in a different direction to the Gryffindors, Bellatrix’s cackle promising that they would get to Sirius later, somehow.</p>
<p>Remus took a deep, discreet breath in; they reeked of satisfaction, making him feel ill. Turning to Peter, he smiled at him, proud his friend had stood tall despite feeling the distinct disadvantage. Then he frowned in the direction of Defence Against the Dark Arts; Sirius shouldn’t be alone when he opened that letter.</p>
<p>Peter crept forward as a timid group of Hufflepuffs went past, one of them almost in tears. Tapping Remus on the arm, Peter leaned in close. ‘D-did someone really die?’</p>
<p>Remus tried to be reassuring. ‘No matter what happens out there, we’re safe here Peter. Dumbledore wouldn’t allow anything to happen inside Hogwarts.’</p>
<p>Despite nodding, Peter stuck close to them as they headed for their lesson.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius stared at the letter before him, his heart thudding in his chest and bile rising in his throat. <em>They were rejoicing. </em>They might try to disguise it with the proper words, but his family was rejoicing.</p>
<p>Perching on the windowsill outside the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, he was thankfully alone for the moment. The empty corridor echoed around him, allowing the words to seep into his mind.</p>
<p>
  <em>Dear Sirius,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>As you may have heard, The Dark Lord has exterminated a couple of Mudbloods on the periphery of our world. It was a necessary duty for Him to perform, and He did it personally rather than sully the hands of His followers. Although this action was extreme, it was a brave step to combat the resistance by those liberal wizards, who are all for magical co-operation and integration. Your headmaster would seem to be one of these mudblood-lovers. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The Dark Lord has done the Wizarding World proud, and The Black Family stands behind Him every step of the way down this road to cleansing Our Bloodlines. The family surrounds you even now, ready to aid you against those who disbelieve The Dark Lord.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>As our Heir, we are confident that you will surpass even our expectations in this great task of leading your generation down the correct road, despite the dissenters trying to lead you and your brother false.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>We fully expect you to show the proper allegiance to The Dark Lord in everything you do. Do not allow yourself to be dissuaded by liberal talk on this most joyous of days.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Stand strong, as we know you will, Sirius.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Your Beloved Father,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>                                                            Cephus Black.</em>
</p>
<p>Although signed by his father, Sirius recognised the words of his mother. The paper trembled as his fingers crinkled the edges and suddenly the corridor filled with students, all huddled together as they headed for Defence Against the Dark Arts. The Hufflepuffs gave him a leery expression and a wide berth; he tried not to let it show how much that hurt him. He was The Black Heir and he would be fine.</p>
<p>Even though he couldn’t take a breath without shaking and despite the feeling of illness inside, he would be absolutely <em>fine</em>.</p>
<p>His three best friends appeared at his elbow, silently supporting him. But he couldn’t accept their help, not if he wanted any of them to last the day. Smiling at Peter, who was clearly unnerved by the current turn of events, Sirius led them into Defence Against the Dark Arts. A couple of the Hufflepuffs recoiled at his entrance, but it seemed being surrounded by his friends nullified their terror somehow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Professor Rowle tapped her wand against the blackboard as everyone chattered in fearful whispers.</p>
<p>‘Settle down. I’ll have none of that nonsense, not even on a day like today. We will carry on, showing the world that we are Hogwarts students and that we will continue to study no matter what goes on outside of these walls.’ Her steely eyes glared around at them as she began to pace, her hands behind her back. ‘As most of you will have heard, there is a Wizard that is using death and destruction to declare his presence.’</p>
<p>Remus frowned. The Professor’s eyes were lingering on Sirius, a strange light shining in their depths. Her words were crisply correct, yet something seemed practised about them.</p>
<p>‘Now, I’m aware that a lot of you have heard about these deaths from other sources, but the Headmaster is going to explain things to you at lunchtime. For now, you must focus on your studies. One of the greatest defences against darkness is knowledge. Today we will turn our attention to a creature that likes to use the darkness inside us to influence our actions. A boggart will take on the form that terrifies you most; defeating it requires inner strength that you will use to convince it to take a shape you find amusing.’</p>
<p>Professor Rowle paced the room, supposedly trying to keep an eye on all of her students, yet it seemed she was coming past Sirius more often than was required. Remus leaned protectively closer to him, trying to contain the feeling of a growl vibrating through him at the idea that this Professor posed a threat.</p>
<p>Yet even as he tried to convince himself to stop being paranoid because she’d never seemed like a bad witch before, something inside him insisted that he watch her closely even if it were just for today. Today was a time to protect his pack, the friends who knew his secret and weren’t afraid of him.</p>
<p>A smile took over his expression as he remembered Sirius turning up outside the Shrieking Shack and risking his life to be there for him. He could still kick Sirius’s arse for that, but as long as he didn’t do it again.</p>
<p>The smile became a grin until Sirius and James threw funny looks at him. Shrugging, Remus bent his head over his book and tried to concentrate on what Professor Rowle was saying.</p>
<p>‘… the boggart will try to isolate you from your companion, which will allow it to take on only one of you at a time and destroy its confusion. Instead, you should attempt to keep yourself in line with your designated partner.’ She paused. ‘Unless, of course, you know what your worst fears are and have prepared an image that you find amusing to change the boggart into a more accommodating shape – I am assuming you have already got such an entertaining image in mind, Mr Lupin?’</p>
<p>Remus jumped. Why was she picking on him? ‘No, Professor. However, I do have the memory of Peeves shooting spitballs at the portraits on the stairs.’ He raised his head to meet her gaze, allowing his need to protect to shine through.</p>
<p>Professor Rowle raised her eyebrow, yet Remus could scent her fear. ‘Insolence is not tolerated here, Mr Lupin.’ She cleared her throat. ‘Yet as it is already a sad day, you shall escape detention if you agree to face a boggart alone, now, in front of the rest of the class.’</p>
<p>Remus met her challenge by standing and raising his wand. ‘I don’t think you’ve told us the spell yet, Professor?’ he questioned, giving her his best innocent expression and very aware of his friends’ surprised, yet admiring, expressions beside him.</p>
<p>He was in luck; Professor Rowle had <em>not</em> in fact told the class the incantation yet. ‘<em>Riddikulus</em>, Mr Lupin.’</p>
<p>With a wave of her wand, a cupboard opened behind his desk and out whooshed mist. Within the mist, a huge white orb was emerging, the moon taking shape slowly to maximise Remus’s terror, to try and convince him that it was night-time and that he had to run and hide.</p>
<p>Despite his fear, Remus stood tall and tried to quell his quivering stomach. Raising his wand, he pictured the moon turning into a water balloon that popped and sprayed water over the whole class. Mentally thanking his reading into what boggarts were, he called out clearly, ‘<em>Riddikulus</em>!’</p>
<p>The boggart altered its shape and, after a second or two of trying to remain a moon, it became a white water balloon. As it sprayed water over the whole class and Professor Rowle, Remus winked at Sirius who was laughing with James and Peter.</p>
<p>Remus retook his seat as the Professor glared at him for soaking her the most. As the boggart was forced back into confinement and the class stared at him with a mixture of humour and annoyance, Remus shared a relieved grin with his friends who knew what that white orb had been. Beneath the desk, Sirius gently nudged his knee to reassure him that it hadn’t been obvious to anyone else. But Remus didn’t care; he’d accomplished his goal for the day, which was to make Sirius smile again.</p>
<p>The lesson continued, Professor Rowle giving Remus the cold shoulder and the rest of the class feeling a little lighter for their brief bout of laughter.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0056"><h2>56. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Twenty One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Professor Flitwick stood on a stack of books at the front of the Charms classroom, watching the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws file in with sombre expressions.</p><p>‘We’re just waiting just for the last few of you to come in, then we’ll discuss the Arresto Momentum Charm you were practising last lesson.’</p><p>Sirius thought his voice seemed falsely cheerful and he wondered exactly how much the teachers knew about what had happened. Professor Rowle definitely knew, probably the same way his parents knew. But at least he could trust Flitwick would never be on <em>their</em> side. Neither would Dumbledore, McGonagall or Hagrid. In fact, the only one he did not trust was Professor Rowle, not after that odd, bright-eyed way she had looked at him.</p><p>‘Right, if you’ll all take your wands out and we’ll get practising.’</p><p>Alexander Clearwater’s hand shot up in the air. ‘Sir, what do you know about what’s happened? There are rumours going around everywhere and I think everybody is a little worried,’ he said, in his rather self-important voice.</p><p>Sirius rolled his eyes but everybody else leaned forward to listen.</p><p>‘Can you tell us anything, Sir?’ Peter asked.</p><p>Flitwick sighed, looking around at them all. ‘I am afraid I have few details myself and I think the Headmaster will be talking to you about all of this later on today.’</p><p>‘We’re really worried, Sir,’ said Remus, his eyes wide.</p><p>Sirius bit his lip, a guilty feeling squirming in his stomach though he didn’t know why.</p><p>Flitwick sighed. ‘I suppose I could tell you the little I know, though I am not certain it would reassure you.’ He paused as a large grey school owl swooped in. He squeaked and nearly toppled off his books. Normally, there would be giggles at this but the class was silent.</p><p>Flitwick picked himself up and took the folded note that the owl held out for him. He read it in silence, his heavy brown eyebrows knitting together.</p><p>‘Ah, it seems Professor Dumbledore would like me to escort you to the Great Hall now. I believe all your questions will be answered there.’</p><p>The students looked at each other.</p><p>Flitwick floated himself down from his stack of his books and went to the door. ‘Come on, everybody keep up, no dawdling.’</p><p>The class got to their feet and followed him out of the door. Everyone huddled together in groups as they shuffled along the corridors, glancing suspiciously at their classmates. Sirius could almost see the factions already, the ones who were decided and the ones who were unsure, walking separately and only funnelling together as they headed for their seats in the Great Hall.</p><p>He felt sick as some of the Slytherins winked and smirked at him, the older students who knew they would stand with this Dark Lord.</p><p>Sirius stuck as close to James as he could, behind Remus and Peter so they could watch out for them. James would have his back. Together they would make sure their friends were all right.</p><p>As he watched, Remus began to look at Snape, his expression concerned. Then Remus realised Sirius was watching and hurriedly turned away. Sirius shrugged; he’d got Remus away from Snape just in time. Snape seemed like just the right kind of little snot to believe that rubbish Lord Whatever was spouting.</p><p>Finally, everybody was sitting down and turned towards Dumbledore, whose presence commanded attention no matter how many ways you disagreed with him.</p><p>‘As you are all likely aware,’ he began, in his calm, steady voice. ‘There is a murderer on the loose who believes that Muggles and Muggleborn witches and wizards are not worthy to exist in our world. The Ministry and your parents may not wish me to inform you of Lord Voldemort’s existence,’ he paused, allowing the small gasps to pass before he held up his hand to prevent any whispers. ‘Yes, I said his name. It is my firm belief that fear-mongering is not the way to continue; we will not fear him. We will be aware, we will watch him and we will keep our own counsel.’</p><p>Dumbledore paused, seeming to take note of those who agreed with him and those who remained stoic or appeared vaguely disapproving. ‘I will not tolerate bullying within these walls. We are a proud community of Witches and Wizards and I expect each of you to protect and defend your classmates, to stand together.’ He smiled gently. ‘I know you will do us proud. And for anyone who requires leave to go home, please talk to your Head of House and something will be arranged. Be vigilant, be aware and above all, be true to yourself.’</p><p>Dumbledore sat down and turned to talk to Professor McGonagall, his concern showing behind his half-moon spectacles.</p><p>‘I want to stay here.’</p><p>Sirius turned at Peter’s whispered statement, startled from his own thoughts. Peter was white and trembling, yet his chin was firmly held up as he looked from one friend to the other. Sirius gave him an encouraging smile and put out his hand.</p><p>‘No Gryffindor alone,’ he said. Everybody on the Gryffindor table looked at him.</p><p>James, then Peter then Remus put their hands on top of his.</p><p>‘No Gryffindor alone,’ they repeated.</p><p>Up and down the table, all the other Gryffindors were placing their hands on top of each other’s and repeating those same words. Sirius grinned, feeling like he really was in the right house.</p><p>There was cheer down the Gryffindor table and Sirius saw the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables were doing similar.</p><p>Yet even as he smiled, Sirius could see some of the Slytherins glaring at him particularly his own cousins. His smile wavered, making him bite his lip until Remus nudged him and gave him a smile. That put him right back into a celebratory mood. Though he couldn’t forget the presence of his cousins and he knew they wouldn’t let him forget them either.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0057"><h2>57. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Twenty Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a crisp day in the first week of December. A heavy mood had descended on the Castle for the past few weeks, as every day brought more news of muggle deaths and even some wizarding ones. Remus and Peter as well as most of the other half-blood or muggle-born kids in the school were tightly wound with anxiety about their families back home. The word ‘war’ kept pounding through Sirius’s head. It was coming to that; he could feel it.</p>
<p>Both Remus and Peter were having nightmares and Sirius could not stand it. He slipped out of bed early that Monday, the last full week before the Christmas holidays. Over his uniform, he pulled on a knitted jumper that Mrs Potter had made for him, as well as his hat, his gloves, and his cloak. He sneaked out of the dorm without waking the others and made his way outside.</p>
<p>There was nobody about and the Hogwarts grounds were covered in frost. There was even snow in a few cold corners. Sirius wandered aimlessly, in the vague direction of the forest. He knew he couldn’t go into the cover of those trees. He was bound to get caught, with Hagrid hovering about, tending to his sprouts, potatoes, and huge winter cabbages.</p>
<p>He liked the wide-open emptiness of the grounds. If it weren’t so cold, he could just walk for miles. They’d have to put their names down soon for whether they were staying at school for the holidays and he didn’t know what to do. Most of the muggle-born kids were staying, whilst most of the pureblood kids were going home. Sirius had deep suspicions about what some of his older cousins were going to do on their breaks.</p>
<p>That was one reason he did not want to go home. The Dark Lord was gathering supporters and he had thought of the possibility of being forced to give a vow to him.</p>
<p>But how could he avoid it? No way would his parents let him stay at school with mostly muggle-born or half-blood kids. He’d be expected to do what all the others were doing.</p>
<p>‘Oh, Sirius, oh little cousin!’ came a singsong voice from behind him.</p>
<p>Sirius winced and debated his options. He could run, but he’d probably get a jinx to the back. His only option was to stop and at least appear to listen to what they had to say.</p>
<p>He turned back and saw Bellatrix, Lucius, Rabastan and Evan. Precisely the people he could quite happily go the rest of his life without seeing.</p>
<p>‘Good morning,’ he said, coolly.</p>
<p>Rabastan was the first to reach him. His tallest cousin towered over him and, as he felt his arm go around his shoulders, Sirius remembered that Rabastan was an adult wizard and only six months from graduating.</p>
<p>‘I would think you would be a little more eager to talk to us than you have been, Sirius,’ he said, in a dark, smooth voice. ‘There are great times ahead, little cousin. You need to keep your allegiance in the right place. You are the Black Heir. You can rally many people to our side. The mudbloods will undoubtedly try to claim you. Be proud of your loyalty and they will realise you are one of us.’</p>
<p>‘I ... I don’t want to get involved in any of this. I’m just a kid. What can I do if there’s a war?’</p>
<p>‘This is the new world order, little cousin. Soon, The Dark Lord will take over this school. He will take over everything and he will punish the dissenters. Be on the right side of history, Sirius.’</p>
<p>Sirius took a step forward. ‘I will,’ he said. ‘I have to go to breakfast now.’</p>
<p>They all fixed their eyes on him but said nothing. He started to walk past them. As he passed Bellatrix, she leaned in and whispered in his ear.</p>
<p>‘Be careful, Sirius, I am eager to punish the dissenters for our Dark Lord. You do not want to be one of them.’</p>
<p>Sirius suppressed a shudder, then pulled back. ‘I’ll remember,’ he said and walked on. He had to fight to keep each step steady when all he wanted to do was run for his life.</p>
<p>He knew what would happen if he went home. He would have his cousins, his parents and the whole of his family on at him to declare his allegiance.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he got back to the dorm, the others were up and getting dressed. Remus was packing his school bag for the day, whilst James searched for some clean socks and Peter struggled with his tie.</p>
<p>Remus looked up as Sirius strode into the room and flung himself down on his bed. ‘I hate my family,’ he muttered.</p>
<p>He heard Remus come to the end of his bed. ‘What’s happened?’ There was a sort of edge to his voice. He sounded almost ready to go and beat someone up on Sirius’s behalf.</p>
<p>Sirius sat up, pulling off his hat and gloves and shoving them into his school bag. ‘Just my bloody cousins trying to get me to declare my allegiance. Like I’m going to say anything in favour of the lunatic who’s going around murdering people. They’re all bloody lunatics in my family. Why can’t I have a normal family who thinks killing people is wrong?’</p>
<p>‘You’ve got to stay here for Christmas, Sirius,’ said Remus. ‘They’ll be on at you about this the whole time.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, but they’ll never let me stay here with everything that’s going on.’</p>
<p>‘Come to my house!’ said James, coming forward. ‘My mum and dad won’t care and we’re a nice respectable pureblood family.’</p>
<p>Sirius straightened. ‘That’s actually not a bad idea. They do normally let me stay at your house. I’ll write a letter straight away. If I’m quick, I can send it before breakfast.’ He went to grab a roll of parchment, a quill and a pot of ink. He grabbed <em>Hogwarts: A History</em> from Remus’s bedside table to lean on.</p>
<p>‘You sure they won’t mind?’ he asked, hesitating over the ink.</p>
<p>James shook his head. ‘No, course not. You could all come. They love a house full at Christmas.’</p>
<p>‘I can’t stay all holiday but I can come for a bit,’ said Remus.</p>
<p>‘Me too,’ piped up Peter, grinning. He was undoubtedly thinking of Mrs Potter’s Christmas Tree shaped gingerbread.</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. ‘Excellent.’ He dipped his pen into the ink and started to write. He noticed out of the corner of his eye how Remus winced as he leaned heavily on his book.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0058"><h2>58. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Twenty Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Finally, Sirius in a carriage on his way to Hogsmeade station with his friends. He carried only his schoolbag, with a few changes of clothes in it and other essentials. He could do his homework when he got back to school.</p>
<p>Remus kept glancing at the bag and shaking his head. ‘How will you possibly write three essays and do all that reading in one night?’</p>
<p>‘I’ll wing it. I’ll only have to do the potions one the first night back. Charms and Defence we don’t have until the day after.’</p>
<p>Remus grumbled but didn’t argue. Sirius grinned. Remus was so serious about his schoolwork. He was clever and an excellent wizard. Peter wasn’t bad either. How could anyone think muggle-borns or half-bloods weren’t as good as purebloods? It didn’t make any sense. His nanny Aris had been a half-blood and she had confided in him once that she had a muggle-born boyfriend. He would have taken bets his parents hadn’t known about that.</p>
<p>His stomach squirmed as his parents’ severe faces came to mind. They wouldn’t be happy if they knew who was going to spend the holidays with. They didn’t mind the Potters themselves, because they were pureblood, but Peter and Remus would not be thought of as proper companions for him. Even the Potters themselves invited disapproval sometimes, because they were known to associate with mixed wizards and witches. Perhaps they hoped he would get the Potters onside. There had been some strange allusions to pureblood pride in their last letter. He shook his head. He didn’t really want to think about them, not until he had to. He had a happy Christmas to look forward to. With any luck, they’d let him stay in Godric’s Hollow the whole holiday.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After climbing onto the Hogwarts Express, the friends headed for their usual compartment, Remus leading the way to his corner and Peter between James and Sirius, constantly trying to peer behind them to catch sight of the food trolley. Sirius pushed Peter’s shoulder, trying to get him to move faster.</p>
<p>‘I’m sure the trolley lady is on the train somewhere, Peter, just waiting to hand you your standard order of ten liquorice wands, twenty chocolate frogs and thirty boxes of Bertie Botts’ Every Flavour Beans. You don’t need to spend all your time craning your neck to find the trolley,’ Sirius drawled, watching as Peter flushed and scurried into his usual seat.</p>
<p>Pausing in the doorway to look over his own shoulder, Sirius saw that Bellatrix was watching him. She stood at the other end of the corridor, staring at him with a smirk on her face. She met his eyes for a moment, before throwing her cloak over her shoulder as she turned on her heel and stuck her nose in the air before stalking away.</p>
<p>Shaking, Sirius stepped inside the compartment and closed the door behind him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus watched Sirius over the top of his book. He could tell his friend was aware of the stares and whispers that had followed him for the last few weeks. He’d been so proud of Sirius, publicly showing his allegiance to his friends in the Great Hall; he just wished that could have been the end of it.</p>
<p>Sighing, Remus waited until Sirius had sat down before settling in the street in a comfortable reading position, waiting to see if anyone would object to him ignoring them on the train ride home.</p>
<p>He didn’t have to wait long.</p>
<p>‘Moony, you’re not going to spend the whole train ride reading, are you? You can do that when you go home!’ Sirius leaned over and peered at the title of Remus’s book as Remus pretended to glare. ‘You’ve started homework already?’</p>
<p>James and Peter, sensing mischief, turned appalled faces to Remus. ‘Really, Moony? You couldn’t wait until we’d left the train station at least?’ James demanded, folding his arms as he flanked Sirius, leaning one arm on his friend’s shoulder.</p>
<p>‘Y-yeah,’ Peter mumbled, timidly going up to the other side of James.</p>
<p>Remus rolled his eyes and closed his book, using his finger as a bookmark. ‘Firstly, I always read. Secondly, do you three understand how much work we have to do before school starts again? We can’t all rattle off long essays in a single night you know.’ He raised his eyebrow, then allowed enthusiasm to shine through his eyes as he leaned forward. ‘Some of us like to craft essays. For example, the essay on boggarts looks really interesting. I’m thinking I’ll start with where they live, and …’</p>
<p>Sirius and James reacted together, both of them grabbing a handful of Remus’s work papers and throwing them at him.</p>
<p>‘Oi!’ Remus groaned, glaring at them. ‘Now I have to sort them all again!’ Just as he bent to pick them up, Sirius and James swooped in to haul him to his feet, matching grins on their faces.</p>
<p>‘Shall we throw him into the corridor and close the door behind us, refusing to let him near his books until he’s promised not to do any work until we return to Hogwarts?’</p>
<p>James smirked, shaking his head. ‘No, we should just use <em>Imperio</em> on him to make him never want to do homework until the last minute!’</p>
<p>They had all started to laugh, then abruptly went quiet; there were rumours floating around that some Wizards and even Muggles had had the Imperius Curse used on them recently, allowing that Dark Lord to force them to give up their families or cause themselves harm.</p>
<p>Remus gulped, biting his lip. Then, ever so slowly, he twitched the corners of his lips. ‘It’s all right; we all know my will is far stronger than any of yours. I’d have <em>you</em> doing homework the instant it was given to you long before you managed to stop me from doing mine.’ He lifted his head as high as possible and puffed out his chest. ‘So you’d better remember that the next time you try to drag me away from my books! I’m better than you!’ He stuck out his tongue, still held between his friends.</p>
<p>James and Sirius looked at each other for a moment, then slowly grinned. Together they hoisted Remus in their arms, Peter struggling to stay with them without getting underfoot as the train rumbled to life. They lifted Remus into the seat furthest away from his belongings.</p>
<p> ‘We’re not letting you back until we’re ready to leave!’ Sirius declared, sliding himself in beside Remus with James squishing into the other side.</p>
<p>Peter chortled. ‘You three look like a sandwich!’ His stomach grumbled at the thought of food and he peered over his shoulder looking for the trolley.</p>
<p>Just as James opened his mouth to reply, the trolley wheels clattered close enough to be heard and Peter immediately shot to the door, opening it so he could wait.</p>
<p>‘All he needs is his tongue hanging out and he’d be an over-eager puppy,’ said Sirius.</p>
<p>Everyone laughed and teased until the trolley arrived. Once it was there, all their attention became focused on selecting Christmassy sweets and pastries, Peter being the only one who went over the top by filling his arms with food; everyone else was willing to wait for Mrs Potter’s best Christmas fare. It was worth waiting for.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The smell of freshly baked biscuits and steak and potato pie hit them the moment James opened the door to the Potters’ home. All four of them stood still in the doorway for a moment, taking in deep breaths of appreciation, before running ahead towards the kitchen.</p>
<p>Mr Potter passed them and closed the front door behind them with a shake of his head and a smile. Remus gave him an apologetic glance but the others were already at the kitchen. He picked up his pace just in time to see Sirius, James and Peter engulfing Mrs Potter in a hug as she turned towards them.</p>
<p>She held her hand out to him. ‘Come on Remus; welcome back!’</p>
<p>Remus rushed forwards into her overstretched arms, breathing in the strong scent of home and warmth that surrounded James’s mother. For a moment he missed his Papa, but Peter was already pulling back from the group hug with an expression that said “I’m a starving young lad, please feed me” and Mrs Potter quickly gestured behind her.</p>
<p>‘Help yourselves to the food, boys; I’ve made turkey sandwiches and some small cakes. I know they don’t feed you properly on the train.’</p>
<p>Peter immediately dove into the plates on the table. As he held two sandwiches up in front of his face he paused just long enough to say, ‘Thank you, Mrs Potter!’ in a bright voice before rushing off to eat them in a corner.</p>
<p>Sirius and James shook their heads, careful not to let the boxes of Bertie Botts’ Every Flavour Beans rattle in their pockets. ‘He went through three pumpkin pasties on the train.’</p>
<p>Mrs Potter smiled benevolently. ‘Not even three pumpkin pasties are really enough for a growing boy.’ She frowned. ‘Is there something wrong with my food that you three haven’t grabbed anything yet?’</p>
<p>They all threw their hands into the air instantly, then beamed at each other and rushed forward to grab a sandwich and a cake each.</p>
<p>‘Thanks, Mrs Potter!’ they chanted, rounding up Peter to go outside as a group.</p>
<p>Mr Potter could be heard entering the kitchen just as they left, his voice teasing. ‘Now that the growing lads have had their share, can the starving husband take a sandwich and a cake too?’</p>
<p>‘Hmm, I <em>suppose</em> he could, if he earned it.’</p>
<p>Remus grinned at his friends as they heard a light smacking of lips as the Potters kissed each other. Yet they didn’t get a chance to make a comment as James gasped from somewhere behind them. Turning, the four friends got their first look at one of James’s Christmas presents: a magnificent treehouse was slightly hidden at the very back of the garden, complete with ladder and room for a table or camp beds.</p>
<p>‘YES!’ James whooped, sprinting towards it at a breakneck speed with his friends following him over the frosty ground.</p>
<p>There was a muffled curse from inside as Mr Potter realised where they’d gone, but the friends were too excited to register anything other than the wonderful new hideout for them to explore, away from all the adults.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>James was the first up the ladder, Sirius one step behind him, the jellybeans in their pockets making a racket as they ascended the steps. They went into every corner, looking for the treats that they knew would be waiting for them; magical little nooks stuffed with sweets and toys, hidden storage places for their treasures and plans.</p>
<p>Remus scuttled inside behind them, watching with amusement as they searched, smiling as he realised that Peter was still at the base of the ladder, unable to climb until he’d finished his food; unlike James, Sirius and Remus, he couldn’t stuff his food into his mouth and clamber up as his sandwiches wouldn’t fit.</p>
<p>Mr Potter came running out and stopped at the base of the ladder. For a moment, he peered hopefully around Peter, hoping beyond hope James would come down by himself. Yet as it became clear that no amount of waiting would produce the results he craved, he sighed.</p>
<p>‘James Henry Potter, get your bum out of that treehouse and down here right this minute!’</p>
<p>Peter jumped out of his skin as Mr Potter roared without provocation, the turkey sandwich in his hand halfway to his mouth. Still, he had a death grip on it and miraculously managed not to drop any of it.</p>
<p>Remus stood aside for James to go to the doorway of the treehouse as Sirius continued to look around, unperturbed by Mr Potter’s shout, as he was not the one who was in trouble.</p>
<p>James gulped and then left the treehouse, standing before his father with a mixture of confusion and defiance; he hadn’t done anything wrong, as no one had banned him from the treehouse.</p>
<p>‘James Henry Potter, you should know better than to go snooping in places that don’t concern you, and furthermore…’</p>
<p>‘Henry Fleamont Potter, you come over here <em>this moment</em>!’</p>
<p>Everyone jumped as Mrs Potter summoned her husband, Sirius hitting his head against the ceiling of the treehouse and Peter finally dropping his sandwiches. Without waiting for him to come to her, Mrs Potter stormed towards James’s father, glaring at him.</p>
<p>As she came level with her family and Peter, she turned to Peter with a kindly smile. ‘Don’t worry about the mess dear; there are plenty more sandwiches inside. Help yourself.’ Her gaze returned to her husband. ‘<em>What</em> did you say to our son, Henry? And in front of his little friends? If you’re not careful, I’ll take away your pudding for the next week! Now, come and help me with cooking. Yes, it’s a shame James has discovered his present early,’ she gave James a fondly disapproving look, ‘but at least it allows him to play with his friends inside it before they have to go home. And it’s your fault anyway because you were supposed to cast a concealment charm on it this morning.’</p>
<p>Once Mr Potter was abashed, his wife leaned close to him and murmured into his ear with a smile. ‘Now you’ve had your sulk, why don’t you go help the boys find everything we put into the treehouse?’ She kissed his cheek and turned around. ‘You boys have fun.’</p>
<p>Mr Potter waited for a moment, James grinning at him, then turned back to his son. ‘James?’</p>
<p>‘Yes, Dad?’</p>
<p>Mr Potter grinned, first looking to James and then to the other boys. ‘Let’s go explore your treehouse!’</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0059"><h2>59. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Twenty Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius flopped on his bed and sighed. It had been an amazing three days. Non-stop games of Quidditch, Gobstones, Exploding Snap, almost constantly being brought amazing food by Mrs Potter. Sirius had laughed so hard and had so much fun with his friends that he had completely forgotten about the worries of the last few weeks at school.</p>
<p>But now they were gone, back to their own homes and only Sirius and James remained at the Potters. Sirius was grateful not to be at Grimmauld Place but it already seemed a lot duller here without Remus and Peter.</p>
<p>‘What are we going to do now?’ he asked, as James sank onto his own bed with a box full of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans.</p>
<p>‘You could do your homework.’</p>
<p>Sirius pulled a face. ‘You sound like Remus.’</p>
<p>‘Well, you might as well.’ He chucked him over some spare parchment. ‘Here, and you can use my books.’</p>
<p>Sirius sighed hugely. ‘Bloody hell. Are you two in a conspiracy to make me a good student?’</p>
<p>James snorted. ‘Nah, I’ll just be bored if you have to serve a week’s worth of detentions.’</p>
<p>Sirius cupped his hands behind his head. ‘Maybe I won’t mind if I get detention from Professor Morgenstern.’</p>
<p>James laughed. ‘Pity you don’t have any Astronomy homework then.’</p>
<p>‘We’ve got that reading.’</p>
<p>‘It was only suggested though, Sirius. She won’t give you detention for that.’</p>
<p>Sirius sighed heavily. ‘I suppose I might as well do some potions then.’ He winked at James. ‘I can’t copy that off Remus.’</p>
<p>James smirked, throwing another bean into his mouth. He made a face as he bit into it. ‘Ugh, sprout. Where’s Remus when you need him?’</p>
<p>Sirius laughed. ‘I know he likes sprouts but I doubt he’d eat it after it’s been in your mouth.’</p>
<p>James glared at him. ‘No, but he could sniff out which the good flavours are and give them all to me.’</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head, laughing. ‘You are a prat, you know!’</p>
<p>There was a knock on their door and Mrs Potter came in. ‘Sirius, dear, a letter just came for you.’ She handed it to him.</p>
<p>Sirius, his fingers shaking, reached out for it. He recognised the thick quality paper. Mrs Potter watched him with concern as he opened the letter and read it through.</p>
<p>
  <em>Sirius, </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>            Your presence is required at the Manor immediately. You may use the Floo network to arrive. We expect you to arrive by 2pm this afternoon. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>With Familial Affection</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Mrs W. Black</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Toujour Pur</em>
</p>
<p>‘Bad news, dear?’ Mrs Potter asked as Sirius felt his face drain of what little colour he had.</p>
<p>Sirius swallowed and tried to speak several times. ‘Yes. I’ve got to go to my Grandfather’s house.’ He looked down at his jeans, jumper and trainers. ‘I haven’t got anything suitable to go in.’</p>
<p>Mrs Potter squeezed his shoulder gently. ‘Never mind, my love. Henry will have something and you can borrow James’s dress shoes.’</p>
<p>Sirius swallowed again. ‘Thank you,’ he managed.</p>
<p>She leaned over him and kissed his forehead. ‘It’s no problem, Sirius. I’ll go and see what we’ve got.’ She bustled off.</p>
<p>Sirius sat in silence for a few moments, until he felt the bed sink as James sat beside him.</p>
<p>‘What do you think they want?’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘It’ll be something about this dark lord bloke, whatever his name is. I’ll just have to nod along and try not to get myself in too deep.’</p>
<p>James nodded. ‘The holidays will be over before you know it.’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded, swallowing again.</p>
<p>‘You can borrow the potions books,’ James said. ‘My dad has another copy. Then at least you won’t get another Slughorn detention.’</p>
<p>Sirius smiled a little. ‘Thanks.’ He really did have the best friends.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At two o’clock that afternoon, Sirius stood before the fire in the Potters’ living room, dressed in a plain white shirt and black trousers from James, a shiny pair of James’s dress shoes and a black cloak of Mr Potter’s. Mr Potter had even lent him a black velvet cravat and a black silk waistcoat, which he had worn to various occasions as a boy.</p>
<p>Sirius clutched his schoolbag, with James’s borrowed book in it and the beginnings of his potions essay and took one last look around the Potters’ living room. James was taking his muggle clothes back to school for him and, until then, he would be stuck playing the part of the Black Heir. He held back a scowl. He’d never wanted to be that in the first place.</p>
<p>‘Thanks for having me, Mrs Potter,’ he said, with a polite smile.</p>
<p>Mrs Potter squeezed his shoulder. ‘You’re a delight to have, Sirius. I hope we’ll see you next holiday.’</p>
<p>‘So do I.’ He shrugged at James. ‘I’ll see you at school.’</p>
<p>James nodded. ‘Take care, mate.’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded back at him, then took a handful of Floo powder and threw it into the fire. ‘The Black Manor,’ he commanded, then stepped into the green flame.</p>
<p>The Potters’ bright and cheerful living room swirled away and was replaced by the grey darkness of the Black Manor’s drawing room. The room was full of people, ones he recognised. In fact, it was sure that everyone he was related to, who wasn’t dead or burned off the tapestry, was assembled there. The Malfoys were there, and his Black cousins Bellatrix and Narcissa and their parents. His favourite cousin, Andromeda was missing. She’d married a muggle-born wizard apparently.</p>
<p>The Lestranges were there. Rodolphus, Rabastan’s older brother, was much taller than Sirius remembered and emanated a sense of power. Woebegone House Elves stood around, many carrying trays of food or drinks. Although all wore immaculate black aprons, they all had marks on their bodies, streaks of blood visible on some of them, and wide, frightened eyes.</p>
<p> Sirius’s grandfather, Arcturus Black, was there and it was he who spoke.</p>
<p>‘The Black Heir has arrived!’ he said, a grand smile spreading across his face. Sirius stepped out of the fire and spotted his brother, dressed in his best but looking small and frightened, flanked by his grandfather and father. Regulus was only eight. What was he doing here?</p>
<p>Grandfather put his arm around Sirius’s shoulders. ‘We have been waiting for you, my boy,’ he said.</p>
<p>Sirius fought the urge to shudder, remembering despite himself the last time his Grandfather had touched him. Grandfather gestured to one of the elves, who crept forward and took Sirius’s bag. Sirius felt frozen, afraid if he made one single wrong move, they would all see how much he really did not want to be there.</p>
<p>‘You will take pride of place at the table, Sirius,’ said Grandfather, his hand gripping Sirius’s shoulder a little too tightly. He led the way out of the drawing room and to the huge dining room.</p>
<p>A well varnished and highly polished table large enough to seat all of them filled the room. The room was dark, it’s only light came from candles which glowed silver and green. All natural light was blocked by the heavy black velvet drapes and the huge banners across the room. Sirius peered at them. The words ‘Magic is Might’ were emblazoned in silver across them and in one corner of each banner was the Slytherin Snake. He frowned as he spotted a new symbol in another corner of each banner. It was a green skull with a snake emerging from its mouth. He didn’t know why but he felt sick. He didn’t even know what it meant.</p>
<p>Grandfather sat at the head of the table and sat Sirius on his left-hand side, with his father on his right. The others, even Sirius’s mother, waited until they were seated before they took their places. Sirius swallowed. He wasn’t used to being seated before his mother. That was against protocol. He wasn’t sure he was comfortable with this new order.</p>
<p>‘My Brethren,’ said Grandfather. ‘I have summoned you all here to make a statement. Magic is Might. We have been cowed for far too long, overtaken by ...’ he paused and his eyes shone with disgust, ‘Mudbloods and blood traitors. We have suffered in silence, our dignity damaged every time one of these ... creatures is educated in <em>our </em>way. We have been pushed down; our greatness diminished by these lesser beings, the imitators of <em>our </em>magic. We have seen our lines tainted and even some of our own have allowed their blood to be diluted by thieves and traitors.’</p>
<p>He looked around at each of them in turn. Every single pair of eyes looked back at him, some nodding in agreement, some accepting their shame in having blood traitors as close family members. Grandfather fixed on Sirius last. Bright blue eyes met dark grey ones and Sirius fought not to allow his abhorrence to show through but he felt it blazing inside him.</p>
<p>Grandfather turned away, addressing the whole family. A smile curled his thin lips. ‘But now, we are to be saved from this degradation, saved by the greatest wizard of all time. He is power, he is strength, he is <em>might</em>. He is our Dark Lord and we <em>will</em> follow him.’</p>
<p>A cheer went around the room and Sirius felt like he wanted to throw up. His stomach churned with fear and disgust and he sought out his brother’s eyes. Regulus stared back at him, eyes wide with fear, and swallowed hard.</p>
<p>Arcturus Black held up his hands for silence. He stood and fixed his gaze again on each of them in turn, as though looking for any signs of dissent.</p>
<p>‘Tonight, we declare ourselves. The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black and <em>all </em>our close cousins: Malfoy, Macmillan, Rosier, Yaxley, Bulstrode, Crabbe, Flint and Lestrange will declare our allegiance to the Dark Lord. Tonight, each of us will join together to claw back <em>our</em> inheritance, <em>our</em> magical birthrights from the usurpers and traitors who would see us defeated and diminished. On this night, my brethren, we will prove that Magic is Might and seal our victory over those who would try to suppress us.’ He raised his wand high, almost taking off Sirius’s ear in his enthusiasm. ‘Magic is Might!’</p>
<p>The rest of the family raised their wands and chorused, <em>‘</em>Magic is Might!’ until the words echoed in Sirius’s ears. Some of his extended family had tears in their eyes, and then Bellatrix cackled and cast a slithering serpent into the air. The room went silent as everyone watched the snake circle everyone’s heads, a sickly green light highlighting the grotesque twinkle in their eyes, their fervour for his Grandfather’s rambling.</p>
<p>He looked around his family, people he had known his whole life and felt fear course through his veins. Glinting in the light at the wrist of each wand arm was a silver cufflink or bracelet, curled into the shape of a snake and a skull.</p>
<p>Sirius, shaking with fear and disgust, stared at his brother and went cold. Regulus was gazing, fascinated, at the ceiling, as more serpents were cast into the air, writhing with their fangs bared. Their green light was reflected in Regulus’s grey eyes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0060"><h2>60. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Twenty Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius lay awake in the old bed, staring up at the dark ceiling. Paint was peeling off the black ceiling rose and the room had a musty smell. He had stayed in the bed before. He always did when he came to the Black Manor, but he never had a restful night’s sleep and that night felt even worse.</p>
<p>The image of that snake kept flashing through his mind. It made him uneasy but he did not know why. It was just a snake. He wasn’t frightened of snakes but it somehow felt like it meant more than that. It was a symbol of hatred and he felt sick at the thought of it.</p>
<p>His bedroom door opened suddenly and he flinched. He clenched his fists and his toes and tried to lie as still as possible. He kept his breathing deep and even. He could be asleep. His father hadn’t been to say goodnight, but he didn’t usually when they stayed here.</p>
<p><em>Not Grandfather, please not Grandfather</em>, he thought.</p>
<p>‘Sirius,’ whispered a tiny voice.</p>
<p>Sirius looked up and relief flowed through him. Regulus stood there, clutching his black nightshirt in anxious fingers.</p>
<p>‘Can I get in bed with you?’ he asked, in a tiny voice.</p>
<p>Sirius pulled back his covers. ‘Course.’</p>
<p>Regulus practically ran to his side and clambered in beside Sirius. His skinny legs wrapped around Sirius, who yelped at the cold.</p>
<p>‘Sorry,’ Regulus whispered.</p>
<p>Sirius put his arm around him. ‘Don’t worry about it. Can’t sleep?’</p>
<p>Regulus shook his head. ‘No.’</p>
<p>‘Nightmares? I know tonight was kind of scary. They shouldn’t have brought you really.’</p>
<p>Regulus shook his head. ‘No nightmares. Father came in to say goodnight and I didn’t want to stay in there on my own anymore.’</p>
<p>Sirius was suddenly colder than he had been before. ‘What do you mean?’</p>
<p>Regulus shrugged. ‘I don’t like it.’ He looked up at him. ‘Is it supposed to hurt my feelings when Daddy says goodnight?’</p>
<p>Sirius felt he could burst into tears. He swallowed hard and shook his head. He thought of James’s dad, coming in to say goodnight. He’d kiss his forehead, ruffle his hair and give him a hug. Then he’d wish him sweet dreams and that was it. It never made James feel bad. Sirius pulled Regulus close to him and kissed his dark head. ‘No, Rege, it’s not.’</p>
<p>He was trembling, with a mix of fear and anger. This wasn’t right. How could he? Regulus was only eight. How could he hurt him? He wanted to throw up but he was too afraid to leave the room. He pressed his lips tightly together and stayed awake the whole night, clutching Regulus to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In the morning, Regulus scuttled back to his own room to get dressed, before anyone could find him there. Sirius got dressed slowly, not at all eager to go to breakfast. But when he heard the bell ring, he pulled on his cloak and made his way out of the room.</p>
<p>Grandfather, Father, Mother and Regulus were all there already. But only Grandfather was sitting. The others were waiting for him.</p>
<p>‘You’re late,’ said Grandfather. He reached out and backhanded Sirius hard across the face. Sirius felt the hot trickle of blood on his cheek but he did not cry out.</p>
<p>‘Take your place,’ said Grandfather. ‘You are the Black Heir, Sirius. You need to act like it.’</p>
<p>Sirius bowed his head. ‘Yes, Grandfather,’ he said and took the seat to his grandfather’s right, as indicated.</p>
<p>Father, then Mother sat and lastly Regulus. Sirius wanted to squirm in his seat. He definitely did not like this new order.</p>
<p>The house elves brought their breakfast and they ate, in silence. Regulus, seated next to Mother, kept glancing at Father, then dropping his gaze quickly. Sirius felt sick every time he did.</p>
<p>At the end of the meal, Grandfather lay down his cutlery and turned to face Sirius.</p>
<p>‘I assume you know how important last night was, Sirius.’</p>
<p>‘Yes, Grandfather,’ Sirius said, meek and mild. He copied Remus’s mild manner when talking to a teacher.</p>
<p>‘I hope so. I expect to see no dissent or rebellion from you at all Sirius. If I do, you will be disciplined.’</p>
<p>‘I understand, Grandfather.’</p>
<p>‘Do you? Because if I have to ram home my point, I will, into you and your brother.’</p>
<p>He said it mildly but Sirius looked into his Grandfather’s eyes and knew exactly what he meant. He looked at Father for help but Cephus’s pale blue eyes were fixed on his empty plate. He cast a fearful glance at his mother, only to be chilled by the smirk on her face. He looked at Regulus and saw nothing but confusion in his young brother’s eyes. At least he did not understand. But if Sirius did not comply, he soon would.</p>
<p>‘I promise, Grandfather, in the family’s name.’</p>
<p>Grandfather nodded but said no more. Sirius dropped his gaze to his plate and focused on it until, at last, they were excused and finally, he could go back to Grimmauld Place. He hated it but it was better than here.</p>
<p>It was only when they arrived in the fireplace of Number 12 Grimmauld Place that Sirius remembered it was Christmas Eve.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That night, Sirius did not get changed into his pyjamas. He sat on his bed and waited for the visit from his father he knew would come. Anger throbbed through his body and he trembled with it. He had been turning this over and over his head and he could not understand it. How could his father do this to his little brother?</p>
<p>The door opened slowly and his father stepped silently into the room. He stopped when he saw Sirius was not in bed as usual.</p>
<p>‘Shouldn’t you be getting changed for bed, Sirius?’</p>
<p>Sirius swallowed but the anger stopped him from hesitating for more than a few seconds. ‘I need to talk to you.’</p>
<p>Cephus raised his eyebrow and sat beside Sirius on his bed. He reached out and placed a hand on Sirius’s knee. Sirius screwed up his courage.</p>
<p>‘Regulus said you’d been to say goodnight to him.’</p>
<p>Cephus smiled. ‘Are you jealous, Sirius? You were away at school. Can you blame me for giving some attention to your brother?’</p>
<p>Sirius swallowed, trying to think around his pounding heart and the fear that closed his throat. If he pushed, his father could decide to go back to Regulus. Sitting straighter, he decided to use his wits.</p>
<p>‘Y-yes, I am jealous.’</p>
<p>Cephus’s eyes lit up and his expression became eager. He moved his hand slowly up Sirius’s body until he could cup his neck and gently force him to lift his head. ‘Is that true, Sirius? Do you truly miss our goodnights when you’re away from here?’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded, trying to hide his revulsion as his father caressed the back of his neck, playing with his hair. He used his rage to keep himself in check, coiled until he was alone again.</p>
<p>Cephus beamed at him, ecstatic, love shining out of his eyes. ‘I’m so pleased, Sirius. It was what I always hoped for from my son, my Heir. True love between a father and son, unlike anything I ever had with my father.’ He let out a happy sigh before he crushed Sirius to him.</p>
<p>Cephus pressed his face to Sirius’s neck and breathed in deep. ‘I missed your scent so much. I wish I could keep you with me always.’ He pulled back and looked at Sirius. ‘You’re so closed, Sirius. I wish you would give yourself to me more fully.’</p>
<p>Sirius looked back into his father’s eyes, eyes that were more familiar to him than anyone else’s. A strange mix of love and fear swirled in his stomach. He felt a stab of pain when he looked at him but he loved him. He dropped his gaze; he could not look at his father when he said this.</p>
<p>‘If that’s true, I need you to give yourself to me, father, not to my brother. I want you to come to me at night, not him. I want ...’ He swallowed and heard his father take a breath and hold it. ‘Even when I am away at school, I want you to think of me at night, no one else.’</p>
<p>Father reached for him, a gentle hand pushing his hair away from his face and tucking it behind his ear. ‘I will think of only you, Sirius. I love you.’ He pulled him close and kissed him on the top of his head. ‘Tell me how you love your daddy.’</p>
<p>‘I love you,’ Sirius whispered, as his father’s arms enveloped him. He thought of Henry Potter kissing James’s messy head and grinning at him but, as Cephus’s hand found its way into Sirius’s shirt, that thought slipped away and he could not call it back again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0061"><h2>61. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Twenty Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus woke early on Christmas morning, alert immediately but not quite sure what had awoken him. He sat up. It was Christmas morning but why was his heart hammering so hard? He blinked around his room, half-expecting to see Sirius sitting on the dormitory windowsill, trying to find comfort in the stars after a nightmare.</p>
<p>But he was alone, in his own bedroom at home. He shook the feeling from his mind and looked to his window. The light coming through his curtains seemed too bright for winter. He twitched them open. It had snowed. He grinned and scrambled out of bed, shoving his feet impatiently into his slippers. He pulled his red dressing gown over his red and white checked pyjamas and hurried out of his room.</p>
<p>He burst into his parents’ room to find them both awake and dressed. Papa was helping Mama into her cream cardigan.</p>
<p>‘Happy Christmas, Papa,’ Remus cried. ‘It’s snowed!’</p>
<p>Papa grinned at him. ‘Happy Christmas, Remus, and I had noticed.’</p>
<p>‘Oh dear,’ said Mama. ‘Jean, ask the gardener to clear the paths.’</p>
<p>Papa patted Mama on her shoulder. ‘Yes, Marie.’</p>
<p>Remus came forward and took Mama’s hand. ‘It’s all right, mama. It’s Christmas Day. We don’t have to go anywhere today.’</p>
<p>Mama looked at him and smiled, then patted his cheek. ‘You are a good boy, Remus. Now, go and wake your brother. You should open your presents together.’</p>
<p>Remus glanced at his Papa, who gave him a sad smile.</p>
<p>‘I think we should have a nice lazy morning,’ said Papa. ‘Remus, why don’t you go and put the kettle on. We’ll have a hot drink to warm us all up, then we’ll get started on presents.’</p>
<p>Remus’s mouth spread into a wide smile at the word presents and he immediately turned and hurried downstairs. He filled the kettle from the tap and set it on the Aga. He woke the flame with a few prods of the poker and turned the dial. The kettle heating, Remus wandered off to the living room to look at the Christmas tree. It had only been up since the day before Christmas Eve, as Papa had waited for him. They’d decorated it together, whilst their mother had sat on the sofa, knitting and humming Christmas carols. He loved Christmas. Everything was so bright and cheerful.</p>
<p>He ran back to the kitchen as he heard the kettle begin to whistle. After pouring the boiling water into the teapot, he checked the clock. Papa hated stewed tea and refused point-blank to drink it if it had been brewed one second longer than five minutes.</p>
<p>Papa came into the kitchen, supporting Mama, who looked a little more vague than usual. Remus hoped she wasn’t going to have a bad day. Not on Christmas Day!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Christmas at Grimmauld Place was never a particularly cheerful affair. There were presents, of course, and Sirius now owned more expensive clothes and books and jewellery. Price was no obstacle to him receiving something he wanted, only whether it was ‘suitable’, according to his parents. Dinner was a grand, stiff occasion and Sirius had thought longingly of the homey food and happy laughter that the Potters would be having. All in all, by the end of the Christmas holidays, Sirius was desperate to get back to school.</p>
<p>The evening before he was due to return to school, Sirius sat on his bed, dressed in his new black silk pyjamas, and examined his brand-new cufflinks: one a snake and one a skull. They were revolting and he wanted to leave them behind. But he knew he couldn’t. They’d find out and it wouldn’t be worth it. He’d take them but he’d leave them right at the bottom of his trunk and never, ever put them on.</p>
<p>His door opened and he clenched his fist around the cufflinks. Father came in and shut the door behind him.</p>
<p>‘Are you all packed for going back to school tomorrow?’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded, leaning forward and shoving the cufflinks into his schoolbag. ‘Yes, Father, though I’ve got a little homework to do when I return.’</p>
<p>Father smiled. ‘Ah, yes, homework, the scourge of your life. But it will help you to learn and it is important.’</p>
<p>‘I always do my best, Father.’</p>
<p>Father took a step forward and put a hand in his hair. ‘I know you do, my little Sirius.’</p>
<p>Sirius held back his wince; he wished Father wouldn’t call him that. Father smiled at him. ‘Now, it’s late and you have an early morning tomorrow. It is time for bed.’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded. He knew what was coming. He had to focus on the fact that this was the last night for a while that he would be going to bed in Grimmauld Place. Father pulled back the covers and Sirius climbed in and lay down.</p>
<p>Father did not pull the covers over him. He sat on the bed beside Sirius and put his hand squarely on his knee.</p>
<p>‘I do miss you when you are away at school. We get so little time together now.’</p>
<p>‘School is important, Father.’</p>
<p>Father squeezed his knee.</p>
<p>‘It is, Sirius, and I’m proud of you. You have done well in your schoolwork so far. I know you will make me proud and when you graduate, you can come back home.’ His hand began to move up Sirius’s thigh. ‘You can marry from this house and live here with your children. You will carry on the family name and we need never be apart.’</p>
<p>He leaned forward and kissed Sirius tenderly on the mouth, as though they were the ones who had just got married. Sirius squeezed his eyes shut as Father remained close to him. His breath was warm on his face. Father’s hand cupped him gently and Sirius took himself away.</p>
<p>He thought of his dorm room, of Peter snoring and of James’s heavy breathing. He thought of Remus reading by the light of his wand until the early hours when he couldn’t sleep. Tomorrow he would be back. Tomorrow, everything would be better.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0062"><h2>62. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Twenty Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Platform 9 <sup>3/4</sup>, Kings Cross Station was full of the usual tussle and bustle of students, energetic and cheerful after their Christmas holidays. There had been a frost that morning and it was still cold. Sirius pulled his cloak tighter around him as he searched out his friends. The crowd seemed fuller than usual and Sirius felt twitchy.</p>
<p>Where was James?</p>
<p>‘Oi, Black!’ yelled a familiar voice.</p>
<p>Sirius looked and his face broke into a grin. James was waving madly over the heads of some first years. Sirius pushed his way through the crowd towards his friend. James hugged him and Sirius felt instantly reassured and at home in his friend’s arms.</p>
<p>‘You all right?’ James asked.</p>
<p>Sirius nodded. ‘Yeah, but my family has gone completely round the twist.’</p>
<p>James looked curiously at him but Sirius shook his head. ‘I’ll tell you later.’</p>
<p>James nodded and turned away towards the train. ‘Come on, before someone sits in <em>our </em>compartment.’</p>
<p>Sirius laughed, following James towards the train. ‘I bet you a galleon Remus is already there.’</p>
<p>James snorted. ‘Yeah, like I’m going to take that bet!’</p>
<p>They made their way into their usual compartment and, sure enough, there was Remus. Peter was there too and they were comparing Chocolate Frog cards they’d acquired over Christmas. Sirius felt something settle inside him as Remus grinned at him in welcome.</p>
<p>‘Good Christmas?’ Remus asked.</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘Not bad.’</p>
<p>James dug in his pocket and brought out a pack of cards. ‘Who’s for Exploding Snap?’</p>
<p>Within a few minutes, they got a game set up. James and Peter contributed pocketfuls of sweets and chocolates as prizes, and when the trolley came around, they all bought more.</p>
<p>By the time they got to the welcome feast, Sirius wasn’t sure he could eat any of it but he found himself tucking in eagerly. When the pudding arrived, he found himself glancing at the Slytherin table, the hairs on the back of his neck prickling. A group of them, his cousins included, were clustered together, whispering. He caught the glint of silver on their wrists and knew exactly what cufflinks they were wearing.</p>
<p>A wave of sickness washed over him and he pushed his bowl of chocolate sponge pudding away from him. It was instantly rescued by Peter, who glanced nervously at him, expecting him to claim it back. But Sirius had lost his appetite.</p>
<p>That night, he lay in bed long after the others had gone to sleep. His mind was on the cufflinks lying in the bottom of his schoolbag. He had to get rid of them. He refused to be associated with their bile. He was not like them. He refused to be. He was thirteen now and he was determined he was going to be different from all of them. He thought of Regulus, bright-eyed and eager at Grandfather’s table. He couldn’t let his brother lose his way. He had to save him. He would save him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus woke early in the morning, keen to get back to lessons. They had Defence Against the Dark Arts first. Nothing else seemed to have happened over the holidays so the rumour mill was quiet as they headed into their lesson. Instead, everybody was chattering about what they’d got for Christmas. James kept going on about his treehouse to a Hufflepuff boy he knew from Quidditch. Remus didn’t join in. He’d never been one to brag, though he’d been very pleased with what he’d got.</p>
<p>Everybody settled at their desks. Sirius sat next to him and Remus noticed how tense he was. He wasn’t chatting about his Christmas or about anything at all. Remus wondered about him. There was something different about Sirius, something interesting. To outsiders, he was handsome, clever and athletic. He was rich and well-to-do, well-educated and from a somewhat famous family. But famous for what? For being associated with dark wizards and that pureblood nonsense. But Sirius wasn’t like that and he seemed to hate that his family were like that. But there was something more than that, something dark inside him.</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s him. He’s bad. You should stay away from him.</em>
</p>
<p>Remus shook his head at his brother but didn’t say anything. He knew René was wrong. Sirius wasn’t bad but bad things had happened to him, just like bad things had happened to Remus. Maybe that was why Remus felt that pull towards him. He couldn’t think of any other reason.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That night, they had an Astronomy lesson. Sirius wasn’t looking forward to it. He just wanted the day to be over and to be able to crawl into bed and pull the covers up over his head.</p>
<p>Remus was particularly bright-eyed as they made their way up to the Astronomy Tower at about nine o’clock that night. The full moon was still a week away and he seemed eager to get back to lessons. Sirius was happy to be back to school but it had been so hard to concentrate that day. His thoughts kept slipping back to home, to the cufflinks, to his brother and to the memory of Father’s lips against his.</p>
<p>He bumped into the student next to him.</p>
<p>‘Oi, watch it, Black! You don’t own the halls, you know,’ said fellow Gryffindor Oliver Aston.</p>
<p>Sirius blinked. ‘Sorry, Oliver. I didn’t mean to bump you.’</p>
<p>Oliver frowned, readjusting his robe, then seemed to relax and shrugged. ‘Don’t worry about it.’</p>
<p>They reached the Astronomy Tower and found Professor Morgenstern waiting for them. She gave them all a smile, her dark eyes sparkling. Sirius found himself smiling. She was so pretty and kind.</p>
<p>‘Good evening, everybody,’ she said, ushering them all into the small open-roofed room. ‘Tonight, we’re going to make a start on our star charts.’ She started to explain exactly which constellations she wanted them to label but Sirius allowed himself to drift, focusing instead on the way her dark hair framed her face and the dimples that showed when she smiled.</p>
<p>The class started to get on with it and Sirius realised he hadn’t been concentrating. He looked up at the sky, watching the stars twinkling above them. He found his star, the brightest star. He didn’t feel bright. He felt small and scared. He was safe here at Hogwarts but out there, the world was a dangerous place and he didn’t really understand it. He didn’t understand how people could hate others like that, how they could think themselves superior.</p>
<p>The image of that snake and skull flashed silver in his mind and he shuddered involuntarily. A soft hand touched his arm.</p>
<p>‘Sirius? Are you all right?’ Professor Morgenstern asked.</p>
<p>Sirius nodded. ‘Yes, Professor.’ He turned back to his telescope. He could feel her watching him.</p>
<p>‘Mr Black, I’d like a word with you outside the classroom, please.’</p>
<p>Some of the class started to whisper to each other, a couple of people sniggering. She glanced sternly around at the class. ‘The rest of you get on with your star charts quietly.’ Her hand still on Sirius’s shoulder, she gently guided him from the room.</p>
<p>They made their way down the tower far enough that nobody in the classroom could hear them. She smiled kindly down at Sirius.</p>
<p>‘You seem distracted tonight. You’re normally very attentive in my lessons. Is there something wrong?’</p>
<p>‘No, Professor,’ he said, automatically. Then he frowned, his stomach churning and his mind throwing up that image of the skull and the snake again. ‘Actually... Professor, how could I go about seeing Professor Dumbledore?’</p>
<p>Professor Morgenstern looked at him, frowning slightly as she considered him. ‘Can you wait until the end of the lesson? Or is it urgent?’</p>
<p>‘It can wait, Professor. Afterwards, you’ll take me?’</p>
<p>She smiled and squeezed his shoulder gently. ‘I shall take you to Professor McGonagall and she’ll escort you to the Headmaster, all right?’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded. ‘Yeah, thanks.’</p>
<p>‘Now, let’s go and work on that star chart. I know you’ve always liked looking at the stars.’</p>
<p>He smiled, soothed by her gentle manner and kind eyes. He allowed her to lead him back into the classroom.</p>
<p>Back inside, Remus sidled up to him. ‘You okay?’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded. ‘Yeah. What are we supposed to be doing?’</p>
<p>Remus grinned at him and started to whisper instructions. Sirius already felt calmer next to his capable friend.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0063"><h2>63. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Twenty Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After the lesson, Sirius waited until his classmates had filed out, before he went up to Professor Morgenstern. ‘Good work tonight, Sirius,’ she said. ‘Are you ready to go now?’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded. They left the classroom together. Sirius wanted to walk closer to Professor Morgenstern than he dared. She kept glancing at him and giving him reassuring smiles. He felt safe with her, and brave. He was going to tell Professor Dumbledore what he knew.</p>
<p>Professor McGonagall seemed to be expecting them. She nodded in Sirius’s direction, before looking at Professor Morgenstern. ‘Do we have any idea what this is about?’</p>
<p>Sirius looked between his two Professors and some communication seemed to pass between them.</p>
<p>‘He needs to speak with Professor Dumbledore.’</p>
<p>‘Come along then, Mr Black. Thank you, Shayna.’</p>
<p>Sirius looked up at Professor Morgenstern and felt a pleasant squirm in his belly. Shayna? What a beautiful name. He sighed and McGonagall gave him a sharp look.</p>
<p>‘No time for dillydallying, Mr Black. Come along now.’</p>
<p>She led him swiftly through corridors in silence, glancing occasionally down at him. He focused on the stone floor beneath them as they made their way through corridors and up several sets of stairs. At last, McGonagall stopped outside a huge statue of a gargoyle.</p>
<p>‘Chocolate frogs,’ said Professor McGonagall. The gargoyle twisted away from them, revealing a staircase. She strode forward and Sirius followed her. The gargoyle turned, taking them with it and the next thing he knew, they were standing in front of a wooden door. McGonagall knocked and Sirius heard the gravelly voice of Professor Dumbledore bidding them to enter.</p>
<p>Then they were going through the door and coming face to face with Professor Dumbledore himself. Sirius wanted to go back, forget this whole idea, but McGonagall was moving forward and Dumbledore was peering at him over his half-moon spectacles.</p>
<p>‘Ah, Mr Black. To what do I owe the pleasure? ‘</p>
<p>‘Black has asked to speak with you,’ said Professor McGonagall. It seems to be of some importance.’</p>
<p>‘Of course. Mr Black, take a seat. How can I help?’</p>
<p>Sirius pulled his hands up his sleeves and sat down in the chair Dumbledore had indicated. He looked into Dumbledore’s sparkly blue eyes. They were kind and made him think of his sister.</p>
<p>‘I ...’ He opened and closed his mouth several times, then frowned and looked down, wondering how to start, how to explain. ‘Magic is Might.’</p>
<p>‘What do you mean, Black?’ asked McGonagall sharply.</p>
<p>Dumbledore raised a hand. ‘Minerva, please, a little patience.’</p>
<p>McGonagall stepped back and cleared her throat pointedly.</p>
<p>Dumbledore waited, just watching Sirius patiently.</p>
<p>‘They were ... they had this meeting, all of them and this skull thing and ...’ Sirius felt that sickness rising up in his throat and he took several gulping breaths. ‘I ... can’t ...’</p>
<p>‘Take a slow breath, Sirius, and start from the beginning.’</p>
<p>Sirius focused on Dumbledore’s eyes and took a deep slow breath, then started again. ‘My G-grandfather held a family meeting. Everybody was there, all my family, my cousins and everybody. They’re wearing these skull and snake cufflinks and they’re supporting this Dark Lord guy. They had this skull and snake symbol everywhere, all over their banners and that slogan, Magic is Might. It’s serious, Sir. They ... they want to exterminate ...mu... half bloods and muggle-borns and everybody who isn’t them, who isn’t pure.’</p>
<p>Dumbledore gave Sirius a long searching look, then glanced up at McGonagall. The two of them exchanged a look. Then the headmaster looked back at him.</p>
<p>‘Thank you for telling me this, Sirius. It will be very useful to us.’</p>
<p>‘Are you going to fight him? This Dark Lord?’</p>
<p>‘We will do our best.’</p>
<p>‘He ... they ... you have to protect my friends. They ... my parents, grandfather, he’d hurt them, Remus ... and Peter, they’d hurt them just to get to me and I can’t ...’</p>
<p>Dumbledore held up his hands. ‘You are safe here, Sirius. Your friends are safe here.’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded. Dumbledore was looking at him in a searching way, one he didn’t feel all that comfortable with.</p>
<p>‘Sirius, would your grandfather or your parents hurt you?’</p>
<p>Sirius held Dumbledore’s gaze for a moment and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. Three letters, just three letters. <em>Yes</em>, the easiest word in the world.</p>
<p>He saw his father’s face and something throbbed in his belly. His father loved him. He would protect him. He had protected him. He <em>chose</em> him, because he loved him.</p>
<p>He scoffed and threw back his glossy black hair. ‘No, Sir. I’m the Black Heir. They’d never hurt me. Can I go now, Sir?’</p>
<p>Dumbledore looked at him for a long moment. Sirius kept his practised carefree expression on his face, even as his hands clenched under his sleeves.</p>
<p>Finally, Dumbledore nodded. ‘Yes, Mr Black. You may go.’</p>
<p>Sirius wanted to shoot out of his chair but he knew he had to keep up the front. He rose, nodded to Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall, then turned and made swiftly for the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius wanted to be back in his dorm room, on his own, but he couldn’t face going past all those people who would be crowding the common room. Instead, he made his way outside.</p>
<p>The air was cool and fresh. He fixed his eyes on the forest and headed for the welcoming darkness of the trees. The lights were on in Hagrid’s hut and Sirius kept a good distance away from it. He didn’t want to get stopped this time. The trees welcomed him in, surrounding him and protecting him. He wasn’t frightened here. He was brave. He was a Gryffindor.</p>
<p>He wandered through the trees, allowing his feet to show him the way to go. The trees opened up suddenly and he found himself in a clearing. A fallen tree lay across it, creating a seat. He went and sat down, raising his gaze to the trees above him. Between the branches, he could see the stars.</p>
<p>He breathed in deep and started to feel a little calmer. Far off, he heard a wolf howl and he felt a stab of fear as he remembered Remus’s wolf throwing itself against the door to get to him.</p>
<p>‘You shouldn’t be in here,’ said a voice he knew.</p>
<p>Sirius looked up and saw Remus, his honey-brown eyes bright in the darkness. There was something different about him in here, something more confident. He couldn’t imagine this Remus ever stuttering. He was a true Gryffindor, for all his shyness. He wasn’t frightened in here. The animals weren’t frightened of him. The wolf wasn’t a threat to them. He was part of this world in this forest, part of the natural world.</p>
<p>An idea was fizzing in his brain, but the next moment, it had disappeared again as Remus was sitting down next to him.</p>
<p>‘James said Professor Morgenstern took you away after the class.’</p>
<p>‘I had to see Professor Dumbledore.’</p>
<p>‘Oh. What about?’</p>
<p>‘Stuff I saw over the holidays.’</p>
<p>Remus looked at him. ‘What kind of stuff?’</p>
<p>‘Some of my family support this Dark Lord. They had a family meeting about it over Christmas.’</p>
<p>Remus sighed. ‘I see.’</p>
<p>Sirius turned to him. ‘Remus, you’ve got to be careful, okay? All this bad stuff is happening and you ... if things go bad, you’d be a target, and Peter. Just be careful, okay?’</p>
<p>Remus watched him for a long moment, then nodded. ‘Okay, Sirius. We’ll be careful.’ He stood up. ‘Come on. Let’s go back to the common room. You’re not safe here.’</p>
<p>Sirius followed Remus all the way back to Gryffindor Tower.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0064"><h2>64. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Twenty Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In February, it snowed heavily and the teachers got really strict about them wandering off late at night. Sirius was fed up and desperate to go outside but the others were fed up of getting detentions and James refused to lend him his cloak just to sneak outside and get in trouble.</p>
<p>Instead, Sirius headed up alone to the Astronomy Tower after dinner. He half-hoped Shayna might make an appearance but he also wanted to just sit and look up at the stars. He always felt calm and peaceful when he felt there was nothing between him and the stars.</p>
<p>He sat on the cold stone floor and looked up at the black sky. There was some cloud cover but he could still see the Dog Star, his own star.</p>
<p>He hadn’t heard much from his family since coming back to school. He’d written to Regulus but he hadn’t received anything back yet. That familiar knot of worry in his belly was worse than ever but he had to tell himself that he’d done the right thing, that the information was in the right hands now. Maybe Dumbledore would even be able to stop the war before it started.</p>
<p>‘Sirius? Doing some stargazing?’</p>
<p>Sirius glanced up and felt warm as he saw Shayna, no Professor Morgenstern, looking down at him. ‘Good evening, Professor. You don’t mind, do you?’</p>
<p>‘Of course not. Everybody likes a little stargazing every now and then. You’ve been a lot more yourself after talking to Professor Dumbledore? Do you feel better?’</p>
<p>Sirius nodded. ‘Yeah. I think I helped.’</p>
<p>She smiled at him. ‘Good. Now, you feel free to come back here whenever you need to but I bet you’ve got homework to do before bed.’</p>
<p>He grinned at her and he found himself wondering what she wore to bed. Was she a pyjamas woman or perhaps something a little more revealing? ‘My homework doesn’t take me long, Professor,’ he said, allowing his arrogant tone to take over.</p>
<p>Shayna raised her eyebrow. ‘Then I will expect perfect grades in all your subjects across the board from now on.’</p>
<p>Sirius sighed and rolled his eyes. ‘All right, Professor. I’m going.’</p>
<p>She smiled at him. Such a pretty smile, which went right to her eyes. He suddenly realised he was lingering, staring at her a little too long. A blush heated his cheeks and he hurried off as quickly as he could.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he got back to Gryffindor Tower, only James and Peter were in the common room with the other Gryffindors. Remus wasn’t there. They were sitting at the table doing homework with some other kids.</p>
<p>‘Where’s Moony?’ he asked.</p>
<p>Across the table that redheaded girl in their year, Lily or Lila or something, glanced up and frowned. Sirius sent her a dirty look. She was that girl who always hung around Remus and Snape.</p>
<p>James looked up. ‘Upstairs, I think.’</p>
<p>‘He’s sulking,’ said Peter. ‘Went up grumbling something about the snow. Too slippery apparently.’</p>
<p>Sirius raised his eyebrow, then turned and headed up to the dorm.</p>
<p>Remus was sitting on his bed, at first glance he was reading but his eyes weren’t moving, just staring.</p>
<p>‘Hi, Moony, what’s up?’</p>
<p>‘Bloody snow. Why does it have to be so slippery?’</p>
<p>Sirius snorted. ‘Did you fall over?’</p>
<p>Remus glared at him. ‘It’s not funny.’</p>
<p>‘You sure it wasn’t just a little bit funny?’  </p>
<p>The glare he got in return actually made Sirius take a step back and hold up his hands in surrender. ‘Okay, it wasn’t funny.’</p>
<p>Remus looked back at his book. ‘Peter thought it was funny,’ he said, darkly.</p>
<p>Sirius raised an eyebrow. ‘And he’s still alive? He must have a big stash of chocolate frogs.’</p>
<p>Remus huffed but didn’t say anything. Sirius flung himself down on his bed and closed his eyes. He brought to mind the image of Shayna smiling at him, the way her eyes reflected her mood. A pleasant feeling squirmed in his belly and he closed his eyes, a smile spreading across his own face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus’s gaze drifted from his book again and peered surreptitiously at Sirius. He knew he’d been grumpy with him and he wanted to make sure he wasn’t upset. His friend was lying on his bed, his hands behind his head and his eyes closed. He had a soft, smiling expression on his face and Remus found himself watching him. Just that look on his face, that calm and peaceful look, made Remus feel something, a fluttery feeling in his belly that felt good, but he didn’t know what feeling it was.</p>
<p>Sirius looked happy, completely relaxed. Remus realised that it wasn’t something he saw often in his friend.</p>
<p>‘What are you thinking about?’ he asked, then blushed as he realised that probably wasn’t the type of thing you asked a friend. Then he blushed more as he realised he was blushing because of Sirius. Since when did he blush because of Sirius? He was his friend.</p>
<p>Sirius propped himself up on his elbow and grinning at him. ‘Shayna?’</p>
<p>Remus frowned. ‘Shayna? Who is Shayna?’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. ‘Professor Morgenstern. She’s so pretty, isn’t she?’</p>
<p>Remus blinked. He’d never thought about it before. But if he was objective about it, she was pretty. She had lovely colouring and expressive eyes. ‘I suppose she is, yeah.’</p>
<p>‘She’s gorgeous, Moony. So pretty and so kind.’</p>
<p>Remus grinned. ‘You’ve got a crush on her.’</p>
<p>Sirius gasped indignantly and placed his hand on his heart. ‘Remus, do not cheapen my love. It is the purest, most wondrous thing.’</p>
<p>Remus snorted. ‘Don’t let James hear you talking like that. You’ll never hear the end of it.’ He paused. ‘Sirius, you know you can’t like a teacher like that, don’t you?’</p>
<p>Sirius scoffed, lying back down. ‘What’s a few years when you’re as handsome as I am?’</p>
<p>Remus frowned, as a knot formed in his stomach. ‘Just don’t get in trouble, Sirius.’</p>
<p>Sirius scoffed again. ‘Me? When do I ever?’</p>
<p>Remus raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. Sirius was such a contradiction sometimes. The person he was right now was the complete opposite to who he’d been when he’d come back from Christmas at home. That Sirius had been laden down with trouble and worry. This one didn’t have a care in the world.</p>
<p>He went back to his book but kept glancing at Sirius. He didn’t know why but he had this feeling that he wanted to look after Sirius. Of course, he knew that Sirius would say he could look after himself but that didn’t stop Remus from wanting to look after him. Sirius was his friend. He knew James was Sirius’s best friend but that didn’t mean Remus couldn’t think of Sirius as his own best friend.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0065"><h2>65. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Thirty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the Easter holidays and Sirius had managed to get permission to stay at school to study. They did have exams coming up. Remus had already started his revision. Perhaps that was why he was so moody lately. The full moon was right in the middle of the holidays so Remus was staying too. He said he didn’t mind because he always got more studying done at school. Sirius didn’t intend to do much revision at all. He knew he’d pass the exams and that was all he needed to do.</p>
<p>The others left on the Thestral-driven carriages on Friday afternoon. Sirius watched them pull away with Remus next to him. They waved to Peter and James until they were out of sight.</p>
<p>He glanced at Remus but his friend was still watching the carriages.</p>
<p>‘You know hardly anyone else can see the Thestrals,’ Remus said.</p>
<p>‘Yeah, I know. James and Peter can’t see them. Actually, I don’t know anyone else who can.’</p>
<p>‘There are probably a few but I don’t think people like to talk about it. Professor McGonagall says only people who have seen death can see them.’</p>
<p>‘Oh,’ said Sirius. <em>Carina</em>. He closed his eyes for a moment and remembered her soft, sweet voice and her gentle hugs. He never said her name now, never talked about her. It wasn’t allowed. But he never forgot how much she had loved him. Sometimes he still felt as though she protected him in some way.</p>
<p>He didn’t say any of this. He felt like Remus was waiting for him to talk but he didn’t want to. His sister was private, a secret just for him. But Remus obviously wasn’t going to say anything until he did.</p>
<p>‘Weird,’ he said and shrugged. He glanced at Remus, who looked a little deflated. ‘So what do you want to do?’</p>
<p>Remus lifted one shoulder vaguely. ‘We could go to the library and get a head start on revision. Don’t worry, Severus has gone home for the holidays.’</p>
<p>Sirius pulled a face. ‘Ugh, anything but revision. I don’t intend to do any.’</p>
<p>‘Sirius, I know you’re clever but even you can’t do well without doing any work. What about History of Magic? You can’t remember all that without putting in the revision time. It’s just not interesting enough.’</p>
<p>He scoffed. ‘You got that right. Anyway, I got all that crap drummed into me by my tutors. I haven’t heard one new bit of history since I got here.’ He grinned. ‘Hey, I know, let’s go into the forest! There’s not enough teachers around to stop us. As long as we avoid Hagrid we won’t get caught.’</p>
<p>‘It’s dangerous in there.’</p>
<p>‘Not for you.’</p>
<p>Remus blushed but didn’t say anything.</p>
<p>‘C’mon, you’re not telling me that’s there’s a single thing in there which isn’t more scared of you than you are of them.’</p>
<p>Remus frowned, rubbing the bridge of his nose. ‘It’s not like I have any special powers. Just an allergy to silver and a craving for bloody steak once a month.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, followed by a furry little problem!’</p>
<p>Remus’s mouth twitched and Sirius could tell he wanted to laugh. ‘All right, yeah, I guess the creatures in there do … respect me I guess? But still, I can’t exactly protect you if we got attacked.’</p>
<p>‘I’m not talking a deep expedition into the darkest part of the forest, Moony. Just hanging out in that clearing. That’s pretty safe, isn’t it?’</p>
<p>Remus sighed and Sirius knew he’d worn him down. ‘All right, fine. Let’s go. But if we get caught I’m blaming you.’</p>
<p>Sirius held his hands up in surrender. ‘You go ahead, Moony. I will take any length detention for you.’</p>
<p>Remus really blushed then and didn’t reply. Instead, he just scuttled off in the direction of the forest. Sirius hurried after him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus didn’t know how Sirius knew that the forest wasn’t really dangerous to him but it was true. He knew what creatures lived in there. From centaurs to Acromantula to Hippogriffs to wolves and all the other less dangerous creatures who lived here, he could sense them all. He could also feel the respect they had for him.</p>
<p>He hadn’t explored the trees very much yet. School rules did hold a certain amount of sway with him, much more than it seemed they did for James and Sirius. He didn’t mind a bit of mischief but he didn’t want anything to get in the way of his education. He knew how lucky he was to be here.</p>
<p>He glanced at Sirius as they made their way towards the forest. He knew Sirius loved it at Hogwarts too but he didn’t have that same sense of knowing he was lucky to be here. Remus supposed he’d always known he was due to come here. His name had probably been on the list since he was born.</p>
<p>There was so much he didn’t know about Sirius yet. He could sense secrets about him as clearly as he could sense the animals in the forest. He thought maybe some of his secrets were about who had seen die. From his reaction to Remus’s careful questioning just then, he guessed it wasn’t something banal, like being there when an elderly relative peacefully passed away. It was something which still affected him now. Remus knew he shouldn’t pry, especially when he hadn’t exactly jumped at sharing what his own experience had been, but he did want to know. He wanted to know everything about Sirius and he wasn’t even sure why. He only knew that the need was strong in him.</p>
<p><em>I still don’t like him</em>, said René. <em>You used to play loads more before you came to this stupid school. </em></p>
<p>Remus pressed his lips tightly together to stop himself from replying to his brother. The last thing he wanted was for his best friend to think he was crazy. Werewolf he could handle, but he might not be able to cope with delusional.</p>
<p><em>Fine</em>, said René. <em>Just ignore me. See if I care.</em></p>
<p>‘Ren,’ hissed Remus, but René was already gone.</p>
<p>Sirius frowned at him. ‘Did you say something?’</p>
<p>Remus shook his head. ‘No, not a thing. Come on, let’s go this way. I can hear Hagrid over there.’</p>
<p>Sirius frowned at him but went in the direction Remus indicated. It was true; he could hear Hagrid. But it was also a convenient distraction.</p>
<p>‘It really is true about your senses then? They’re stronger?’</p>
<p>Remus smiled as they slipped into the cover of the trees. In here, Sirius didn’t know his way around so he followed Remus in the direction of the clearing. ‘Not all my senses. My eyesight is shit. But my hearing and my sense of smell, yeah, they’re better than yours.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, thanks a lot!’ said Sirius laughing.</p>
<p>‘I mean, they’re better than any human senses.’</p>
<p>‘James reckons you could sniff out the best flavours from a box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans. Is that true?’</p>
<p>Remus laughed. ‘Yeah, I can.’ He paused and sniffed. ‘And I can tell that lunch today is cheese and onion pie.’</p>
<p>Sirius gaped. ‘Really?’ He paused. ‘What’s the meat option?’</p>
<p>‘Same except it’s got bacon in the pie.’</p>
<p>‘Do me a favour and warn me next time they serve liver.’ He shuddered. ‘Hate the bloody stuff.’</p>
<p>Remus smiled. ‘I will. Then you can have the vegetarian option with me.’</p>
<p>Sirius shuddered again. ‘I don’t know which is worse.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, come on. You won’t die if you eat meat-free  for one meal.’</p>
<p>‘I might,’ said Sirius, darkly.</p>
<p>Remus just laughed and shook his head. They reached the clearing and went to sit down on the fallen tree. Remus leaned back and looked at the sky. This was one of the few places in the forest where you could see the sky. There was a little cloud cover but the bits of sky he could see were a gorgeous pale blue. Spring was really getting itself established now and the weather was warming up, though there was still that chill in the air.  </p>
<p>‘It’s beautiful, isn’t it?’ he asked.</p>
<p>‘Yeah,’ Sirius replied, somewhat dreamily.</p>
<p>Surprised, Remus looked at him. Sirius didn’t usually have a dreamy side, or not one he showed anyway, which wasn’t the same thing. His friend was gazing up at the sky, his mouth slightly open. He looked completely relaxed and his eyes looked particularly blue. There was something so carefree in his body language that it made Remus realise how tense Sirius normally was.</p>
<p>‘Sirius, don’t you like going home?’</p>
<p>Sirius looked sharply at him and Remus could see his defences slamming back into place. ‘Moony, my parents are pure-blood maniacs and I’m a Gryffindor with half-bloods and muggle-borns among my friends, what do you think?’</p>
<p>Remus frowned a bit. ‘But does that come up much?’</p>
<p>Sirius scoffed. ‘All the time.’ He shook himself, as though shaking off a cobweb that had landed on him. ‘Let’s not talk about them. It’s too beautiful here to talk about shitty things.’</p>
<p>Remus smiled a little. ‘Yeah, it is.’ He turned his attention back to the sky and, together, they just sat and looked at the beauty of the world around them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0066"><h2>66. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Thirty One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Darkness. Blackness. Nothing but the dark, pressing close, suffocating him. Blacker than the night sky, he can feel the emptiness. His eyes stare and see nothing. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>At first. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Then a flicker, a small movement. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The hand. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It reaches for him. He scrabbles away but there is nowhere to go. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He screams but no sound comes out. No one will come to help him. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius jerked awake, sweaty and shaking. His own breath was harsh and heavy to his own ears and his throat felt ragged and painful, as though he had been screaming.</p>
<p>A hand reached for him and he scrambled backwards, fear throbbing through his body, before he realised it was Remus.</p>
<p>His friend was leaning over his bed, peering at him. ‘Sirius, it’s me, it’s Moony. You’re safe.’</p>
<p>The adrenaline shooting through Sirius’s body suddenly dropped and he sagged in his bed, still shaking. Remus didn’t reach out again but he was still watching him.</p>
<p>‘Are you okay? Can I do anything?’</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head and swallowed. He winced. His throat was so dry.</p>
<p>Remus reached for the cup of water by his bed and passed it over. ‘Here, have a drink.’</p>
<p>Sirius gulped it down and, gradually, he felt his heartrate return to normal. Embarrassment replaced the fear. He normally managed to control himself better than that. He glanced at Remus, expecting to see disgust at this show of weakness, but there was only concern on his friend’s thin face.</p>
<p>‘Shall I open the window? I find that cool air on the face always makes one feel better.’</p>
<p>Sirius couldn’t help smiling. Sometimes Remus really did sound like a forty-year-old in a twelve-year-old’s body. But, of course, he didn’t voice that thought. ‘Yeah, that would probably help.’</p>
<p>Remus moved to the window and opened it as wide as he could. ‘At least James and Peter aren’t here to complain about the cold,’ he said, with a smile. He peered down at the far-away ground. ‘I’m surprised they haven’t stopped the windows being able to open so wide with that drop.’</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head. ‘Remus, they’re quite happy for there to be a dangerous forest with werewolves in it to be on the grounds with no fence.’</p>
<p>Remus laughed. ‘A fence wouldn’t stop a werewolf. Anyway, there are no werewolves in there. Not proper ones.’</p>
<p>‘There was one in there this afternoon,’ corrected Sirius.</p>
<p>Remus smirked. ‘True. Okay, none <em>live</em> there. Is that better, Mr Pedantic?’</p>
<p>Sirius got up and walked over to the window. They could see the forest from here. Actually, from the top of Gryffindor Tower, they could see pretty much everything. ‘What do you mean about no proper werewolves are in there?’</p>
<p>‘Oh, well, there are werewolf offspring.’</p>
<p>Sirius frowned. ‘Won’t they be werewolves too?’</p>
<p>Remus shook his head. ‘No. Well, technically they’re not sure if it can be passed onto a child at conception. There are werewolf colonies and the majority of children born there do end up as werewolves themselves, but they don’t know whether they were born like that or whether the parents turned them.’</p>
<p>‘Would they really turn a baby?’</p>
<p>Remus nodded. ‘Some would. Anyway, the wolves in the forest aren’t like that. They’re basically wolves with a werewolf father.’</p>
<p>‘But I thought you said they didn’t know it could be passed down.’</p>
<p>Remus shook his head. ‘They don’t. Basically, a werewolf has been in the forest and …’ He paused and cleared his throat, as his cheeks suddenly went a dark pink. ‘Mated with an ordinary wolf and she’s had cubs.’</p>
<p>‘What makes them different from wolves? Do they turn into people on a full moon?’</p>
<p>Remus grinned. ‘No, but they are known to be unusually intelligent and strong. They could be deadly but they usually stay away from people.’</p>
<p>‘How do you know so much about all this?’</p>
<p>Remus turned to look at him, his mouth twitching in a smile. ‘You might call it my specialist subject.’</p>
<p>Sirius laughed. ‘Got to be. You should be a teacher, you know. You’ve got that tone they all have.’</p>
<p>‘Considering how little you pay attention, that doesn’t sound like a compliment.’</p>
<p>‘No, it is! I mean, you’ve got the tone the good ones use. Like McGonagall and Flitwick.’ He grinned. ‘And Shayna. It’s the tone that makes you feel like they know what they’re talking about and makes you want to pay attention.’</p>
<p>‘If my voice makes you want to listen, I can read out all my revision notes to you. You might actually do well in your exams then.’</p>
<p>Sirius waved his hand impatiently. ‘Told you, I don’t need to revise to do well.’</p>
<p>Remus shook his head. ‘Show off. It’d serve you right if you failed everything.’ He sighed. ‘The trouble is, you’re right. You’ll pass everything with no trouble. You’re one of those annoying people who just remembers stuff.’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged, then grinned. ‘It’s a gift.’</p>
<p>Remus just shook his head, a disapproving look on his face. But Sirius saw his mouth twitch again as he fought the urge to smile.</p>
<p>Sirius sighed contentedly and leaned against the stone wall around the window. There, with the cool air on his face and Remus by his side, he could barely even remember his nightmare.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was the middle of the night but Remus would have been prepared to stay up all night with Sirius if necessary. Anything to keep that fear away from his friend. But, after a little while, Sirius was completely calm again and voluntarily returned to his bed.</p>
<p>Remus pulled the window in a little but left it open a crack before returning to his own bed. He would have to remember that trick with Sirius. Cold air and some interesting information. That had made him forget whatever horrible nightmare he’d had within minutes.</p>
<p>Sirius really was a puzzle. He pretended to be anti-schoolwork but he was so clever and interested in the world. He absorbed information like a sponge absorbs water. Remus was jealous of that skill. He liked learning things but he knew his memory was nowhere near as good as Sirius’s. He had to put a lot more work in to remember what he needed to remember.</p>
<p>Remus got back into bed but turned on his side to watch Sirius. The other boy lay on his back, looking up at the ceiling, one arm resting above his head and the other on his stomach. He’d tugged the blankets over him up to his chest.</p>
<p>‘It’s a shame we can’t see the sky from here,’ Sirius said. ‘I like watching the stars.’</p>
<p>Remus thought of the ceiling of the Great Hall. That was some spell or another. It couldn’t be <em>that</em> difficult. Maybe he could work out how to do it. That would help Sirius.</p>
<p>‘You can talk about it if you want,’ he said, softly.</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head and didn’t say anymore. Eventually, Remus dropped off to sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was strange with so few students at Hogwarts and Remus was surprised by how much he’d got used to the hustle and bustle of school. He and Sirius were the only Gryffindors who had stayed. There were about half of the Ravenclaws though, presumably all eager to make good headway with their revision for the summer exams. There were also a handful of Hufflepuffs and one or two Slytherins.</p>
<p>Remus noticed that none of the more notorious Slytherins had stayed. Maybe that meant something was happening this holiday. Sirius hadn’t said anything about it but Remus definitely understood that his family were more on the other side than on the side of muggle-borns and half-bloods.</p>
<p>There were still a few whisperings about war but it felt like a while since anything had happened so most people had relaxed. Remus couldn’t relax about it. He already knew how violent people could be when they put divisions in society.</p>
<p>But Hogwarts was safe. It had to be.</p>
<p>‘Hey, let’s go play Gobstones,’ said Sirius, as they wandered through the castle after breakfast.</p>
<p>‘Don’t you want to play chess instead?’</p>
<p>‘Boring!’ declared Sirius. He tugged on Remus’s arm. ‘Come on, you love Gobstones.’</p>
<p>Remus grinned. ‘All right. Gobstones it is. Where shall we go?’</p>
<p>Sirius gave him a mischievous grin. ‘We could go back to the forest.’</p>
<p>He rolled his eyes. ‘There is such a thing as overdoing it. Anyway, I don’t think they’d work so well on the forest floor, even in a clearing.’</p>
<p>‘All right. I guess you’re right. We’ll be boring just like everyone else and go to the courtyard to play.’</p>
<p>‘Maybe someone else will want to join in and we can have a tournament.’</p>
<p>‘As long as they’re not Slytherins, I’ll play with anybody.’</p>
<p>‘Don’t you think we should be trying to build bridges? If there is a war …’</p>
<p>‘If there is a war,’ interrupted Sirius, with an edge to his voice. ‘Every one of those Slytherins will want to kill you.’</p>
<p>‘I think you’re exaggerating slightly,’ said Remus, reasonably enough.</p>
<p>Sirius scowled at him. ‘Remus, I grew up with these people. I’m related to half of them. I’m not exaggerating.’</p>
<p>Remus stayed quiet, not sure what to say. Sirius was still scowling and stayed silent for the rest of the walk to the courtyard.</p>
<p>But, once there, having seen there were no Slytherins around, he brightened considerably and was fun and pleasant company through ten games of Gobstones and a tournament. Remus felt lighter with relief. Sirius was back to himself again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0067"><h2>67. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Thirty Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For the next five days, Sirius hung out with Remus, playing Gobstones or Exploding Snap or Chess or going for walks in the grounds. Remus took him into the forest again, on the condition that he do a little revision. Sirius had agreed, imposing his own condition that he wouldn’t go to the library.</p>
<p>So on the fourth day of the holiday, Sirius sat with Remus in the common room and revised with Remus’s notes for Transfiguration, Charms and Defence Against the Dark Arts. Sirius refused point-blank to even look at his History of Magic notes.</p>
<p>As they worked, with the window open letting in the cool, fresh spring air, Sirius noticed that Remus kept clenching his hands.</p>
<p>‘What’s up, Moony?’</p>
<p>‘Hmm?’ asked Remus, distracted by his notes.</p>
<p>Sirius pointed at his hand. ‘You keep clenching.’</p>
<p>Remus blushed and put his hands under the table. ‘They just hurt. It’s y’know tonight.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, full moon. Of course.’</p>
<p>Remus wriggled in his seat and Sirius remembered that he didn’t really like talking about it anywhere that wasn’t completely private. There was no one else in the common room but someone could always come in.</p>
<p>‘It’ll be weird tonight,’ said Sirius. ‘On my own in the dorm. I wish I could keep you company.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, well that didn’t work out great last time, did it?’</p>
<p>‘I know. I just feel so helpless. I feel like I should be able to do something to help. I mean, you’re my friend. I should be able to help you.’      </p>
<p>Remus sighed. ‘Sometimes we can’t help, no matter how much we want to.’ He looked at Sirius and there was something sharp in his expression.</p>
<p>Sirius looked away. ‘Maybe there is a way to help you.’</p>
<p>Remus scoffed. ‘Sirius, wizards have been looking for a cure for this curse for centuries. There isn’t anything. I just have to live with it and do all I can to not hurt anybody.’</p>
<p>‘What does it feel like?’ he asked. ‘The change.’</p>
<p>‘Hell,’ said Remus, shortly.</p>
<p>‘It hurts?’</p>
<p>‘It’s the worst pain in the world. Like all my bones breaking one my one. All my muscles stretching and my skin ripping. It’s not pretty.’</p>
<p>‘I bet it makes you tough though. You could withstand almost anything if you can cope with that. I guess that’s why you’re a Gryffindor.’ </p>
<p>Remus shrugged. ‘It doesn’t feel very brave to me. It’s not like I have a choice.’</p>
<p>‘I guess not.’</p>
<p>‘Now stop distracting me and focus on your work,’ said Remus, in that teacher tone of his.</p>
<p>Sirius rolled his eyes and grinned. He wouldn’t be surprised if Remus did end up as a teacher one day.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That night after dinner, Remus hurried off after wolfing down his usual monthly bloody steak and chips. Sirius smirked at his own joke. <em>Wolfing</em>.</p>
<p>He didn’t say the joke aloud to Remus. He’d already managed to work out that Remus wasn’t up for a joke about his furry problem on full moon nights. Sometimes he could get him to laugh other times though.</p>
<p>Left alone, he felt at a bit of a loose end. He could go for a walk but they weren’t as fun without Remus. He could go to the forest but Remus had told him again and again that he shouldn’t go in there alone and it was difficult not to pay attention to Remus.</p>
<p>He wandered through the corridors for a bit, then went to the common room. There weren’t any other second years in Gryffindor who’d stayed. There were quite a few older students, all stressed about their upcoming important exams and revising furiously. He tried to play a game of Exploding Snap by himself but he got shouted at.</p>
<p>Huffing, he went upstairs to his dorm room. Maybe he could read one of Remus’s books or something. <em>Merlin, I must be getting desperate</em>.</p>
<p>He looked out of the window. The sun was setting. The sky was a beautiful orange and pink, fading away to black in the distance. He stood, watching it for a while. This view here was one of his favourites. When he thought of Hogwarts, this view was the first thing he thought of. From here, he could see a lot of the castle and the grounds and the forest. He knew it was a view he would remember, even when he was grown up and he had a job and his own house.</p>
<p>He looked down at the ground and, in the grey dusk, saw the faint shadow of Remus and Madame Pomfrey heading across the grass. As usual, he watched them disappear underneath the Whomping Willow. A few minutes later, the matron came out alone.</p>
<p>Sirius knew that, as soon as it got properly dark and the moon was a shining globe in the blackness, Remus would change. He shuddered to think about it. It was terrifying when you really thought about it. Your body changing like that, all that pain, just to become this dangerous creature with no control over your own body. It was like … being controlled by the Imperius curse. You couldn’t stop yourself from doing horrible things. He wondered how conscious the real Remus was in there. Was he aware all the time or was it all just a horrible blank? Did images come back to him in the night about the things that had happened to his body?</p>
<p>Sirius shuddered. He hated to think of that. Maybe that’s what Remus’s nightmares were about. They had never told each other what they were about and maybe it was better that way. He certainly had no desire to tell anyone about his own nightmares. It was bad enough he had them, never mind talking about them. He’d resolved not to, for as long as he lived.</p>
<p>It was time to go to bed. He felt strange in the dorm on his own. It seemed to have lost that safe, comforting feeling. It didn’t feel like staying over at the Potters’ house anymore. It felt like sleeping in his own bed at home.</p>
<p>He pulled the covers up over himself and closed his eyes, trying to settle himself down to sleep. It was too quiet. He could hear the gentle of the floorboards.</p>
<p>He opened his eyes, straining into the darkness. It was too dark. The shadows all seemed too big.</p>
<p>He closed his eyes again, determined to make himself go to sleep. He was fine. He was thirteen now. He was too old to be frightened of the dark.</p>
<p>
  <em>The hand reaches for him, pulling back the covers. Warm breath blows in his face and the familiar pressure of that bigger body pushes him down.</em>
</p>
<p>Sirius shot out of bed, shaking. He pulled on some clothes as quick as he could and bolted out of the door. It was late and everybody else in the tower seemed to be asleep. The common room was dark and quiet but, by now, he couldn’t stand staying inside anymore. It all felt too stuffy and too close.</p>
<p>Keeping quiet, he sneaked out of the common room, down the many flights of stairs and outside as quick as he could. He realised too late he should have brought James’s cloak out, since his best friend had been kind enough to leave it stashed under his bed in its usual place. But nobody stopped him, not even Filch and his stinky, bad-tempered cat.</p>
<p>Outside, he immediately felt better. The air was cool and fresh on his face and he took a deep, calming breath. He walked round to the Whomping Willow. Every instinct in his body told him to go to Remus but he knew he couldn’t. It wasn’t safe and it would only make it worse for his friend. His urge to go to the forest reared its head again but he pushed it away. Instead, he sat down on the grass and watched the Whomping Willow. He felt safe here, as near to Remus as he could, out in the fresh air. Nothing could touch him here.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0068"><h2>68. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Thirty Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was just starting to get light when Sirius got up and headed back inside. He crept in through the doors and came face to face with Madame Pomfrey.</p>
<p>She narrowed her eyes at him. ‘What are you doing out here, Sirius? It’s far too early to be wandering about.’</p>
<p>‘I just went for a walk. It’s so quiet in my dorm with nobody else there.’</p>
<p>Her gaze skirted away from him. ‘Ah, well, Remus will be back with you later. He had a bit of an upset tummy last night so he’s resting up in the hospital wing.’</p>
<p>Sirius hesitated, wanting to let her know he knew the real reason for Remus’s absence, but he wasn’t sure what the consequences would be if any of the staff realised they knew. But he couldn’t resist a little joke. ‘Must have been all that steak he ate last night. Wolfed it down. Funny when he’s usually vegetarian, isn’t it?’</p>
<p>Madame Pomfrey pursed her lips. ‘In you go now. Go and have a good wash before breakfast. From the state of that cloak, it looks like you’ve been out all night.’</p>
<p>Sirius gave her a friendly grin, then hurried on before she properly told him.</p>
<p>He returned to Gryffindor Tower and went up to his dorm. In the daylight, it wasn’t at all frightening. He hoped Remus really was back by that evening. He couldn’t bear another night like last night.</p>
<p>He went into the bathroom and took a shower, lingering longer than usual. It was bliss to have unlimited hot water. Usually, with the four of them, the pipes started to struggle a bit. Then he got dressed properly in black trousers and a shirt. He wasn’t a big fan of the clothes his parents provided him. Too well-to-do and old fashioned. He nicked one of James’s red sweatshirts to go over his black shirt. If he had free choice in what he wore, he’d dress so crazy. Muggle stuff. Anything and everything that would make him look fun and cool.</p>
<p>Under his bed, hidden from Remus, was his sweets and chocolate stash. That was one thing he was never short of. As long as it was wizard-made, he could buy whatever he wanted, and Mrs Potter often sent him things when she sent James stuff. Sirius put together a decent collection of assorted sweets and chocolate, grabbed the book Remus was reading and the next one from his pile and shoved it into his schoolbag. He headed off to the hospital wing.</p>
<p>He was pretty sure Remus would be in the hospital wing by now. He hoped it wouldn’t be too bad this time and maybe he’d be allowed to see him. At the very least, he hoped to pass the bag over, so Remus had something to occupy him while he rested. Then he’d have to find something to</p>
<p>He reached the hospital wing and edged towards the door. He peered in. He couldn’t see Remus but there was a screen up and Madame Pomfrey was bustling about. She wasn’t looking in his direction so he took his chance and scuttled inside.</p>
<p>She turned just as he reached the screen. ‘Sirius, what are you doing here? You should be at breakfast.’</p>
<p>He gave her one of his charming smiles. ‘I just brought a few things for Remus.’</p>
<p>‘I’m afraid you can’t see him right now, dear,’ she said, kindly. ‘He needs rest.’</p>
<p>‘I’m okay,’ came Remus’s voice, faint and tired but still very much himself.</p>
<p>Before Madame Pomfrey could stop him, Sirius skirted around the screen and grinned at Remus. He was propped up a little in bed and didn’t look too bad. He was wearing clean white pyjamas and he had a couple of bandages and a few scratches on his face but, other than that, he looked just like his ordinary self.</p>
<p>He smiled at Sirius. ‘What have you brought me?’</p>
<p>Sirius dumped the bag on the little table next to the bed. ‘Chocolate and books.’</p>
<p>Remus laughed. ‘My favourite.’ He hesitated. ‘Peter’s stash?’</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head. ‘Mine. And the book you’re reading and the next one on your pile.’</p>
<p>Remus blushed, a wide smile spreading across his face. ‘Thank you. That’s really thoughtful.’</p>
<p>Sirius, embarrassed, rubbed the back of his head and shrugged. ‘Just keeping myself occupied really.’</p>
<p>‘Well, I feel better already.’</p>
<p>Madame Pomfrey tutted. ‘Five minutes,’ she said, sternly. ‘Just while I prepare this painkilling solution for you, Remus. Then you can head off to breakfast, Sirius. I’ve got patients to feed. Well, a patient,’ she corrected herself. ‘But it can easily be two if you don’t buzz off when told.’</p>
<p>Sirius laughed. ‘That’s what I like in a matron. Threats! I promise I’ll go when you tell me.’</p>
<p>She softened, clearly taken with his charm. ‘All right, you boys have a quick chat. I’ll be right back.’</p>
<p>Sirius pulled up a chair and sat beside the bed. ‘Was it really bad?’ he asked.</p>
<p>Remus shrugged. ‘Not too bad. I guess fewer people around helps. What with most people at home for Easter.’</p>
<p>‘It was weird on my own in the dorm,’ said Sirius, glancing down and pulling at a loose thread on the bed covers.</p>
<p>He felt Remus looking closely at him. ‘Did you have a nightmare?’ he asked, his voice low.</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head. ‘I didn’t give myself chance to. I haven’t slept. Sat in the grounds all night.’</p>
<p>‘Not … in the forest?’</p>
<p>‘Nope, stayed away from there like you said. I sat outside the Whomping Willow all night.’ He didn’t know why he was telling Remus this, just that it was easy to tell him things. He was easy to trust.</p>
<p>Remus sighed. ‘Well, I guess we can both have an early night tonight.’ He glanced towards Madame Pomfey’s office. ‘If she lets me out this evening.’</p>
<p>‘Do you think she will?’</p>
<p>‘Hope so. I hate sleeping in here. It’s too big, especially with just me here.’</p>
<p>‘I’d stay with you if she’d let me.’</p>
<p>Remus grinned. ‘I know.’</p>
<p>‘Just think of me bored and scratching about looking for something to do, while you’re lying here eating and sleeping and reading.’</p>
<p>‘You know, you could always read. Or do some revision.’</p>
<p>Sirius laughed. ‘You know I actually considered that last night, I was so bored on my own. Nah, I bet I can find someone to play Gobstones with, even if it’s a first-year.’ He grinned. ‘Maybe I could find a pretty third or fourth-year girl to play with me.’</p>
<p>Remus shifted in the bed and didn’t say anything. There was an awkward silence for a moment, then Madame Pomfrey came out of her office.</p>
<p>‘Right, that’s your five minutes. Time for you to go now, Sirius.’</p>
<p>Sirius stood up. ‘All right, I’m going.’ He looked at Remus, whose cheeks was a dark pink, though Sirius wasn’t sure why. ‘See you later, Moony.’</p>
<p>He headed off, hearing Remus and Madame Pomfrey talking to each other as he left. At least breakfast would use some time up. He could take his time, then go and find someone to entertain him until Remus got his reprieve.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0069"><h2>69. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Thirty Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus was back in the dorm that night. He was tired and sore but he was glad he’d successfully persuaded Madame Pomfrey to let him back to the dorm.</p>
<p>He’d had tea in the hospital wing, then Madam Pomfrey had escorted him back to Gryffindor Tower and got him tucked up in bed. He’d started to read his book but had quickly dozed off and didn’t wake until Sirius came into the room.</p>
<p>‘Remus! You’re back!’</p>
<p>Remus squinted at him; the lights seemed too bright and Sirius too vivid.</p>
<p>‘Hi.’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned at him. ‘Have you had tea?’</p>
<p>‘Had something before I left the hospital wing.’</p>
<p>‘Bet you wouldn’t say no to some chocolate though.’</p>
<p>Without waiting for an answer, Sirius went to his bedside table and took out a large bar of chocolate from the drawer. He laid it gingerly on top of Remus’s blanket.</p>
<p>‘The House Elves gave me this for you.’</p>
<p>Remus grinned at him, propping himself up a little. ‘Thank you. That’s so kind of you.’</p>
<p>Sirius’s pale cheeks turned slightly pink and he shrugged. ‘It was the House Elves really,’ he said, not looking at him.</p>
<p>Remus held back his chuckle. It was more than a little obvious than Sirius was fibbing. It was kind of cute actually. He shook his head. <em>Cute? What sort of thought is that to have about your best friend? </em></p>
<p>‘Do you want to play a game or something?’ he asked.</p>
<p>Sirius looked at him and smiled. ‘Sure. How about chess?’</p>
<p>‘You said chess was boring.’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘It’s not so bad.’ He dropped to his knees and retrieved Remus’s chess set from under the bed. He grinned at Remus as he placed it on top of the blankets. ‘You can teach me some new strategies.’</p>
<p>Remus laughed, sitting up properly. ‘What, so you can beat me?’</p>
<p>Sirius laughed, sitting on the edge of the bed. ‘No, so I can beat James.’</p>
<p>Remus just shook his head in amusement. ‘So, you do know how to play a little.’</p>
<p>‘Grew up with a solid gold chess set in my nursery, of course I know how to play.’</p>
<p>Remus felt his eyebrows shoot up. ‘You had a solid gold chess set in your nursery? I didn’t even have a nursery.’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘Old money. It’s not so great. Comes with old attitudes.’ He started to set the chessboard up.</p>
<p>‘My grandparents were like that. Still are, I suppose.’</p>
<p>‘Why suppose?’</p>
<p>‘Haven’t seen them since just after I was bitten.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, they were funny about it?’</p>
<p>Remus let out a humourless chuckle. ‘Yeah. They called me a beast and thought I should be put in prison. They wanted my parents to tell the ministry and have me taken away.’ He glanced at Sirius, who was listening intently. ‘We left them behind when we left France.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, so that’s why you read in French?’</p>
<p>‘We lived there until I was bitten, then we had to come here.’</p>
<p>‘So, if you hadn’t been bitten were you going to go to Beauxbatons?’</p>
<p>‘No, we were always going to come to Hogwarts.’</p>
<p>‘We?’</p>
<p>Remus felt his cheeks get hot. ‘Me, I mean. I was always going to come here. Like my papa. His dad was English and he wanted his son to go to the same school he did. So did my papa. I would have just gone back to France for the holidays.’</p>
<p>‘I guess you don’t go back there now, do you?’</p>
<p>‘They really <em>really </em>don’t like werewolves in France.’</p>
<p>‘They’re missing out!’ said Sirius, with one of his charming grins.</p>
<p>Remus laughed. ‘I’m not sure your sample size of one is that accurate.’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘Maybe not.’ He shifted a bit and the chess set tipped over. ‘Whoops, maybe a bed isn’t the bed place to play this.’</p>
<p>‘Hang on, I can fix this.’ He took his wand out of his bedside table and cast a steadying charm on the chessboard.</p>
<p>Sirius grinned, testing it out by trying to wobble the board. It wouldn’t budge. ‘Where did you learn that?’</p>
<p>Remus grinned at him. ‘I looked it up to stop Peter spilling his Sherbet Dip everywhere. Do you know it even got in my bed?’</p>
<p>Sirius laughed. ‘How? Peter’s bed is nowhere near yours.’</p>
<p>Remus shrugged. ‘Who knows.’ He turned his focus to the chess set. ‘Right, let’s play.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That night, Sirius wasn’t afraid to fall asleep. He was tired after barely sleeping the night before and he felt completely safe with Remus sleeping nearby. They’d played a couple of games of chess, winning one each, though Sirius was pretty sure Remus had let him win the second one. Sirius knew he didn’t have the patience to carefully plan out a strategy the way Remus did. But Remus had taught him some new strategies. More than enough to beat James.</p>
<p>As they settled down to sleep, Sirius glanced across at Remus. He was lying on his side, reading his book by lamplight. He had a slight smile on his face.</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. He loved how content Remus always looked when he was reading.</p>
<p>Remus glanced at him. ‘I can turn the light off if it bothers you.’</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head. ‘Nah, I can sleep with a light on. Goodnight.’</p>
<p>Remus smiled. ‘Goodnight.’</p>
<p>Sirius closed his eyes and let himself drift off to sleep.</p>
<p>He was woken in the middle of the night by a cry. He sat up, rubbing his eyes and looking blearily around. Remus was asleep, twitching and crying out. A nightmare.</p>
<p>Sirius didn’t even think about it. He got out of bed and climbed in with Remus. He put his hand on Remus’s arm and murmured softly to him, remembering all the times he’d crawled into bed with his sister after nightmares and how much better he’d felt just to have another person nearby.</p>
<p>‘It’s okay, Moony,’ he whispered. ‘You’re safe.’</p>
<p>Remus stilled, his cries dying away. Sirius hesitated, then pulled the covers over them both. Part of him wanted to put his arm around Remus but maybe that was too far, even though no one was there to see them.</p>
<p>He watched Remus for a little while, making sure he wasn’t going to have another nightmare, then he closed his eyes and allowed himself to fall asleep next to him, looking forward to a nightmare-free night for both of them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0070"><h2>70. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Thirty Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus was more than a little surprised when he woke in the morning to discover Sirius in bed beside him. There was a careful few inches of space between them but he was under the blankets and looked properly asleep.</p>
<p>Remus didn’t move, just keeping his eyes closed and enjoying Sirius’s presence so close to him. He wasn’t sure why this was so different from sleeping a few feet away in the next bed but it was nice.</p>
<p>After a few minutes, he felt Sirius stir. He looked confused for a moment, then his mouth fell open a little as he realised where he was.</p>
<p>‘Oh,’ he said. ‘Erm, you were having a nightmare last night,’ he said. ‘Werewolf stuff, I guess.’</p>
<p>Remus shrugged. ‘Yeah, probably. I don’t really remember.’</p>
<p>Sirius dragged a hand through his messy hair. ‘I just wanted to help.’</p>
<p>Remus smiled. ‘You did.’</p>
<p>Sirius smiled back at him for a moment, then hastily got out of bed. ‘Better get washed before breakfast,’ he said, then disappeared into the bathroom.</p>
<p>Remus lay back in his bed, just smiling a little. Sirius was very good at being casual but he couldn’t keep it from him how much he cared about his friends.</p>
<p>Madame Pomfrey had told him he could request breakfast to be brought up to him that morning but Remus was already sick of staying in bed. He was sore and tired but he just wanted to get on with the day. Besides, he had revision to do. Exams were getting closer all the time.</p>
<p>They headed down to breakfast together, through the quiet common room and down the idly moving staircases to the Great Hall.</p>
<p>‘It might take us some time to get used to it all being noisy again when they get back. Just a couple of days now,’ said Sirius.</p>
<p>‘Yeah. It’s been a nice change though, hasn’t it? Just the two of us.’ He bit his lip. ‘As long as I haven’t bored you.’</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head. ‘Nah. You’re good to talk to.’ He grinned. ‘I can’t wait to beat James at chess. He thinks he’s so much better than me.’</p>
<p>Remus laughed. ‘He was up until a few days ago.’</p>
<p>He shrugged. ‘I just don’t have the patience. My tutors were always telling me that. If something wasn’t easy straight away, I couldn’t be bothered working at it.’</p>
<p>‘That’s because you’re clever. Like really clever. You’re not used to things being difficult.’</p>
<p>Sirius looked at him. ‘You’re clever too.’</p>
<p>‘Only because I work. It doesn’t come naturally.’</p>
<p>Sirius frowned at him. ‘That’s bollocks. Of course you’re clever. You’re one of the cleverest people I know.’</p>
<p>‘Mr Black,’ interrupted Professor McGonagall.</p>
<p>They both looked up to find her peering down at them. They were only a corridor away from the Great Hall and there were other kids walking past them.</p>
<p>‘Notwithstanding the accuracy of your statement regarding Mr Lupin’s abilities, would you please restrict yourself to swearing outside of my presence?’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned up at her, unabashed, as Remus felt himself blushing. ‘Sure, Professor. Though you have to admit you can be difficult to hear coming.’</p>
<p>‘Then may I suggest avoiding swearing altogether?’ She gestured towards the end of the corridor. ‘Don’t keep Mr Lupin from his breakfast now. I think he needs his strength building up.’</p>
<p>Sirius slung a friendly arm round Remus’s shoulder. ‘Don’t worry, Professor. I’ll look after him. Come on, Moony, you need sausages, even if they are those gross vegetarian ones.’</p>
<p>Remus laughed and allowed Sirius to drag him into the Great Hall. His stomach was already growling as the delicious scent of the food wafted towards them.</p>
<p>‘You know, I think old McGonagall has a soft spot for you,’ said Sirius, as they took their seats.</p>
<p>‘Maybe it’s because I don’t call her old. Really, Sirius, it’s like you want detention.’</p>
<p>‘Aww, she’s all right. Not as stern as she pretends to be if you ask me.’ He grinned. ‘Maybe she’s got a soft spot for me as well.’</p>
<p>‘I wouldn’t be surprised,’ said Remus, then turned his attention to filling his plate. He was absolutely starving.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Things quickly went back to normal when the whole school was back after the holidays. Peter had brought masses of chocolate eggs back, and James had brought an Easter egg back for each of them. Remus suspected his friends were trying to feed him up a bit, as even Peter gave him a big share of his haul.</p>
<p>His papa had sent him a big bar of chocolate instead of an egg, because you got more chocolate for your money. Talking about his family with Sirius made Remus think about how strange it was to have this whole other unknown part of his family. He didn’t even know whether his maternal grandparents were still alive. None of them had heard anything about them since they’d left France.</p>
<p>His paternal grandfather had written fairly regularly but he was gone now. They’d inherited the cottage they lived in from him and some money. They weren’t destitute but Papa found it difficult to get work, because mama needed looking after, and certain sectors of the wizarding world were closed to him because of them escaping from France. The French ministry had put out a warning not to get involved with them, and he had no qualifications that the muggles recognised. So Remus’s clever, hardworking Papa kept the family going by working in muggle shops. He’d got through quite a few of those sorts of jobs because mama so often needed him that he’d had to take a lot of sick days.</p>
<p>But he never complained. He used their savings and any money they had inherited to keep things ticking over whenever he was in between jobs and Remus knew he was careful so that they didn’t ever have to be destitute.</p>
<p>It was so different from the family Sirius had come from. Among the Black family, there seemed to be no limit to the amount of money. Sirius had new clothing every term and whatever material things he asked for, as long as it wasn’t muggle things. But Sirius never talked with any fondness about his home or his family and seemed to dread it whenever he had to deal with them.  </p>
<p> Of course, Remus knew they were into all that pureblood stuff, but there seemed to be something else as well which stopped Sirius from feeling fondly towards his family. Mostly, they just seemed cold. But every so often, Remus felt there was something more. There was a pain sometimes, when Sirius mentioned them or when he was clearly thinking about them. There was a hurt, deep inside Sirius, which was difficult even to catch a glimpse of. Remus wondered whether he would ever know what that hurt truly was.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0071"><h2>71. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Thirty Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus didn’t talk to Sirius again about him getting into bed with him so Sirius guessed he didn’t mind. It had definitely helped him. He was pretty sure it had helped both of them sleep better. But with James and Peter back and the dorm comfortingly noisy again, neither of them needed that extra comfort.</p>
<p>After Easter, time seemed to speed up. All the teachers could talk about was exams and Remus was much the same, getting properly stressed and obsessively visiting the library. The only time he did spend in the common room, he was snappy. Sirius and James even consented to doing some revision themselves just to calm him down. Of course, Peter was already pulling his hair out over his revision.</p>
<p>Before they knew it, it was June and they were standing outside the Great Hall, waiting to be let inside for their first exam.</p>
<p>Remus was shifting about from foot to foot and chewing his lip. ‘I hope I do all right.’</p>
<p>‘Remus,’ said James, with a slight eye roll. ‘This is Defence Against the Dark Arts. You could bloody teach the class.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, probably better than Rowle,’ said Sirius. ‘She tends to forget about the whole Defence Against bit.’</p>
<p>Peter didn’t say anything but he passed Remus one of the small bars of chocolate he always kept in his pocket. Remus smiled gratefully at him as he unwrapped it and broke off a square. ‘Thanks. I just get so nervous about exams.’</p>
<p>‘Nothing to worry about, Moony,’ said Sirius. ‘No matter how bad you do, they’re not gonna chuck you out. You’re one of a kind, aren’t you?’</p>
<p>Remus laughed and Sirius saw him relax considerably.</p>
<p>The next moment, however, he was tense again as Professor Rowle swept past them. Sirius felt himself tense too. He really did not like her. She was one of <em>them</em>; he was certain of it.</p>
<p>Maybe he should tell Professor Dumbledore about her. But then, he didn’t have any proof. He hadn’t even seen that snake symbol on her anywhere. She was just a bit intense and looked at him weird sometimes. That wasn’t any reason to get her fired. So he hadn’t really mentioned to anyone, except his friends, how creeped out she made him feel.</p>
<p>Her presence seemed to make everyone go quiet and a few minutes later, they were called into the exam hall. Professor McGonagall waited until they were in all their seats at their individual tables before she launched into her usual lecture about proper behaviour in an exam. Sirius tuned out. He knew all this and he had no need to cheat.</p>
<p>At last the exam was underway. He sped through it, dashing off his answers with ease. At some point, his attention wandered. He leaned back on his chair a little and glanced across at Remus. He was at the other end of the hall and Sirius couldn’t see his expression. He was writing slowly and carefully, forming his words with his usual exactness.</p>
<p>Sirius went back to his paper. Remus would do fine. Like they’d said. He was the best at this subject. He really could teach it.</p>
<p>Suddenly, a girl near the front burst into tears. Sirius rolled his eyes. It was only end-of-year exams, nothing to get in a fuss about. It wasn’t like it was their O.W.L.s or anything.</p>
<p>Professor McGonagall bustled over and leaned over to speak sternly to her. Sirius glanced at the front, expecting more teachers to hurry over to sort the girl out. But nobody else moved.</p>
<p>Sirius suddenly realised that Professor Rowle was looking at him, with a slight smirk on her face. He suppressed his shudder and tried to focus on his work again.</p>
<p>‘Professor, read the question.’ Lily Evans’ voice carried across the hall, high pitched with distress. Sirius looked up again. She was holding her paper up and pointing vigorously at it. He wasn’t that far away and he could see angry tears in her eyes. She was next to the girl who was crying.</p>
<p>‘That can’t have been approved,’ Lily carried on.</p>
<p>Professor McGonagall took the paper out of Lily’s hands and stared at it, her eyes moving rapidly back and forth as she read and reread the question. What was going on?</p>
<p>He glanced at Remus, who was still focused on his exam paper. But he wasn’t writing anymore. He was holding the paper in both hands, staring at it. It shook slightly in his grip.</p>
<p>Sirius looked back at James and Peter. James was looking around in confusion but Peter was staring at the paper too and his round cheeks were bright red. Sirius looked at his own paper, trying to find the offending question. He turned the page and read:</p>
<p>      32. Which of these types of people should be authorised to practise magic?</p>
<p>                    a. Wizards &amp; Witches</p>
<p>                    b. Muggles</p>
<p>                    c. Squibs</p>
<p>                    d. Mudbloods</p>
<p>Sirius’s mouth fell open. Was that … was that real? It couldn’t be. But there it was in black and white. He looked at Professor McGonagall. She was staring at Professor Rowle and her cheeks had gone ever so slightly pink. Rowle was still smirking.</p>
<p>‘What is the meaning of this?’ Professor McGonagall asked, her breath low with barely constrained anger.</p>
<p>Rowle stood up straight and tall. ‘I stand by my question. My job is to teach these children the truth and that is what I will do.’</p>
<p>‘This is unacceptable. Please accompany me to Professor Dumbledore at once.’</p>
<p>Rowle laughed. ‘I’m not going anywhere with you, mudblood.’</p>
<p>There was a collective gasp in the hall. Everybody was paying attention now. Sirius looked at McGonagall. What was she going to do now?</p>
<p>With utter calmness, McGonagall slid her wand out from up her sleeve and held it in her confident grip. ‘Professor Rowle, I am asking you now to leave the school peacefully and nobody will get hurt.’</p>
<p>Rowle laughed. ‘Oh, I’ll leave peacefully. But war will come here, McGonagall. You cannot protect your students from the truth forever.’ She looked past McGonagall, straight at Sirius.</p>
<p>‘Remember this, Mr Black. When the time comes, know who you are.’ She raised her wand and hissed a word Sirius thought he might have heard before. ‘<em>Morsmordre.</em>’</p>
<p>That green skull with the snake emerging from its mouth illuminated the great hall with its sickling green shine and Sirius felt sick. That was the word his family had used at that meeting. It was the spell for that mark.</p>
<p>McGonagall took a step towards Rowle, ready to grab her arm but before she could reach her, Rowle turned and ran from the hall.</p>
<p>McGonagall looked at Professor Sprout, who was also supervising the exam. ‘This is exam is now cancelled,’ she said. ‘Professor, look after the students.’ The next moment she was gone, after Rowle. Sirius guessed she was making sure she was off the grounds.</p>
<p>‘Right, children,’ said Professor Sprout, putting on a good attempt at her usual cheery voice. ‘Let’s all get down to the lake as quickly as we can and get some fresh air and sunshine.’ She bustled them out with surprising efficiency.</p>
<p>Sirius lingered, unable to take his eyes off the skull which hung menacingly in the air. It seemed to laugh at them, as if they were all so weak, they had no chance. Sirius feared they were right. He knew what the other side was like. What chance did any of them have against people who didn’t care who they hurt? Sirius knew the truth of it, perhaps more than anyone else in the whole school. They had no chance against people who enjoyed torture and murder. But they had to try.</p>
<p>Professor Sprout spotted him trailing at the back. She reached out and put her arm around his shoulders. She was only an inch or so taller than he was but there was something strong about her nevertheless, something maternal.</p>
<p>‘Come on, my dear. Staring at that horrible thing won’t do you any good. You’ll feel better after you’ve got a little sunshine. Come on.’</p>
<p>She steered him after the others. He fell into step with his friends. James squeezed his shoulder as he slung his other arm around Peter’s shoulders. Remus brushed against him as they walked and Sirius took a steadying breath. None of them was alone. If this came to a real fight, an actual war, they would all stand together and they would get through it. They had to.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0072"><h2>72. Part Three, Discovering the Secret, Chapter Thirty Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sun was bright and warm on their faces, chasing away the memory of the green skull and snake. Sirius felt shaken and had a knot in his stomach. Hogwarts should be safe but it wasn’t. anyone could be on the side of hate and he could trust no one.</p>
<p>Professor Sprout led them all down to the lake and told them to sit and soak up the sun. A lot of the muggle-born kids huddled up together, not far from them, talking in high-pitched earnest voices. A couple were still fighting tears. That girl, Lily Evans, was holding court in the middle of the group, her green eyes fiery with determination.</p>
<p>Sirius looked back at his own friends. ‘I knew she was one of <em>them</em>,’ he said, airily.</p>
<p>‘Uh huh,’ said James, seemingly unable to take his attention away from the group of muggle-borns.</p>
<p>Sirius took off his tie and threw it at him. ‘Oi, Potter, we’re over here.’</p>
<p>James looked at him. ‘Sorry, what did you say?’</p>
<p>He frowned at him. ‘What’s so interesting over there anyway?’</p>
<p>James’s ears turned faintly pink. ‘Nothing.’</p>
<p>He narrowed his eyes at his friend. ‘Clearly something over there has got your attention.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, stop going on at him,’ said Remus. He pulled out a bag of chocolate fudge pieces from his schoolbag and passed them round. ‘I think we could all do with some chocolate. That was a bit off-putting, wasn’t it?’</p>
<p>‘It was scary,’ said Peter, with a shudder. ‘I thought she was going to kill someone! She’s crazy.’</p>
<p>‘You’re safe here, Peter,’ said Sirius, firmly. ‘McGonagall would never let anything happen to you at Hogwarts.’</p>
<p>‘He’s right though,’ said Remus. ‘These people are dangerous. They’ve already killed someone.’</p>
<p>‘But we’re safe here,’ said Sirius, determined not to accept any other possibility.</p>
<p>‘Yeah, right, with that lot around,’ said Remus, nodding towards where a small group of Slytherins were sitting, occasionally glaring round at the rest of them.</p>
<p>‘Them,’ scoffed Sirius. ‘They’re nothing. Just wannabes.’</p>
<p>‘Yes, and we know who they want to be,’ said Remus. ‘Your cousins.’</p>
<p>Sirius pulled a face and didn’t say anything. Remus passed him the chocolate fudge bag.</p>
<p>‘Here,’ he said. ‘Have some chocolate. You’ll feel better.’</p>
<p>Sirius took a chocolate and ate it, wondering how Remus knew he was feeling wobbly. He didn’t want to think about it. He lay down on the grass and looked up at the blue sky. The sun was pleasant on his face and he closed his eyes, allowing the heat of the sun and the chocolate in his belly to brighten his mood. The presence of his friends helped too.</p>
<p>‘Do you think they’ll let us retake the exam?’ asked Remus.</p>
<p>‘Retake it?’ said Peter in horror. ‘McGonagall said it was cancelled.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, no, surely they’ll let us take it again,’ said Remus. ‘I hadn’t even got through half of it.’</p>
<p>‘Half of it? Bloody hell, Moony, I’d only done the first page!’ said James. ‘Anyway, I don’t think they’ll bother making us do it again. It’s only end-of-year exams. They don’t really mean anything and they’d have to get someone else to write it.’</p>
<p>Sirius propped himself up on his elbows and grinned at James. ‘Our Moony could write it. He knows more than Raving Rowle anyway.’</p>
<p>Remus blushed and Sirius felt a strange fluttering sensation in his tummy. He lay back down, frowning a little but it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling. Actually, it was quite nice. He wouldn’t mind feeling that way some more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They were told the next day that the exam was completely cancelled, and their grades based on their classwork instead. Remus was upset but everyone else was thrilled and it was a celebratory mood in the common room that night.</p>
<p>Sirius couldn’t find it in him to celebrate. The oppressive feeling he always felt at the prospect of returning home seemed worse this time. Usually he had a visit to the Potters’ to look forward to but this holiday, he wasn’t sure they would let him go. Sides were being drawn and, even if they were purebloods, the Potters were the least likely to join those lunatics.</p>
<p>No, he had to stop calling them that. They weren’t lunatics. They were completely sane. That’s what made them so dangerous. He felt as though he were going home to a nest of vipers this summer.</p>
<p>James nudged him. ‘Oi, what’s with you? You should be celebrating. One less exam to do.’</p>
<p>‘I’d rather do a hundred exams than go home.’</p>
<p>‘Ah, yeah,’ said James. He slung his arm around Sirius’s shoulders. ‘You can come to my house as much as you like.’</p>
<p>‘If it were up to me, I’d spend the whole summer there but …’ He sighed heavily. ‘Who knows if they’ll even let me out.’</p>
<p>James bit his lip, looking awkward. ‘Sirius,’ he said, in a low voice. ‘I know your parents are … horrible and … strict but … they don’t <em>really </em>hurt you, do they?’</p>
<p>Sirius felt his stomach drop. He took a moment to compose himself before he looked at his best friend. ‘Nah. Me? Come on, James. I’m the Black Heir, aren’t I? They’d never hurt me.’ He flicked back his hair in a way he knew made him look carefree and haughty. ‘I just can’t stand being around all their nonsense, that’s all.’</p>
<p>James studied him for a moment, then relaxed. ‘Yeah, I can see that would get annoying. Hey, maybe there’s a spell that’ll block your ears when they start.’</p>
<p>Sirius snorted. ‘What, <em>accio earwax</em>?’</p>
<p>James laughed. ‘You should try it. You never know. It might work.’</p>
<p>Sirius just smiled and didn’t respond.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The rest of the exams passed uneventfully enough. Sirius found them all pretty easy and he knew James did too. Remus spent almost all his free time revising, though Sirius knew how clever he was as well. Peter was quite stressed about every exam, practically having a panic attack before each one, but Sirius knew he’d pass too. He did struggle with the practical but his theory made up for it. Not that the exams made much difference at all this year.</p>
<p>All too soon for Sirius, it was the last morning and they were all packing up to go home. They wouldn’t be back for more than six weeks. It felt like an interminably long time to wait.</p>
<p>But, he had to get through it. Whatever happened, he had to get through. He just had to be a different person for six weeks, a person who didn’t care what they did to him.</p>
<p>Except he knew he did.</p>
<p>Sitting next to Remus in one of the Thestral-drawn carriages, Sirius wondered again why Remus could see them too. Who had he lost? There was so much he didn’t know about Remus, so much he kept to himself. Maybe that’s why they got on so well; they were both very similar.</p>
<p>His friends kept him distracted on the train and they talked, laughed and ate loads. As he got off, he said goodbye to the last bit of happiness he could expect for the next six whole weeks.</p>
<p>As always, Chauffeur met him at the station with a friendly smile and waited for him to say goodbye to his friends before he took him away.</p>
<p>‘How are things at Grimmauld Place?’ he asked. He refused to call it home.</p>
<p>Chauffeur hesitated. ‘More or less the same,’ he said, his voice heavy with meaning.</p>
<p>Sirius nodded. ‘I suppose they’re expecting me,’ he said, the sighed heavily.</p>
<p>Chauffeur put his arm around his shoulders. ‘We could stop on the way for an ice cream if you like?’</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head. ‘No, we’d better get back. I don’t want to get you in trouble.’</p>
<p>‘All right. As you like.’ He picked up his trunk and put it on a trolley for him. ‘Come on, then, time to go.’</p>
<p>Sirius followed him with a feeling of dread tightening his chest.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0073"><h2>73. Part Four: Girls, Boys, and Assorted Creatures, Chapter One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius sat in his bedroom and looked out of the window at the full moon. He hoped Remus wasn’t having too bad a time of it. He said it was worse at home because there wasn’t enough room. Though Remus seemed to love being at home otherwise. It made Sirius curious about what his home was like, somewhere nice probably. Sirius imagined a cosy cottage with lots of books in it, and lots of sunlight.</p><p>Sunlight never seemed to penetrate Grimmauld Place. Even his own bedroom was dark and stuffy all the time, despite him keeping the heavy black velvet curtains open most of the time and his window open. The whole house had that kind of atmosphere and it wasn’t just the lack of light and air.</p><p>He shifted, trying to find a more comfortable position. He’d apparently cheeked his mother about something and she’d ordered his father to use the cane. Things seemed to have got even stricter in the Black Household and he didn’t know why. Usually, if his mother got harder on him, it was because she was in a bad mood but now she seemed to be happier than normal. It was more disconcerting than her being angry.</p><p>He didn’t want to think about it but it kept slipping back to him. There was something going on. There were people visiting all the time, some were relations but others he’d never seen before. He didn’t like the look of any of them.</p><p>There was a knock on his door and he tensed but it didn’t open. There was only one person who waited for permission to enter.</p><p>‘Come in, Rege,’ he said.</p><p>His little brother came looking surprised. ‘How did you know it was me?’</p><p>‘You’re the only one who knocks.’</p><p>Regulus came in properly and shut the door behind him. He sat on Sirius’s bed and was quiet for a moment.</p><p>‘There are people downstairs,’ he said, in a small voice.</p><p>‘Who?’ Sirius asked.</p><p>Regulus shook his head. ‘I don’t know them. Sirius, why do they keep coming here?’</p><p>‘Because they know that our parents agree with them.’</p><p>‘But what’s it all about?’</p><p>Sirius hesitated, unsure about how safe it would be to tell Regulus about any of this stuff. He was still two years away from starting Hogwarts. Maybe he was still too young.</p><p>‘It’s complicated, Regulus but everybody is different and some people don’t think people who are different from them should get to study magic.’</p><p>Regulus frowned. ‘But Mother says only pureblood wizards and witches should get to study magic.’</p><p>‘Yeah, I know she does, but I think anybody who can do magic should get to study it.’</p><p>‘Mother says that’s wrong, that we have to protect magic, that if we let the wrong people use it, it’ll damage it, pollute it.’</p><p>Sirius sighed. ‘Parents aren’t always right.’ He reached out and ruffled Regulus’s hair. ‘Don’t worry. You’ll understand when you get to Hogwarts. Everything’s different there.’</p><p>Regulus frowned and was silent for a moment.</p><p>‘Siri,’ he said, after a moment. ‘Do you think Father doesn’t like me anymore?’</p><p>Sirius’s stomach tightened. ‘What do you mean?’</p><p>‘He doesn’t come to say goodnight anymore.’</p><p>Sirius frowned. ‘You said you didn’t like it when he did that. You said it hurt your feelings.’</p><p>‘Yeah but now he just ignores me.’</p><p>The tension in Sirius’s stomach eased and he shifted over to his brother and put his arm around his shoulders. ‘Maybe that’s best, Rege. Mother ignores <em>me</em>. Maybe that’s just how it is. You’ve got Mother and I’ve got Father.’</p><p>‘I suppose it’s because you’re the oldest,’ said Regulus. He didn’t sound particularly emotional about it. He snuggled in, enjoying the rare physical affection. Even though their mother preferred Regulus, Sirius guessed she still wasn’t one for giving hugs and kisses, not like Carina had been. One of Sirius’s strongest memories was being held by her, the warmth he had felt in her arms, or when she’d kissed him.</p><p>Regulus didn’t remember any of that. He barely knew they’d had a sister. Sirius had to make sure he knew what it was like to be properly loved, the way family should love each other. It was up to him to make sure his little brother felt the kind of love the Potters gave each other. There was nobody else who would.</p><p> </p><p>After Regulus had gone off to bed, Sirius couldn’t help thinking about what he’d said. Who was downstairs this time? He knew they all had something to do with this dark lord, the one who had got all his family so excited.</p><p>He also knew that McGonagall and Dumbledore were worried about how many followers he was getting and who they were. Maybe if he could sneak in, he might be able to recognise some of them, give some names. That would help his side.</p><p>He smiled. His side. The side of the muggleborns and half-bloods, Dumbledore’s side, Remus and Peter’s side. His mother would call him a blood traitor. If that what he was, then he was proud of it.</p><p>Though he knew it wasn’t safe to let his family know that though.</p><p>He got up and wishing for James’s invisibility cloak, sneaked out of his bedroom. He tiptoed downstairs, vaguely wondering what he’d get if he was found. He wasn’t keen to find out what the belt or the strap felt like over the cane.</p><p>The drawing-room door was shut, and he could hear voices coming from in there. Cautiously, he put his ear to the door, trying to hear anything he could. But the wood was thick and he couldn’t hear much more than mumbles.</p><p>He heard footsteps behind him a moment too late to turn. A hand landed on his shoulder, gripping firmly. Sick with tension, he looked up at his father’s face. To his surprise, he was smiling.</p><p>He didn’t say anything, just gestured conspiratorially towards his study. Sirius followed him in.</p><p>There was a lamp burning on his father’s desk and a large leather book was open in front of it. Cephus sat down on the brown leather desk chair and gave Sirius an appraising look.</p><p>‘So, what were you doing out there, my boy?’ he asked.</p><p>‘I was just curious about what the meeting was about.’</p><p> Cephus smiled. ‘Always inquisitive, aren’t you? Just like your father.’</p><p>‘So, what was it about?’ Sirius asked, carefully.</p><p>‘Our future, Sirius, the future of wizardkind.’</p><p>‘What do you mean, Father?’</p><p>‘We’ve been subjugated for far too long, Sirius but now that’s all going to change. The Dark Lord and his Death Eaters are going to fight for the rights of all pureblooded wizards. You’ll see, Sirius. By the time you take your place as The Black Heir, our world will be what it used to be again. You’ll have power over something truly great.’</p><p>‘How are they going to do that?’</p><p>‘Never you mind about that, my boy. You’re far too young to be worrying about that.’</p><p>He hesitated, then stood and crossed to the door. He locked it before returning to Sirius’s side. He laid his hand on his shoulder. His grip was firm and warm.</p><p>‘How is your bottom after that caning?’</p><p>Sirius squirmed uncomfortably. He knew where this was going and he didn’t like it. ‘Sore, Sir,’ he said.</p><p>His father patted his shoulder, then went to sit back on his chair. ‘Then take your trousers off and come and sit on my lap. I’ll rub it better for you.’</p><p>Sirius did as he was told, wishing he’d stayed upstairs. Then again, it didn’t really matter. His father would do what he wanted whatever Sirius did.</p><p>As he sat down, his gaze wandered to the books lining the study walls. Maybe there was some sort of solution to help Remus in those?</p><p> </p><p>When the transformation was over and the pain was fading a little, Remus lay still and waited for his papa to come. He always came and he always made him feel better.</p><p>‘I’m here, mon fils,’ came his papa’s soft voice as he threw a blanket over him and lifted him into his arms. ‘I’ve got you,’ he said, carrying him up the stairs and into the kitchen.</p><p>Remus closed his eyes and let himself drift as he was taken up to his bedroom. His injuries were cleaned and dressed, then Papa helped him put his pyjamas on and tucked him up in bed.</p><p>‘Have a sleep,’ Papa murmured. ‘I’ll bring you some breakfast in a little while.’</p><p>‘Just toast,’ murmured Remus.</p><p>Papa laughed softly. ‘I know, mon fils.’ He kissed the top of his head. ‘Just toast for breakfast, then a massive lunch.’</p><p>Remus smiled without opening his eyes and felt himself drift off to sleep before his papa even left the room.</p><p> </p><p>Remus woke a couple of hours later. He sat up, feeling a little wobbly but basically okay. Morning light was coming through the curtains, making it difficult to sleep properly. He’d be happy enough to doze throughout the day, then get an early night.</p><p>On his bedside table was a glass of water. He had a drink, knowing that his papa would be up soon with his toast. He always woke at about the same time. There was a book on his bedside table as well but he didn’t feel like reading. His brain wasn’t quite awake yet.</p><p>He tugged the curtains open a little and looked at the sunlit garden. The swing moved slightly in the breeze. It was going to be a fine day. Maybe he could get papa to help him outside and he could doze in the hammock instead. Papa would probably take mama outside later on. Sunlight always put her in a good mood.</p><p>He smiled a little as he thought of Sirius lying in the grass with his eyes closed. The sun always put Sirius in a good mood too. So did the clear night sky. Sirius was very much a sky person. Remus had spent years trying to avoid looking at the sky at night, just so he didn’t have to look at the moon.</p><p>But Sirius was changing that about him. Now, when he looked at the sky, he was looking for the dog star. Not that he could see it now because it was properly daylight. It was fitting that Sirius was named for a star. He <em>was </em>a star, bright and sparkling.</p><p>Remus felt his cheeks get hot. Sirius was his friend and he shouldn’t be thinking about him like that. Why <em>was</em> he thinking about him like that? Maybe it was some weird side effect of werewolf puberty? Nobody knew much about it and he knew it was happening. He’d read all he could about it but there was very little in the books. Anything could happen.</p><p>He heard Papa’s footsteps on the stairs and he sat up straighter and picked up his book, pretending he’d just been reading.</p><p>‘Here we go, mon fils. Hot buttered toast and some orange juice,’ he said, as he entered the room.</p><p>‘Thanks, Papa,’ Remus said, as Papa put the plate and glass down on his bedside table. Remus put his book down and started to eat.</p><p>‘Do you fancy dozing in the garden in a little while?’ Papa asked.</p><p>Remus grinned. ‘I was just thinking about that. Mama would like to sit out too.’</p><p>‘Good idea.’ Papa considered him for a moment, then reached out and smoothed his hair back from his forehead. ‘Either you need a haircut or you’re going for the hippy look.’</p><p>Remus grinned. ‘Do you think I suit the hippy look?’</p><p>Papa laughed. ‘You could pull off the shaggy cut, if you let me style it a little.’</p><p>‘Yes, please!’</p><p>‘Not a problem. I’ll do it tomorrow, eh? After you’ve got some proper rest.’</p><p>‘Yeah, then if you get it wrong, I’ve got a chance for it to grow back before I go back to school.’</p><p>Papa laughed. ‘Good point.’ He hesitated. ‘How are things at school, mon fils?’</p><p>‘What do you mean, Papa?’</p><p>‘Even out here, we hear the rumours. All this talk of this dark lord person. Have the teachers talked to you about it?’</p><p>‘Not really. I think they want to protect us. Papa, do those people really want to hurt muggleborns and half-bloods?’</p><p>Papa sighed heavily. ‘It seems like it. Remus, the teachers will probably tell you that it will all blow over, and it might, but just you be careful. If you hear any talk like that, don’t just let it go. Speak out about it.’</p><p>‘I will, Papa.’</p><p>‘And another thing,’ said Papa. ‘I know Sirius is your friend but his family are likely to be amongst the most ardent supporters of these sorts of people. What does he think about it?’</p><p>‘I don’t think he’s like that, Papa. He’s stood up for us before, against his cousins even.’ He smiled. ‘I don’t think you need to worry about him.’</p><p>Papa smiled. ‘I’m glad to hear it.’ He stood up. ‘Right, how about I go and make your lunch while you have another doze and then we’ll eat outside, all three of us.’</p><p><em>Four of us</em>, said René petulantly.</p><p>‘Yeah, that’d be nice,’ he said, equally to Papa and to René. He could keep everyone happy.  </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0074"><h2>74. Part Four: Girls, Boys, and Assorted Creatures, Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was Sunday, the first day of August and Sirius hoped to be allowed to go outside and enjoy the sunshine but he knew it depended on what kind of mood his mother was in. Her strictness had prevented him from going to visit the Potters and the slightest wrong word resulted in him not being allowed out. Lately, she seemed to take it as her duty to be particularly strict with him.</p>
<p>In contrast, his father was in a good mood. Maybe it was because Sirius was home. At mealtimes, the only time they were all together, Father often engaged him in conversation, even reaching out to touch his hair or his hand sometimes. He didn’t speak to Mother, or to Regulus. Similarly, Mother only spoke to Regulus, actually smiling at him and using a soft-toned voice Sirius had never experienced from her.</p>
<p>Sirius sensed there had been some sort of argument between them. Maybe he could take advantage of that.</p>
<p>‘Father, do you think I could go and play in the garden today?’</p>
<p>Father beamed at him. ‘Of course. Fresh air and sunlight are good for a growing boy.’</p>
<p>Mother cleared her throat. ‘Sirius knows full well that I require him to write out the pure line of his ancestry today.’ She still managed to make it sound like she wasn’t speaking to either of them. Regulus cast a wide-eyed gaze around at them.</p>
<p>‘Well, his father requires him to get some fresh air and exercise,’ said Father.</p>
<p>‘I could always write the line out after dinner.’</p>
<p>‘Silence!’ Mother’s voice rang out like the sudden harsh striking of a bell. ‘I will not have such insolence.’ She glared at Father. ‘This is your fault. You indulge the boy too much. Take him away and beat him, Cephus, then he can go to his room and stay in there. I do not wish to see his insolent face again today.’</p>
<p>Cephus sighed. ‘You heard your mother. Go and wait in my study. I will be in shortly.’</p>
<p>Sirius hung his head and excused himself. He was reasonably sure his father wouldn’t beat him, because he hadn’t really done anything wrong, but he might give him a small punishment, just to keep Mother happy.</p>
<p>But it wouldn’t be anything he couldn’t bear. While he waited for his father to appear, he looked around at the books lining his father’s shelves. This was the only place there really were books in this house. There were children’s books in the nursery and his schoolbooks in his own room, but that was it really.</p>
<p>Here, there were all sorts of exciting books, about all sorts of amazing things you could do with magic. One particular book caught his gaze. <em>A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration</em>. That was a NEWT level book, one he’d use eventually. He reached up and, carefully, took it down from the shelf. In the Library at Hogwarts, this was in the restricted section. A lot of the transfigurations in this book were incredibly difficult and dangerous.</p>
<p>He opened it and saw his father’s name written in the front in his father’s neat, careful script. Most likely this was the very copy his father had used at school. He leafed through it. The last chapter in the book was about transforming a person into something else. The very last entry was called Animagus.</p>
<p> With a light, fluttery feeling in his belly, he suddenly remembered being with Remus in the Forbidden Forest and noticing how in tune Remus was with the natural world.</p>
<p>‘Animals aren’t afraid of him,’ he murmured.</p>
<p>He was just about to turn to the page when the door opened behind him and Father came in.</p>
<p>‘Oh, I was just looking at this,’ he said, going to put it back.</p>
<p>Father waved his hand. ‘Borrow it if you like.’ He made a rueful face. ‘I’m afraid your mother has insisted you’re locked in your room until Friday.’</p>
<p>Sirius made a face. ‘But that’s nearly a whole week.’</p>
<p>‘I know.’ Father came up to him and put his arm around his shoulders. He leaned in close to whisper, making a shiver go down Sirius’s spine. ‘But at least it means I won’t have you beat you. The bruises would be gone before she sees you anyway.’</p>
<p>‘Thank you,’ he said. He took a cautious step back. ‘Why is Mother in a bad mood?’</p>
<p>Father sighed and went to sit down in his chair. ‘We have been arguing lately.’</p>
<p>‘What about?’</p>
<p>‘She wants another child, another pureblood for our community.’</p>
<p>‘Oh.’</p>
<p>‘But we’re too old to go down that road again.’ He fell quiet and Sirius wondered if he was thinking about Carina.</p>
<p>He smiled at Sirius. ‘I’ll just have to live through you now, Sirius.’ He held out his hand. ‘Come here.’</p>
<p>Sirius went, though his feet felt like there were weights attached. Father took his hand, tugged him close and onto his lap.</p>
<p>‘Got your eye on any girls at school yet?’</p>
<p>Sirius’s cheeks felt hot. ‘No, not really.’</p>
<p>‘Ah, well, all that’s to come, isn’t it?’ He put his hand on Sirius’s knee. ‘There’s no rush.’ He stroked his thigh and turned his nose into Sirius’s hair, breathing in his scent. ‘But make sure you tell me all about it when you start, won’t you?’</p>
<p>‘When I start what?’</p>
<p>Father smiled. ‘Being with girls. I want to hear about it.’</p>
<p>‘Yes, Father,’ he said.</p>
<p>Father pulled back and looked at him. ‘Call me daddy,’ he said.</p>
<p>Sirius felt a sick kind of squirming in his tummy. This was easier to do in the dark of his bedroom, when he was able not to think about it. In the study, he was supposed to be more like a father. Talking to him, telling him off and disciplining him. That part was the same as what his cousins got in their families. He didn’t mind that so much.</p>
<p>But he had to do it. He had to do what made Father happy.</p>
<p>‘Yes, Daddy,’ he said and Father cuddled him close.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Remus lay in the hammock and soaked up the sun. It was a beautiful day, warm and sunny but with a light breeze which moved the hammock slightly and stopped him getting too warm. He’d been reading but he was tired suddenly. He knew why. Full moon was just a few days away.</p>
<p>He yawned, enjoying the idleness. He didn’t need to worry about just falling asleep here. He’d done all his homework and Papa had cast a sun protection spell on him so he wouldn’t get sunburnt.</p>
<p>As he dozed, his thoughts turned to Sirius. They often did when he was alone. He wasn’t sure why exactly, just that thinking of Sirius made him feel warm. He wondered what he was doing. He hoped things weren’t too bad for him. He’d talked about his parents going on at him over all this pureblood stuff but he didn’t know exactly what Sirius meant by that. He knew from James that Sirius hadn’t been allowed to go there for part of the summer like he usually did.</p>
<p><em>I’m bored</em>.</p>
<p>Remus opened his eyes and looked at his brother. René was glaring at him, his arms folded across his chest and an impressive scowl on his face.</p>
<p>‘Why don’t you play on the swings?’ Remus asked.</p>
<p>René huffed. <em>It’s not the same when you won’t play with me.</em></p>
<p>‘I’m too tired to play right now, Renny.’</p>
<p>The back door opened and Papa came out. He looked curiously at Remus. ‘Talking to yourself again?’</p>
<p>Remus gave him a smile. ‘Just thinking out loud.’</p>
<p>Papa started setting out the loungers and putting sunshade up over the table. ‘I thought I’d bring your mama out to get some sunshine too.’</p>
<p>‘It’ll do her good,’ said Remus. He yawned. ‘I might not be able to stay awake to talk to her though.’</p>
<p>Papa smiled. ‘You go to sleep, mon fils. You need to keep your strength up.’</p>
<p>Remus closed his eyes and his thoughts were with Sirius again. The Sirius of his imagination flicked his silky black hair back from his face and gave Remus a cheeky grin. Butterflies fluttered in Remus’s belly and he let out a soft sigh as he drifted off into a pleasant dream.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0075"><h2>75. Part Four: Girls, Boys, and Assorted Creatures, Chapter Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius sat on his windowsill with a heavy book in his lap, looking out into the garden. It was a hot, sunny day and his brother was playing by himself on the neat lawn. Sirius watched him run around all on his own. Sirius should be out there with him, chasing around with him and playing daft games. He should be able to be a proper brother to him, having a laugh together and winding each other up.</p>
<p>Instead, he was stuck in here because his mother was in a bad mood. She didn’t like him spending time with Regulus. He was sure that was part of the reason his mother had sentenced him to a week in his bedroom. It was one less week for him to spend time with Regulus.</p>
<p>He knew part of it was also sticking the knife into him. He didn’t know why but, for as long as he could remember, his mother had disliked him. She was so different with Regulus. She made it clear that she loved Regulus. But she didn’t love Sirius. She tolerated him, because he was the heir but she never showed him any affection. He didn’t remember her ever hugging him or kissing him or even touching except to hit him.</p>
<p>It didn’t matter. Regulus got affection from her and Sirius got affection from his father. His belly flipped and he tried to push the sickly feeling away. It was so difficult to ignore the bits of his father’s affection which made him feel sick and strange. He just wanted the parts which made him feel good and happy. He wanted his father to just hug him or pat his shoulder, not … not … not the other stuff.</p>
<p>He hadn’t been alone this week in his bedroom. His father had come to visit him every day. Not just to say goodnight at bedtime, but in the daytime too. There was no escape from the thoughts and the memories in this room, no escape from that sickly, strange feeling. Every view made him think of it.</p>
<p> Except looking outside and watching his brother play.</p>
<p>He thought about James’s garden and all the fun he could be having in it. He bet James was in his garden now, maybe zooming around on his broomstick, or hanging out in his treehouse. Or maybe he was on his swings or his climbing wall or cooling off in the plunge pool. Whatever he was doing, he’d be having more fun than Sirius.</p>
<p>He wondered if the others were with him. It was a couple of weeks after the last full moon so no reason Moony couldn’t be there, and Peter was always up to visit James. It was only Sirius who couldn’t go.</p>
<p>He wanted to stop thinking about that so he focused on the book in his lap. It was the book he’d borrowed from his father’s study, all about transfiguration. He’d been reading the Animagus chapter. All week, he’d been reading it and rereading it and thinking about it. He kept picturing Remus standing in the forest, so at ease with himself, confident in the natural world. This was the solution, he was sure of it.</p>
<p>He just didn’t know if the others would do it. He didn’t know if the others <em>could</em> do it. He was confident he could. He didn’t want to be cocky but he knew he was gifted at magic. Everything was effortless to him. He’d looked at the instructions and he was confident he could do it. James probably could as well. But Peter? It might be a struggle for him.</p>
<p>He might not even want to try. The book said it was dangerous. Peter didn’t like dangerous things.</p>
<p>Sirius didn’t care that it was dangerous. He would do anything, no matter how dangerous, to help Remus.</p>
<p>His face felt hot suddenly and he shook his head. He would do the normal amount of things for Remus, as one of his best friends. This was a perfectly normal thing to do for a friend, wasn’t it? Somebody needed to help Remus and that was that.</p>
<p>As soon as he could get James and Peter on their own, he would tell them about it. There was no need to tell Remus about it, not yet. Sirius knew Remus. He’d put a stop to it straight away, precisely because of the danger. So there was no need to tell him, not until they had to.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sirius watched Regulus play until he was called inside. His little brother ran inside and Sirius wondered whether it was to be dinner in the formal dining room or tea in the nursery. Sirius remembered those days. He had a few memories of being really little and having tea with Carina but he had no memories of doing that with Regulus. He’d been moved out of the nursery before Regulus had moved into it. His whole life, he felt like his mother had been trying to keep her two sons away from each other.</p>
<p>There was a knock on his door. He tensed and turned to it as it opened. It was his father. Immediately, Sirius slipped off the windowsill and stood up straight. What kind of mood was his father in?</p>
<p>‘Good evening, father,’ he said, politely.</p>
<p>Cephus gave him a conspiratorial smile. ‘Your mother’s gone out for the evening. I thought you might like a little freedom.’</p>
<p>‘Freedom?’</p>
<p>Cephus reached out for Sirius’s hand. Sirius took it and his father gave him a little tug. ‘Let’s go outside,’ he said, and gave him that conspiratorial grin again.</p>
<p>He acted like it was an adventure but Sirius knew he didn’t really have a choice. It was getting dark as they went outside. They walked together in the garden, hand in hand. It was cooler now the sun was down but still quite warm. Sirius thought of the night his sister had brought him out here. That had been a warm night too. He remembered how cold it had been when he’d woken in the morning. She had been so cold.</p>
<p>It felt like a long time ago now and he didn’t think of that often. He glanced up at his father and wondered how often he thought about Carina. He knew he had loved her, but he never spoke about her, like nobody did. Her plaque was still in the garden but nobody ever visited it. Sirius rarely dared to visit it because he knew it wouldn’t be liked.</p>
<p>But now, his father was leading up him to that very tree, where the plaque with her name was. They stopped in front of it and looked, in silence for a little while.</p>
<p>Sirius let his gaze run greedily over her name. <em>Carina Elladora Black</em>. He remembered the warmth of her arms around him and how safe he’d felt with her. That feeling felt like so long ago that it was an impossibility. There was no safety anymore.</p>
<p>‘I know you miss her, Sirius,’ said his father.</p>
<p>Sirius looked up at him but said nothing.</p>
<p>Cephus sighed. ‘I miss her too. She was such a loyal daughter.’</p>
<p>Sirius still didn’t say anything, because he didn’t know what was safe to say. He felt like things had been better before she’d died. His father had been better then. Even his mother had been better then. He still didn’t really understand why she had died, only that she had always been frail physically. Yet she’d been so strong emotionally. He felt like he was the opposite. His body was strong and could do what he wanted it to do. But emotionally, he felt frail and weak, like he could break at any moment.</p>
<p>He wanted to be strong. He wanted to be like his sister but he knew he wasn’t. He was weak, helpless and he couldn’t do anything about it.</p>
<p>Cephus reached out and touched his hair. It wasn’t a tousling, like Henry Potter would do, but a slow, gentle caress. Then he leaned in and whispered in Sirius’s ear.</p>
<p>‘Let’s go to bed,’ he murmured.</p>
<p>Sirius nodded and allowed his father to lead him back to the house. What else could he do?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0076"><h2>76. Part Four: Girls, Boys, and Assorted Creatures, Chapter Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The moment Sirius left Grimmauld Place to make his way to King’s Cross Station for the journey back to school, he felt so much lighter. He was getting away from hell for a while and coming back to life. Another whole term with his friends and maybe even longer if he wasn’t made to go back for Christmas.</p>
<p>On the train, James and Peter were loud and excitable, both full of stories about their adventures over the summer. Sirius tried to tell himself he wasn’t jealous but the pangs when James talked about practising his flying with his dad were hard to ignore.</p>
<p>Remus was quiet but not in a bad way. He smiled softly as he listened to them talk.</p>
<p>‘Happy to be back?’ Sirius asked.</p>
<p>Remus’s smile widened. ‘Yeah. I miss my mama and papa when I come to school but I miss you, all of you, and school when I go home.’ He paused and looked carefully at Sirius. ‘Do you miss home when you come to school?’</p>
<p>Sirius felt tension seize his body but he gave a non-committal shrug. ‘I miss my brother.’</p>
<p>Remus looked interested and Sirius tried to remember if he’d mentioned his brother before.</p>
<p>‘How old is he?’</p>
<p>‘Nine. He’s a bit of a pest really but he’s my brother, you know.’</p>
<p>Remus nodded. ‘I know,’ he said, and there was something so sad about his eyes for a moment that Sirius’s chest ached.</p>
<p>But then Remus smiled. ‘I bet he’ll be more of a pest when he comes to Hogwarts.’</p>
<p>Sirius laughed. ‘Yeah, but I’ll put him in his place.’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The feast was as excellent as usual and Sirius ate as much as he wanted, then just basked in the feeling of being back where he belonged. Trying not to be obvious, he looked around at his friends and just allowed himself to feel that happy bubble in his belly. He was with his friends.</p>
<p>Even better, he, James, and Peter were going to help Remus. Well, just as long as he could persuade the others to try the most dangerous transfiguration there was. They were third years now. They could handle it. It was worth the risk to help Remus.</p>
<p>He hadn’t expected to get the chance to talk about it that night but Remus unpacked in double quick time, then announced he was going to the library.</p>
<p>‘What for?’ asked Peter, puzzled. ‘We haven’t had any lessons yet.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, Moony, surely you’ve not left all your homework until the last minute, have you?’ asked James. He sat up straight. ‘Hey, does that mean I’m a better student than you?’</p>
<p>Remus laughed. ‘No, my homework is all done, James. I just want something to read.’</p>
<p>James shook his head in bemusement. ‘Moony, you’re weird.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, well not everybody has their own library at home, rich boy,’ said Remus, grinning.</p>
<p>Sirius laughed. ‘You tell him, Moony. Jamie likes to forget he’s loaded.’</p>
<p>‘My dad is loaded,’ corrected James. ‘He’s very stingy with the pocket money.’</p>
<p>Sirius snorted. ‘Your dad isn’t stingy with anything when it comes to his baby boy.’</p>
<p>James scowled and threw his pillow at Sirius, effectively ending the argument. Sirius just laughed. Nothing could dampen his mood today.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Remus was safely gone, Sirius didn’t waste any time. Sitting on his bed, he turned to his friends, who were still unpacking half-heartedly.</p>
<p>‘I’ve thought of a way we can help Remus.’</p>
<p>They stopped and looked at him. Peter flopped on the bed, happy to be given an excuse to stop stuffing underpants into his drawer instead of folding them like his mum had told him.</p>
<p>James chucked the last of his socks into his drawer before turning to face Sirius. ‘What, you’ve come up with a cure for werewolfitis?’</p>
<p>Sirius rolled his eyes. ‘Lycanthropy, Jamie, and no. I think we should all become animals so we can keep him company.’</p>
<p>They started at him, their mouths dropping open like a comedy duo.</p>
<p>‘How exactly are we supposed to that, Sirius?’ asked James. ‘Get bitten by a werewolf ourselves?’</p>
<p>‘I’m not getting bitten by a werewolf!’ said Peter. ‘Almost my whole piggy bank is sickles! I wouldn’t be able to use them.’</p>
<p>‘Peter, don’t be an idiot,’ snapped Sirius. ‘I’m talking about learning to become Animagus.’</p>
<p>Peter looked confused but James’s mouth dropped open again. ‘You’re crazy. You’re officially off your rocker. We can’t do that! We’re third years.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, but we’re the best third years. We can do it.’</p>
<p>‘Sirius, there’re fifth years that can’t do that.’</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘We’re cleverer than they are. We can do it.’</p>
<p>‘You know there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance and you’re way over it sometimes,’ said James, a slight bite to his tone.</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘I want to help Remus. We can do this, James. I know we can.’</p>
<p>James held his gaze for a moment, then sighed and sat down on his bed. ‘All right, let me look at how you do it. You have figured that out, haven’t you?’</p>
<p>‘Of course,’ said Sirius. He reached into his trunk and brought out the book. ‘Here, last chapter.’</p>
<p>James took it, turned to the page, and read in silence.</p>
<p>‘Hang on,’ said Peter, squinting across at the book. ‘What’s Animagus?’</p>
<p>‘Transfiguring ourselves into animals, Pete. That way we can be with Remus when he transforms and he won’t rip himself to bits every month.’</p>
<p>‘This really doesn’t look easy,’ said James. He sent half a glance at Peter and Sirius knew what he was thinking. For Peter, it might be nearly impossible.</p>
<p>He leaned forward, giving James an intense look. ‘We can do this, James. We need to do this, for Remus.’</p>
<p>James held his gaze for a long moment, then nodded. ‘All right. But we can’t do it on our own. There are other things we need to learn for this. We need Remus to help us.’ He smiled. ‘He’ll need to know where to find out everything we need to know.’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. ‘Oh, yeah, he will. What about you, Pete? You in?’</p>
<p>Peter chewed his lip. ‘I’m not sure I can do it. It looks really hard.’</p>
<p>Sirius smiled reassuringly at him, regretting his earlier name-calling. ‘We’ll help you. You can do it.’</p>
<p>Peter looked between him and James, then nodded. ‘All right. I’m not s-sure I can do it but I’m willing to try. For Remus.’</p>
<p>‘Excellent,’ said Sirius. ‘Now we just have to convince Remus to actually let us do it. I’d say not to tell him but I think you’re right, James. There are bits we can’t do without him.’ He grinned. ‘Don’t tell him I said so, but he’s probably the cleverest of all of us.’</p>
<p>Remus was clever, and cautious, especially when it came to his condition. It made sense to be. When you knew how severe the damage you could do could be, you had to be cautious. He might not let them do this.</p>
<p>Sirius knew about being cautious, about knowing when you were close to danger. He knew you had to be alert to keep yourself and others safe. Except his own monster wasn’t inside him.</p>
<p>No, that wasn’t true.</p>
<p>His own monster was just as much a part of him as Remus’s.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0077"><h2>77. Part Four: Girls, Boys, and Assorted Creatures, Chapter Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>On his way to the library, Remus was thinking about Sirius. He’d grown at least a couple of inches and was now taller than Remus. He no longer looked like a young boy. He looked like a teenager. Remus knew the same sort of thing was happening to him but while he felt gangly and awkward, Sirius was … cool and elegant.</p><p>Remus blushed. He really shouldn’t think about his friend like that. He shouldn’t be thinking of Sirius, of any boy in a way that made him blush like that.</p><p>He pushed the thoughts away as he got to the library and focused on finding a few books to read. There weren’t many people in there, just a couple of older students. For most kids, coming to the library after the return feast would be the last thing they’d want to be doing.</p><p>No, there was one other third year in there. Severus Snape. He was sitting alone at the other end of the library, working at a table.</p><p>Remus hesitated, then went over to him.</p><p>‘Hi, good summer?’</p><p>Severus looked up and scowled at him. Remus blinked but forced himself not to react beyond that. Severus had a black eye.</p><p>‘What happened?’ he asked, softly. ‘Someone on the train?’</p><p>Severus’s scowl deepened and he started packing up his stuff aggressively. ‘It’s nothing to do with you, Lupin. Leave me alone.’</p><p>He shoved his books into his bag and took off without another word.</p><p>Remus was hurt but he didn’t say anything. Severus could keep his worries to himself if he wanted. But Remus was going to keep trying to be his friend.</p><p> </p><p>Half an hour later and with an armful of books, Remus returned to his dorm room. He expected the others to be in bed, not asleep but lazing around in bed talking. It was nearly bedtime.</p><p>But instead, they were all sitting on their beds talking. They went silent when he came in and he shifted awkwardly.</p><p>‘Is there something wrong?’ he asked.</p><p>Sirius shook his head, giving him one of his bright smiles. ‘We have an idea. Come and sit down.’</p><p>Remus frowned but went to sit down on his own bed. He put the books on his bedside table then looked around at his friends. ‘What’s going on?’</p><p>‘We have an idea about how to keep you company during full moons,’ said Sirius.</p><p>‘Keep me company?’ asked Remus. ‘But that’s impossible. There’s no safe way to do that.’</p><p>Sirius was grinning now. ‘There is. We’re going to learn how to become Animagus.’</p><p>Remus stared at him. ‘What? You’re crazy.’</p><p>‘That’s what I said,’ said James. ‘He’s an absolute nutcase.’ He grinned. ‘But we are the best, you know. We can do it.’</p><p>‘I’ll need help,’ said Peter. ‘But I want to try too.’</p><p>‘But that’s supposed to be one of the most dangerous transfigurations there is. It can go wrong so easily.’</p><p>Sirius’s grin widened. ‘C’mon, Moony, you’re acting like you don’t have any faith in us.’</p><p>As Sirius looked at him, Remus felt his cheeks heat up and he tried to ignore it but he only felt his blush get hotter.</p><p>Sirius’s eyes sparkled at him. ‘We can do this, Moony,’ he said. ‘If we do it together. I promise we can do it together.’</p><p>‘I don’t know. Imagine if something went wrong. I couldn’t bear it if something horrible happened to you because of me.’</p><p> ‘Nothing’s going to happen, Moony.’ He grinned. ‘Except we’ll have loads of fun! Hey, I bet I’ll turn into a dog, you know. We can run around the Forbidden Forest having loads of fun.’</p><p>James laughed. ‘What if you turn into a chihuahua! Moony might accidentally eat you and not even notice!’</p><p>Sirius threw his pillow at him. ‘Shut up, James. I am <em>not </em>going to turn into a chihuahua.’</p><p>‘James is right though,’ said Remus. ‘We don’t know what any of you would turn into. You could turn into anything and then you’d be stuck with it.’</p><p>Sirius shrugged. ‘Whatever happens, happens. I’m willing to take the risk, if it’ll help you.’</p><p>Remus felt himself blush again. His papa’s voice in his head was telling him to say no, it was too dangerous, that he couldn’t ask his friends to do that, but another part of him was urging him on. He thought about all the fun they could have, running through the forest together. He could be free. He could be a true wolf, running free through the trees with his friends and not hurt anyone.</p><p>René was beside him suddenly, grinning his mischievous grin. <em>You should do it, Remy, have some fun for once</em>.</p><p>Remus grinned. ‘All right. I’m in.’ He glanced at his pile of books. ‘I guess this means we all need to go to the library tomorrow.’</p><p>Sirius, James and Peter groaned in unison. Then Sirius passed him a book across the space between their beds.</p><p>‘Here, Moony, you can start with this.’</p><p>Remus took the book and leafed through it until he came to the chapter on becoming Animagus. He’d never looked it up before, though he thought his papa had the same book in his old school trunk. Werewolves couldn’t become Animagus. It was a shame. He would have liked being able to become an animal that was more about who he was inside, instead of just something that had happened to him once when he’d been too little to really understand it.</p><p>The process <em>was </em>complicated and there was a lot they would have to learn first. But he was certain they could actually do it, that they could learn together and achieve it.</p><p>His papa’s voice still nagged at him but he pushed it away as he got undressed and got into bed. He was sick of being careful, of having to be the one who missed out, who was sensible all the time.</p><p>No, he was going to do this. He was going to do this with his friends.</p><p>He got into bed and blushed as he saw Sirius watching him from his own bed. His blue eyes were still sparkly in the dark.</p><p>‘This is going to be amazing, Moony,’ he whispered. ‘We’re going to have so much fun.’</p><p>Remus couldn’t help but grin back at him, though he was sure his face was crimson. Why did he keep blushing around Sirius? He was his friend. He couldn’t keep blushing like this. It was ridiculous. He had to get it under control.</p><p>‘Goodnight,’ he whispered.</p><p>Sirius grinned back at him, then closed his eyes. Remus allowed himself to watch him for a moment, allowing himself to witness the moment his face relaxed in sleep, before he turned over and settled to sleep himself. He found himself smiling as he drifted off, thinking about what his friends were going to do for him. Yeah, for the fun of it too, for the thrill of learning new and exciting magic, but past all that, it was for him. They really were true friends. Real, proper friends.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0078"><h2>78. Part Four: Girls, Boys, and Assorted Creatures, Chapter Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Going back to school, getting back into the routine of lessons and meals in the great hall and going to sleep in the dormitory with his friends, always put Sirius in a good mood. He would never say that he was happy to get back to lessons and homework, because he had a reputation to think of, but he was so much happier to be here, the only place where he actually felt at home.</p>
<p>Not that it helped him get up on time. But he, James and Peter made it to breakfast in reasonable time, thanks to Remus badgering them.</p>
<p>They’d chosen their options at the end of the previous year and he, James and Peter had Care of Magical Creatures that morning. Remus had Ancient Runes. Sirius’s mother had expected him to choose that but he had no interest in it. He remembered having to study that shit as a kid, in endless hours with his private tutors. Though, he had to admit, it probably was the sort of thing that Remus was going to enjoy. Remus had also chosen Arithmancy, while the rest of them had chosen Muggle Studies. Sirius was pretty sure Peter had chosen it for the easy grades but James was actually interested in Muggle culture and so was Sirius. Plus it was a great way to fuck with his parents.</p>
<p>He stopped, frowning as he considered that thought. When had he started to want to fuck with his parents? He wasn’t entirely sure but things felt different now that he knew they were prepared to act against muggleborns and half-bloods. Now that he knew they were part of that whole thing, with the meetings and the cufflinks and everything, he knew he didn’t want to be like them.</p>
<p>James slung his arm around his shoulders. ‘Oi, you’ve got an admirer.’</p>
<p>Sirius blinked and looked up. ‘Huh?’</p>
<p>James smirked. ‘That girl over there. The blonde on the Huffflepuff table. She’s been eyeing you up for the past half an hour.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, I don’t know her.’</p>
<p>‘Yes, you do. Hannah something.’</p>
<p>‘Hannah Aarons,’ said Remus. ‘We had flying with her in first year and Herbology with her last year.’</p>
<p>Sirius glanced at his friend. Remus wasn’t looking at him and his expression was tight as he focused on his porridge. Sirius looked back at the girl. Hannah. She was gazing at him. As he met her gaze, she blushed, turned to her friend and whispered something to her. They both started to giggle.</p>
<p>He grinned. ‘I guess she does fancy me.’</p>
<p>‘Go ask her out,’ said James.</p>
<p>Sirius smirked. ‘Maybe I will.’ He looked around and spotted another girl looking at him from the Ravenclaw table, then another lower down on the Gryffindor table. He smirked wider. ‘Or maybe I’ll think about my options a bit,’ he said. He flicked his hair back and watched as the girls all giggled in response.</p>
<p>He was going to have to explore this a little more and see how much power he really had here.</p>
<p>‘Hey look who we’ve got Care of Magical Creatures with,’ said Peter. ‘Hufflepuff.’</p>
<p>James nudged him. ‘Perfect, you can get to know Hannah.’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. ‘Sounds like a plan, Jamie.’</p>
<p>Remus huffed and dropped his spoon into his empty bowl. ‘Or you could actually work in your lessons like you’re supposed to.’ He grabbed his bag and headed out of the great hall without another word.</p>
<p>‘What’s up with him?’ Sirius asked.</p>
<p>James shrugged. ‘Merlin knows. Hey, maybe he’s wishing he chose something other than Ancient Runes.’</p>
<p>‘No way,’ said Peter. ‘He loves all that dry stuff.’</p>
<p>‘Then why does he have to be so grumpy,’ said Sirius, sourly. He didn’t like it when Remus was in a mood. He didn’t like it when anyone was in a mood but particularly Remus. He just wanted Remus to be happy all the time.</p>
<p>They finished their breakfasts then headed to the Care of Magical Creatures Classroom for their first class. The classroom was open but there was no one there. Everybody filed in, waiting for their professor to turn up. Sirius allowed his gaze to wander to Hannah. She was pretty, with chestnut brown hair, hazel eyes, and a sweet smile. He could do worse for his first girlfriend. He would be fourteen in a few months. Dating was what he was supposed to do. That’s what his father said. If he got a girlfriend, that would make him normal.</p>
<p>‘Do you think Professor Kettleburn forgot about us?’ asked Peter.</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. ‘Maybe. Would make for an easy lesson if he has.’</p>
<p>The door opened and a second year stepped inside, looking nervous. ‘Professor Kettleburn says you’re all to go outside. The class is happening near Hagrid’s hut.’</p>
<p>People started getting up and James gave Sirius a slap on the shoulder. ‘Hey, maybe we’ll get to go into the forest.’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. ‘Maybe Remus should have chosen this subject after all.’</p>
<p>They went outside. As they came in sight of Hagrid’s hut, they saw an enclosure set up near the line of the forest. Hagrid was outside, talking to Professor Kettleburn, grinning eagerly at whatever was inside the enclosure.</p>
<p>‘Oh, I hope it’s not anything too scary,’ said Peter, a slight wobble to his voice.</p>
<p>Sirius shoved him impatiently. ‘Get a grip, Peter. Are you a Gryffindor or not?’</p>
<p>Peter pulled a face but didn’t come up with a retort. He rarely did. Sirius sometimes felt guilty for picking on him but sometimes he really didn’t.</p>
<p>As they approached the enclosure, everybody craned to see what was in it. Sirius was surprised to see giant snails with multicoloured shells.</p>
<p>‘Welcome!’ said Professor Kettleburn in a bright and cheery voice. ‘To your first Care of Magical Creatures Class. Today we’re going to learn all about the Streeler. But don’t worry, they’re not the creature responsible for the loss of this limb,’ he said, waving his arm, or the half of it he had left. He grinned at them. ‘But they are responsible for this rather interesting zigzag scar on my chest.’ He tugged open his shirt and showed them a large scar across his chest.</p>
<p>Several of the girls gasped and took a few steps back. Sirius stepped in beside Hannah, who had her hand over her mouth.</p>
<p>‘Don’t worry,’ he said. ‘Professor Kettleburn will make sure we all stay safe.’ He grinned across at James who was watching him. He put his arm around Hannah’s shoulders. ‘And if he doesn’t, I’ll keep you safe.’</p>
<p>Hannah beamed at him, blushing just a little. Sirius kept his arm around her shoulders as James’s mouth fell open and he nudged Peter urgently to look.</p>
<p>Sirius just flicked back his hair and smiled.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0079"><h2>79. Part Four: Girls, Boys, and Assorted Creatures, Chapter Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus had an excellent Ancient Runes lesson. He missed his friends but it made a nice change to sit quietly at his desk and get on with his work without distractions. A boy called Thomas Wilson sat next to him, quietly working away and occasionally asking him what he thought about a particular translation. Thomas was a Ravenclaw and had a sweet smile. Remus liked him.</p>
<p>He had Defence Against the Dark Arts next and he was glad to catch up with his friends. They had a new teacher, after Professor Rowle’s unceremonious sacking. The new Professor hadn’t been at the feast or at breakfast that morning so no one had any idea who they were. As usual, the rumour mill was turning. When he got there, the students gathering outside the classroom waiting for it to start were already speculating wildly.</p>
<p>‘I heard he’s a half giant,’ said somebody.</p>
<p>‘No, he’s an ex-Death Eater,’ said someone else.</p>
<p>‘You’re both wrong. He’s an ex-Auror.’</p>
<p>‘Well, I heard he’s still an Auror and he’s just teaching us part time.’</p>
<p>Remus went up to his friends. ‘I don’t suppose anyone actually knows anything, do they?’</p>
<p>James grinned and shook his head. ‘Nope. Just making shit up as they go along.’</p>
<p>‘Sounds like you, Jamie,’ said Sirius, with a smirk. ‘Full of crap.’</p>
<p>James shoved him and laughed.</p>
<p>‘How was Ancient Runes?’ asked Peter.</p>
<p>Remus smiled. ‘Brilliant. I might have made a friend in there too. A Ravenclaw boy.’</p>
<p>‘Cool,’ said Peter. ‘I’m glad you’re not alone in there. I would have taken that class to keep you company if I thought I could pass it. My mum would be so disappointed if I actually failed a subject.’</p>
<p>Remus gave him a friendly nudge. ‘Thanks, Peter. But I’m all right.’ He raised his voice a little so James and Sirius could hear him. ‘It means I get some peace from double trouble.’</p>
<p>‘Oi,’ said James, with an offended glare.</p>
<p>Sirius just grinned and Remus mused that it seemed pretty difficult to offend him. Before anybody could say anything else, the new Professor came around the corner. He didn’t look like a half-giant or an ex-Auror to Remus. He was tallish, though not tall enough to be a half-giant. He was a little too skinny for his frame, and pale. His robes were neat and tidy but had a faded look. His face was handsome and he looked young, except he did have some smile lines. There were scars on his face.</p>
<p>‘Good morning everyone,’ he said.</p>
<p>Remus felt a jolt of recognition. He had a French accent, not a very strong one but it was there.</p>
<p>‘Let us all go inside and make a start on our work today.’ He had a pleasant manner, and everybody eagerly filed into the classroom.</p>
<p>As usual, Remus and Sirius sat next to each other, with James and Peter at the desk in front of them.</p>
<p>The professor set his briefcase on the desk and waited until everybody was seated with their books on the desk. Then he smiled around at them.</p>
<p>‘I am Professor Laroux and you’re going to have to be patient with me while I learn your names. Now, first thing’s first I would like to see how your duelling is. Has anybody ever done any formal duelling?’</p>
<p>Most people shook their heads but James put his hand up. ‘Sir, I’ve done some duelling with my dad.’</p>
<p>Sirius huffed. ‘Why does he always have to show off like that?’</p>
<p>Remus glanced at him in surprise and saw he was scowling in James’s direction. Remus didn’t know what to say so he didn’t say anything.</p>
<p>‘Excellent,’ said Professor Laroux. ‘Now, duelling isn’t about defending your honour or fighting over a boyfriend or a girlfriend.’</p>
<p>There was some giggling and James looked round and waggled his eyebrows at Sirius. Remus looked curiously between them but didn’t get any clues.</p>
<p>‘Duelling is your first line in defence when attacked by another witch or wizard.’</p>
<p>The class looked at each other. Remus exchanged glances with his friends. This was the first time in Defence Against the Dark Arts that a teacher had talked about having to fight against people. Of course, they’d all known about it in theory but all of the lessons they’d had had been focused on dark creatures. They’d learned defensive spells but this was the first time anyone had explicitly talked about using them on another person.</p>
<p>Sirius was biting his lip and Remus knew what he was thinking about. This was in case there was a war.</p>
<p>‘So, this morning we are going to skip straight to Chapter Six and have a look at some defensive spells, some hexes and some curses.’ He smiled. ‘Officially, you only have to learn the Defensive spells but they shouldn’t be the only thing you rely on if you ever get in a real fight with another witch or wizard.’</p>
<p>He looked around them all, as if evaluating them all.</p>
<p>‘So, today I would like you to make a study of two defensive and two offensive spells with a view to using them next lesson when we’re going to have some duels.’</p>
<p>Everybody started chattering excitedly and Professor Laroux laughed and held up his hand. ‘All right, before we start planning on taking down your enemies, let's remember these spells will be used against your classmates so nothing too dangerous.’</p>
<p>There were some disappointed groans and Laroux grinned.</p>
<p>‘I shall be getting the practise dummies out in a couple of weeks so you’ll get your chance to try out some of the more dangerous spells as well. I’ll be coming round to check your work and give you a few pointers. You may work with the person next to you. On you go.’</p>
<p>Everybody started chatting as they started work. Laroux smiled again as he watched them. Remus turned to Sirius, who was frowning at Laroux.</p>
<p>‘Do you think he is a Death Eater?’ he asked.</p>
<p>Remus blinked. ‘What’s a Death Eater?’</p>
<p>Sirius glanced at him. ‘That’s what the Dark Lord’s followers are called. His inner circle.’</p>
<p>‘Oh. I hadn’t heard.’ He turned back to look at Laroux. ‘He doesn’t look like a bad guy. He’s got smile lines.’</p>
<p>Sirius looked darkly at him. ‘Professor Rowle didn’t look like a bad person.’</p>
<p>Remus chuckled. ‘Yeah, she kinda did. She was creepy. You always said she was creepy.’</p>
<p>Sirius grinned. ‘Yeah, she was always way too interested in me.’ He considered Professor Laroux again. ‘Yeah, maybe he’s okay. So, what gross and disturbing curses shall we learn to get the Slytherins with?’</p>
<p>Remus rolled his eyes. ‘Maybe we should remember that we’ll be duelling against fellow Gryffindors next lesson and just learn a stunning spell.’</p>
<p>‘Spoilsport.’ His voice was sour but he tempered the insult with a smirk.</p>
<p>Remus smiled back at him, then turned his attention to his book. ‘Right, two defensive and two offensive spells. How about a Tickling Charm and a Full Body bind?’</p>
<p>‘Nah, I could do a Tickling Charm in my sleep. Hey, how about a Shielding Charm?’</p>
<p>‘That’s sixth year stuff.’</p>
<p>‘So?’</p>
<p>‘So, five minutes ago you were calling James a show-off and now you want to do sixth year spells?’</p>
<p>Sirius sighed dramatically. ‘Fine. What about a hex-deflection?’</p>
<p>Remus looked at his book. ‘Well, it’s technically fourth year but, oh, <em>Salvio hexia </em>is in here. We can do that one. And I guess the Disarming Spell is an essential duelling spell.’</p>
<p>‘We learned that in first year.’</p>
<p>‘Yes, but the stronger you cast it, the better it is. We could cast really strong ones now.’</p>
<p>‘I hope he doesn’t make us duel each other,’ said Sirius. ‘I wouldn’t want to do any of those spells to you.’</p>
<p>‘I could defend myself.’</p>
<p>‘Yeah but I wouldn’t want to risk hurting you,’ said Sirius, quietly.</p>
<p>Remus looked at him in surprise, expecting to find a teasing look on his face. But Sirius’s expression was soft and serious. He looked back at Remus with no sign that he was teasing.</p>
<p>Remus felt his cheeks get hot and he looked away, focusing on his book and turning to the page on Defensive Spells.  </p>
<p>He was saved from pretending to intently study the spells by James chucking his pencil at them.</p>
<p>‘Hey, you two,’ he hissed.</p>
<p>They looked up at him.</p>
<p>‘Can’t figure it out, Jamie?’ Sirius asked, his characteristic smirk back on his face.</p>
<p>James glared at him. ‘’Course I can, Siri. But I was thinking. We need to work out what our first prank of the year is going to be.’</p>
<p>‘We’re supposed to be working right now,’ said Remus.</p>
<p>Sirius chucked James’s pencil back at him. ‘We’ll work it out at lunch.’</p>
<p>‘Deal.’ He grinned at them. ‘We’ve got to make it worthy of our age, you know! We’re teenagers now. It’s got to be mega.’</p>
<p>Sirius laughed. ‘It will be. We always are.’  </p>
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